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even if your nervous system is shot to hell and you're a reactive dog on a chain all the time you can spend several years retraining your nervous system (with the help of friends to practice Disagreeing With) and one day you can reach a point where getting Disagreed With doesn't cause your whole entire bodybrain situation to implode messily. it's super great. I recommend it

#like that neuroplasticity post... really really applicable to RSD/social anxiety imo #it's soooooo nice. to be able to move past reactivity and engage with people #and their thoughts and ideas. without biting everyone in unnecessary preemptive self defense #dysfunction junction #bonsai kitten problems #I can't recommend this enough. like #it's made me a better friend and partner and family member #it's made me a better ally to my loved ones whose experiences I don't share #it's made me more thoughtful and open minded #it's made the world a less scary place to navigate and made me feel more in control of my experiences #PEOPLE WHO ARE FRAGILE LIKE A BOMB: A BETTER WORLD IS POSSIBLE. LOVE IS REAL #I literally don't take 99% of things personally anymore. like #sometimes I do in a kneejerk way but I am able to move through that reaction quite easily now #which means I am not always making every situation about me. bc I can be present in a capacity other than #Scared Animal In A Trap

i recently read "adult children of emotionally immature parents" by lindsay gibson and it has revolutionised the way i think about not only my trauma but my entire relationship with my mother. i was already doing a lot of the introspection and therapy work myself prior to reading it, but having my thoughts and feelings so clearly validated in black and white has rewired my brain somewhat. i would recommend it to anyone who had or has a neglectful, emotionally unavailable parent. there's free pdfs and audiobooks of it available, so if you're not sure how helpful it'd be overall, you don't have to commit to spending money. your local library will probably have a copy too if physical books are more your bag. of course, not everyone gets along with everything, so it might not help you the way it helped me, but there's no harm in trying <3

#i am not being paid by Big Gibson to say this it just genuinely really helped me #bonsai kitten problems #o hope pip doesn't mind me sticking this in that tag

I've got to stop giving 110%, when 60% would accomplish the exact same thing without doing me damage.

#as pip says #bonsai kitten problems #disability #chronic illness #perfectionism is bad for everyone #be perfect when it counts #let it go when it doesn't #STOP THAT I SAID LET IT GO #let! let! LET!

I DON'T LIVE IN THE JAR ANYMORE AND THAT RULES!!! I USED TO BE SO JAR SHAPED AND NOW FINALLY I AM STARTING TO GROW INTO A REAL KITTEN, FREE TO EXPLORE THE WORLD!

#bonsai kitten problems #require bonsai kitten solutions #or to use another Pip phrase: I finally got the fire mittens off

pip's tag for a specific genre of mental health dysfunction is "bonsai kitten problems" and I strongly identify as a bonsai kitten (something that was put in a jar to make it grow a certain shape and, man, it is not great to grow up in a jar and now I'm this shape that isn't doing me a lot of favors)

but I think my tag for it would/will be "ice type Pokemon" because

a) my bonsai kitten special ability is Freeze rather than Fight or Flight (I would have said Fawn a week ago, but I think that was past!me or else is a smaller subset of the unhelpful choices I make than Freeze is, actually)

b) Bonsai Kittens would make an excellently horrible Pokemon ripoff.

#bonsai kitten problems #this post not actually tagged ice type pokemon #sorry that's actually already a tag #I probably shouldn't fill a tag people are using for its intended purpose #with mental health content #that seems unfair to the Sneasel enjoyers out there #I had to google ice-type pokemon for that joke #my knowledge of pokemon is not good enough for that joke

btw, if you base whether or not you have been Wronged in a situation on how bad you feel? that's bad. hurting other people feels REALLY BAD. FREQUENTLY. you feeling REALLY BAD does not = other people have mistreated you terribly.

experiencing consequences for legitimately bad behavior often feels absolutely terrible. even worse than being punished for something you didn't do, in my experience! if you allow your emotions to dictate whether you think you have been mistreated, you're going to treat the people YOU mistreat like they have harmed you unforgivably.

this is the logic that leads to DARVO. it is imperative to recognize the paths that lead to this behavior. your feelings are real and hard and they're also not telling the truth about every situation. they don't dictate reality.

#bonsai kitten problems #require bonsai kitten solutions #I get it. I literally get it. but you HAVE to prioritize NOT DOING THIS.

I understand that there is discussion of masking by autistic people that is much more honest and in-depth, but so much of the stuff I see sort of leans on the assumption that masking is something one chooses to do in order to appear "normal"

In reality, I think the behavior pattern that we name as "masking" is the natural behavioral and psychological result of being consistently punished for attempting to acknowledge your own reality during formative developmental periods. And I'm not sure that "masking" is a clarifying word to use for this

#bonsai kitten problems

the thing is that I think lots of the time we talk about childhood trauma cycles wrong, because people will frame it as like, "this happened to this person, which is why they act like this" and really it's like, "all children learn social behavior via what is modeled for them by the adults around them and their peers; if what the adults in your life model for you repeatedly, over a long period of time, is that they get their needs met by dehumanizing others, then you will learn that the way needs get met is via dehumanization"

it isn't about how certain things being done to you somehow write Abuse Into Your Psyche, it's about learned behavior. it's about not being shown alternative models. (INTO MY LOUDSPEAKER) IT'S ALL ABOUT NOT BEING SHOWN ALTERNATIVE MODELS

#bonsai kitten problems

#bonsai kitten problems

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