#bisexual dude

[magicrainbowkitties]

Look all I'm saying is no cishet person is gonna name themselves Edward Nygma

[blue-apollo]

It pisses me off how people think that bisexuality doesn't exist... Honestly I struggle a lot with my identity, and hearing that what I identify with the most is just a phase is so nerve-racking. 🥺😡

[boys-r-us]

I could just look at him all day 💕

[strikec0re]

[blue-apollo]

How I told my two catholic male best friends about being gay.

So as I’ve said before I grew up in a super catholic country, went to an all-boys school (catholic too) and was raised super catholic. So yeah most of my friends are catholic... me included :)

Anyway, back in my country I have two main groups of friends. One of them, let it be group A, guys and girls, it’s very open minded about almost everything, super ok with being lgbtq, blah, blah. and then there is group B which is only guys and super “masculine”, everything is either girls or sports. 

I’ll let group A aside because I guess they would be ok with me coming out to them (which I haven’t done... that’s for another time).

So let’s talk about group B. In this group there are 2 particular guys which I consider to be closest than the rest of the group, these two guys are both very masculine, very sporty, very into talking about girls, and... and... super religious. I mean the kind of guys that in between the weekdays go to mass by themselves and obviously every sunday too. Which is very normal for me as I am exactly like that too, and I think it’s because our families are like that too so we have that in common. 

So as I went away to study abroad, so did one of these two guys. So for about 5 years we’ve been all separated in different countries. I still talk to them when ever I have the chance and I see one of them every year when I go back to my home country for summer vacations. With the other one we just facetime. 

Ok the coming out part... About 2 years ago I couldn’t take it anymore so I decided to come out for the first time. It was consuming me so much and I decided it was time to accept the inevitable. I came out to my brother who was the first and then right after that I decided to call my friend who I haven’t seen at that time for 3 years. Honestly I didn’t know what was going to happen, as I said these guys are very religious and very stereotypical boys. 

Well I just called the first one through FaceTime and started making him guess, cause up to this day I still struggle with actually saying the words “I’m gay*... Some people will relate. Anyway, at first he was kind of shocked, not because he hadn’t thought about it but because I had actually confirmed it, something that in my country is still to this day taboo. So I remember him saying something like “... I mean the thought was there, but... I thought you were like asexual and you didn’t want anything with girls”. And I was like... “well, not exactly...” I honestly have a very personal and spiritual coming out experience with myself. So in order to try and make him understand why I was accepting this for myself I actually told him my personal coming out story which as I said is very spiritual and it involves me and God and a very specific date. At the beginning he was very confused and I guess he was a bit shy to ask questions so I encourage him to ask me anything and little by little he did. I think I was very detailed with the explaining my life experience and that was it... he was as he had always been with me. I still haven’t seen him since then because we live in different continents and we never coincide when we go back home. But we talk very often through FaceTime and I think we’re even closer than before.

I’m making this very long... hahaha the second one was almost the same although this conversation was through the phone. Same, we were in different countries so I called him and did the same as I did with the previous one. His reaction was pretty much the same except for the fact that he told me “When people have asked me about you I’ve always said, no... because you were my friend and I know you...” and so I had to explain to him that I was still the same and that the friend he has always known has always been gay.... and that he has a gay best friend hahaha he just laughed. He was very moved when I told him about my spiritual coming out experience so I think I got him to understand me a little bit more with that. After talking with him whenever I go back to my country apart from everything being as normal as it was before we talk about that and he asks me things and I share my stories with him and everything is very much normal. He is always there for me and worries about me whenever I don’t feel well so I’m pretty grateful about it. 

Anyway, things went pretty great with both and I never imagined that it would... I thought they might just stop being my friends after that but they didn’t. They are obviously not completely understanding sometimes, but they try and ask whenever something is not clear for them. I love them really much. 

Anyway if you have had experiences like that, share them with me in the comments or hit me up with a message. 

Love, 

S 

[blue-apollo]

I don't know why it's so hard to find gay guys that are looking for serious relationships... No wonders why people think gays are promiscuous....

Not talking about everyone obviously.

#gay

[blue-apollo]

Looking after myself

I feel like it’s been an eternity since I last posted. I must say I’ve been making some changes in my life and that’s what I wanted to talk about in this post.

So, where do I start?... yeah... my dating life is still, to this day, non-existing. 

Crap. I thought after a year since I came out things would be so different. Well they aren’t haha I’m hoping it is because I haven’t fully come out to everyone and I’m just lingering through dating apps looking for mentally mature guys in their 20s... 

After a couple of months I kind of gave up on myself... I was starting to think that I was destined to be rejected by everyone, mainly because at this point the only thing I thought about myself was negative stuff. It was really hard for me to understand that those cheesy films were right!!! - You need to love yourself first and take care of yourself before looking for love outside. 

Obviously this didn’t happened from one day to the other, It took me a while to get where I am and I’m still working on taking care of myself and working on my needs and feelings. But let me tell you, it has really changed things for me. I’m starting to feel more calm and less harsh with myself. I’m caring less about what people think about me and I’m concentrating on the things that make me happy and make me feel good. 

I encourage you guys, if you haven’t already, to try and work on yourselves. Start thinking more about what you’d like to do instead of what others might want you to do. Start taking care of yourselves in any way that you can; exercise, or skin care, or eating better, anything can make a difference. 

Hope to see you soon,

S.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

[blue-apollo]

Friends are the family we choose

What a rollercoaster year was 2018. I can’t even start on how many things happened... I just know it’ll be a year I will never forget.

It hasn’t even been a year since I first came out to my brother (who was actually the first person I came out to), but I feel like a lot of my fears about coming out to my friends just disappeared. I think there’s a reason for everything, me being bi/gay (not sure yet), being catholic, etc... but I think that there’s also a reason of why I chose the friends that I have. 

Through our lives friends come and go, but those that stick around through your worst and best moments are the ones that you end up considering family. I’ve talked about how I’ve always been surrounded by religious friends (because of my culture) and also by mostly male friends (because I went to an all-boys school). For those guys who identify themselves as part of the LGBTQ+ community, you might have an idea on how hard it is sometimes to be honest with your friends about this part of you. For more than a decade I panicked about the reactions that all of my friends would’ve had if I ever decided to tell them. The thought of it was just unbearable... thinking that they would reject me or make fun of me, or anything that could go wrong... and yet somehow I would convince myself that their reaction would be “the correct one”. 

I mean, now I think to myself, why would you want someone in your life that doesn’t love you for who you are? Obviously when you’re growing up this way of thinking takes a lot of time to achieve. When I decided I would come out to my closest friends, I was scared to death. I knew deep in my heart that if things went wrong I would be devastated, but at the same time I just needed to know if these people were actually my friends and if they really wanted the person that I am. It’s funny because I’ve always been like this so it shouldn’t make a difference for a person, but still it does to a bunch of people. Anyway, I slowly started picking my friends and decided to talk to them about how I felt, and wow, honestly till this day none of them has had any problem with this. Obviously some of them have questions, mostly the religious ones, and I understand that they will never get it entirely, because it’s actually impossible to fully understand it unless you’ve went through it yourself. 

Even my most religious male friends, have given me their support or at least have started to slowly change in order to be more comprehensible. This is new to me too, I mean until now I’ve been closeted and single without letting myself love or be loved. So my journey is just starting, and I’m happy that I have the friends that I have, because I’ll be able to take them in this journey with me.

I thank God for the friends that I have, I know there’s a reason why I have these friends. And if I ever stumble across someone who I consider to be my friend and happens to be homophobic then I will understand that that person doesn’t belong in my life. 

Sincerely, 

S.

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash