thinking about Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident
I say "thinking about," but this is basically just a liveblog
It remains so funny how much Artemis loves to Act. Cf the scene with Po where he feigns distress only to be like “my mother is making me see terrible therapists :(” there will be many more examples, including in this book.
I support Holly et al kidnapping Butler along with Artemis, but it’s very funny that there’s literally no reason for it besides Root says so. I don’t think Root has any interactions with Butler in B1. Concept: TAI AU where Holly just takes Artemis and Butler spends twenty-four hours trying to hide the absence from Angeline while losing his mind with panic
It’s still so so funny that Butler wants to crush Dr. Po for annoying Artemis even a little bit.
“[Butler] had picked it up [Russian] during a five-year stint with an espionage unit in the late eighties.” Butler fought in the cold war
“Butler understood the emotions battering his young charge. He, too, had lost someone aboard the Fowl Star. His uncle, the major, had been assigned to Artemis’s father on that fateful trip.” Suggests—possibly accidentally—that the Major was like a father to Butler. Also like…obviously Colfer came up with the idea of a butler named Butler first and built the rest around that idea, but I like the idea that the various Butlers have nicknames (reasonable, since otherwise pre-Fowl Star it might be unclear which Butler one was referring to…do we think that when Artemis II was born the Major adopted that nickname so that bby Artemis could call his own manservant by the easy name of “Butler”)
Also missed opportunity for the hilarious name Major Butler
Fic concept free to a good home: 27yo Butler receives notice that a new Fowl will be born and he’ll finally have a forever charge and he has Feelings about it.
Further thoughts on Butler Family Weirdness below.
Holly threatens police brutality again
Artemis attends “St Bartleby’s School for Young Gentlemen.” Did some googling just to be sure: there is no St Bartleby. In fact Bartleby appears to be almost exclusively a reference to “Bartleby, the Scrivener” (“I would prefer not to”).
“Artemis was bouncing ideas off Butler, a technique he often used when trying to come up with a plan.” CUTE
Even when it’s just the two of them, Butler seems to use Artemis’s name more than would be usual, which reads as a politeness thing.
Holly thinks that “doubtless her cell [in Fowl Manor is] still furnished,” and it’s interesting that iirc her cell doesn’t come up again in the books. The kidnapping does ofc, but Artemis et al never have occasion to use that cell again even once. (Presumably the Butlers disassembled it before Artemis’s parents could find his Basement Prison.)
“Corporal Lili Frond’s face appeared on her screen. Of course they had chosen Lili for this assignment. The bimbo face of the LEP. Sexism was alive and well and living in Police Plaza.” Holly honey the call is coming from inside the house on this one
“A picture of Fowl’s appeared beside Frond, a digitally enhanced scowl on his face.” Show me the Evil Artemis Photo lmao
“Butler glanced back at his employer’s thoughtful face. Sometimes he thought that in spite of all his contacts, informants, and employees, Artemis Fowl was the loneliest boy he’d ever met.” :(
From much later in the book: Artemis realizes that "[s]omewhere since Los Angeles, and against his better judgement, he had bonded with Mister Diggums." It has been like twenty-four hours, during which Mulch has eaten their food, sassed everyone, and emitted gas. Artemis needs friends so bad, man
Plus at the end of the book, Holly tells him he has a spark of decency he should blow on occasionally, and in the very next scene he apologizes to Dr. Po. He gets one (1) friend and immediately takes her advice lol. Suggestible!
God I love the scene where Holly mesmerizes Butler and has to almost fry his brain to make him obey. This is the book where Butler's remarkable insanity re: Artemis really comes to the fore (cf the "wanting to bunk in his room and/or hide out on school grounds" stuff). More on this later.
Artemis writing a sassy email from his mother’s account to terrorize his school into ignoring his absence…boy loves to Act…
Okay underrated hilarious moment from the end of this book: Dr. Po apparently knew IMMEDIATELY that this email came from Artemis Jr and not Angeline. The rest of the time Artemis is pretty successful at getting everyone to treat him like an adult, so it’s SO FUNNY that in this particular case Po immediately clocks him as a child writing a sick note and signing his mother’s name.
Artemis loves to feign submissiveness example one:
“’Keep wondering, Mud Boy,’ muttered Holly. ‘Now sleep. All this deduction is wearing me out.’” Presumably Butler has a strong reason to resist lowering his gun whereas Artemis is willing to be taken to Haven, but interesting that Artemis seems to just conk out here. Also not the last time that he will seem Suggestible.
Artemis freezes up when surprised, example one of many:
Intentional contrast between Artemis and Opal here: Artemis ultimately rescues his criminal father, while Opal destroys her (sexist but non-criminal) father. Also this raises the question of how quickly fairies normally develop, considering they live hundreds of years. (Also as @underfalter has pointed out, transmasc!Artemis would add an additional layer to the character contrasts here.)
“Opal smoothed the front of her cat suit.” Also an action Artemis does repeatedly (smoothing his slacks, his polo, his tie)
Hearing Butler call Artemis’s father “Mister Fowl” is real weird.
Okay so when Artemis Senior wakes up, the first three things he asks for are 1) Angeline, 2) caviar, and 3) softer sheets. Like father like son.
“Artemis grabbed her shoulders, for once abandoning his shell of icy composure. ‘Holly. Holly, speak to me. Your finger. Is it okay?’” and then she punches him in the face :)
Also I think this scene indicates that Artemis is not getting beat up at private school. Which makes sense in terms of the influence he can exert but like. Why not send Artemis to a private British boys’ school and not lean into the probable reality of that. On the other hand I guess St. Bart’s does have a school counselor (or many, many therapists, since Artemis keeps chasing them off), so maybe Angeline picked out the Wells For Boys equivalent of British boys’ boarding schools. St. Bartleby’s School For Sensitive Young Gentlemen
[various observations removed where I say "interesting parallel" to something that I think is really just Colfer repeating ideas
Interesting how the book is completely unconcerned with whether this ^^^ is true or not, lol. I don’t think the book is necessarily endorsing the idea that Opal is wrong here, or casting her as some sort of straw feminist, because we are told in direct narration that Opal’s father is a misogynist, and we see Holly struggling with misogyny in the LEP. IMO Foaly and the book are just fundamentally uninterested in whether Opal has suffered from misogyny.
this ^^^ is so funny. Holly sasses Artemis back and then gets shushed. Butler has spider sense for when Planning is occurring
“Mulch only had one card left to play. The gift of tongues. Every fairy has a natural grasp of languages, since all tongues are based on Gnommish if you trace them back far enough. Including American Dog.” Another tidbit that makes me go WHAT.
This ^^^ is definitely a plot hole Colfer noticed after the fact but I think giving this explanation is less interesting. Or more, if you assume that Holly and just Enforce Good Vibes whenever she wants?? Also one wonders if this means that whenever Artemis & Co see Holly after B1 they have a Pavolovian “happy!” response.
While Holly pilots them through a crevasse: “Butler held his weapon. It was a comfort thing.”
OKAY SO. This ^^^ bit is written as though Artemis CURRENTLY has an idea (that will necessitate taking him with) and is about to suggest it. THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS. We cut away after this sentence, and when we next see Artemis he’s meditating and being grumpy about being left behind. He only goes up the tunnel because he hears Mulch making noises of pain. Which means. That this line is PURE MISCHIEF. This line is Artemis saying “I will stay here, unless I think of some reason that I should be up there, in which case I will come up into the danger zone regardless of your wishes.” Why did Butler not lock him in the shuttle after this moment??
There’s something very cute about the fact that Artemis can wear all the fairies’ gear and is approximately their size.
We're told in B1 that Butler is such a man of honor and therefore hated ransoming Holly after she healed him. He’s SO embarrassed…also clearly about to say “I’ve been meaning to talk to Artemis about apologizing to you” which does happen later. He’s literally embarrassed about his kid’s behavior lmao
“There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them.” WHO IS THIS. Mr Colfer I am shaking you by the shoulders. TELL ME ABOUT THE THIRD LIVING BUTLER MR COLFER
I appreciate that they make Artemis crawl through a tube of goo TWICE in this book. You kind of need him to be In Control throughout the first book in order to establish his baseline and then starting in book 2 you can start putting him Through It
Okay I take back everything I’ve said about this book not being as good as the others. It’s all worth it for this sequence where Butler realizes that Artemis has ignored his orders and somehow beaten Butler himself into the danger zone, and Butler kind of loses it and needs to be literally mesmerized to be stopped from throwing himself at Artemis and his captor. This is not normal bodyguard behavior sweet man
I love that once anyone becomes friends with Artemis they immediately start fondly bullying him. Holly just told Butler that they’re square and then she is SO THRILLED to get to spray Artemis with stinky rad-foam.
“There was blood on the deck, but it was Artemis Junior’s own blood. They had pried the cap from a hydrosion shell, and half filled it with blood taken from Artemis’s arm.” Artemis tells them his plan when they’re sitting on the snowy hill across the fjord, so they took his blood right there sitting on a frozen Russian hill in the dark!! Kid is definitely dizzy
After hearing that his father is alive: "Artemis sank to the ground, sobs of relief shaking his thin shoulders. He cried for a whole minute. Then he was himself again." :( BABYBOY.
An all-time favorite scene, where Butler has clearly given Artemis a Talk about how to apologize, complete with body language tips:
Butler elbowed his employer gently. “Oh, Holly…eh, Captain Short.” Eh? Artemis couldn’t believe he’d actually said eh. It wasn’t even a word.
“Yes, Mud B…yes, Artemis?”
Artemis looked Holly in the eye, just as Butler had instructed him to. This being civil business was more difficult than one would think. “I would like to ... I mean...what I mean is ...” Another elbow from Butler. “Thank you. I owe you everything. Because of you I have my parents. And the way you flew that craft was nothing short of spectacular. And on the train . . . well, I could never have done what you . . .”
A third elbow. This time to stop the babbling. “Sorry. Well, you get the idea.”
Book 2 references count (Butler to Artemis):
Artemis: 14
Sir: 2 (when Artemis is outside the car, reinforcing the “sir in public” pattern, plus one “yes, sir” inside the car)
Master Artemis: 1 (when about to contradict Artemis’s request)
Implicit (excluding "his charge," "his employer," and just "Artemis":
Young Master Artemis: 1
Master Artemis: 2
His young master: 1
His master: 1
