#black depression

[revacholienne]

I deleted tinder... Im destined to die a virgin spinster :<

[soulfulqueenblog-blog]

Friendship

We may not always receive an answer as to why we've been hurt or let down by our friends, and it's ok. Take care of yourself, love on yourself, realize you deserve better. -Aleka Rose

[whitdubois]

The Life of Pablo: Decoding Black Depression

[Editorial] The Life of Pablo: Decoding Black Depression. #TLOP

“I’m trying to keep my faith. Somewhere I can feel safe.” -Ultra Light Beam. Common words uttered, yet often ignored as deeper meanings. For years, Blacks have misconstrued resilience with depression. We ignore the signs and replace difficult moments with phrases such as “man up” or “get it together girl.” But what if it never was together, and what if you’ve been feeling down lately and there’s…

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[soulfulqueenblog-blog]

I Am Beauty

I can not hold myself up to society’s standards on beauty. They measure their beauty off of people who don’t look like me. Unaware of any conditioning going on, I believed that beauty had a particular length and type of hair or weight size. This belief is in part why, as their are other reasons, I haven’t liked myself. At 40 I’m just realizing the damage I've done to myself by holding said belief. It’s crazy how you can harm yourself without realizing it. Conditioning can be used in nasty ways and without your permission if one’s not careful. 

 Now that I realize part of myself hating problem, I can work on turning that belief off. You see my beauty is what I say it is. In fact I am beauty. With my tight curls and big curves, my brown complexion, my short height, with all my flaws, I AM BEAUTY. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says beauty is. That is their standard for them and it has nothing to do with me. Realizing that I set the standard of beauty for my life I can no longer believe what society says.

[soulfulqueenblog-blog]

Anxiety

 If only the anxiety would completely go away. To always feel on edge and like at any moment something terrible is about to happen is not a fun way to live. I often wonder what the calm life is like. The life that goes with the flow and doesn’t worry about every terrible situation under the sun that can happen for each situation I find myself in. 

Let go! That’s what I been told. If I stop holding on to the past than my mental issues will be gone. If only it was as easy as that. I don’t sit around thinking about the past. I don’t have to think about anything at all for anxiety to strike. It just does. From the time I wake up until I go to bed anxiety wrecks havoc in my life. I feel imprisoned by it. While I don’t sit around thinking about my past anxiety and depression are a consequence of it. Can’t people understand that this thing this anxiety driven life, needs no permission from me to show up and show out. Anxiety has a love affair with the wires of my brain.

I will never stop learning ways to calm myself and striving to become and be the best me possible. I will never stop believing in myself!

[soulfulqueenblog-blog]

I Can't! Alone!

Nothing like wanting to be held and having no one you want to hold you. Most times I'm completely ok with it but this morning it's hard. Perhaps because I took a vow of celibacy and I'm horny. I was taught at a young age that sex was the only way to be held. Ugh!

[soulfulqueenblog-blog]

I Can't Today!

It got progressively worse as the day went on. So at some point if i felt if I went under the covers and melted away I'd be happy. Tried it and it didn't work. My anxiety went thru the roof because of one situation and the rest of the day went to crap. I made it through and on my way into another day! I'll start over again tomorrow. I figure keep going no matter how many times I start over is better than giving up! Right? Here we go 09/15!

[soulfulqueenblog-blog]

I can't! Friends!

I can't with some so called friends. All I've wanted for a long time was a friend that one friend that I hang out with. We tell each other everything and she time allows we hang out. When time doesn't allow we are are the phone cutting up. But nope what do I do? I draw these female friends that are mostly only around when they are going thru something. :( I do have two great friends but they have their bestie. Perhaps if I weren't so picky? Perhaps my idea of a bestie doesn't exist. Could I be off. It's my choice to decide what I want in a friend and considering I'm one hell of a friend I deserve the same in return. A friendship is a relationship so like any other relationship they hit bumps and either work they them or split up. Is this a bump I wanna work thru? The theme of my life is that the majority of people are only around when they are in need and once I've fulfilled their need cup I don't hear from them again until they are on empty! Since I've reached a place in my life where I no longer stand for those type of individuals maybe a purge is taking place. I will ride this out if it's a purge I will accept it and be my own best friend until a hella of friend comes along like myself.