LOG ENTRY 001: INSTALLATION
Installed LM-X42 craniofacial enhancement suite.
Includes:
- Subdermal bone plating (CLASS-3 jawline enhancement)
- Real-time mewing stabilization via tongue actuator
- “Hunter Eyes” ocular reshaping nanomatrix
- Dermal smoothing electro-stimulation implant (experimental - may cause smug aura)
Subject reports: “I feel hot. Unstoppably hot.”
----------
LOG ENTRY 004: FUNCTIONAL TESTING
Facial symmetry recalibrated to divine proportions. Cheekbones now visible from space.
Side effect(s):
- Attracted two MJ-12 soldiers mid-simulation, distracting them from their command post (potential for espionage and infiltration)
- Tested smile reflex, crashed three satellites (reminder - tell Walton to send the damages bill).
Subject reports: "Beauty is no longer subjective. I am the metric."
----------
LOG ENTRY 011: FIELD INTEGRATION
Tested LM-X42 at Bilderberg meeting. Global elite visibly intimidated. One member self-terminated after comparing jawline measurements.
UNATCO surveillance posted a new "know your enemy" bulletin about Page Industries: “Too Handsome - Potential Threat to World Order.”
Side effect(s):
- Reflections now generate small EMP pulses, forcing passers-by to stop looking at their phones and stare at me instead.