Andrew shows his phone to Neil—Aaron. Answers it. “What’s up? You’re on speaker. Neil’s here.”
“Good,” Aaron says. “I’m pissed at both of you.”
Andrew looks at Neil, panicking.
“You fucking assholes,” Aaron rails, not waiting for them to answer, sending Andrew into a visible spiral. “My wife doesn’t speak German!” Oh. “Freddie’s speaking half in German and my wife doesn’t understand a fucking word he says, you jackasses, what did you do?”
“Gave you a bilingual baby,” Neil says, grinning. “Like Angela.”
“Both of Angela’s parents are bilingual! Katelyn is not!”
“Teach her,” Andrew suggests, trying to keep himself under control. “Bonding time.”
“We’re both doctors! We don’t want to spend our bonding time with me teaching her German, that’s fucking dumb bullshit. Jesus. Bilingual baby. Hey. You guys have five years.”
“If in five years I don’t have the smartest baby in the neighborhood, I’m fucking coming after you. This had better pay off.”
“I mean, in five years, his competition will just be John,” Neil points out. “There won’t be any other babies in our neighborhood.”
“And John is stupid,” Aaron says thoughtfully.
“Is he?” Neil asks. “I’m honestly curious, I don’t know how smart babies are supposed to be.”
“I’m sure he’s fine,” Aaron says dismissively. “But. Five years, fuckers. Don’t think I’ll forget.”
“I’ll be sure to remember,” Andrew says solemnly.
“I’ll hold you to it. You’ll have to babysit him more often, you’re the only people who have a shot at understanding him right now, he’s pulling the same bullshit as Angela.”
Neil grins at Andrew. Andrew relaxes. He hasn’t ruined his relationship with Aaron. “We can handle it, probably.”
“Fucking better be able to. Okay. I’m leaving. Gotta try to get some sleep before my rude-ass baby wakes me up.”
“Sleep well,” Andrew says, stilted.
It takes Aaron a second too long. “You too.”
Andrew hangs up, before Aaron can consider saying anything else.
“Emotionally constipated,” Neil says, grinning.
psps: "Blame It on My Youth" by youreyestheyglow
