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[grotesken-cirkus-kamui-gackt]

[LIVE NOW] OH!! MY!! GACKT!! Blomaga Vol. 4 http://live.nicovideo.jp/watch/lv279909596 #GACKT #Blomaga

[yoshiyuuki]

GACKT Blog (13 July 2016): From Blomaga Editor's Notes (Blomaga Issue 134)

DEAR MY G-LOVERS

My voice can be heard on GACKT Blomaga so, those who want to read it all, check out the Blomaga

※This article is an excerpt from the “GACKT's Trashy Stories” corner in the Blomaga.

【Delivered thrice a month】 http://ch.nicovideo.jp/channel/gackt

With regards to the use of the images from the GACKT Official Blog, they cannot be used for commercial means, adult sites, or prompts linking to other sites, use in news sites, reproduction on personal blogs or SNS are authorised. In such cases please indicate【GACKTオフィシャルブログ GACKT.com より転載】(GACKT Official Blog GACKT.com All rights reserved). However, if our company deems your site to be inappropriate, posting will be immediately prohibited. (c)G-PRO inc. I was thinking as I put my hands together at the grave. It's been 17 years since I've gone solo, and likewise it's been 17 years since he passed. I've grown older by yet another year.

All in the blink of an eye.

Even for this long LAST VISUALIVE tour, the curtains have closed safely on the Japan performances following July 2, and 3's 2 days at the Saitama Super Arena.

To all the many LOVERS who celebrated this GACKT's birthday on both days, I want to send you my sincere feelings of gratitude. And, also to the LOVERS who sent their many wishes even if they couldn't come and attend, I want to send you these same feelings of gratitude.

Truly, thank you.

Before I realise it, it happens in a flash. He, who was a year older than me, is now much younger than I am.

『Time flies, it's already been 17 years... I'm turning 43 this year』

My words flowed out before him.

During my 20s, I used to think 【birthdays are pretty meaningless...】.

However, since I entered by 30s, the importance of the meaning of growing older has started to resonate more in me. Overseas, people tend to say things like ｢Age is just a number｣ but, I don't think so. These number of years represent an important number that speak of your own history up until this point.

For those who are earnestly running through life, I believe that they won't see it as just another number.

Before performing this time's last performance, the last of the hall tour was held for 2 days in my hometown Okinawa. We entered the local area few days before the Okinawa performances, and together with 30 people, including band members, dancers, and staff, we carried out grave cleaning for the whole family for 3 hours under the blazing hot sun.

Since it would be the first time I've returned in awhile, I decided to first do cleaning and reset my mind before going for the live.

Then, my band members and dancers said that they would help with that and also came to Okinawa a few days early.

Actually, 3 hours after we started cleaning, while getting drenched in sweat, I was laughing a little at how desperate we became.

Cleaning for dear life in this manner is not normal. However, me desperately besieging even the smallest bit of dirt is really hilarious.

Maybe because there was that, everyone could reorganise their feelings properly and bring out the best live in my hometown Okinawa. In that sense, performing a live in Okinawa holds a lot of meaning for myself.

Previously, when I came back to Okinawa for the VISUALIVE 7 years ago, my grandmother, whose body was weakening, made her way to my live with support.

And, after the live ended, she said

『Although Gaku's fans are watching, the inelegant side can't be shown!』

and walked out of the concert venue on her own. That's my indescribably proud grandmother. I loved that grandmother of mine.

And, I wanted to show my grandmother this time's live too. I wanted to send her lots of energy.

But, grandmother's body could not hold on until this tour. Last year, she passed at the age of 105 but,

『She'd definitely have watched from somewhere in the venue... She would be delighted, for sure』

At the casual words from my older sister, tears came out.

After we were done with cleaning the graves, I could feel a deeper meaning behind putting my hands together for my ancestors year after year.

It was a strange feeling.

At the end, with my hands together, I wanted to convey some thoughts to them but, oddly enough no words came to mind.

Instead, it was as if there was an empty gaping hole... It made me think 『So this is how it feels to be free of thoughts...』, as I continued to put my hands together without anything coming to mind.

I was unable to cast any words their way, feelig nothing but, the strange sensation of a blank mind with when praying.

After that, while watching everyone with their hands put together from behind

『Until when can I keep doing this...』

was the thought that crossed my mind.

After everyone had prayed, I was asked to say something but I was unable to put anything into words well and when I looked up to the sky, the word【Family】 suddenly descended on me.

【Family】

It is not simply because we have gone through a tough tour together that we can become family. We sweat with all our efforts, sometimes we bleed, dedicate ourselves to reach our aim, and run together as we look to the same goal.

Putting it in words, it sounds simple but to repeat and sustain that everyday, and build those feelings stronger is, in reality, difficult.

My right hand man, and the eldest of the masseuses said something to me in the past that I still strongly recall now.

Right after the 2011 earthquake disaster, when we've yet to fully grasp the state of the disaster area, when we've yet to fully understand the effects of radiation among other things, he was the one who volunteered to deliver supplies to the disaster area.

『Waka, for me. I feel that through this I can truly become a part of Waka's Family. Family (家族 - kazoku) is different from this Family (ファミリー - famiri). Kazoku is made of people with the same blood as you. Family (ファミリー) is made of the people you love who you'd be willing to bleed for. Well, I'm leaving... I'll deliver Waka's feelings to them』

It was something that happened right after the terrible earthquake, in the midst of moving without rest or sleep.

The friends who have always stuck close even in tough spots and no matter the situation have now become family (ファミリー).

And now, the tour has ended without incident.

Maybe it can't be said that it was without incident but we managed to get here by the skin of our teeth. My body too somehow managed to wait for this. At the end I was doing it with only my willpower.

Maybe its because I went past the peak of my exhaustion, or maybe there were other causes at play too, on both my skin and in my internal organs, the damage was steadily showing itself. However, I don't have time to spend whining about it. In any case, there were just a few more... so I summoned up my willpower to face them. And when it came to an end, I collapsed from exhaustion.

There is something that I have decided on a long time ago. 【If I can't do it anymore halfway through, I'll retire immediately】

Going up on stage is, to me, having the resolution to do just that. That's why, in my training and my self-management too, if I don't face everything seriously this body will quickly become useless.

In the first place, my body isn't strong. When I was a child, I was often in the hospital.

In the past, I used to think「Why is it only me who has such a weak body?」 and I used to hate my parents for that.

Instead, now, there are even times when I am thankful for the weakness of this body. It is because it was weak, that I have been able to understand many things.

It is because of this body that I can properly do what I have to do everyday. If I led a sloppy lifestyle, it'll soon become useless.

I am aware of the weakness of my own mind.

Until I was 19 years old, I blamed my lack of initiative, my various failures, my lack of effort in the things I do, and just about everything else, on the weakness of my own body as an excuse.

Right now, its different. It is because of my body being weak, that I can understand the feelings of a weak person's. It is because I am weak, that I am keenly and acutely aware of the things that I have to put effort into doing, that I am able to continue doing them. My eating habits have to be strictly controlled as well otherwise I'll become no good. If I go with the lifestyle habit of only eating whatever I like, in the blink of an eye everything will go up in smoke.

It is likely, that the people with strong bodies have never had to confront their own bodies up till now in their lives.

For a period of time, even if they stopped doing something they probably never had to restrict their diets for over 20 years, can eat the foods they like whenever they want, if they grew fatter they can just lose a little weight... I guess its something like that.

For myself too, if my body could be strong I would definitely do that because I think that it's only natural for it to be that way.

In the past, a close friend of mine said something nonchalant that I still remember today.

My close friend who saw that instead of breakfast, I was taking a large amount of vitamins and mineral supplements, and drinking juice made from a slow juicer began laughing and said this to me.

「Ahahaha, are you eating rabbit food?」

He probably didn't mean to cause hurt with what he said though.

But, even I thought that this appearance of mine really was like a rabbit... and it made me feel miserable.

Even now, friends who visit before training will definitely say this when they see that breakfast of mine.

「Is that all?」

Yeah, that's all. Just like this, without my body taking in too many meals, I've been in a constantly depleted state of insufficiency for 23 years.

Even now there are many things that I restrict myself from. I don't think that this is strange. Recently, my eating habits have taken on a little more enjoyable style, its called the【Silicon Valley Diet】, and is said to be the the latest dietary style.

From my point of view, I think its just right for a person to always be in a state of lacking something.

This doesn't only refer to food, but also the continued motivation for your own desire. If it was satisfied or fulfilled, you'd quickly not want to aim to go higher. You'll become lazy.

That's why, this is just right. I'm fine with this body. I'm fine with my way of life.

From around the time I passed the age of 30, I started to be able to think in this way, and now celebrating my 43rd year, I can praise myself more this year than last.

Little by little I no longer hate but instead I face it and have lived. And, many of my friends and family are celebrating with this me.

To me, there is nothing that can be happier than this.

The day after celebrating my birthday, I put my hands together at his grave and the words flowed out again.

「It's already been 17 years...」

“Success is not a destination,  but the road that you're on.  Being successful means that you're working hard  and walking your walk every day.  You can only live your dream by working hard towards it.  That's living your dream.”

I'll work a little harder. Because there are still things that I have to do.

GACKT

[yoshiyuuki]

GACKT Blog (22 June 2016): From Blomaga Editor's Notes (Blomaga Issue 133)

DEAR MY G-LOVERS

My voice can be heard on GACKT Blomaga so, those who want to read it all, check out the Blomaga

※This article is an excerpt from the “GACKT's Trashy Stories” corner in the Blomaga.

【Delivered thrice a month】 http://ch.nicovideo.jp/channel/gackt

With regards to the use of the images from the GACKT Official Blog, they cannot be used for commercial means, adult sites, or prompts linking to other sites, use in news sites, reproduction on personal blogs or SNS are authorised.

In such cases please indicate【GACKTオフィシャルブログ GACKT.com より転載】(GACKT Official Blog GACKT.com All rights reserved). However, if our company deems your site to be inappropriate, posting will be immediately prohibited. (c)G-PRO inc.

We arrived at the tour's final location, my hometown Okinawa.

In just another 2 weeks, I'll grow older by another year.

It's fast...

In the blink of an eye time passes just like that.

During the period from my birthday last year until today, looking back, I've been constantly caught up in work related to this Last Visualive.

We're also close to welcoming the end of the Japan tour for this Last Visualive.

Yesterday's Kagoshima performance, was made possible through the cooperation with lots of strong friends, who made it possible to quickly make preparations to transfer the cancelled Kumamoto performance over.

Truly, many friends are always helping me out in this manner. It's something I'm grateful for. A person can't survive by constantly leaning on others. However, you can't survive alone either.

I've realised that with my feet firmly on the ground, if I encounter difficultties and just grit my teeth and continue running forward, when I glance to the side, there will be guys who are beside me gritting their teeth and running with me.

At that point, we will feel sympathy for some reason, and we will acknowledge each other. Then, after that, when you lend each other strength, oftentimes they will become precious friends to you.

When you further grit your teeth and keep running, just a little ahead of you, a mentor (senpai) of life will appear, smiling and waving to you.

They aren't there to drag someone further forward, they're just there to tell their juniors (kouhai) who reached that point 『good work』 with a smile.

Each of their words are exceptionally warm, and then, they let you realise that the place you just arrived at isn't the goal and that it's only the start line.

However, from there, most life mentors will teach you how to run, occasionally they will even kick your ass or give you pep talks.

Their words are very strict and pertinent so sometimes, you'll even feel biting pain from it.

However, if you can firmly recognise that their words aren't said to just anyone, you'll be able to sincerely listen to them no matter what they say and realise that the doors of your heart naturally open up.

『Was I really a person who was so willing to listen to others...?』

It's also natural that you'll surprise yourself.

Life, is really a  series of surprises. And by the time you realise it you've already reached this age.

There are times when I feel like the 26 year-old me is just from a few days ago.

Life passes in the blink of an eye. That's why, don't live your life in a way that will cause you regret.

People often say to me 【you're living life too fast】.

For myself, I've never thought that to be true even once. I'm not living too fast. Rather, isn't it the ones who came up with this phrase, who appear to think that time continues eternally for them...

If, you came to know that you'll die one year later how will you spend your remaining time? That's how I live.

Before I reached 30, I thought that I'll meet the end of my life at 30. The words that were said when I was a sickly child have always stuck with me. If I got into detail about that it'll become a long story so I'll leave that for another time but, until the time I reached 30, I was really afraid of dying. I wanted to clarify the vague image of death so I thought about it a lot, and much of my work was written with death as the theme.

And then, when I celebrated my 30th birthday I encountered new feelings.

The fear surrounding that day completely disappeared.

『I managed to live until now...』

The feelings of anxiety that had been stuck in my chest for so long had disappeared. And from there, with the thought that it's alright whenever the end comes I decided in my heart 『In any case, everything I want to do, I'll do as many as I can』.

On that day, the rest of my life began. Counting up, I'll be celebrating the 13th year of the rest of my life next.

To other people, it may seem like I live life recklessly. But I'm enjoying my own way of life.

Suffer a lot enjoy a lot, and no matter what kind of hardship crops up, keep running forward with the confidence that when we look back at it it'll become another story to laugh about.

Every part of the body, has become bruised and battered. I definitely can't become optimistic about the pain in my back.

But, this pain is also my fortune.

The late Ogata Ken-san said this even as he suffered from cancer.

｢The pain in your body should not be made your enemy, but should be accepted as part of yourself, as something you walk on together with. That is life｣

Now I've come to understand a little more the words that Father said.

Having come back for the first time in awhile, Okinawa's sea breeze feels great.

"Don't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. Death is always at our side. When we show fear. it jumps at us faster than light, but if we do not show fear, it casts its eye upon us gently and then guides us into infinity..."

Well then, I'll be off grave visiting.

GACKT

[yoshiyuuki]

GACKT Blog (10 June 2016): From Blomaga Editor's Notes (Blomaga Issue 132)

DEAR MY G-LOVERS

My voice can be heard on GACKT Blomaga so, those who want to read it all, check out the Blomaga

※This article is an excerpt from the “GACKT's Trashy Stories” corner in the Blomaga.

【Delivered thrice a month】 http://ch.nicovideo.jp/channel/gackt

With regards to the use of the images from the GACKT Official Blog, they cannot be used for commercial means, adult sites, or prompts linking to other sites, use in news sites, reproduction on personal blogs or SNS are authorised.

In such cases please indicate【GACKTオフィシャルブログ GACKT.com より転載】(GACKT Official Blog GACKT.com All rights reserved). However, if our company deems your site to be inappropriate, posting will be immediately prohibited. (c)G-PRO inc.

The LAST VISUALIVE JAPAN TOUR is left with 10 shows until it ends, and the only place left in the Kanto region, is Saitama Super Arena. From tomorrow, we'll be going through the Hiroshima live and head straight towards Okinawa.

On such a night, I can strongly feel the fact that the speed at which this body is recovering at is on the contrary, steadily failing to keep up with the growing excitement.

Although my body is exhausted, I couldn't sleep at all. Maybe because my immunity has dropped a rash broke out, and the aches in my body wouldn't heal, in any case it was a long night.

『After this tour ends, what are you planning to do?』

Recently, I've been asked this question a lot but, honestly, I've not thought of anything as of now.

Right now what I have to do is to finish this without problems so what comes after that, I've always decided to only think about it after finishing this.

Honestly, I've felt that it's physically demanding during the tour more than once or twice. I've felt like I want to end the tour early but, when witnessing the actual end of it in reality, an indescribable feeling of loneliness wells up.

As we made our way to this point in time, from the harsh trainings in the mornings to the review meetings late at night, I believe that the members, and dancers, who grit their teeth through it all everyday, feel the same way too.

Only 9 performances left.

Everyone's bodies too, from an early stage is in a pretty good finished state, and further more, during the tour period, they continued giving their all without compromising, and now, everyone's bodies have really become wonderful.

Because I think that not one person was lacking, thanks to everyone supporting each other while withstanding reprimands until this point, and everyone also wanted to show you an elevated world.

In order to deliver the best work, we steadily increase the quality of our work through the best bodies and spirits. Saying it sounds really easy but, in reality you need an inordinate amount of time and perseverance.

If you think of cutting corners, there are lots that can be cut. If we were just aiming for an enjoyable live we probably don't need to push ourselves to this extent.

It was like everyone was possessed, to not want to lose to any other artiste, to feel that they ought to deliver the best performance of a world that they can feel proud of from the bottom of their hearts, and they've been doing this without holding back on the amount of effort that they put in, an amount that only makes sense to themselves.

That's why I can say this. That we're 【the best and strongest family】.

There are a lot of staff members, who have followed us together through the tough schedule. The journey of the tour is definitely not an easy one.

Each person has their own responsibilities and they fulfil their responsibilities that they have to.

This probably sounds like common sense but, the saying that people who lose interest will appear in a long journey is not a strange one. Much less, you can say that it is only normal that those who run out of steam, or lose the feeling of tension are bound to appear with such a large number of people involved.

In the past, when I shared this same thought, I had been betrayed before those by those who agreed with me.

In the end, the reason why they somehow lose their tension, could have been because of me GACKT.

Another one thing I learned in these 17 years is that being only kind and gentle is of no use either.

At any time, always, having the pride of being associated with GACKT and the responsibility, and being conscious of it, is the pride of being a family. Those who can proudly speak of that tension, are now my close friends.

The other day, in the live venue, I conducted a surprise drug test for us all together.

I thought that when they hear this phrase, I might feel something like a heavy and severe atmosphere drifting in the venue but, instead it was the opposite.

Everyone said the same thing. 『If anyone does something that stupid, they aren't family』

Instead, it was a funny scene where the atmosphere was one with laughter.

Friends or companions, its not that I do not believe in my own members or my team but instead it is because I trust them that I always do these things unannounced.

We won't betray you.

Dealing with drugs, is nothing but betrayal to us.

My heart aches and I feel a righteous indignation when artistes or entertainers somehow get implicated with drugs, and at the waves in media.

However, I am really infuriated with artistes or athletes who were actually caught with drugs.

『As someone who stands in front of others, what on earth are you doing!!』

It has nothing to do at all with whatever personal accomplishments they have had in the past, or how wonderful a person they are.

This is nothing but an act of betrayal to the fans who support you.

In the first place, there has to be a strong relationship of trust built between the fans and the artiste.

It is the same as us desperately training our physical bodies and our spirits day after day since even before the live started. It's all because we don't want to betray your expectations.

No, instead, it's about you. How far we can exceed the expectations of us is, based on the circumstances of GACKT and the people who are involved with GACKT.

That is the unspoken rule of GACKTJOB and the GACKT family, and on it, our unity as a family grows even stronger.

Well then, I'll run swiftly to wherever I can get to with the remaining lives. Even if, this body can't move anymore.

“Respect is earned. Honesty is appreciated. Trust is gained. Loyalty is returned. I am GACKT.”

Wait for me. Because I'll deliver to you the best smile with the best work.

GACKT

[yoshiyuuki]

GACKT Blog (31 May 2016): From Blomaga Editor's Notes (Blomaga Issue 131)

DEAR MY G-LOVERS

My voice can be heard on GACKT Blomaga so, those who want to read it all, check out the Blomaga

※This article is an excerpt from the “GACKT's Trashy Stories” corner in the Blomaga.

【Delivered thrice a month】 http://ch.nicovideo.jp/channel/gackt

With regards to the use of the images from the GACKT Official Blog, they cannot be used for commercial means, adult sites, or prompts linking to other sites, use in news sites, reproduction on personal blogs or SNS are authorised.

In such cases please indicate【GACKTオフィシャルブログ GACKT.com より転載】(GACKT Official Blog GACKT.com All rights reserved). However, if our company deems your site to be inappropriate, posting will be immediately prohibited. (c)G-PRO inc.

Well then, consecutive days of lives continues to surge at us but, we somehow managed to survive.

The sight of you shouting out, pushes me forward. Right now I've completely lost my voice but, I think it'll return within these few days before the next live.

Just the other day, during my 3 days of free time I engaged in a bit of light work in Taiwan but, my spirit was refreshed.

I finished my work in the afternoon, and at night I met my friends and had a meal.

That was all I did but I managed to reset my mind that has been in a mess.

Just by strolling in the city on my own, just by taking in the interesting sights, the me who stood there for an hour watching my surroundings probably changed...

I guess they've always wanted to capture this building in a picture. I kept watching a couple who spent close to 40 minutes taking photos.

Maybe some kind of desire grew in me as well. I don't really know.

In this way, I made time to renew myself.

In the time spent with friends, hints were born from our conversation and became yet another spark for creating a new business.

Thinking about it over and over again, doing work that is outside of the music, too, started soon after I went solo.

Initially I failed, and oftentimes I couldn't I couldn't put things together well too.

Now, I'm able to build things up accordingly in a range of various businesses.

One reason for this and what kick started this, more than anything, is because I poignantly felt the decline of the music industry around the year 2000.

The recording companies which were drowning in the CD bubble, and the producers, only looks deeply into the productivity levels of music output, and instead of creating musicians who can compete and win at concerts, they created musicians made of hype and commercials.

Feeling extremely foreign to that in that time was what pushed me to move into other businesses.

『This movement is insane... It'll definitely collapse...』

That was what I felt.

At the same time, the feeling that 【CDs will disappear】 I felt right in the middle of the CD bubble, also came true.

In other words, it was my prediction that musicians will be significantly unable to make a living just by selling CDs.

At that time, many musicians were simply going all out to sell as many CDs as possible.

For myself, before I became part of a recording company, I indeed did make CDs but I already had no interest at all in the act of 【selling CDs】.

Because it doesn't tie in at all with the future of creativity.

Instead my music, has a more core direction, can be said to be eccentric, is music that I take seriously, and something that isn't made for the aim of karaoke at all.

Of course, that is also reflected in the CD sales. But, I don't think that that is a mistake on my part.

Because instead of making songs that aim to sell well, I believe that there is significant meaning in writing songs that only I can create instead.

【I can just earn money from other businesses】

That was the answer that I gave. It can be said that reaching that conclusion, is in the making of the present me. Because there was that point in time, because that decision was made, that I can make the music that I want to leave behind and fully create the stage that others will call crazy in this way.

I also have to thank a fair number of friends who feel the same as me.

Many office musicians, as expected, are chasing after sales. If you're saying that it's normal, it is but... With that method of doing things, that way of thought, I might have disappeared long ago.

Even now, like this, the creation of the LAST VISUALIVE is the result of spending that unbelievable amount of time, pushing through with our convictions, the friends who believed in this, and all of you being here for me and believing that GACKT is fine as he is.

I'm often called 【eccentric】 but, that recognition to me is not really there. Rather, when people around me look at me there are actually more who think ｢How odd...｣.

Well, to me myself, if I can live without feeling uncomfortable anything that people around me say about me is a good thing though.

The world is an interesting place, but in any case, there is a tendency for people to attack minorities who are different than themselves.

If there are people who are concerned about that, then there's nothing to be worried about. There's no need to be the same as those around you. What's important is to make sure and believe that your way of living is not wrong, and be confident about it.

If around you, there is someone who says things like ｢I want to live like the people around you!｣ to you maybe you're not smiling enough yourself.

“Each one of us has a fire in our heart for something.  It is our goal in life to find it and to keep it lit”

Live with a smile. With a wonderful smile. If you do that, people like those will disappear too.

Well then, I guess I have to go for a shoot.

GACKT

[yoshiyuuki]

GACKT Blog (27 Mar 2016): From Blomaga Editor's Notes (Blomaga Issue 126)

DEAR MY G-LOVERS

My voice can be heard on GACKT Blomaga so, those who want to read it all, check out the Blomaga

※This article is an excerpt from the “GACKT's Trashy Stories” corner in the Blomaga.

【Delivered thrice a month】 http://ch.nicovideo.jp/channel/gackt

With regards to the use of the images from the GACKT Official Blog, they cannot be used for commercial means, adult sites, or prompts linking to other sites, use in news sites, reproduction on personal blogs or SNS are authorised.

In such cases please indicate【GACKTオフィシャルブログ GACKT.com より転載】(GACKT Official Blog GACKT.com All rights reserved). However, if our company deems your site to be inappropriate, posting will be immediately prohibited. (c)G-PRO inc.

Saturday, March 19. At last, the curtains have risen for the LAST VISUALIVE.

Although having said that, we had to push hard through all the processes. Even now, we're still continuing work on that.

Let's look back at these 10 days since then. Honestly, just recalling it brings shivers down my spine. After all, the first time we've gone through from start all the way to the end was during the fan-club-only live on the 19th, because it became an unprecedented live on that day.

That day, we started the performance over an hour late.

I want to sincerely apologise for the delay of the performance due to the misalignment of the film data. And, I wish to once again convey my sincere thanks to all the LOVERS.

On that day, many of you LOVERS sent me messages right before the live.

The following day, while re-reading it I found that similar words were being written in the emails.

『Please don't worry about the time and continue working, because we'll be waiting』

My heart was warmed as I realised that so many LOVERS waited on like this while understanding that I'm rushing through my live's dress rehearsal.

In reality, from about a week before the actual thing, we've been pulling all-nighters to work on each section.

In G Studio, I've been been practising the Shamisen between work while busily arranging the tracks.

『We're not going to make it in time any more...』

Whenever I hear those same words from different guys, I wonder time and again, "Can I really get this live done..." and worry about it numerous times.

Until the morning of the live, I worked through the night in G Studio. At the stage when it was around 9 in the morning, stage director Ikeda contacted me.

Because it was already nearing that time, I started to break...

『Gakuto... At least come to the venue at the time of the purification ceremony. Although I fully understand that you're rushing your work...』

Before a tour, I'll always do a purification ceremony. Since this is something that I definitely do for every tour, there's no meaning unless everyone is there for it. Just that, all the work is piling up like a mountain to the point where I can't go as much as I want to.

『Gakuto-san please come down to the venue first! I'll also be rushing work after that!!』

Film director Shimoyama Ten was also impatiently asking me to head to the venue.

In reality, by the time I arrived at the venue it was around 1300 hours, close to 2 hours behind schedule.

Immediately, the rites for the purification ceremony began.

While harbouring various thoughts inside all the staff, dancers, and members bowed numerous times. The tension can be felt from everyone. At the end, the staff brought a mike to me.

『Waka, please share a few words』

Although I held onto the mike, honestly, there were so many things that I wanted to say that I couldn't put them into words.

『In any case, I fully understand that you can't make it in time for each of your sections. Despite that, we have no choice but to do as much as we can. After that, just get it done for me without any accidents. Everyone... the tour starts from today. In any case, until the very end, stay sharp and let's create a work that will go down in history...』

Then, we soon entered rehearsals. Ikeda-shi divulged a few words.

『Gakuto... Are you really going to do the actual thing without a dress rehearsal?』

I couldn't find any words to reply him too.

『Instead of focusing me, Let's first do everything that we have to check. I'll work something out...』

Then. we started checking the videos.

I sighed at the projected video. Not all of our material has been aligned to the venue's equipment. The operator also looked like there were tons of things that was unfamiliar to work with.

Next to me, TAKUMI was desperately burying the gap in work. This time, with TAKUMI here, he has helped make a lot of progress in the work that I used to do on my own. With that as well, even though I've been working in the studio anyone can see and understand that progress is being made without pause at the venue.

After we finished checking the videos, we checked each one of the songs. The main purpose of it was to check the production.

Then, I went to and from the stage.

Over and over again, I kept making checks from the seats. The lighting has not caught up at all. The checks for the performance was too detailed, that various sections were not functioning well. But even so, everyone is desperately processing the data and continuing on.

The dancers too, while checking the actual scaffolding, they failed a number of times, but as we were running out of time rehearsals continued.

To bring a world to life from my thoughts is something that is infinitely difficult. Everyone is desperately trying to understand the world I've created in my head and working hard.

Then, the costumes were put on and we started haphazardly. Even so, we wouldn't make it in time to get through every song.

Then, the kittens who have been watching on anxiously got onto stage and we started their rehearsal.

Although we've all kind of done it, they haven't been on stage before. We repeated their rehearsal again and again.

Confirming that we're in a situation where we don't have much time, as expected, without doing everything once through we decided to do the actual performance as a dress rehearsal.

Then the curtains were drawn. The hall was filled up in a flash with crowds of LOVERS who have been waiting for the curtains to rise.

Then, the LAST VISUALIVE began.

3 hours passed in the blink of an eye. I believe that the ones who understand my thoughts and feelings about this live most are you LOVERS who came to watch it.

It is a maniacal world that can only be created by me. A world that can only be found here.

From here on, with even more precision, I will deliver it to you all. A rush of emotion that only I can produce. Look forward to it.

This is the culmination of the past 7 years. Wait for it with a trembling heart.

I will show you a GACKT live that overturns all the stereotyped ideas of the world.

“ If you want know how special you are to me,   and I will tell how special I am to you.   remember that I am not your number one.   I am your only one and I will never ever let you down.“

GACKT

[yoshiyuuki]

GACKT Blog (16 Mar 2016): From Blomaga Editor's Notes (Blomaga Issue 125)

DEAR MY G-LOVERS

My voice can be heard on GACKT Blomaga so, those who want to read it all, check out the Blomaga

※This article is an excerpt from the “GACKT's Trashy Stories” corner in the Blomaga.

【Delivered thrice a month】 http://ch.nicovideo.jp/channel/gackt

With regards to the use of the images from the GACKT Official Blog, they cannot be used for commercial means, adult sites, or prompts linking to other sites, use in news sites, reproduction on personal blogs or SNS are authorised.

In such cases please indicate【GACKTオフィシャルブログ GACKT.com より転載】(GACKT Official Blog GACKT.com All rights reserved). However, if our company deems your site to be inappropriate, posting will be immediately prohibited. (c)G-PRO inc.

Since I've come back to Japan, I've been spending everyday in a hectic frenzy. It's also been quite awhile since I've felt my body this tired.

In any case, my body is heavy. This morning, again, I could wake up fine but, the inside of my body was cracking so much I couldn't get up.

Of course. Because finally, the LAST VISALIVE is starting.

For VISUALIVEs, this is really the first in 7 years. The current situation is that there are so many things to do that I might not make it in time.

But the only thing which has a progresison with such close shaves, is a VISUALIVE.

Even so, my body hurts. However, the screams of this body will become the loud cheers of those of you who come and watch (the VISUALIVE). That is what I hope for. These few years have been just for that.

The other day, after rehearsals ended, we went out for a meal together and remembered an indescribable strange sense of discomfort from something that one of the others said.

『I saw it on TV. You've been going to graduation ceremonies to perform and you've been paying for all of it for 10 years. Well~ that sure is amazing!! 』

Those words hit my heart...

Those like us who go up on stage, will have a certain amount of influence to many people. However, what's a pity is that this influential power doesn't last until the day you die.

Depending on the person, there are some who disappear just after a year and there are also lucky artistes who continue on for 30 years.

This is just me having to always be prepared for the time when my 【expiry date】 suddenly appears, during the time when my own expiry date has yet to show anywhere yet.

And, until that 【expiry date】 arrives, the things that I can do, is actually not that much.

The thing that triggered the start of me going to students' graduation ceremonies and singing a song for them, is a letter, that was sent to me back then when I was doing a radio program.

The contents of the letter that was sent to me by a Kobe high school student, goes something like this.

『In these few years, our school department has been met with the problem of not meeting the minimum quota of students. If this goes on, our faculty will disappear. Please root for us...』

The faculty that they're in is called the 【Environmental Disaster Prevention Department】, it was established following the Great Hanshin Earthquake, and it was quite a new faculty at the time but, as expected, like the fear of earthquakes and fading of those scars, the popularity of that Environmental Disaster Prevention Department also quickly disappeared.

Of course, I don't mind cheering them on but instead I answered like this.

『I've no problems with rooting for you but, does that really hold any meaning to you guys? Even if I do that, for awhile that faculty will regain some popularity but the problem of lacking students to meet the quota will arise again. What's important is, whether you yourselves can convey your enthusiasm, and appeal to  the junior high school students who are lost on what to study and to their parents on why the Environmental Disaster Prevention Department is needed in this day and age right? In any case, make a move. If, through your efforts, the intake of next year's freshmen reach overcapacity, I will go to your graduation ceremony.』

With this exchange on radio, I made the promise between the high school students and myself.

From then, with them being the centre of it, they made efforts over and over again to promote the Environmental Disaster Prevention Department. And impressively, they stopped the problem of not meeting the minimum quota which had dragged on for years, and with their own hands, they successfully made the number of applicants far exceed their capacity.

To this, I was surprised as well, it is something that became a reality purely as a result of their actions.

I, to fulfil the promise I made to him, wrote the song 『No ni Saku Hana no You ni』, secretly kept in contact with his school with the aim of making it a surprise, and achieved the fulfilment of the promise of me attending his graduation ceremony.

At that time, I, too, learnt many things.

Honestly, even among all of you I believe that there are probably very few of you who can remember clearly the good memories of your graduation ceremony in school. However, the【special moment】within your graduation ceremony will always exist.

If during this【special moment】, I can motivate them with a great rush of emotion, among all of them someone will probably, after 10 or 20 years, become another person who will motivate the new generation of youths...

I felt that strongly.

I always have in mind the intention of motivating everyone from the stage.

However, this act of【motivating】, without the right conditions and timing between the motivator and the motivated, accompanied together with the【great rush of emotion】, it will rarely be successful.

At a graduation ceremony, those conditions are especially well aligned, and I strongly felt that it creates an environment that makes it easy to motivate.

If that's the case, doesn't that mean that other people in my position should be stepping into this more...? To that question, that's where I start with my【ego】.

I dare say, that by using the word ego, it means 【I do it because I want to】.

I don't do it because I want to be praised by someone, or because I want to be recognised.

On the inside, there are those who would even call it a publicity stunt. At this point, I have no need for self-advertisement.

It is merely, my ego. Living as an artiste, I have my pride too.

If the day when I burn out is approaching, even if just for one more, it is something I want to do as an artiste.

That is my ego.

That discomfort that I felt earlier on is because I think that there's no need for words of praise for this ego of mine.

It probably makes people think that I'm twisted. I understand that too.

If I'm not twisted, I can't be an artiste. Because I feel discomfort from a variety of things, I can write works, create works. And then express them.

Us artistes, have a lot of discomfort and dissatisfactions about society, people, and sometimes the country, so to say with these dangerous elements, there are probably many people who possess distorted minds.

This time's Last Visualive is the same as that. It is the product of the cries of my heart.

Its constantly screaming out about society, about people, about the world, about the existence of humans.

My stage can be said to be maniacal.

Of course, I won't deny it.

Because the world of GACKT is, an extraordinarily maniacal world.

In the first place the maniacal world that I've created is not common, I might even have to do it in a small theatre.

My chance, when I started appearing on TV the name of GACKT spread across the country. And, in other words, became【public】.

If it is difficult for society to understand whether its good or bad to become public, you soon become a target to be hit.

In the first place, I really think that it is unnecessary for my existence to go public.

Speaking of it, there are probably too many people who don't understand, and is the world that I've created suitable for the public audience?, honestly, even I myself thought that it's too maniacal...

Being able to continue doing this for these past 20 years, I've always thought that it's almost like a miracle. That too, is the result of all of your support. I'm truly thankful...

Right now, I embrace the hope in all of you. If I can convey the cries of my heart to even just one of you who come and watch us, this soul may be able to be purified...

Well then, from here its rehearsals again. I'll do what I have to do. In any case, I do whatever I can, with all my life.

【Dream as if you’ll live forever,  live as if you’ll die today.】

To fulfil your dreams, pierce through with strong determination.

This moment here and now, is my life.

GACKT

[yoshiyuuki]

GACKT Blog (3 Mar 2016): From Blomaga Editor's Notes (Blomaga Issue 124)

DEAR MY G-LOVERS

My voice can be heard on GACKT Blomaga so, those who want to read it all, check out the Blomaga

※This article is an excerpt from the “GACKT's Trashy Stories” corner in the Blomaga.

【Delivered thrice a month】 http://ch.nicovideo.jp/channel/gackt

With regards to the use of the images from the GACKT Official Blog, they cannot be used for commercial means, adult sites, or prompts linking to other sites, use in news sites, reproduction on personal blogs or SNS are authorised.

In such cases please indicate【GACKTオフィシャルブログ GACKT.com より転載】(GACKT Official Blog GACKT.com All rights reserved). However, if our company deems your site to be inappropriate, posting will be immediately prohibited. (c)G-PRO inc.

Before leaving Japan, I wrote in the previous Blomaga that I went to watch 【Honganji】 which is a stage play put up by my family.

Before the stage play started I went to meet many of the actors and felt their great enthusiasm.

Actually, before the stage play started I didn't have any expectations at all about how it is going to go but, it was a really wonderful stage play that far exceeded my expectations.

Until the very end, literary and philosophical elements were abundantly scattered in the stage play, far exceeding my expectations.

『This isn't a period play...』

Of course, I'm not saying that all of it is perfect. There are parts that aren't good too.

I want to frankly say that this is one great stage play that is free from the awareness of being lined up against all the works which I have written thus far.

And, the presence of each and every performer was outstanding. This time, there are even occasions when the presence of Jinnai-san, who is the chairperson, becomes overwhelming.

That's probably what they call an actor's craftsmanship. The pull of a stage play resulting from an actor's power, made me realise once again that this is what a stage play is!

In addition to the fact that it was especially wonderful having actors from a variety of genres join up, Supernova's Kwangsoo who joined in from Korea worked hard too.

To make things worse, he probably had difficulty with the words and probably studied the life out of the complex vocabulary from historical Japan.

It was a satisfying stage play that elicited a standing ovation from the entire audience at the very end of the performance. With the good mood lingering, just like that I returned overseas once more.

My body condition was probably damaged from the cold weather in Japan but, with the hot weather and humidity of my life overseas I finally managed to recover my health.

While steadily progressing through my work with determination, I was able to make progress with my recording as well. And, all the production meetings and more for the Last Visualives, were held over the internet.

Times have really changed. Being able to be overseas like this, and still get various things done at the same time is all thanks to the major advances in infrastructure during the past 10 years.

In the past, including problems with data, even if you're working overseas, in the end some one still has to transport things back to Japan though.

Now, even with a small number of staff we can do all of that. Already, I can't help but feel that the concept of an office has been completely changed in these few years. The question of "Do we really need a brick-and-mortar office?" surfaces time and again.

My few days of stay overseas ends, and I returned to Japan again. Because finally, the Last Visualive's full-fledged rehearsals are starting.

We've done a lot of work concurrently but, as expected, everyone's feeling that there isn't enough time... Well this happens all the time but, we can't help but feel like this.

Its extremely dreadful. But, this is irresistible. This feeling that the tension is alive.

Of course, I don't want to say that because we didn't have time we couldn't get anything done.

The idea that time is flying, has not changed at all since the past. Because I've chosen this way of life. Find time to play hard. And, raise my motivation.

This time, right after coming back to Japan, I visited JAGUAR JAPAN for little. I heard that the number of good cars have increased recently. I went to have a quick look but, I was really surprised.

The line up of cars, compared to before, has changed drastically.

【A highly elegant luxury car that is driven by chic adults】

This image was pretty strong back then but, while retaining that finesse and adding in a playful flavour, its become a rich and gorgeous luxury car that carries a rather glamorous and sexy atmosphere of an adult.

The staff too were exceptionally chic, in other words, their atmosphere as a dealer was great as well.

Right after I arrived in Japan's airport, I visited the head office first thing in the morning but, everyone from the President to the executives were gathered, and for that I was really touched.

Its probably understandable why my heart felt warmed, after receiving such hospitality.

I got into a Range Rover, and was surprised that it's a pretty good car. I had a feel with a test drive, and the footwork was light, the response was good.

As I thought "Maybe I should buy one..." I immediately thought of how good the car's chassis, that far exceeded my expectations, was and, how good the interior was, and more than anything, the attitude of the staff with their heartfelt hospitality.

That's right, as expected thanks to the staff's attitude and heartfelt hospitality, I was once again reminded of what I should never forget, that this is the basis of all forms of entertainment.

Being someone who loves cars, I not only spent a lot of time there but also, in welcoming this tour, pledged in my heart to never forget this precious thing. With my invigorated mood, I returned home and immediately began recording.

There're still two more songs that I have yet to complete recording for. No matter how many times I redo it I don't feel satisfied. Will I make it in time for the live?

... I have no idea at all. In any case, I'm moving towards an end but, it is also the first time in awhile that I'm feeling the struggle that I've felt so far. If I give up, it's the end. That's why I won't give up. Of course, I won't compromise either.

In other words, I've got no choice but to do it.

Today, as well, 『GACKT, are preparations for the live going well?』

a producer of a TV station asked me.

『Yeah. We're steadily pressing ahead』

I answered. Following that, 『Right? You'll press ahead steadily, as expected...』

he said and laughed. Of course, I don't think what we're pushing through the schedule well but, in terms of the degree to which we're pushing through in the expectations schedule, its still, if we're at that level we need to struggle a little more I think. Until we can do it, we will struggle on.

I'm nervous and excited too. About whether we can make it or not. All of you who are reading this are excited too right?

Continuing this way, will I really make it for the first day of the concert?

Let's be nervous and excited together.

Well then, lastly.

【He can who thinks he can, and he can’t who thinks he can’t. This is an inexorable and indisputable law.】

GACKT