around me black bats dive up from the dark.

given the relevant texts I am dangerous. alex, she/her programs, tired disgaybled girl, writer, just kind of an anxious person https://ko-fi.com/aroundmeblackbats if you want.

[bad-faith-misinterpreter]

my dream is to make a statement so true and verifiable that no one could misinterpret it even fi they were trying.

... Instead of end world hunger? What's wrong with you?

[jurassicpeanut]

No bond stronger than a disabled girl and her disabled cat

[memory-of-stargazing]

“It just means you have to work double as hard as most people!”

Well maybe I don’t WANT to work double as hard as abled people!! Maybe I deserve a BREAK!! Maybe I’ve been working MORE THAN double as hard for MY WHOLE LIFE and it’s led me to immense burnout & caused me to develop several MORE disabilities!! Maybe I should be ACCOMMODATED so I don’t have to KILL MY BODY AND BRAIN over trying to do what abled people can do!! Maybe I DON’T have to work double as hard!! Maybe if there’s the option to let me NOT work double as hard, I should have it, because I’m already working double as hard JUST TO SURVIVE!!

Why do you think disabled people deserve less rest than mentally & physically abled people?

[aroundmeblackbats]

things before bed

wash up.

snack

fallen london

feed Princess Yellycat.

night meds

tomorrow morning

meds in backpack

clothes for Thursday

four days of clothes in bag

text your dad, see if he can help with Castille before you leave.

pharmacy. see if your new insurance information* works

(the HR lady has texted me a series of numbers, which she says is my member ID. if she's right, great. I feel like I will eventually need the full card for something but hopefully we can get rolling here)

[aroundmeblackbats]

went to book club

(it was fun!)

[aroundmeblackbats]

yes, I know you have bedtime resistance today. I get it. but if we go to sleep and get good rest, we’ll get closer to unlocking the grayed-out section of our character sheet

tomorrow: add “home exercises” to your Habitica dailies.

and explain the urgency to the HR lady again.

do you want an ice cream after you take your meds? or a crunchy snack?

[aroundmeblackbats]

low spoons activities

1. world war z (somehow, I am able to read today? but not write?)

2. cheetah

3. Alice isn’t dead

4. finish void saga

5. pdfs organized neatly

6. Youtube

[hollanderthoughts]

Everybody wants you to play pretend about who you are but when they figure out you’re pretending they get so mad!! “You Lied” and you liked me better when I was lying. So where exactly does that put us.

[aroundmeblackbats]

I am not going to force myself to write tonight.

I am also, shockingly, not going to force myself to write tomorrow.

because if this becomes a battleground, all of the casualties will be me. they will be meaningful and crucial parts of myself.

will I win? no.

so! tomorrow I am going to wake up very early and go to PT. and then I am going to lie around on my couch with my beautiful friend the podcast machine for as long as I feel like it.

[aroundmeblackbats]

china mieville wrote a police procedural called The City And The City about two fictional cities that physically overlap but if you're in one, you're legally forbidden to perceive the other and can go to prison for publicly acknowledging that the other city is there. you have to train yourself not to see the city across the street.

except, if you're from there, you've already trained yourself. it's automatic. it's default.

and then the Americans come in bleating about how silly it is to live this way and you have to try to shush them before the police hears and they're giving you a headache.

anyway, if you have ever had to spend large portions of your daily life pretending that something was not true, and then going over into the other part of your life and acknowledging the true thing, and then you go back into the first part and it's not true again because it can't be.

if you've ever had to see two things at once. I recommend the book.

[aroundmeblackbats]

yesterday, you did not want to do anything, but we ended up having fun writing once we started it.

I see you. I do think we might need some Designated Chill Time pretty soon.

but if we don’t finish the book, we can’t go to book club.

so let’s take a full hour and relax. and then we’ll read for a while.

sound fair?

[aroundmeblackbats]

got a regimen a plan for the day

1. leave at 11 for your appointment

2. coordinate support from your dad

3. read kissing the witch

4. write 500 words

5. bonus treat: episode of Alice Isn’t Dead

[aroundmeblackbats]

my beautiful plan to watch television was thwarted because I am in too much pain to watch television.

tomorrow I am allegedly receiving support. the day after, I am starting physical therapy. as soon as my health insurance reactivates, I am calling my primary care doctor.

I had two glorious days where my pain didn't get too bad and then I went and did an activity. it was two hours and I mostly sat in a chair and I'm glad to do it for morale but it did fuck up my whole shop.

[aroundmeblackbats]

I did all of the things that were my goals for today.

well, I did most of them. I punted some of them to tomorrow because my dad will be here to provide disability support. such as it is.

but I did my reading and my writing and my writing group admin and I got my groceries! that's four-fifths of the goals achieved. and the secret bonus goal is, as always, Practicing Flexibility, so.

speaking of: I wrote 986 words today and counted it as a thousand because it would have been a dick move not to. if someone who was not me told me I had to figure out the first fourteen words of the next scene, I would have been irked at that person. this is a good metric to keep in mind when I am doing nonsense at myself.

tomorrow's goals

meet the new petsitter.

continue to hound the HR lady. your cause is just.

dad interaction (litter, trash, packages, eggs).

reading for book club. sixty pages is doable as hell.

if A. doesn't get back to you by like, EOD-ish, DM him.

[aroundmeblackbats]

why am I dragging my feet on my writing project?

something about the project is wonky

you're bored and need to play in a different space

the hideous spine pain is sapping your energy

buddy, I'm not a witch.

Voting ended onJun 8

[prokopetz]

Inadvisable tabletop RPG jam premise #137: Game jam where each entry consists solely of paratextual discussion of the mechanics of a hypothetical or invented RPG; examples include an errata document, a developer Q&A, or a forum thread debating the correct interpretation of a particular rule.

[prokopetz]

@shoutyourporpoise replied:

I could SWEAR you’ve made this post before, or perhaps this is such a characteristically “you” concept that I already imagined a world in which you had

I don't think so, no. I did once (unintentionally) curate a game jam about writing supplements for invented or hypothetical games, the product of which you can find here, but this is a different thing.

[prokopetz]

(If anyone really wants this one to be a thing, though, feel free to toss your entry into the reblogs. I'm not going to do a proper game jam on itch.io or whatever because its UI really wants you to have cover art and a promotional blurb and such, and this doesn't feel like it warrants it!)

[theonion]

Terrified Introvert One Away From Bingo