#bittyholtz

[somethingnurseywoulddo]

bitty: the fact that you’re gluten free is actually a major red flag.

holster: it’s not a choice??? it’s a life threatening allergy???

[uncleshits]

can we talk about a bittyholtz fwb fling somewhere in the jackholtz -> zimbits timelime

[karin848]

Heard from @birkholtzlovebot that this fandom wanted more BittyHoltz content? I am here to deliver with this slapdash effort to get out of my artblock funk

(Base used credit to @snuffysbox The post with the original base can be found here!!)

[tangredont]

Bittyholtz2

Honey you know I have an agenda and it’s ripped boys and booty shorts

[birlcholtz]

any bittyholtz headcanons👀

holster knows he’s big ok? and he realizes pretty quick his sophomore year that bitty is Not Great at handling large guys coming at him quickly. so out of consideration for this tiny frosh, who is cute but holster can also tell is scared shitless by ransom and holster being their loud selves, holster tries to be conscious of bitty and respect his space (and also not yell too much around him because who knows what specifically bothers him)

and the great thing about ransom and holster being best bros for so long is that holster doesn’t have to explain what he’s doing to ransom, ransom just kind of matches him and that’s that

and holster is delighted every time bitty opens up a bit more and relaxes a bit more around the team, and when he comes out to ransom and holster holster internally is like oh. oh of COURSE. of course big loud jocks who talk about hooking up with women all the time and check people really hard on the ice bother him. duh holster

but holster would NEVER hurt someone for being gay that’s a huge asshole move and he feels it is Very Important That Bitty Knows That Holster Would Never Hurt Him. why does he feel it’s so important?? that’s a question for later holster isn’t a whole ‘analyze my feelings’ dude

so holster actively makes an effort to be around bitty in a non-threatening way. by a couple of months into spring semester they’re very comfortable around each other, comfortable enough that bitty jokes about their size difference and at one point he literally jumps into holster’s arms (who catches him on instinct) and then holster is like oh my god i’m holding bitty. oh my god he’s so small but so muscular. oh my god his hair smells so nice oh god oh fUCK

there is literally so much more under the cut. (send me ur headcanons for rarepairs/qpps!)

bitty, for his part, was initially very wary of ransom and holster for exactly the reasons holster figured out. it also doesn’t help that ransom dresses like a preppy frat bro and holster dresses like a messy frat bro. they’re both frat bros and bitty takes a long time to warm up to them.

but what does help is the way holster always lets bitty know he’s there before he gets too close (sometimes bitty is in the zone in the kitchen and doesn’t notice things like his teammates entering), and the way he doesn’t friendly-punch bitty like he does ransom. or jack. or shitty. or even lardo honestly nobody’s safe. except bitty is.

holster is also definitely responsible for putting some of bitty’s favorite songs on the kegster playlist and bitty definitely finds out and his heart warms a little more

and once bitty’s come out to ransom and holster and they don’t treat him any differently or weirdly and still profess their love for him when he bakes things without a single no homo, bitty finds himself hanging around with them a little more?

ransom likes to study in the attic without distractions so that means that bitty and holster wind up spending a lot more time together and listen. bitty can’t spend that much time with holster without noticing that the guy is a) extremely tall b) ripped and c) has an excellent jawline. and bitty is only human y’all

when he plays music in the kitchen holster will always dance (and sing along if he knows the words, or enough of the words to get them wrong in a funny way because bitty’s laugh sounds like angels singing and okay yeah holster is smitten)

holster Cannot make pies because he cannot touch pastry, bitty forbids him from trying before he even asks because his hands are too warm and he’ll fuck it all up. (holster, internally, is pleased bitty’s noticed. bitty, internally, is like fuck was that too weird) BUT if holster is in there he usually gets dragged into stirring things or chopping things or handing bitty sticks of butter from the fridge and basically whatever he can do without fucking up the pastry

and a while after that holster is like hang on wait it’s been a while since i realized i had a crush on bitty and it has Not gone away should i like. i don’t know. fucking tell him i’m into guys or something like that?? that would be smart

this is more how they get together than a list of headcanons LMAO i always get distracted and this is so fucking long omg

so he’s like rans. how do i do this. and ransom is like you should blast gettin’ bi from crazy ex girlfriend and holster is like weird. i love it.

other things holster does to subtly let bitty know he’s bi: loudly discuss his plans for going to pride that summer, make a lot of bi puns and hope one of them lands, show bitty funny posts from the lgbtq+ samwell student group on facebook

eventually bitty is like . hm. holster is either a VERY supportive ally. or he is trying to tell me something. and after the 80th bi meme post from the facebook group he’s like holster. hon. are you trying to tell me something

and holster is like YES. I AM BISEXUAL and bitty’s like oh that’s great!! (internally: can i climb him like a tree yet)

and then bitty’s like well thanks for telling me! and holster is like uh yeah! (because listen he’s good at wheeling but he is SO bad at wheeling bitty because this isn’t just someone cute he found at a kegster u know??? it’s BITTY and holster kind of wants to sweep him off his feet but in like. a gentlemanly way that won’t scare him)

when holster relates this interaction to ransom ransom is like oh my fucking god holster you could have told him and holster is like yeah and i did not for some fucking reason???????? ransom. i’m dumb and ransom is like no you just caught feelings

(bitty, to shitty: hey so uh. if a guy aggressively hints he’s into guys for like. a month. and then when i ask him straight out he tells me he’s bi. what does that mean. and shitty’s like i mean i wouldn’t know unless i know the guy?? but i wouldn’t ask u to tell me bc like. hes gotta choose who he’s out to u know and bitty’s like yeah i mean u know him but maybe i’ll ask him who else he’s out to bc i need some advice and shitty is like hell yeah)

the next day, bitty’s like holster are u out to anyone else?? just bc the team seems kinda. hetero. except for me. and holster is like oh yeah rans knows and shitty knows. also johnson. and jack if he’s not stupid because i’ve definitely had guys stay over. but mostly just the guys in the haus yeah

then they go to murder stop ‘n shop and buy baking ingredients. holster carries a metric fuck ton of flour and butter and pretends he doesn’t notice bitty staring at his arms (but he might flex just a little more than necessary)

so bitty’s like EXCELLENT. and then he talks to shitty again and is like IT’S HOLSTER AND I’M SUPER INTO HIM WHAT DO I DO and shitty’s like hooooo boy. and then HE’S like well uh. holster doesn’t like. feel the need to formally come out to people usually like the way he told me was by just telling me about a guy he hooked up with last year with zero context or warning? like i don’t know holster as well as, like, rans, but he definitely wants you specifically to know that he’s bi.

and bitty’s like intriguing. i’m gonna go combust now. and shitty’s like cool catch ya later.

so then bitty decides there’s only one way to find out if holster’s into him. and it’s not asking him, what the fuck?? no obviously not. it’s wearing very short shorts and touching him a lot and watching him to see if he blushes or gets flustered. bitty may not be a blunt or forthright person when it comes to hitting on people but he can at least make it impossible for holster to try and hide any feelings he may or may not have.

so rip holster is what i’m saying. but he also observes how much bitty is still watching him-- usually when bitty is doing something like wearing very short shorts or dancing at a kegster or flinging himself into holster’s lap-- and he’s like HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. because also holster is like way more experienced with like. relationships in general? like he’s familiar with what someone flirting with him looks like. so he’s like alright well if bitty wants to make me suffer i’m going to make him suffer too. (’rans can i borrow your skinny jeans’ ‘is this so you can get back at bitty’ ‘yes it’s important’ ‘yeah sure whatever’)

holster knows he’s jacked, he just has to make sure bitty knows it. he also knows that bitty is comfortable with holster standing pretty close to him now so he’s going to use that to his advantage since holster is also tall as Fuck. (obviously he doesn’t do anything creepy like stand right behind him or smth but like. if they’re talking. holster is gonna get just a little in bitty’s space just so bitty has to look up at him a little. is this partially because bitty has really nice eyelashes? yeah)

basically what i’m saying is once holster decides to get back at bitty all hell breaks loose. literally nobody else in the haus can deal with the sexual tension when they’re in the same room. bitty is now pretty sure that holster is into him. shitty texts bitty saying ‘can you please bone for the love of god’. for good measure shitty also texts holster saying the same thing. he’s so tired but also this is hilarious

like it gets EXTRA. bitty and holster can both bend and snap and they DO. holster intentionally spills water on his t-shirt to make it cling more. when he sits at the kitchen table doing work bitty comes by and leans over his shoulder to see what he’s doing and if he brushes holster’s neck a little as he does it, well, that’s between them. at one point holster and bitty are both standing at the counter washing dishes and holster starts chirping bitty about not being able to reach the top shelf and asks if he wants to stand on a chair and bitty’s like hmm or you could just carry me. and holster almost has a conniption and it gets even worse when they finish washing up and bitty’s like oh great the counter’s all cleared off! and hops up and sits on it and that gets his face a little closer, vertically, to holster, who is suddenly aware that bitty is wearing very short shorts AGAIN, which like, seem to have become his uniform, and that when bitty sits like that holster can barely see those shorts, that’s how tiny they are, and it looks like bitty’s just sitting there in a shirt and nothing else and holster’s brain supplies a LOT of images once he thinks of that and hoo boy.

and holster’s like how can i get back at him. and bitty’s sitting right next to the hanging cabinets so holster grabs some of the plates from the drying rack that look dry enough and goes and stands *right* in front of bitty. like he’s not actually brushing bitty’s legs where they dangle off the counter but if he stepped forward like. half an inch. he would be. and they make eye contact for a second and then, without moving, holster starts putting plates away.

and bitty is like oh my fucking god WHAT else do i have to do (he doesn’t say this out loud) and then when holster’s done putting away the plates and it looks like he’s going to go grab more bitty just. wraps his legs around holster’s waist and pulls him in (and holster is like holy FUCK because he knew bitty’s legs were strong but not THAT STRONG HOLY SHIT) and at this point there’s really nothing else for them to do but make out at the kitchen counter and that’s what they do. (bitty does, in fact, climb that man like a tree)

okay so some actual headcanons lol. you thought you knew bitty was a clothes stealing fiend?? you were wrong. he absolutely is but you just didn’t know how much. does holster still have literally any of his sweatshirts? probably not honestly

the only way bitty will sit on the green couch will be if holster is sitting on the green couch and bitty is sitting in his lap because that way he can avoid any actual contact with the couch

when bitty makes anything with blueberries in it holster steals some but he also feeds bitty some because he’s mushy like that

they continue to go to extreme lengths to try and get each other flustered in public. shitty is so tired.

they share playlists constantly and even more of bitty’s favorites find their way onto the kegster playlist

when bitty moves into the haus holster is in his room c o n s t a n t l y. he just likes the space ok??? there’s lil reminders of bitty everywhere and of course if bitty is there too then that’s just the BEST

the puck bunny halloween costume physically murders adam birkholtz

[derek-oluransi]

What your favourite Check, Please! Ship says about you

Zimbits: You like canon and prefer to stick to it because there’s nothing wrong with enjoying positive queer rep. You also probably prefer missionary.

Holsom: You think the secondary bros relationship is just as valuable queer rep and practically canon just like the canon one.

Shardo: Your favourite ship dynamic is short, artsy, character with laid back, book smart character. Who also get high as fuck with each other.

Nurseydex: Your favourite ship dynamic is enemies to lovers.

Charmer: You stan a cute couple that doesn’t get or deserve any hate. The only Valid one.

Pimms: You probably liked zimbits at one point but then decided you’d rather stan a relationship that happened in the past. Might be feeling some unrequited love.

BittyParse: You want to see the short blonde who initially disliked the taller blonde fall in love with the taller blonde. Also a fan of enemies to lovers.

PBJ: You believe love and therapy can help anyone be a better person.

Patater: You forgot that ironic shipping leads to unironic shipping.

BittyHoltz: You like extreme size difference.

JackRans: You like Canada and the idea of two anxious bros comforting each other.

OllieWicks: You like Holsom but this is completely canon.

JackLardo: You like extreme size difference but also when big guys get pegged.

NurseChow: Your favourite ship dynamic is friends to lovers. Also, No Whites Allowed.

JackShit: You like the idea that the angsty protagonist was softened up by his super bro-y and also almost always naked best friend and they hookup several times.

Polyfrogs: The author mentioned this one time and now you are all over it.

WTF: You like the idea of Polyfrogs but don’t care for the enemies to lovers trope. You also like how subtle it is for saying what the fuck.

[magnus-burntsides]

Bitty wakes up in Holster’s bed.

More specially, Bitty wakes up very hungover and very shirtless in Holster’s bed, laying on top of him with his arm curled around his waist.

What on earth happened last night?

He shifts a little, trying to break free of Holster’s grasp without waking him up, so Bitty can go back to his room and panic a little in peace, but Holster’s grip is firm.

“Holster,” Bitty says softly. He doesn’t respond, so Bitty jostles him slightly. Holster groans but doesn’t open his eyes. “Holster, um, we didn’t, like, you know…”

“What? Hook up?” Holster’s voice is rough and his eyes are still closed. He pats Bitty’s hip twice in what feels like a weirdly intimate version of the no-homo-hug-shoulder-pat. “No, you started crying at the kegster, because you wanted to cuddle and there was no one to cuddle you, so here we are.”

Read more

[halfabreath]

Bittyholtz AU where they co-own a bakery and Bitty bakes while Holster does the books?

thank you anon for my life!!

Bitty wakes up to the smell of coffee and a warm hand on his shoulder. It takes a few attempts to open his eyes but when he finally manages it he’s greeted by the sight of Holster sitting on the edge of their bed, shirt unbuttoned and hair mussed, occasionally taking sips from the steaming mug of coffee he’s holding.

“Morning,” he says, voice low and smile warm. Holster sets the mug on the bedside table and leans down, tugging the blankets down so he can press his lips against Bitty’s sleep-warmed skin. “It’s time to get up.” He murmurs, lips brushing against Bitty’s cheek. His stubble is just scratchy enough to pull Bitty into something resembling consciousness. His hand sweeps up Bitty’s shoulder to cup his cheek, thumb running along Bitty’s cheek.

“No, why?” Bitty whines even as he presses his face into Holster’s broad palm. It takes a moment but Bitty manages to curl his fingers around Holster’s shirt to pull him closer. Holster crowds into his space, broad shoulders and thick arms blocking out the rest of the world.

Bitty can feel Holster’s soft laughter before he can hear it, pressed together as they are with Holster’s considerably larger frame crouched over him. “Because you decided to open a bakery, and bakeries have to be open before normal people go to work.” Holster reminds him, using the same argument he always uses. Bitty knows he’s right, but the bed is so warm and Holster feels so good and if he just closes his eyes he knows he’ll go right back to sleep, it’ll just take a second –

He’s about five seconds away from drifting off again when Holster mumbles an apology against his cheek before brushing their lips together in a brief kiss. Bitty chases him, just for a moment, but the moment his head hits the pillow his warm blanket is whisked away and the cool morning air sweeps in. He’s shocked back into consciousness and he sits up, indignant, glaring daggers at Holster, who’s standing at the foot of the bed with the blankets balled up in his big strong stupid arms.

Bitty is freezing, and it’s all Holster’s fault.

“Adam Jacob Birkholtz, you are in so much trouble.” Bitty grits out, seething with rage, but Holster just points towards the still steaming cup of coffee on the nightstand. “Okay,” Bitty amends. “You’re in slightly less trouble.”

Holster’s still in the same amount of trouble by the time Bitty makes it downstairs to the bakery (he’d tried to drop a kiss on the top of Bitty’s head in the bathroom but Bitty had dodged it; Holster just laughed and caught his gaze in the mirror, blowing a little kiss that Bitty pretended to bat away), but the sight that greets him when he opens the door more than makes up for his rude awakening.

The bakery is empty but still brightly lit, all the tables and chairs set up exactly as they should be. He can hear music playing from the kitchen where he knows Whiskey and Tango are busy baking all the cookies, pies, scones, and cinnamon rolls Bitty prepped last night. It’s not the music that Bitty’s focusing on, however.

Holster’s standing behind the counter. He never stands behind the counter unless he absolutely has to; the chances of having to interact with a customer are far too high because customers are people and Holster hates people. Bitty’s the one who talks to people and bakes things for them to eat, Holster is the one who makes sure the lights stay on so the people can see what they’re eating.

But today Holster’s standing behind the counter, wearing a striped apron as he wipes down the breakfast bar. He’s humming along to the music wafting over from the kitchen and he doesn’t notice Bitty’s even there until he pulls back one of the stools to take a seat.

“Wait,” Holster says before Bitty can apologize for being so grouchy. He ducks down, large frame disappearing behind the counter, and when he pops back up he’s holding a fresh cup of coffee in one hand, the other arm tucked behind his back. He sets the coffee down first (Did he pre-set it like a prop in a play? Why is he likes this?) and, after a dramatic a capella musical interlude, presents Bitty with a fresh from the oven cinnamon roll. “It’s a sorry-I-woke-you-up-so-you-could-go-to-your-dream-job-amon roll!”

Truthfully, it’s not the most appetizing cinnamon roll Bitty has ever seen. The ratio of roll to icing is obviously askew; there’s far too much globbed on one side, so much that it’s pooling onto the plate. It’s a corner piece but the angle is smooshed in, probably from Holster trying to take a too-hot cinnamon roll out of a too-hot pan.

Still, when Holster’s beaming down at him with his big, bright smile Bitty can’t help but think it’s the best cinnamon roll he’s ever seen.

“It’s perfect, honeybun. Thank you.” Bitty says, grinning when a light blush spreads over Holster’s cheeks like it always does when Bitty uses a pet name. He pushes himself up with both hands on the counter, standing on a rung on the stool, and presses his lips against Holster’s.

(Holster tastes like icing and cinnamon, but Bitty kind of expected that.)