Discover Top Posts Tagged with #bjizzlesmalls

Assumption: you wear socks to bed

hmmm.. depends on how cold it is!

I am preparing to have "the talk" with my son. However, as I don't want to assume anything as far as his sexuality and where that may end up in the future, I don't want the discussion to be biased or sexist in any way. I am looking for some advice...

... on how to have this talk in a way that is inclussive of all sexualities and gender identities, but without overwhelming him or traumatizing him with tmi. As you talk about stuff like this, and Aaron has also joined in recently, I would love to hear your opinion if you are comfortable. Even if you can help me to open this discussion with a wider audience so I can get some advice. He is 12 1/2 and has had basic sex ed (whatever that qualifies as in public schools nowadays). Thanks.

Thank you so much for this question! I am so glad you feel like I am someone whose opinion you trust on this matter. I feel extremely fortunate that I grew up in a very liberal household. My godparents were two gay men and one of their mothers I grew up knowing as ‘grandma’ was a lesbian and her and her partner were like my grandparents since my mum’s parents died before I was born, so I was raised without any preconceptions of what a couple should look like. That being said, homophobia was still quite prevalent in the 80s and 90s and I think it was a scarier time for people to come out. I remember quite distinctively when my mum told me that she would accept me no matter what, but that she hoped I wasn’t gay because it was such a difficult life. That’s definitely something I would avoid saying to a child in hindsight. My mum had lost her best friends to AIDS at this point and had seen a lot of homophobia in the community, and I understand what she meant by it, but saying ‘If you’re this way you’re in for a life of struggle’ is not the way to address homosexuality with children.

A friend of mine came out to me when he was 12...he had never told anyone, and then another friend came out to me when he was sixteen and there was something very poignant that he told me. I asked when he knew that he liked boys and he replied, ‘Well, when did you know that you liked boys?’ Then again, I had a friend who came out in his twenties and said that he had enjoyed dating and sleeping with girls, but similar to the song “Home” one day he just realised that something was missing and it was only when he started dating men that he figured it out.

As I’ve discussed, I grew up being exclusively attracted to boys, and even now I have only ever slept with men. I have since realised that gender and sexuality really have nothing to do with who I’m attracted to. So...how do you relay all of this to a twelve year old? I think sitting him down and doing the whole, “You know I’d accept you no matter what?” will come across somewhat accusatory and I can see a pre-teen getting defensive about it. As horrible as it sounds, my mum said something like that to me a year ago and my inherent internal reaction was, “Fuck off.” It sounds horrible, and I feel horrible that I felt that way, but I felt like for about a year my mum was trying to get me to tell her I was gay or something. Although tolerant, she has a very binary view of sexuality and she saw me flirting with a girl once and assumed I was a lesbian. I also was shopping with her once and said, “I think I like the men’s clothing in here more than the women’s,” to which she said, “Is there something you want to tell me?” And I was like, “Yeah, I like men’s clothing.” Not a revelation. I own a lot of designer dresses and love wearing them, but men’s clothes are cute and comfortable as hell, so I wear a mixture. Clothes don’t have gender.

I suppose slowly introducing him to the idea of things like bisexuality, homosexuality, pansexuality, asexuality, and gender neutrality is a good way to start. I think it’s rare that you can say with absolute certainty at 12 years old what you are. You can certainly admit who you’re attracted to, and I know that people definitely have preferences set in their mind by that age, but for myself I think that everyone falls somewhere on the pansexual and agender scale. Realistically it’s where I see evolution going. If we were all heterosexual we would over populate the earth within the next century. I’m currently doing research on whether or not there is any precedence for homosexuality in other species as a response to population control as well as how prevalent bisexuality it is in other species, since I believe sexuality is genetically determined. I used to think that gender was learned, but after a conversation with Eddie Izzard he directed me towards studies on gender clusters in DNA, so I’m very invested in learning more about the scientific side of gender and sexuality. Maybe you can tell your son that! Have him watch Eddie Izzard’s standup show from San Francisco in which he talks about being an executive transvestite. I think the more you normalise everything the more he’ll be in a position to make his own mind up about it. It’s also important for kids to know they don’t have to define themselves right away, or ever. I’m in my late twenties and I’m very much like a shrugging emoji when people ask me about my preferences. It varies from person to person, though.

I hope this helps! If anyone else wants to chime in ( @aaronbutterfield @mellygrant @conscious--ramblings) ...please do!

Thank you again for your message xx

#sao replies #sao sex ed #bjizzlesmalls

Will you still make a point of trying to post them to tumblr, or has there been problems with that as well? Just asking, because I suck at checking my email...

No, I will not be posting the articles that were the cause of the problem anywhere. Especially not on Tumblr.

I would never discourage anyone else from posting them though.

#sao replies #bjizzlesmalls

I'm really trying to be Switzerland rn. Like, I'm a baby person, and new life is such a gift and a beautiful thing! But this whole thing is so shady and tainted. I find it hard to even form a solid opinion tbh. Why does it have to be so fucked up?

I think the notion of remaining neutral and respectful on this went out the window when a magazine published an article claiming that Louis Tomlinson named his child “Conchobar” because he lost a bet to Niall Horan. Why don’t you just give it the middle name it Chalupa-Batman while you’re at it? (Anyone watch The League? No? K. It’s a very specific reference. ANYWAY.)

While Conchobar is legitimately an Irish name, it probably hasn’t been used since the 13th century and the pronunciation is not “Connor” it is pronounced “Conhovar”. Connor is derived from this name but it isn’t a direct translation of it.

I studied Celtic and Gaelic literature at uni (amongst other things) and have been waiting for the day any of that would be relevant to One Direction, or anything in my life really. I just never thought it would be when someone legitimately thought that Louis would name a child an old-Irish name that means “lover of hounds”. I’m too lazy to find a source other than Wikipedia, but yeah...there ya go.

Absolutely nothing about any of this makes sense. The last time I saw something like this backfire so aggressively was the headline “Harry Styles addresses gay rumours by creating more gay rumours”. In what world does the news of a man getting someone pregnant and her having the baby get the general response of, “I thought he was gay”? Never.

It honestly gets more ridiculous by the hour.

Thanks for your message though! xx

#sao replies #babygate #bjizzlesmalls

I will be at the Pittsburgh show if anyone wants to meet up early at the venue or hangout afterwards. Just hit me up on twitter @bjizzlesmalls :)

For anyone who would like to meetup, get in touch with them!

We hope you have a great time! :)

#ask #bjizzlesmalls #otra pittsburgh #pittsburgh #meet up #rainbow direction

Btw, whenever I see ur icon on my dash, I always think it's mine for half a second and get really confused. :D Love it!

Screaming Louis icon buddies!

#bjizzlesmalls

Something is rotten in the state of SASS. Idk what the agenda is with that blog, but I REALLY don't think it's the same person. The idea that it may be someone from 1DHQ trying to capitalize off of us makes a lot more sense now. Especially with the..

..1D will split soon vibes that are going around. That really plays in with all the public narratives rn about breakup rumors. I guess time will tell tho, what with these super specific timelines... even if it does give a phone-psychic vibe.

#bjizzlesmalls