#blush post

[theiasystem]

idk. what is this. is this what memory barriers or communication issues are like for any of you. i can think the words, my brain can spit out all the facts it's supposed to know, but i can't USE that information to do anything. i can't transfer the knowledge into action or form a secondary thought about the knowledge. it doesn't feel like i can't remember things, it feels like the function that's supposed to turn those thoughts into something usable is broken. it's weird

[lushblushing]

i can imagine many little deaths

a final goodbye, one last kiss goodnight

an endless argument with no true ‘right’

a candle blown out or lonely last breath

the pain you feel sitting deep in your chest

the shadow of the reaper, sat upright

the immediate dread, fight or take flight

closed eyes and deadly dreams. eternal rest

she made me a promise and i broke it

one cannot teach the living when they leave

i cannot learn from the urn, nor the ash

i look for ghosts and signs, closeted hints

i find torn clothes with no one left to weave

this, too, is a death. a crash and whiplash

august. september. november. i won’t pray

there is no god kind enough to return you

gentle nana, i miss you and your ways.

i dream of death and still wish for a ruse

if my fears live as true as your goodbye

then what chance do i stand? this is your cue

can i carry you until you reincarnate?

remnants in an urn. rise from the ashes

i let you go, nana. it is your turn.

return, phoenix. i will keep your fire warm.

[lushblushing]

it’s july and i am wearing my skin. it is very tight these days. my fish is dead. last year a cat died. the world is parallel in only the ways that are cruel. good night

[lushblushing]

tagged by @pallases 🌸🌸 thank u for tagging me ily

last song: how big how blue how beautiful, florence + the machine

favorite color: man i wonder (pink)

last book: last finished is i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson (reread), and currently reading is gone girl by gillian flynn

last movie: ummmm. errrmmm. five nights at freddy’s i think. bc my roommate was watching it

last show: my roommate is watching one piece rn if that counts. i watch her shows thru osmosis

sweet/spicy/savory: depends on my mood tbh but spicy is rarely an option bc i can’t handle spice that well. except for spicy nacho dorito

tattoos/piercings: i have a single tattoo on the back of my right shoulder. it’s a shooting star but specifically from a particular game

relationship status: takennnnn by my gfffff ehehehhe

last thing i googled: “where is alcatraz located” (coworker thought it was near staten island)

current obsession: cinnamoroll…my beloved

tea or coffee: coffee for sure

what you’re wearing: scrub pants, hoodie. pink blanket. socks. warmeeee cozyyyy

dream job: uhhh well u see ideally i wouldn’t have to work to survive but ive always wanted to be a novelist and/or a novel editor. alas

looking forward to: visiting my gf in june, seeing hadestown musical live in april, bday in july, uhhh. that’s all i can think abt rn that isn’t just. sleep in bed

🌸ty for tagging meeeee i will be tagging @hi-raethia @wanderingspacepirate @deadpan-sexual and any one of my other 7 followers that may have the desire to answer many questions

[lushblushing]

ahhh tagged by @pallases tysm lets see if i can even remember 10 shows i’ve watched

rules— without naming them, post 10 gifs of your favorite TV shows, then tag 10 people.

wtf this was so hard … i don’t rly watch much tv at all anymore rahhh but anyways here they are and ummmm i don’t even think i have 10 mutuals now but ill tag @hi-raethia @starlight-blossoms @deadpan-sexual @wanderingspacepirate @krisiverse … surely 5 is enough and if anyone else sees this and wants to do it…do it

[lushblushing]

i have stopped being friends with so many people and i can’t explain why it keeps happening but all of them have trampled over me and/or my friends on either major holidays (typically christmas) or birthdays. i hope one day karma rolls around and they have the worst fucking christmases of their lives.

[lushblushing]

oughhhh i feared that this would happen but my white cat shoved her giant ass through the feeding grate at the top of our beardies tank after breaking it and sending it into the tank. he is fine but i am very upset with my kitty

[lushblushing]

had a wonderful bday today :)! my family all pitched in to get me a switch 2 bc they know the new splatoon game comes out soon !! and my nieces were sooo cutie today, one of them basically was trying to copy my whole look and told me i was so beautiful bc of my makeup. i did their nails as well it was so very cutieful