Bleach Lists

Hello! I am Kristie, more commonly known as BLG (Bleach Lists Girl). Welcome to my blog! Here you will find silly lists about Bleach written by me based on requests sent by my followers. I post lists whenever I can - these days, it's usually 1-3 lists per week. I am not currently open to requests. Thanks for visiting!

[bleachlists]

New List Blog

Well...I’m staring a new List Blog! I don’t know if any of you are fans of the Cosmere books by Brandon Sanderson, but they are my latest fandom and I can’t seem to stop writing lists about them. 

The new blog is cosmerelists. Feel free to stop by if you’re interested!

I plan to post there weekly--occasionally biweekly if I have the time. @cosmerelists

[bleachlists]

An Update and An Apology

Hi folks,

I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog lately–and feeling just, like, intense guilt that I ran away and just never came back. I’m okay, by the way! Nothing terrible happened that drove me away; my life just got busy and different and I didn’t know how to deal.

I decided to end this blog because I had gotten busy, and because writing lists had started to feel more like a chore and less like the delightfully fun hobby it had started out. I think probably a new job contributed to that a lot. But I still had requests. And I promised I wouldn’t end the blog until I completed them.

I broke those promises. And I’m really sorry about that!

I kept telling myself I would finish them. A month passed. Then two. Then a year. I stopped logging into tumblr at all because doing so made me feel so guilty. Then I just sort of stopped thinking about it.

But then, in the middle of the night, I started thinking about sad it was that I now thought about this blog with guilt and anxiety. I love this blog. Writing this blog was an absolute delight, and I loved my readers and the notes and the art. I have Bleach fanart still framed on my walls. And I don’t want to feel guilty and horrible about running away.

So I decided, with my wife’s encouragement, that I should post an apology. I’m sorry that I didn’t finish the last of my requests. I wanted to, and I tried, and I just couldn’t get into the headspace to write them. I don’t believe I will ever write them, and I’m sorry for that! And I’m sorry I just sort of left because I felt guilty and anxious and bad, as opposed to going out with a nice finish. 

I’m not sure how many of the old gang are around, but I think writing this will give me some closure.  

And hey, did you all hear that the Bleach anime might be coming back….?

[bleachlists]

Hey, I just wanted to thank everyone who liked and commented on this. You all have made me feel SO MUCH BETTER, and it’s wonderful to think back on this blog with a sense of joy again. Keep rocking!

~Your friendly Bleach Lists Girl

[bleachlists]

An Update and An Apology

Hi folks,

I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog lately--and feeling just, like, intense guilt that I ran away and just never came back. I’m okay, by the way! Nothing terrible happened that drove me away; my life just got busy and different and I didn’t know how to deal.

I decided to end this blog because I had gotten busy, and because writing lists had started to feel more like a chore and less like the delightfully fun hobby it had started out. I think probably a new job contributed to that a lot. But I still had requests. And I promised I wouldn’t end the blog until I completed them.

I broke those promises. And I’m really sorry about that!

I kept telling myself I would finish them. A month passed. Then two. Then a year. I stopped logging into tumblr at all because doing so made me feel so guilty. Then I just sort of stopped thinking about it.

But then, in the middle of the night, I started thinking about sad it was that I now thought about this blog with guilt and anxiety. I love this blog. Writing this blog was an absolute delight, and I loved my readers and the notes and the art. I have Bleach fanart still framed on my walls. And I don’t want to feel guilty and horrible about running away.

So I decided, with my wife’s encouragement, that I should post an apology. I’m sorry that I didn’t finish the last of my requests. I wanted to, and I tried, and I just couldn’t get into the headspace to write them. I don’t believe I will ever write them, and I’m sorry for that! And I’m sorry I just sort of left because I felt guilty and anxious and bad, as opposed to going out with a nice finish. 

I’m not sure how many of the old gang are around, but I think writing this will give me some closure.  

And hey, did you all hear that the Bleach anime might be coming back....?

[bleachlists]

Bleachlists II

Hi everyone!

I may have disappeared off the face of the earth (I’m very sorry about that!), but the Bleachlists spirit lives on! In fact, @serene-faerie has started her own Bleachlists blog! Please check it out at

https://bleachlists2.tumblr.com/

Miss you guys!

Best,

Bleach Lists Girl

[bleachlists]

Conversations that might happen between Yoruichi and Soi Fon (now that Yoruichi is teaching at the Academy)

As requested by newmandrd :)

So I’m assuming Yoruichi teaching at the Academy is something from the novels? Regardless, I can roll with it! Yoruichi is now teaching at the Academy, so that she and Soi Fon now have more frequent contact. What sort of conversations might they have?

1.

Soi Fon: An attendance policy? You have an attendance policy for your class?

Yoruichi: Of course!

Soi Fon: So you don’t want your students to just...disappear without telling you why? 

Yoruichi: ...

Yoruichi: Soi Fon, I thought we were past that!

Soi Fon: I don’t know what you are referring to.

2.

Yoruichi: I heard you berated Captain Zaraki for being late!

Soi Fon: It was Captain Kuchiki’s captain ceremony. It was unacceptable of him to be tardy for it.

Soi Fon: Speaking of which, you’ve already been late to five of your classes.

Yoruichi: ...how do you know that?

Soi Fon: You should not underestimate my information network.

Yoruichi: Uh, Soi Fon? How many of my students are actually your spies?

Soi Fon: You should not have to ask me that.

Yoruichi: How many, Soi Fon???

3.

Soi Fon: I am glad to hear that you are teaching at the Academy. You were always a great teacher to me.

Yoruichi: Thanks, Soi Fon!

Yoruichi: Although to be honest, with so many students, it’s hard to get ALL of their heads in my lap.

Soi Fon: YOU GIVE LAP TIME TO ALL OF YOUR STUDENTS?!

Yoruichi: So sensitive! I was only kidding!

Yoruichi: You know lap time was only for you, little bee!

Soi Fon: N-not that I would care!

4. 

Soi Fon: Do you miss the human world?

Yoruichi: Sometimes.

Yoruichi: Especially the weird screechy sound humans make when a cat suddenly starts talking to them!

Yoruichi: For a while, I could get the new shinigami to make that sound.

Yoruichi: But now word has gotten around.

Yoruichi: Well, if I want to continue shocking them, I guess there is always nudity.

Soi Fon: AREN’T YOU A TEACHER?!

5. 

Yoruichi: Soi Fon! I’ve heard you’ve gotten soft toward your subordinates!

Soi Fon: And who has been telling such blatant falsehoods?

Yoruichi: Well, I couldn’t help but notice that Omaeda survived two wars by your side - you didn’t kill him even once!

Soi Fon: He is not worth killing.

Yoruichi: Oh! Do I detect a crush??

Soi Fon: Your crush-sensing capabilities are as terrible as ever, I see.

Yoruichi: So...you are getting softer?

Soi Fon: Those aren’t the only two options!!

6.

Soi Fon: What is that pile on your desk?

Yoruichi: Those? They’re hair ties!

Yoruichi: I steal them from all the boys who aren’t fast enough to stop me!

Yoruichi: Which is...all of them.

Yoruichi: Gonna need a second desk soon, to be honest.

Soi Fon: You are the reason Byakuya has trust issues, you know.

7. 

Yoruichi: I’m glad I came back, you know.

Soi Fon: I assumed as much, since you haven’t disappeared.

Yoruichi: It’s nice seeing how strong you’ve gotten.

Yoruichi: You did good, Soi Fon.

Soi Fon: Thank you, Yoruichi-sama.

[bleachlists]

What if Aizen & the espada invaded in the last arc, rather than the Quincy?

As requested by anon. :)

In today’s “what if” list, we’re going to imagine that the final arc of Bleach did not involve an invasion of the Quincy, but rather an invasion by Aizen and his espada army. How would Bleach have been different then?

1. There would be no Hueco Mundo arc

In this version of Bleach, after Ichigo has rescued Rukia and has returned to the human world...nothing happens. No espada invade. There is no Orihime kidnapping. In this version, Aizen decides to skip that whole part of his plan and instead go straight into an invasion of Soul Society.

Tosen: Aizen-sama, I question your strategy.

Aizen: Do you?

Tosen: Yes. By going straight to an invasion of Soul Society, you are not giving Kurosaki Ichigo any chance to become stronger. He could barely beat Kuchiki Byakuya when we last saw him. He is no match for you.

Aizen: And?

Tosen: That is just - so logical.

Tosen: Are you feeling all right?

Aizen: I CAN BE LOGICAL

2. Soul Society would have no warning of the coming invasion

In the Quincy arc, the Gotei-13 had an inkling that something was up, because hollows were disappearing en masse and only Quincy could cause that. But in this version, there would only be one warning sign: an increase in hollow attacks as the denizens of Hueco Mundo made incursions into Soul Society. And let’s be real. The Gotei-13 never cared about hollow attacks in the Rukongai.

Kira: There has been an increase in hollow attacks in the Rukongai.

Hisagi: ...and?

Nemu: Probably nothing.

Matsumoto: I didn’t know we even tracked hollow attacks!

Kira: ...what is the Gotei-13 even for?

3. The fracciones would invade first

Man, remember back in the beginning of the Hueco Mundo arc when Hitsugaya and the advance force came to the human world and fought Grimmjow’s fracciones and just barely won? Those were the days. Given that there hasn’t been much time for the Gotei-13 to power up since the first arc, Aizen would go ahead and send the fracciones in first. And they would, initially, do a really good job.

Hitsugaya: What on earth? These hollows have zanpakuto!

Hitsugaya: I guess I’ll just attack and see what happens.

Byakuya: Me too.

Komamura: Me too.

Soi Fon: Me too.

Kurotsuchi: WHY ARE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS

4. Sasakibe would not die!

But then, he probably wouldn’t bother to use his bankai though, either.

Sasakibe: I just feel like I should save it for a special occasion.

Aizen: More special...than my invasion?

Sasakibe: Yes?

Aizen: That offends me on so many levels.

5. ...but Ikkaku might

Ikkaku almost died fighting Edorad in the human world - he only won because he used his bankai. Later during the Fake Karakura Town arc, he almost let himself die AGAIN because he straight-up refused to use his bankai when the rest of the Gotei-13 were around. In a battle in which everyone is scattered around Soul Society and he doesn’t want to use his bankai? Yeah, that might not end well for him. Unless...

Yumichika: BLOOM, RURI’IRO KUJAKU!

Ikkaku: Y-you have a kido power?

Yumichika: I’m sorry, Ikkaku.

Yumichika: But how could Bleach end without my revealing this to you? You had to know!

Ikkaku: It would have been a pretty big loose end otherwise.

Yumichika: I know, right?

6. Ichigo would be late

But not because of being trapped inside a Quincy sphere, as in the real arc. It’s more that Ichigo is in the human world and there’s no one to tell him what’s going on in Soul Society. And Urahara tends to do things on his own timescale.

Urahara: Hi Kurosaki!

Ichigo: GAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY WINDOW

Urahara: Soul Society is dying - any interest in going back?

Ichigo: Do you even have to ask?

7. Aizen would pull out of Soul Society at Ichigo’s arrival.

I mean, this part of Yhwach’s plan wasn’t too bad, so I think Aizen would copy it - pull out after the initial invasion, wait for Ichigo to go to the Royal Realm, and then jump in after Ichigo breaks down the door coming out. That’s what happened, right? Honestly the Quincy arc confused me a little.

Grimmjow: Wait, what? You’re just gonna leave?

Grimmjow: Only the fracciones got to have fun!

Aizen: Patience, Grimmjow.

Aizen: It is all going according to plan.

Tosen: You’ve been showing so much restraint lately, Aizen-sama.

Tosen: You’re sure you’re feeling all right?

Aizen: Stop asking me that!

8. Squad 0...would totally not show up.

I’m pretty sure they don’t even get out of bed for anything less than a full-on Quincy invasion.

Ichigo: I’m here! Where are the enemies?

Rukia: You missed them, you idiot!

Ichigo: Oh.

Ichigo: Oops?

9. So Aizen would...invade again, I guess?

Maybe with the espada this time. Try to smoke out Squad 0. And to be fair, the Gotei-13 just barely managed to take down Espada 1-3 in Fake Karakura Town. With all ten espada invading at once, that would be pretty bad for them.

Grimmjow: I CALL DIBS ON THE ORANGE-HAIRED ONE

Ulquiorra: We are espada. We do not call “dibs.”

Grimmjow: Don’t be mad just ‘cause I called them first!

10. Especially since Ichigo still hasn’t mastered his hollow powers

So it would be like if the fake Karakura Town battle happened...while Ichigo still couldn’t control Hichigo.

Grimmjow: [looking down at Ichigo’s motionless, beaten-up body]

Grimmjow: I have never been so disappointed in my life.

11. Aizen might win

Like obviously, narratively speaking, the Gotei-13 always manage to pull out a win. But if Aizen invaded quickly enough, before everyone had their power-ups and their extra training, and if Aizen actually didn’t spend a lot of time and effort powering up Ichigo, then he just might do it. 

Aizen: You see? This is why I should have powered up Kurosaki Ichigo.

Aizen: Beating him when he is still at the “stoppable with one finger” level - where’s the fun in that?

Tosen: I thought we were doing this for justice, not fun.

Gin: You always think that, though.

12. But if Squad 0 doesn’t show up...

Then he’s pretty much still screwed.

Gin: I guess the Soul King just doesn’t see you as a threat.

Aizen: I HATE HIM SO MUCH

[bleachlists]

You guys are so sweet I'm gonna cry. We still have a month or so while I finish up my queue! I'll try to write some amusing things

Thank you for such sweet messages

[bleachlists]

Announcement

Hey guys,

I’m going to be ending Bleach Lists soon. Not immediately - I still need to finish the list requests in my queue, and there are seven of those. So it’s going to be a month or two before it ends, but I’m not planning to accept any requests after the ones I already have.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while (hence my disappearance for a week and a half - I’m sorry!!). And I think it’s time. I love Bleach Lists. I’ve been writing this blog for just a hair over five years now. And you guys are the ones who made it worth it! Your comments, your requests, your support, your art - it really made this process so much fun and has meant so much to me. But now that I’m working full time and married, and now that Bleach has ended, writing lists has become more a source of stress than something fun I do. And I don’t want it to turn into something I don’t enjoy. So that’s why I think it’s time to stop. 

I just want to say that writing this blog has meant the world to me. I’ve really had a fantastic time. And I’m not going right away! Like I said, probably another month or so to go. I should have time to write some this weekend and get back to posting next week!

Thank you all for everything. Seriously. I love you all!

Your friendly Bleach Lists Girl 

[bleachlists]

Bleach characters, Kensei, Mashiro and Hisagi are all dating! Your reactions?

As requested by anon. :)

The captain of Squad 9 is now dating both of his lieutenants! Bleach characters, your thoughts?

Soi Fon: This is what happens when you allow back into Soul Society someone like Kensei - someone with an obscene tattoo on their chest.

Yoruichi: Don’t worry, Soi Fon!

Yoruichi: If you want to date two people at once, there’s still time for you to get a tattoo like that!

Soi Fon: T-that’s not WHAT I MEANT!

----

Ichigo: Hang on, didn’t Kensei send Mashiro to kill Hisagi?

Ichigo: I thought that was more of a Squad 11 way of flirting!

Ichigo: And if sending someone to kill someone else is a way of starting a relationship with all parties...

Ichigo: ...

Ichigo: I won’t date you OR Ulquiorra, Aizen!

Aizen: ?

---

Kira: Hisagi, I congratulate you. You are dating both of your superiors.

Kira: You will now have twice the relationship pain.

Hisagi: And pleasure?

Kira: Sure.

Hisagi: ...you’ve gotten weirder since you became a zombie, dude.

---

Lisa: You’re dating two hot dudes with obscene tattoos, Mashiro.

Lisa: What’s your secret?

Mashiro: I’m beautiful, brilliant, and I have a cool scarf!

Lisa: Makes sense.

---

Hiyori: So FIRST you go back to Soul Society and then you start dating both of your lieutenants??

Hiyori: Kensei what the hell??

Lisa: How come that bothers you?

Hiyori: Because ONE of the two is a shinigami!!

Lisa: Oh okay. Just checking.

---

Shinji: I didn’t know you could date two lieutenants!

Shinji: Momo told me I couldn’t even date one lieutenant!

Hinamori: Correction: I said you couldn’t date me.

Shinji: Oh.

Shinji: Hey!

---

Rose: Kensei! Here you acted like you hated both of your lieutenants!

Rose: All of that yelling!

Love: Must be how he shows affection.

Rose: ...

Rose: Wait has Kensei been flirting with all of us this whole time?

Love: He’s such a player.

Rose: Apparently so!

---

Chad: Kensei saved Mashiro’s life in battle.

Chad: Mashiro swore she’d follow Kensei forever.

Chad: Hisagi tattooed Kensei’s chest tattoo on his face.

Chad: Mashiro demanded that Hisagi admit she was his superior while attacking him with deadly force.

Chad: Really, this relationship was inevitable.

Orihime: Um....once of those isn’t like the others?

Chad: The tattoo one?

---

Matsumoto: You know, if a captain’s gonna date two of his lieutenants, one of us lieutenants should really date two of their captains, just to be fair!

Matsumoto: Renji, date both Kenpachi and Byakuya, go.

Renji: ...

Renji: ...

Renji: I think I would die.

Matsumoto: Come on, it’ll be fun!

---

(ghost) Yamamoto: I’m just happy that there is now another man in Hisagi’s life to protect him as I once did.

Hisagi: [screaming as Mashiro tries to murder him]

(ghost) Yamamoto: Though sometimes I question his methods.

[bleachlists]

If the Gotei-13 were on Ninja Warrior...

As requested by @rays-of-fire-and-ice​ :)

American Ninja Warrior (the version which I am familiar with) is a show on which contestants try to make their way through a physically challenging course as fast as possible. Most people fail. But the crowd and the announcers cheer them on, and it’s quite frankly a happy show. But what if the members of the Gotei-13 decided to try their hands at a Soul Society version of it? How would each of them do?

Normally Matt Iseman and Akbar Gbaja-Biamila are the hosts of this show, but since it’s the Gotei-13 version, we’re gonna let Ikkaku and Iba do the honors! 

1. Shinji

Iba: True to form, HIRAKO SHINJI, the backwards ninja, is trying to do the whole course backwards! He’s off on the flying steps and - 

Iba: -and into the water he goes!

Ikkaku: Wow! That was not a good plan!

Iba: Looks like he went butt-first into disaster!

Ikkaku: ...really?

Iba: This show is all about the puns.

2. Isane

Ikkaku: After breezing through the first five obstacles, Isane has made it to the warped wall!

Iba: This is a hard one for many contestants, especially since we outlawed flying.

Ikkaku: She’s running for it and - she made it! She made it!

Iba: Her height allowed her to easily grasp the top of the wall!

Ikkaku: Maybe, for the first time, she’ll be glad that she’s so tall.

Iba: This game is so good for people!

3. Kenpachi

Ikkaku: I’ve been waiting for this one, Iba.

Ikkaku: The paragon of strength and violence - Zaraki Kenpachi, Captain of Squad 11!

Ikkaku: He’s approaching the course and he - 

Ikkaku: ...

Ikkaku: He appears to be walking directly through the water.

Ikkaku: H-he just smashed the rolling thunder log to pieces!

Ikkaku: Did anybody tell him the rules??

Ikkaku: CAPTAIN NO

4. Komamura

Iba: And now it’s time for MY captain!

Iba: With his size and weight, it may be difficult for him to -

Ikkaku: Iba, look! He bounds across the floating steps with nimbleness and grace!

Iba: Yes! Perhaps he can do this!

Iba: ...

Iba: Or perhaps he will be too heavy and pull the rolling thunder log directly into the water.

Iba: Poor captain!

Iba: YOU DID AMAZING

5. Ichigo 

Ikkaku: Competing through special invitation, Ichigo has fallen on Bungee Road, leaving the crowd in shock! He’s now standing with Matsumoto - let’s see what he has to say!

Matsumoto: Ichigo! You didn’t quite complete the course - what happened?

Ichigo: It’s cool. I can never actually do anything until I fail a bunch of times first. Didn’t risk my life this time, unfortunately, which makes leveling up harder.

Ichigo: But I bet if I fail harder next time, I’ll gain the powers I need to complete the course!

Matsumoto: You, uh, know you only get one shot right?

Ichigo: ...

Ichigo: Oh.

6. Byakuya

Ikkaku: Such an impressive run from the Squad 6 captain!

Iba: He was definitely going for speed.

Iba: Running the entire course with no pause and no mistakes, he has nabbed the top spot with the course’s fastest time!

Ikkaku: He is definitely the one to beat now!

7. Yoruichi

Ikkaku: HOLY FUCK SHE JUST DEMOLISHED BYAKUYA’S TIME

Iba: I COULD BARELY SEE HER SHE WAS A BLUR - AND THIS WAS WITHOUT FLASH STEP

Ikkaku: Man, Yorucichi is incredible!

8. Ukitake

Iba: That HAS to be a new record, Ikkaku!

Ikkaku: I’m on the ear piece with the producers and yes! Yes it IS a record!

Ikkaku: Fainting before the first obstacle and rolling into the water is the fastest anyone has ever failed!

Iba: Let’s hear it for the Squad 13 captain!

9. Renji

Ikkaku: As sad as I am that Renji did not quite make it through the course, I have to say - kneeling on the ground in front of the Warped Wall and yelling at the heavens? Very dramatic.

Iba: Certainly a moment to replay after the break!

10. Hanataro

Iba: That was - wow! One of the few to actually complete the course this evening, even Hanataro looks shocked by his own success!

Iba: He’s standing by with Matsumoto!

Matsumoto: Hana, you did it! What got you through the course?

Hanataro: Well, uh, it was basically what I do every day.

Hanataro: Floating steps are like when you gave to jump through floating debris in the sewer. Bungee row is like when the old ladder collapses underneath you and you gave to hang on for dear life for hours. That sort of thing.

Matsumoto: So your terrible life allowed you to do well on Ninja Warrior?

Hanataro: I guess? [gives sad thumbs up sign]

Ikkaku: Well, Iba, looks like Squad 4 is useful after all!

11. Hitusgaya 

Iba: So close! But the diminutive Squad 10 captain can’t seem to quite make it over the Warped Wall!

Ikkaku: Being so short does make it incredibly difficult!

Iba: He’s made two attempts already. You can tell how tired he his from his heavy breathing and his....sword?

Iba: Wait a second, is he taller?

Ikkaku: BANKAI IS NOT ALLOWED

12. Rose

Ikkaku: Such style! Such grace!

Iba: Squad 3 Captain Rose Otoribashi definitely knows how to work the crowd!

Ikkaku: Striking poses after each obstacle - very classy!

Iba: Aaaaand he falls on the Salmon Ladder!

Iba: But, like, what a graceful fall!

Ikkaku: We will miss him!

13. Soi Fon

Iba: That was an incredible run, Ikkaku!

Ikkaku: Yes! Soi Fon’s incredible speed, strength, and agility allowed her to almost make that difficult course look easy! 

Iba: She’s with Matsumoto now!

Matsumoto: Soi Fon, what do you have to say about your fantastic run?

Soi Fon: Utter failure.

Soi Fon: I should have been able to beat Yoruichi-sama’s time.

Matsumoto: But you are the second fastest! That means you even beat Byakuya!

Soi Fon: So what? Anyone can do that.

Byakuya: EXCUSE ME

14. Yamamoto

Iba: The oldest competitor to ever compete on any version of this course ever, Head Captain Yamamoto is stepping up to the start of the course!

Ikkaku: And he’s - is he? - yes, he is taking off his shirt!

Iba: The crowd goes wild at the sight of the very unexpected rippling muscles!

Ikkaku: He’s breezing through the course! Look at him go!

Iba: Not as fast as some of our contestants, but he moves with such incredible purpose!

Ikkaku: He’s at the buzzer! He’s done it!

Iba: Ikkaku wait - he has a sign!

Iba: “That is how you do it, underlings.”

Ikkaku: That’s our head captain, for you!

15. Aizen

Iba: The crowd is still in shock!

Iba: For Aizen to not only fail, but also fail on the first obstacle? Unbelievable!

Ikkaku: And such a dramatic failure, too.

Ikkaku: He basically swan-dived into the water.

Ikkaku: Very dramatic and very -

Ikkaku: Wait a second! Aizen is at the buzzer! The failure was just an illusion!

Ikkaku: He completed the course after all!

Iba: ...

Iba: Why though

[bleachlists]

Conversations that would happen (if Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, and Hinamori took a road trip)

As requested by anon. :)

Previously, we envisioned what sorts of conversation would happen if Aizen and Urahara took a road trip together. Now we’re going to do the same thing only for Hitsugaya, Hinamori, and Matsumoto! They’re all in a car together for days. What sorts of things will they talk about?

1.

Hitsugaya: Wait, how come *I* have to sit in the back seat?

Matsumoto: Because Hinamori is driving and I called shotgun!

Hitsugaya: Shouldn’t I drive? I am the captain!

Matsumoto: You are, captain, but we also don’t want to be pulled over every five minutes because a kid is driving.

Hitsugaya: I’M NOT A KID!

Hinamori: But you do, uh, look like one, Toshiro-kun.

Hitsugaya: So I’ll go into bankai!

Both women: NO BANKAI

Hitsugaya: ....why did I agree to this?

2.

Matsumoto: Oooh, it’s a vista point! Let’s take a picture!

Hinamori: Okay!

Hitsugaya: Or we could keep moving forward?

Matsumoto: Let’s get one of the two of you! Hitsugaya, put your arm around Hinamori!

Hitsugaya: Uh...

Hinamori: It’s okay, Toshiro-kun, so long as you don’t stab me!

Hinamori: This time.

Hinamori: Ha...ha?

Hitsugaya: ...

Matusmoto: Such a cute picture!

Hitsugaya: WAIT YOU TOOK THAT?!

3. 

Hitsugaya: I really am so sorry.

Hinamori: It’s okay, Toshiro-kun!

Hitsugaya: It’s just, I thought they had made those noodles way too spicy for you.

Hinamori: Yeah but when you lunged across the table screaming that you were going to protect me, you knocked the whole hot sauce bottle onto my shirt!

Matsumoto: Plus got us kicked out.

Hitsugaya: I didn’t want you to burn your mouth!

4. 

Matsumoto: I got road snaaacks!

Matsumoto: It’s Orihime’s trail mix recipe!

Matsumoto: A little hard to eat because of the ice cream, but totally worth it.

Matsumoto: Want some?

Hinamori: Yes please!

Hitsugaya: I’ll pass.

Matsumoto: But captain it’s a road trip!

5. 

Hitsugaya: Matsumoto, can you hand me the squeegee? I’m going to clean the windshield.

Matsumoto: [smiles]

Hitsugaya: What?

Matsumoto: It’s cute when you rely on me!

Hitsugaya: ...just hand me the squeegee, Matsumoto.

6. 

Matsumoto: Oop, it looks like the captain fell asleep in the backseat.

Hinamori: Do you think he’s having fun?

Matsumoto: Definitely!

Hinamori: Do you think he really came along to “supervise” us?

Matsumoto: I think he’s just bad at asking to join in things.

7. 

Matsumoto: Man, there’s no room left in the trunk!

Matsumoto: Captain, can you hold this bag on your lap?

Hitsugaya: ANOTHER bag of souvenirs, Matsumoto?? You don’t need to buy so much!

Matsumoto: I want to remember the trip!

Hitsugaya: That’s what pictures are for!

Matsumoto: But you scowl in all of the pictures!

Hitsugaya: That’s because you always try to make me hug Hinamori!

Hinamori: Wow! Another great shot of you guys arguing!

Hitsugaya: ....or maybe we should just rely on our own memories.

8. 

Hitsugaya: Hinamori, pull over here.

Hinamori: A vista spot, really, Toshiro-kun?

Hitsugaya: It’s high. It has a nice view.

Hinamori: You like places with nice views, huh?

Hitsugaya: Yeah.

9.

Hinamori: Wow, the world-record holder for largest watermelon, right here in front of us.

Hitsugaya: ...

Hinamori: Makes you think about when we were kids, huh?

Matsumoto: You should pose like you’re both taking a bite out of it!

Hinamori: Great idea!

Hitsugaya: ...

Hitsugaya: We really drove five days for this?

Hinamori: I know! Such a great bargain!

10. 

Hitsugaya: Well, we’re finally home.

Hitsugaya: Time to get caught up on all of our -

Matsumoto: Scrapbooking?

Hitsugaya: Paperwork!

Hinamori: But Matsumoto and I want to put all of these pictures into a scrapbook!

Matsumoto: And then show everyone!

Hitsugaya: But -

Matsumoto: Come on, Hinamori! I’ll buy the drinks!

Hinamori: I’ll get the crimping scissors!

Hitsugaya: ...

Hitsugaya: I guess one more day off is fine.

[bleachlists]

How the captains would react (if their lieutenants quit)

As requested by anon. :)

Previously on Bleach Lists, we considered what would happen if the captains fired their lieutenants. But what if the lieutenants…quit? How would the captains react then?

1. Squad 13

Rukia: Captain, I can no longer be your lieutenant.

Ukitake: I understand.

Ukitake: You need to go to the world of the living, where you belong.

Ukitake: I was there, you know, when you trained Orihime Inoue.

Ukitake: I know she is your true love.

Ukitake: Go to her, Kuchiki, go to her!!

Rukia: …

Rukia: So, uh, I got offered a captainship…

Ukitake: …

Ukitake: Can we go back like ten seconds?

Rukia: How long have you been shipping us??

2. Squad 2

Omaeda: Uh, Captain, you know how my sister got hurt during the Quincy invasion?

Soi Fon: Yes. I recall.

Omaeda: It, uh, kinda makes you think, you know? About what’s important?

Soi Fon: I do not need to hear your personal journey, Omaeda.

Soi Fon: If you have decided to actually commit yourself to this squad, then do it. Otherwise, I don’t care.

Omaeda: What if it made me want to quit?

Soi Fon: Then I would kill you. Nobody quits Squad 2 alive.

Soi Fon: So do you have something to say?

Omaeda: No?

Soi Fon: ….

Soi Fon: So close.

3. Squad 3

Kira: Captain Otoribashi, I will be leaving your squad at the end of this week.

Rose: Izuru, why??

Kira: I am an undead zombie monstrosity with a permanent hole through my torso, and the underlings weep when they look at me.

Rose: Only for the first couple of days!

Rose: And I still say, if you let me decorate your horrible torso rods with brightly colored flags…

Kira: …

Rose: Right. Maybe you’ve earned a break.

4. Squad 12

Nemu: Captain, I would like to quit.

Kurotsuchi: Nobody cares what you want, you dolt. Now drink your poison.

Nemu: …

Nemu: Maybe this is why Nanao says we need a union.

5. Squad 5

Hinamori: Captain, I have decided to quit the Gotei-13.

Shinji: Very funny, you idiot.

Shinji: Make jokes like that, and you might end up in the Maggot’s Nest, which is occasionally canon!

Hinamori: I’m not joking, Captain.

Shinji: You’re not?

Shinji: Man, I have the worst luck with lieutenants.

Hinamori: DID YOU JUST COMPARE ME TO AIZEN?!

6. Squad 10

Matsumoto: Captain, I quit!

Hitsugaya: I do not accept.

Matsumoto: What? You can’t just not accept my resignation, Captain!

Hitsugaya: Yes, I can.

Hitsugaya: I don’t accept it.

Hitsugaya: You know, you could just ask for time off if there is a big sale in the human world or something!

Matsumoto: You’d give me time off for shopping??

Hitsugaya: NO

Matsumoto: See? Maybe this is why I want to quit!

Hitsugaya: JUST DO YOUR PAPERWORK

7. Squad 11

Yachiru: Ken-chan, I’m not gonna be a lieutenant anymore!

Kenpachi: Yeah?

Kenpachi: Okay.

Kenpachi: What are we going to do now, then?

Kenpachi: Look for stronger people to fight?

Yachiru: Sure!

Kenpachi: Sounds about right, for us.

8. Squad 4

Isane: Um, Captain Unohana?

Isane: I, uh, need to talk to you about something. I’ve….decided to quit the Gotei-13.

Unohana: Is that so, Isane?

Unohana: I understand.

Unohana: It is time for your murder phase. I had long seen it coming.

Isane: N-not everyone has a murder phase, Captain!

Unohana: Don’t be embarrassed, Isane. It is part of growing up.

Isane: C-Captain!

9. Squad 9 (Mashiro)

Mashiro: Kensei, I QUIT!

Kensei: You don’t even know what that means, idiot.

Mashiro: Yes I do!!!! It means I’m done following you!!!

Kensei: Whatever happened to “a lieutenant always followers her captain”??

Mashiro: That’s why I’m quitting!

Kensei: FINE

Mashiro: FINE

Kensei: THANK GOODNESS I WON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU

Mashiro: LIKE YOU CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT ME

Hisagi: It’s like watching your parents divorce.

10. Squad 9 (Hisagi)

Hisagi: …and that is why, Captain, I need to leave your command.

Kensei: Shuhei, don’t be an idiot.

Kensei: You have our squad number TATTOOED ON YOUR FACE

Kensei: What are you gonna do, porn??

Hisagi: Well…

Kensei: NO SHUHEI

11. Squad 1

Sasakibe: Head Captain, I am afraid I must tender my resignation.

Yamamoto: Are you…are you SERIOUS?!

Yamamoto: I tried to promote you like 1000 times!

Sasakibe: I-I couldn’t take a promotion, Head Captain! It would have felt disloyal!

Yamamoto: But quitting isn’t?!

Sasakibe: …

Sasakibe: I’m a complicated guy.

12. Squad 8

Nanao: Captain, this is my three week’s notice. 

Kyoraku: Notice until what?

Nanao: Until I will be quitting.

Kyoraku: Q-quitting, Nanao-chan??

Kyoraku: Please don’t quit, my lovely beautiful lieutenant flower!

Kyoraku: Is this because I drink too much? Because of all the naps? Because I accidentally used your report as a coaster?

Nanao: You did WHAT to my report?

Kyoraku: See? How will I survive without that cruel, harsh look, Nanao-chan?

Nanao: …it’s going to be a long three weeks.

13. Squad 6

Renji: Captain, I am quitting!

Byakuya: Renji, you should leave the jokes to me.

Renji: This is not a joke, Captain. I am quitting.

Byakuya: You cannot quit, Renji. This is the Gotei-13.

Renji: Y-your last lieutenant quit! 

Byakuya: He had a very good reason.

Renji: He opened a sunglasses shop!

Byakuya: Are you suggested that sunglasses are not a good reason? Are you, Renji?

Renji: …

Renji: This went very differently in my head.

14. Squad 9

Iba: Captain, I need to speak with you!

Iba: I want you to know, Captain, that being your lieutenant has been fantastic.

Iba: I grew as a soldier and as a person.

Iba: Your courage and honestly and loyalty always inspired me!

Iba: And I could not have served a better man!

Iba: But I can no longer be your lieutenant.

Puppy Komamura: Wuff?

Iba: …

Iba: I think you need a friend, instead.

[bleachlists]

Top 10 real-world jobs Aizen could hold

As requested by Jyaomi. :) 

Let’s say that Aizen escaped and decided to live in the real world, Urahara-style. What sorts of jobs might he hold?

#10: Shop owner

Aizen loves to copy Urahara. Let’s not forget that the only way Aizen got his hogyoku was to steal Urahara’s version and then combine it with his own (failed) version. So I imagine a shop somewhat similar to Urahara’s suddenly showing up just down the street, with a shinier paint job and a new name.

Urahara: Sure has been a lot of inventory going missing lately.

Urahara: ...

Urahara: AIZEN

#9: Magician

I mean, Aizen does have the power of perfect illusion. I don’t know how well this would pay, unless he found himself in Vegas or something, but it is certainly a job that Aizen could do very, very well.

Magician’s assistant: Uh, Sosuke? Do you have to do the “pretend to stab me while hugging me” trick in every show?

Aizen: Yes.

Aizen: Stabbing my assistant is a wonderful trick.

Aizen: The first I ever performed.

Magician’s assistant: ...

Magician’s assistant: You got a super weird look on your face there.

Aizen: I have always been a magician.

#8: Wild life rehabilitator

Do you remember when the Steves showed up to help carry Aizen into Hueco Mundo? Clearly, Aizen managed to tame those menos grande and make them work for him. Although, as longtime readers know, my personal headcanon is that Tosen was the great Steve-whisperer, let’s say for the sake of this list that Aizen has some talent with wild monsters. So perhaps a wild life rehabilitator would be a good job for him.

Aizen: These lions seems supremely uninterested in my plans for world domination.

Aizen: Disappointing.

#7: Referee

“Judge” would also work - Aizen likes to sit in judgment over the squabbles of those beneath him, like when he let Tosen cut off Grimmjow’s arm. But ref is much funnier than judge, and I like to imagine Aizen in that striped uniform wrangling players.

Player: Hey! That guy just kicked me! Did you see that?

Aizen: Yes.

Aizen: It was deserved.

Player: That isn’t how reffing works!!!

#6: CEO

Especially one of those CEOs who comes in to fix a company that’s in trouble - Aizen likes power, Aizen likes ruling over people, and Aizen would have zero qualms about firing as many people as necessary.

Aizen: No one stands at the top of this company.

Jan the hiring manager: Uh, we do have shareholders.

Aizen: Not you, not me, not the gods.

Jan: ..and a board of directors...

Aizen: But the unbearable vacancy on the top floor is over.

Jan: ...like, 30 other people work there...

Aizen: From now on, I will be sitting there.

Jan: Yeah, you seem like a CEO.

#5: YouTube personality

Aizen is very, very good at amassing followers of all sorts. He promised Starrk an end of his loneliness, promised Grimmjow strength, promised Nnoitra the chance to just kill a lot. And for the most part, these followers were pretty darn loyal. Aizen could market that cult personality as a YouTube star, seeming to be exactly what each follower needs.

Aizen: This video is for those whose love of vegetable-scented candles, baby cats, and royalty has thus far never been understood well enough.

cabbage-candle-kitten-queen: OMG!!!!!!

#4: Salesman

Speaking of amassing followers, Aizen is also just...really persuasive. I mean, Tosen was once a man who believed in justice and seemed to be a really good dude, and yet somehow Aizen won him over completely. Aizen won over Halibel, another decent individual, but also Zommari, who straight up hates shinigami. Add into that Aizen’s acting abilities and good looks, and I think we have the making of one very good salesman.

Aizen: This limited edition, one-of-a-kind, sparky gold nailpolish will truly make you the talk of any party.

Aizen: Admiration may be the emotion furthest from understanding, but admired you will be.

Woman: I can pick that up for 99 cents at a drugstore and yet...I really want to buy it from you.

Aizen: It’s my voice.

#3: Scientist

Aizen may have stolen some of - okay, a lot of - his inventions from Urahara, but then, Thomas Edison is famous. Aizen’s intelligence and scientific mind would definitely allow him to do this job.

Aizen: This invention will take root vegetables and turn them into demon root vegetables.

Scientist #2: ...why?

Aizen: I prefer to ask, “why not?”

Scientist  #2: HOLY FUCK THAT PARSNIP IS CHEWING ON MY LEG

Aizen: Boundaries are meant to be broken.

#2: Principal

Um, I’ve seen Assassination Classroom, where Aizen’s voice actor once again plays Aizen, only this time he’s the principal of an elite school who tries to make his students as strong as possible through ridiculously contrived and complicated plots. So I know Aizen would be good at this job.

Aizen: If there is a way to make teenagers stronger that does not involve giving them an enemy to fight, I have yet to encounter it.

Teacher: Gold stars and arts programs?

Aizen: What kind of teacher are you?

#1: Personal trainer 

But if there is one job made for Aizen, it is this one. Personal trainer! A job wherein someone will put his life in Aizen’s hands, so that Aizen can make them as strong as possible. And if there is one thing that Aizen loves, it is getting to plan out and control someone else’s life.

Aizen: Here is your exercise and dietary schedule for the week.

Aizen: Please make sure, this week, that you go to bed at the specified times and that you use the alarm ringtones I have chosen for you.

Aizen: You are already 37 steps behind in my thousand-step plan.

Client: You know, I thought there would be more “do some push-ups” in this relationship and less “don’t wear blue on Tuesday.”

Aizen: Do you want to get stronger or not?

[bleachlists]

Ask box closed

Thank you again to everyone who participated!

[bleachlists]

Ask blog open

Hi folks! I’m looking for list ideas for August. I’ll leave the ask box open for the day, and at the end of it I’ll choose around 10 lists from the ones I get!

Thank you in advance!

Edit: here is the link to the askblog!

[bleachlists]

If Grimmjow and Candice were locked in a room...

As requested by anon. :)

[Need more pairs of characters locked in a room and forced to chat? Click here for the series page!]

Grimmjow: So you’re on of those Quincy, huh?

Grimmjow: Lucky for you, I enjoy killing Quincy!

Candice: Unlucky for you, there’s no fighting in these lists.

Candice: Also, did you ever manage to kill anyone? Like, ever?

Grimmjow: YES

Candice: Suuuure you did.

Candice: Anyway, you espada are SO last arc.

Candice: What did you even do, other than get pathetically mopped up by the Quincy and/or join your own enemies, the shinigami?

Candice: Shameful and cowardly!

Grimmjow: Shameful?! Cowardly?! Strong words from someone like you!

Grimmjow: Did YOU ever defeat Kurosaki Ichigo? ‘Cause I did that - twice!

Candice: Well, I would have defeated him if Bazz-B hadn’t shot me in the back and stolen my fight.

Grimmjow: Yeah, right.

Grimmjow: But also, prey-stealing is the worst.

Grimmjow: I knew a guy who liked to steal my prey.

Grimmjow: Total asshole. Kind of emo.

Grimmjow: Turned to dust.

Candice: Lucky.

Grimmjow: Yeah, no more prey-stealing for him.

Candice: Bazz-B might have died fighting his boyfriend.

Candice: It was all very unclear.

Candice: But whatever! The point is that I never got to finish my fight, so you can’t say that I wouldn’t have won!

Grimmjow: Your fight got interrupted?

Candice: That’s what I just said!

Grimmjow: That’s the worst!

Grimmjow: I had that happen twice!

Grimmjow: Once by dust-boy, and once by this OTHER asshole who cut off my arm afterwards!

Candice: You lost an arm?

Grimmjow: It got better!

Candice: I lost an arm too!

Candice: But luckily I have a zombie friend.

Grimmjow: ?

Candice: She can use zombie powers to restore arms. It’s a whole thing.

Grimmjow: Right...

Candice: So, what? We both wanted to fight Kurosaki Ichigo? Both got interrupted? Both lost an arm?

Candice: Is this supposed to be some kind of bonding thing?

Candice: Did Kurosaki mess up your hair too?

Candice: ‘Cause I was very mad when that guy ruined my hair after I had spent so long on it!

Candice: You look like you spend a lot of time on your hair too.

Candice: What is that look, gel?

Grimmjow: My hair just looks like this!

Grimmjow: And I don’t give a shit about my appearance.

Candice: Says the dude with the oiled chest and mascara.

Grimmjow: I just look like this!

Grimmjow: So, what? That was your big motivation? Being mad ‘cause Kurosaki Ichigo messed up your hair?

Candice: That was a big part of it!

Candice: Also I wanted all of my wishes granted.

Candice: Also that guy is just so...........fightable.

Grimmjow: He really is.

Candice: You just see his face and you want to throw lightning at it.

Grimmjow: Or punches.

Candice: Punches work too, yeah.

Grimmjow: ...

Candice: ...

Grimmjow: You wanna get out of here and go find Kurosaki?

Candice: Sure! We can fight for who gets to kill him on the way!

Grimmjow: Hell yes!

...

...

...

Ichigo: Why do I suddenly feel cold?

[bleachlists]

Ask blog open

Hi folks! I’m looking for list ideas for August. I’ll leave the ask box open for the day, and at the end of it I’ll choose around 10 lists from the ones I get!

Thank you in advance!

Edit: here is the link to the askblog!