#blyp

[the-baby-adventures]

I got stubborn and tried the doppler again.

And I found the heartbeat!! ❤️

It’s was very brief, but no doubt it was blyp.

[the-baby-adventures]

The ultrasound

Today turned out really good. First of all, and most important; everything is just fine with the baby, she has a healthy heartrate and is measuring just as she should.

But, I have an anterior placenta, which means, I probably never felt any sort of movement, I just think I did, I guess 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ It was the same when I was pregnant with Rebecca, and I only started feeling bubbles at 20 weeks

We didn’t get any good pictures today, because the baby had her face squished against my placenta and wouldn’t move an inch. 😂

Rebecca was a delight all the way through, even for the 45 min we had to wait before they had time for our ultrasound. Not like last time, when she constantly was asking for biscuits and interupting the technician when she was telling us about the images

Oh, and, YAY!! - today I also found out, that I’m going to be an aunt in late may. Yup, my brother and his wife is expecting their first. They got pregnant on their honeymoon, what a cliche 😂😂

Nooo, I’m happy they didn’t have to go through what we had to, to get pregnant. But, I do admit, I probably wouldn’t be so cool about it, if they had gotten pregnant before us. Infertility, right?

[the-baby-adventures]

Blyp is doing so well. ❤️ Every measurement is in the normal range, I'm so freaking happy. EDD is set for April 8th. We finally got to hear the heartbeat at 150 bpm. Blyp was not as active as the last time, but we did see some arms and legs movement. Even though we just saw Blyp, it's still difficult to let go of worries. Did we really get to be so lucky? It wasn't just wishfull thinking? Maybe when we know the gender or perhaps when I start feeling movement I will finally, truely believe it? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[the-baby-adventures]

Sorry guys, I’m really, really struggeling with my mind about this pregnancy and nobody seems to understand or they just ignores my texts, when I’m trying to talk about it. Tumblr is the only place I can vent about this.

I know what I felt yesterday, but.. still I get these insane thoughts, like...

I’m not really pregnant.

Every time someone new gets the news I feel like I’m lying to them or I’m jinxing it and something will happen to the baby.

My belly is only bigger because I’m eating all the time or because I’m having a phantom pregnancy

Getting pregnant this time was just too easy (didn’t require IVF, like last time) and that’s why there’s not going to be a happy ending.

Every ultrasound tecnician is playing a sick joke on me, making me think I’m pregnant and reasuring me everything is fine, when it’s really not.

I just want to be happy and enjoy this, but I can’t with these thoughts 😭💔

[the-baby-adventures]

16+6

Here comes another mental crisis. They just keep coming atm. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Should I spend 60$ on an extra ultrasound or use that money to actually buy something for little blyp?

It occurred to me that I haven’t bought a single item of clothing or toy just for her. And it makes me sad thinking about that.

It might still be early and we do have alot of clothing and toys from Becca, but something just for blyp... could, (maybe only in my mind) signal the fact that she’s so very wanted and wished for, and we are looking forward to having her in our arms.

It’s not that 60$ is a lot, we could spend that amount on both things, but..

I don’t know how to explain it, other than; I want to trust my body and believe that blyp is growing and thriving, but booking extra ultrasounds is kinda contradicting to that. I don’t want to stirr up some destiny shit, because of my doubts.

We have an anatomy ultrasound booked for november 20th, It just seems like an eternity away.

[the-baby-adventures]

16+1

I’m sure I just felt a kick. You have no idea how much I needed that. 😭

And I’m pretty sure I have been feeling movement for the last few weeks. But everytime it happens I’m convincing myself that it’s just gas or my imagination. This one was unmistakable.

The next scan will be on November 20th, I really want to get a private scan, so I can see our little one again, sooner than that, but there’s no current deals and we sure could use the money for something else.

Anyway, I had a look at things and found out that I only have 47 days of work left, untill my maternity leave on january 22nd. I’ll be 29+1 by then. Thank you, union agreement, part-time work and vacation all combined 😍😍

[the-baby-adventures]

I should throw my doppler out the window

It’s causing me stress and doubts instead of reassurence.

I tried finding blyps heartbeat 3 times throughout the day, yesterday, with no luck.

On top of this, I don’t feel.. anything. I’m almost 18 weeks, and there no flutters, no bubbles, not even round ligament pain.

So we’re going for a drop-in ultrasound tomorrow to spend 60$ on some peace of mind.

[the-baby-adventures]

14+5

As people gradually get the news about my pregnancy, I feel more and more anxious about something going wrong.

Since finding out the gender, we have announced to people on facebook and both our jobs and now I feel like the biggest phony.

Today, I got my fetal doppler back, after lending it to a friend for her pregnancy. I went home and tried it, but no matter what I did, I just couldn’t find the heartbeat. So now I’m just a wreck, overthinking everything and regretting ever using it. 😶😶