Hello my name is Jenny and I'm crazy
as much as I love music I've sadly been punishing my self after two weeks I decided it was time to stop. Starting things off right with Portugal. the man and writing
Without going into details I kind of lost touch with reality that landed me in a psychiatric facility for a week. When I got out on Monday the realization of the things I did hit harder than I could imagine. I found out it's all a result of my Bonnaroo experience.. (refer to 2 postings ago)
I'm what many would say a hippie of my generation reincarnated into this world forced to make due.... I hate the way people don't take in the opportunities that they are given and actually make something out of their lives .. I live and breath music and if i were talented enough to retain the information to play an instrument I would be complete.
My actions a few weeks ago cost me a friendship that though I don't believe it's over.. it is over for now.. When you do things that you know you would never do and say things you know you would never say it's that experience that honestly makes me realize how fragile the brain is.. and Stress and depression should never be taken lightly. unfortunately I didn't take mine as seriously as I should have.. Returning from Bonnaroo free of drugs thinking I had died. I should have sought help once I returned..
Strength is not all it's cracked up to be because eventually you get tired. Now my only option is to go back to Georgia and get my mind right again. Leaving behind friends, the music scene that made me who I am right now .
I may not have my ticket but I'm going back to Bonnaroo this year even if a few of my "crew" hates my guts. I hope that being in our happy place will be just what they need to forgive me and realize I checked out and as hard as I tried I couldn't find my way back in. mental illness is real ask for help there is no shame in admitting when you're crazy.
Being such a passionate person and hating that sadly I have to conform to what society thinks is success is hard. I don't want to live in a huge house, I don't want to work for anyone.. I do and I have and I've been awesome at any job I take on but sadly all I want to do is go to shows listen to bands. spread love and music.. what job will allow me to do that? I have dreams I have goals and I have ideas I just hope I'm strong enough to make that happen. All I can do is try
