#blas 165

[meowisaurusrex]

LETTER TO MY CHILDREN ASSIGNMENT

Dearest child,

When the topic of “SEXUALITY” is brought up there is so much that comes to mind as far as what information I want you to know as you go through your pre-teen and teenage years and eventually enter young adulthood and end up making decisions for yourself regarding  sex, sexuality and what it all means to you.  I know that your [father/mother] and I have worked to raise you with a solid understanding of the basic concepts sex, orientation and gender identity but I also know that as you grow up and get older a basic understanding eventually isn’t going to be enough. It is important for me to talk to you because I want you to be able to have access to accurate information rather than having to work to piece together all the things that the media, your friends and others might be saying.

I want you to approach sex with caution as it is more than just a physical act but something of great significance that creates a unique connection between you and the other person. Ideally I want to tell you to wait until you are married to venture into the sexual arena, whether or not you take my advice on that is up to you. Regardless of when you decide to start having sex (or IF you decide to start having sex – asexuality is a thing) please know that I always want you to be safe and no matter what I want you to know that you are always able to come and talk to me.

If you one day realize you have found yourself having more than “just friend” feelings for someone of your same gender, know that despite what society, your friends, other family or anyone else might say there is nothing wrong with your choice. You will be fully accepted by me. I will always be in your corner cheering you on – always. You also might come to realize that you don’t really have romantic or sexy feelings for ANYONE (asexual), or EVERYONE (pansexual) … or – most likely something in between (bisexual, homosexual, heterosexual, etc.), and that’s okay too. There is also a chance that you will come to find that you don’t feel right in your own body and have feelings that you were born as the wrong gender (transgender) … If you end up feeling that way – even if you’re not for sure, come talk to me – we can figure things out together, it’s not something you have to tackle on your own.

When it comes to actually having sex there is also so many things I want you to know… One of the most important though is ALWAYS 100% of the time make sure that you have consent (they want it) and also be sure to check in with yourself and make sure that you really want it too. If ever you are in a situation and your partner doesn’t seem quite sure, or just clearly says “no” respect his or her answer. No means NO (it doesn’t mean try harder or do it anyways). If you’re the one who is not sure – say NO, you can always change your mind and change your answer to a yes later, once you are sure but if you have sex and really don’t want to you can’t reverse that experience. If your partner doesn’t accept your no, please go find a new partner, you never need to have sex or feel pressured to have sex (or do anything sexual) to keep a partner – ever and you are so worth it that you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to share your body with anyone. Also, I want to share with you a light essence something one of my professors told me in college that really made a whole lot of sense – make sure that when you say NO you mean it. What is meant by that is don’t say no playfully hoping your partner will try harder (don’t play hard to get by saying no), don’t say no just because you don’t want to look too eager … Your no is a completely acceptable and respectable answer but saying YES is fine too. Say what you mean – if you mean try harder, not now, once I’m more aroused, maybe, etc – SAY SO! Yes means yes and no means no. (I think I butchered all of what she had once said but I hope you still get the point). Next, on the topic of consent, while I hope it never happens to you – if someone forces you to have sex with you or touches you intimately when you have said no please tell me – it is NEVER okay for that to happen and regardless of what they said or how they tried to justify themselves they are wrong and it is never your fault. Yes, I will encourage you to go to the police, file a report, etc BUT if you don’t want to do that – I will not force you to… but I still want to know so I can help support you in whatever way I can.  I feel like I am missing so much – while its on my mind let me mention: please know that whatever a person wears, has to drink, told you in the past, or what their reputation might be it is not an invitation or permission to have sex with them. The only permission for sex is clearly asking and receiving a YES, even mid-sex, you partner can say NO and that’s perfectly acceptable and you need to stop right that second – regardless of what you feel like doing.

Masturbation … fun times.  Don’t masturbate in public, that’s inappropriate and against the law, yes I can understand there would be an adrenaline rush having sexy time where you could get caught, please don’t … that could be an awkward call from the police station and potentially notes on your record – not worth it. Don’t put household items into your masturbation routine, they have adult toy stores for that, not to mention it’s not really sanitary or desirable for any of the rest of us to be using your makeshift sex toy for … whatever its prior use was. If you are going to do anal play use objects (rather legit “sex toys” with a flared base, as awkward as you might think it is that I am writing to you about masturbation I can pretty much guarantee that it will be fifteen times more awkward telling me or your [mother/father] that you have lost your sexy time toy and now need to be taken to the ER so it can be retrieved. If you have or play with a vagina, don’t put unclean things into it, this seems self explanatory, but still, clean your hands, and toys and watch out for long nails … because nails in sensitive places can cause a lot of damage, same goes for anal play – watch the nails!

Okay my love, that is enough to get a conversation going I hope… I love you!

Your slightly awkward, but always well intentioned mother <3

[meowisaurusrex]

I am from assignment comparison Oct '13 VS Mar '14

THE FOLLOWING WAS WRITTEN OCTOBER 2013

I am from standing in the kitchen with mom making mini lasagna out of the ripped noodles.

I am from Mom filling the role of dad too.

I am from inner district transfers and no neighborhood schools.

I am from mud and grass pies made in the yard.

I am from teaching Brandy to walk the ledge of the porch and dog loyalty.

I am from drinking out of the hose.

I am from “let’s snuggle” “turn over” and “snuggle my back”.

I am from camping at Thousand Trails and sharing pull out beds, roasting marshmallows over a campfire and watching “Billy Madison” every time, without fail.

I am from being left in the car with Casper as my protector.

I am from late nights crying and self-soothing with gentle strokes of a razor blade.

I am from best friend cousin like a sister.

I am from Christmas mornings with eggs benedict with extra hollandaise and showing off favorite gifts.

I am from listening to stories of grandma Aline demanding things at restaurant staff.

I am from “I love my cat so much I want to marry him”.

I am from “I won’t be coming to Christmas/Thanksgiving this year” it’s easier to be alone than to feel alone amongst family.

I am from butter toast and Maury marathons.

I am from words said in anger and hurt feelings.

I am from sleep over at Aunt Gail’s, swimming in the pool, staying up too late and breakfast with Bob’s Big Boy seasoning.

I am from Pepsi over Coke.

I am from zucchini cake in Bundt pans generously dusted with C&H powdered sugar.

I am from unspoken words and knowing I am the “black sheep”.

I am from family unity in times of crisis.

THE FOLLOWING WAS WRITTEN MARCH 2014

I am from sunny San Diego born and raised.

I am from “Do you have a dad?!”

I am from calling my mother by her first name (and it being totally okay).

I am from inner district transfers and no neighborhood schools.

I am from “I don’t live near here”.

I am from silent tears and showing no outward emotion.

I am from “let’s snuggle” “turn over” and “snuggle my back”.

I am from camping at Thousand Trails and sharing pull out beds, roasting marshmallows over a campfire and watching “Billy Madison” every time, without fail.

I am from being left in the car with Casper as my protector.

I am from big family get togethers focused around what is most important, the food.

I am from having a cousin like a best friend and sister to never speaking a word to one another.

I am from Christmas mornings with eggs benedict with extra hollandaise sauce and Martinelli’s sparkling cider.

I am from “I won’t be coming to Christmas/Thanksgiving this year” it’s easier to be alone than to feel alone amongst family.

I am from quiet but clear sexism.

I am from having a niece and nephew older than me and a sister old enough to be my mother.

I am from being allowed to experiment in the kitchen and play in Mom’s make up.

I am from letters to the parole board signed ‘Lenore Barnhill, sister of the deceased’

I am from words said in anger and hurt feelings.

I am from financial secretary mother saying math is easy because its either right or wrong, and for me it was always wrong.

I am from sleep over at Aunt Gail’s, swimming in the pool, staying up too late and eggs sprinkled with Bob’s “Big Boy” seasoning.

I am from do they have that is a bigger size?

I am from zucchini cake in Bundt pans generously dusted with C&H powdered sugar.

I am from unspoken words and knowing I am the “black sheep”.

I am from “you can’t wear that to church” and disapproving looks.

I am from first in my immediate family to go to college.

I am from rolled eyes at the mention of taking a black studies class.

I am from family unity in times of crisis.

My name is Lenore and I am a reflection of you

[meowisaurusrex]

BLACK FATHERHOOD PROJECT

This documentary ‘The Black Fatherhood Project’ is about an African American man and father who had a father in his life and came from a family where generation after generation fathers were present and active in their children’s lives, but realized at some point that the other youth in his community often did not have that same experience and instead faced single parent households where there was a generations of fatherless homes; this observation prompted him to want to investigate why this was. The information in this documentary is presented by narration from the “main character” (the man that initially had made these observations of different home lives/family structures within the African American community) as well as interviews with African American males and scholars on the subjects of African American history and cultural norms. The main problem being addressed was the fact that so frequently in the African American communities children are left without a father figure and then going into that to find out why and present possible solutions. Possible solutions presented in the video were gravitating back to traditional African principles on family and child rearing, a change of how people view children and viewing production of life (both male and female aspects) as a sacred responsibility, community involvement in child rearing regardless of who is biologically responsible for the child and a change in how we (as people?) view single parent households and being an absent parent. Personally I feel as though if there is not a culture shift in the way we look at fathers being non-present in their children’s lives nothing will change, why does it seem so much more common and acceptable to be a man that is not in your child’s life rather than being a woman that is not in your child’s life? I also believe the idea of having strong communities to help raise children and provide support to those that need it is crucial. The main factors that I think are essential to healthy children are unconditional love, support, and stability which the current stereotypical family unit lacks. 

[meowisaurusrex]

Staying up late for the sake of my grades ...

... and even with staying up past 1:30 every night I still have a feeling I won't get all I want or need to get done successfully finished.

[meowisaurusrex]

"I am from"

I am from sunny San Diego born and raised.

I am from “Do you have a dad?!”

I am from calling my mother by her first name (and it being totally okay).

I am from inner district transfers and no neighborhood schools.

I am from “I don’t live near here”.

I am from silent tears and showing no outward emotion.

I am from “let’s snuggle” “turn over” and “snuggle my back”.

I am from camping at Thousand Trails and sharing pull out beds, roasting marshmallows over a campfire and watching “Billy Madison” every time, without fail.

I am from being left in the car with Casper as my protector.

I am from big family get togethers focused around what is most important, the food.

I am from having a cousin like a best friend and sister to never speaking a word to one another.

I am from Christmas mornings with eggs benedict with extra hollandaise sauce and Martinelli’s sparkling cider.

I am from “I won’t be coming to Christmas/Thanksgiving this year” it’s easier to be alone than to feel alone amongst family.

I am from quiet but clear sexism.

I am from having a niece and nephew older than me and a sister old enough to be my mother.

I am from being allowed to experiment in the kitchen and play in Mom’s make up.

I am from letters to the parole board signed ‘Lenore Barnhill, sister of the deceased’

I am from words said in anger and hurt feelings.

I am from financial secretary mother saying math is easy because its either right or wrong, and for me it was always wrong.

I am from sleep over at Aunt Gail’s, swimming in the pool, staying up too late and eggs sprinkled with Bob’s “Big Boy” seasoning.

I am from do they have that is a bigger size?

I am from zucchini cake in Bundt pans generously dusted with C&H powdered sugar.

I am from unspoken words and knowing I am the “black sheep”.

I am from “you can’t wear that to church” and disapproving looks.

I am from first in my immediate family to go to college.

I am from rolled eyes at the mention of taking a black studies class.

I am from family unity in times of crisis.

My name is Lenore and I am a reflection of you