#bl0g

[d3monslaiier]

I never thought I’d be having my first child at 22 but here I am.

I’m no where near my perfect idea of “ready” to bring new life into existance. I’m still in school, struggling to even pay for my education. My relationship is no where near perfect. & if i have 2k saved up at a time I consider that up...... but I’m so happy.

I’m so excited to be a mom, ready to meet my little boo, & hang out w him everyday until he gets tired of me. I’m so grateful that some soul out there chose me to be their guide and guardian through a human experience.

I won’t let you down baby.

[d3monslaiier]

i hate everything that reminds me of you.

i hate laying in bed watching movies thinking about how you lay in bed & watch movies.

i hate the flash backs of us.

i hate the fact that all this space was always here even when we were together. i hate only knowing you in a past tense i can never speak about.

I hate that I didn’t try harder. I hate that i got this far away.

I hate that you never chased me when i ran.

i hate you.

not the one that got away but the one that let me go. i think thats why it hurts like this.

did you ever love me? why not¿

[d3monslaiier]

some macbook classics....

anybody wanna be friends?? my DMs are open as hell 🥺

[s3an-is-0nline]

g00d m0rn!ng

[d3monslaiier]

if i could go back... my life would be so different.

I wasted so much time trying to fit in and be liked and be cool and get picked, & i know you’re not supposed to admit that but

i’ve wasted too much time being ashamed.

i’m so fucking embarrassed. its embarrassing.

the fact that i can have the whole world at my finger tips and push it away. everything ive ever wanted was right there and i spent too much time thinking about it to grab it. now it’s gone.

my fatal flaw is not being able to tell what’s in front of me until it’s behind me.

i miss you. i miss you i miss you i miss you

& you can never know.

[d3monslaiier]

I had a kid 2 weeks ago. I had an all natural water birth at a birth center; I’m 22, this is my first child. If I could describe birth in one word: labor. Like it’s hard fucking work . Excruciating work. Every contraction is stronger than the last and just when you think you can’t take anymore, they keep coming. You can’t stop, you can’t leave. They just keep coming. Then at the end of it all, the climax is crowning. I reached down in the tub when I started crowining & I felt the top of his head and immediately knew it was a lot bigger than what he was tryna come out of. It literally felt like I was ripping in half (I didn’t though, thank gods.) I could feel my midwife using her fingers to roll the perimiters of my pums over his skull like rolling a rubber band over a basket ball. The shoulders were just as bad, & then he and all his juices came rushing out like the start of a waterfall. The placenta was the resolution, and then it was over. Your kids a pale raisin on your chest. Hungry, tired , even more confused than you are. And neither of you can sleep.

[channelzer000]

@kagemushagosuto @channelzer000 #IAlwayzFeelLike #Bl0g https://www.instagram.com/channelzer000/p/BvOuP66nP9XlWdzL5imLeLw4IVHwUy2OHrU5UA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=156kdlrk70q6b