Top 10 real-world jobs Aizen could hold
As requested by Jyaomi. :)
Let’s say that Aizen escaped and decided to live in the real world, Urahara-style. What sorts of jobs might he hold?
#10: Shop owner
Aizen loves to copy Urahara. Let’s not forget that the only way Aizen got his hogyoku was to steal Urahara’s version and then combine it with his own (failed) version. So I imagine a shop somewhat similar to Urahara’s suddenly showing up just down the street, with a shinier paint job and a new name.
Urahara: Sure has been a lot of inventory going missing lately.
Urahara: ...
Urahara: AIZEN
#9: Magician
I mean, Aizen does have the power of perfect illusion. I don’t know how well this would pay, unless he found himself in Vegas or something, but it is certainly a job that Aizen could do very, very well.
Magician’s assistant: Uh, Sosuke? Do you have to do the “pretend to stab me while hugging me” trick in every show?
Aizen: Yes.
Aizen: Stabbing my assistant is a wonderful trick.
Aizen: The first I ever performed.
Magician’s assistant: ...
Magician’s assistant: You got a super weird look on your face there.
Aizen: I have always been a magician.
#8: Wild life rehabilitator
Do you remember when the Steves showed up to help carry Aizen into Hueco Mundo? Clearly, Aizen managed to tame those menos grande and make them work for him. Although, as longtime readers know, my personal headcanon is that Tosen was the great Steve-whisperer, let’s say for the sake of this list that Aizen has some talent with wild monsters. So perhaps a wild life rehabilitator would be a good job for him.
Aizen: These lions seems supremely uninterested in my plans for world domination.
Aizen: Disappointing.
#7: Referee
“Judge” would also work - Aizen likes to sit in judgment over the squabbles of those beneath him, like when he let Tosen cut off Grimmjow’s arm. But ref is much funnier than judge, and I like to imagine Aizen in that striped uniform wrangling players.
Player: Hey! That guy just kicked me! Did you see that?
Aizen: Yes.
Aizen: It was deserved.
Player: That isn’t how reffing works!!!
#6: CEO
Especially one of those CEOs who comes in to fix a company that’s in trouble - Aizen likes power, Aizen likes ruling over people, and Aizen would have zero qualms about firing as many people as necessary.
Aizen: No one stands at the top of this company.
Jan the hiring manager: Uh, we do have shareholders.
Aizen: Not you, not me, not the gods.
Jan: ..and a board of directors...
Aizen: But the unbearable vacancy on the top floor is over.
Jan: ...like, 30 other people work there...
Aizen: From now on, I will be sitting there.
Jan: Yeah, you seem like a CEO.
#5: YouTube personality
Aizen is very, very good at amassing followers of all sorts. He promised Starrk an end of his loneliness, promised Grimmjow strength, promised Nnoitra the chance to just kill a lot. And for the most part, these followers were pretty darn loyal. Aizen could market that cult personality as a YouTube star, seeming to be exactly what each follower needs.
Aizen: This video is for those whose love of vegetable-scented candles, baby cats, and royalty has thus far never been understood well enough.
cabbage-candle-kitten-queen: OMG!!!!!!
#4: Salesman
Speaking of amassing followers, Aizen is also just...really persuasive. I mean, Tosen was once a man who believed in justice and seemed to be a really good dude, and yet somehow Aizen won him over completely. Aizen won over Halibel, another decent individual, but also Zommari, who straight up hates shinigami. Add into that Aizen’s acting abilities and good looks, and I think we have the making of one very good salesman.
Aizen: This limited edition, one-of-a-kind, sparky gold nailpolish will truly make you the talk of any party.
Aizen: Admiration may be the emotion furthest from understanding, but admired you will be.
Woman: I can pick that up for 99 cents at a drugstore and yet...I really want to buy it from you.
Aizen: It’s my voice.
#3: Scientist
Aizen may have stolen some of - okay, a lot of - his inventions from Urahara, but then, Thomas Edison is famous. Aizen’s intelligence and scientific mind would definitely allow him to do this job.
Aizen: This invention will take root vegetables and turn them into demon root vegetables.
Scientist #2: ...why?
Aizen: I prefer to ask, “why not?”
Scientist #2: HOLY FUCK THAT PARSNIP IS CHEWING ON MY LEG
Aizen: Boundaries are meant to be broken.
#2: Principal
Um, I’ve seen Assassination Classroom, where Aizen’s voice actor once again plays Aizen, only this time he’s the principal of an elite school who tries to make his students as strong as possible through ridiculously contrived and complicated plots. So I know Aizen would be good at this job.
Aizen: If there is a way to make teenagers stronger that does not involve giving them an enemy to fight, I have yet to encounter it.
Teacher: Gold stars and arts programs?
Aizen: What kind of teacher are you?
#1: Personal trainer
But if there is one job made for Aizen, it is this one. Personal trainer! A job wherein someone will put his life in Aizen’s hands, so that Aizen can make them as strong as possible. And if there is one thing that Aizen loves, it is getting to plan out and control someone else’s life.
Aizen: Here is your exercise and dietary schedule for the week.
Aizen: Please make sure, this week, that you go to bed at the specified times and that you use the alarm ringtones I have chosen for you.
Aizen: You are already 37 steps behind in my thousand-step plan.
Client: You know, I thought there would be more “do some push-ups” in this relationship and less “don’t wear blue on Tuesday.”
Aizen: Do you want to get stronger or not?