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“The difference between caffeine induced ADHD and natural ADHD is that caffeine induced ADHD has Bipolar mania hanging off his arm, Bonnie and Clyde’ing it, whispering in his ear ‘money is an illusion and dopamine is real’, whereas natural ADHD has Bipolar mania tied up in the trunk with duct tape over her mouth with ‘mood stabilizers’ written over it.”
“I got an upside down smile, and I
Got to wipe my frown, dry my eyes
Kids, this is how it is when you’re older
Wake up and you’re Bipolar” - Krizz Kaliko
This is just an AU doodle of me Bipolar. None of this is cannon.
(This is my art. Don’t even think of stealing it)
I get that! So now proposal. Maybe a little snippet from the bipolar au then? Something cute, involving cuddles or kisses or anything? I need sweetness from you Tonight. Pretty please? (Or childhood au, or whatever is in the works!)
now that i can do, although it’s just as tricky! i’m editing right now but i was also trying to choose something for you and it wasn’t easy, i just really love this fic ok? but ok kisses and cuddles, i definitely have that for you. there’s a lot of that in bipolar au (as there should be), but i found a good bit, hope this is sweet enough for you tonight anon <3
Matteo turned the page and frowned. It was the bird with the broken wing but it was in the bottom corner of the page. It was hunched and alone, unable to fly. Tall trees looming over it. Matteo closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the emotion it evoked in him.
“Here hold on,” David said, taking the book and flicking through to another page. The bird was there, perched on a branch this time, there was another bird beside it.
“Is that me?” Matteo asked.
David shrugged, blushing.
“But…”
“But?”
“You’ve drawn me whole,” Matteo whispered.
David shook his head and Matteo looked closer. His bird was leaning against David’s and it only had one leg. They were holding each other up.
“We help each other,” David said.
Matteo nodded and stared. “Wow… this is so… wow you’re so clever with this David. Because you see, both these birds, they could be ok, but together they are more than ok,” he said, realising he didn’t need to use fancy words to explain what he saw. David wanted to hear it, whatever his thoughts were.
“Thank you,” David said, blushing even more at the praise.
“We help each other,” Matteo said, “we… lean on each other?”
“Exactly. I think you might be my favourite thing to draw,” David said.
“Shut up David,” Matteo muttered, hiding his face.
David just pushed him down and climbed on top of him, pulling his hands away. “I’m not teasing you,” he said seriously. He reached out and stroked Matteo’s face. “You’re so fucking pretty I could stare at you for hours,” he said.
“David stop,” Matteo whispered.
“And god when you blush, your pink cheeks take my breath away. The way you eyes sparkle with mischief whenever you grin. Your ridiculous hair that looks like it’s never seen a comb but still looks so good.”
“David stop, I’m dying,” Matteo whined.
“Don’t get me started on your lips Matteo,” David said, running his finger over his bottom lip. Then his lips were pressed against Matteo’s and they were kissing.
It was inevitable really, had been since the moment David admitted he was drawing Matteo. It had him feeling a certain kind of way. David’s hands were in his hair, holding him in place. Like Matteo was going anywhere. No he was going to stay here kissing David until he ran out of air.
David’s hands moved from his hair to cup his jaw tenderly before moving lower and lower. They crept under his shirt, tracing patterns over his stomach.
“Is this ok?” David whispered against his lips
Matteo nodded, he couldn’t speak right now. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He just stared up at David.
“Matteo?” David checked.
“What are we doing?” Matteo choked out finally.
“No idea. Nothing. I just wanna touch you ok, just touch,” David said.
Matteo closed his eyes, he was getting close to overwhelmed. David’s hands were getting lower and lower. When they dipped below his waistband, thumbs pressing into his hipbones, Matteo sucked in a sharp breath. He couldn’t help it. Things were getting a little fast, a little blurry. He was starting to feel a little lost. David stopped there, waiting.
“You still with me?”
Matteo didn’t answer, his mind was going a mile a minute. His heart was pounding in his chest. He was clinging to the sheets to stop his hands trembling.
“Matteo,” David said, digging his thumbs in hard.
“David,” Matteo whispered brokenly, eyes finally opening to see David looking down at him. He looked concerned, but also filled with want.
He returned his hands to Matteo’s face, holding it gently, tenderly, like it was the most precious thing his hands had ever felt. He kissed him again, this time without the heat, without the intensity. Bringing him back, grounding him.
“David,” Matteo whispered again.
“I know.” David kissed him once more and rolled off him, throwing his books to the floor in the process.
Matteo didn’t even care. He felt bereft without David’s weight on him. But it didn’t matter, David pulled him against his chest, stroking his hair, kissing his temple.
so it’s late i know and i’m about to go to bed, but i’m just doing a little update first because i’m excited. i’ve finished the first draft of your ship may be coming in, epilogue and all. i’m super excited, and looking forward to editing and sharing it, so i guess what i’m saying is it’s coming soon, i’d do a snippet but i’m too sleepy
if you don't mind would you bless us with a little snippet from the next chapter from the bipolar au? 🥺
hi anon! yes of course I can, although not gonna lie this was a tough one to choose, so much happens in this chapter, and I left the last one on such a cliffhanger it’s hard not to give too much away. Like all I want to do is make it ok again, but it’s not, not yet, poor Matteo is going through it. Things will be different though, less lonely so lets start with Amira checking in (also this is kinda long, I cut it down too, but there’s so much to this chapter!):
Somewhere, deep down, there was a quiet voice in his head that was telling him this was all a big overreaction. That he needed to calm down and think rationally and remember what David had actually said. The voice sounded a lot like Jonas, the most reasonable guy he knew. It was trying to make him remember that this wasn’t just about him, that David had his own stuff too, and to give him the benefit of the doubt, give him the space he asked for and give him a chance. To not write him off. But this was about more than David, this was about him and how he always fucked up. This was about how someone like him never got the happy ending and it was stupid to even try. So he drowned that voice out with more weed.
The buzzer rang, startling him slightly.
He ignored it, but it got louder and louder, killing his buzz.
He got up and stormed over to the intercom.
“What?” he snapped.
“It’s Amira let me up.”
He buzzed her in. Great, just what he needed more judgement. Mia wasn’t even here, what did she want? Why couldn’t everyone just leave him alone?
“Jesus,” Amira whispered, taking in the state of him when he opened the door.
He knew he was a mess, he’d barely left his chair since Friday.
“What?” he mumbled.
“Matteo what’s going on with you?” she asked, stepping into the apartment even though he hadn’t invited her in.
“Mia’s not here, you should go,” Matteo said. He was sobering up quicker than expected and he didn’t like it. He didn’t want to be aware of anything right now.
“I’m here for you,” she said, heading into the living room like she owned the place.
He followed her and collapsed on the sofa. She was here to study. She was here because he’d asked her to come and now, as usual, he was letting her down.
She sat down beside him. He couldn’t study now, he couldn’t even think.
“We were supposed to go over the test paper I asked you to do, remember?”
Matteo nodded.
“Go get it then,” she said gently.
What the fuck was going on? Why was she still here? Why couldn’t she see this was hopeless?
Still, he found himself going to his room and rooting through his notes. He knew he’d done the paper. Or some of it. He couldn't find it, so he grabbed all of his notes and brought them out to her. She raised an eyebrow at the mess, but didn’t comment. Instead she took them from him and began to sort through them.
Matteo laid down again. He didn’t feel well. He felt panicky. He just wanted her to tell him off. He didn’t like this.
“You’re high,” she said quietly, not looking up from the paperwork.
He recoiled. He felt like she’d slapped him. She was being too gentle with him. He couldn’t handle it. He wanted her to yell, to tell him off, to make him pull himself together. But she wasn’t going to do that. She cared and it made him want to cry.
He nodded. He couldn’t lie to her.
“Did something happen?” she asked.
Matteo frowned. No one usually gave him that kind of understanding. It was always why do you do this to yourself Matteo? Matteo you know you’re not supposed to. Matteo you’ve fucked up. Again. No one ever asked what had happened. No one ever acknowledged that there were other factors. That there might be a reason he needed to shut down.
“I fucked up… I think I’m heartbroken…” he whispered.
Amira waited.
“I… just didn’t want to think. I just wanted to switch off for a while,” he explained.
“This is a dangerous way to do that,” Amira said.
“Aren’t you going to tell me off?”
“No. That won’t help you,” she said.
“Oh.”
“I’m going to stay here and study, like I said I would. I assume you’re in no fit state to join me?”
He shook his head.
“Ok. You’re going to stay there though. I’ll read out anything I think you should know. Hopefully you’ll take it in, but if not no matter, we’ll reschedule this for when you’re feeling better,” she said.
“I’m not ill or not like that… there is no better for me,” he reminded her.
“No you’re not… that’s… the bipolar won’t go away, but you can get back to stable. You were doing ok. And the heartbreak will fade,” she said. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Can’t,” Matteo said.
It was too soon, too painful. She just nodded and continued to sort through his notes.
i have a little question about the bipolar au, will Matteo in David "split up" like in s3? I'm very excited for this ff it's amazing :)
ah you read my mind, just this morning i was thinking about the next chapter! i’m gonna put it under a read more because it’s a little spoilery, not much but just in case. but i’m so glad you’re excited. I can’t wait for you to read more!
i woke up this morning thinking about your bipolar matteo fic lol i guess since i read the new chapter last night! even though i knew what was coming at the end david’s text really got me! i can’t wait for them to be happy together!! i adore your writing as always!!!
oh wow, i mean i am often thinking about bipolar au, or any of my writing at any one time, but cool you were too! the newest chapter was heavy i know, and i thought i'd mix it up a little with the second text, because they were in a different place to in the show, so right now matteo isn't taking it in properly, he's just seeing it as rejection, about him, when actually there's way more to it than that as i'm sure you can imagine. he'll realise soon enough, and he will be brave, he will reach out, i can't wait to make them happy again, this was definitely the toughest chapter, but it's not all sunshine after this, but there is no more loneliness. thank you so much, can't wait for you to read more <3
