TW SLIGHTLY GRAPHIC DETAILS OF SH, PLZ WATCH OUT...
I desperately want to cut. Very, very badly. Iām not actively upset. I just crave the way it feels. My PCOS bas practically removed my flat stomach ā itās been pudging out a bit at the bottom for a week or two. It has destroyed my small waist. I find this extremely unfair. I am trying my very hardest to take care of this (via exercising, eating a healthy diet, taking the right vitamins, drinking water, etc.), but nothing seems to be working. I feel insurmountably large and think that I look fat ā I know I do. Thatās probably why Iām going to relapse. I donāt know if it counts as a relapse if itās premeditated. Or if you express it to strangers on the internet (whateva). I want to saw chunks of my flesh off, around my midriff and hip area to slim myself down. Iāve come to terms with the fact that I cannot resort to not eating until I move out. I hate how cutting looks, but I adore the way it feels as it stings into my skin. I feel guilty for not being as bad as my peers. Why am I suffering when I have everything? I think Iām spoiled. I matter as much as the air I breathe in; the same as everybody else. The difference is, everybody else has at least one redeeming quality to them. I donāt. I often feel like a husk of a mortal, and everything is cloudy. I pretend to take pride in being as absentminded as I am, but I really cannot help it. I feel detached from the world around me, but this feeling is not my only perspective. Thatās the problem. Does it count as an issue if it only happens randomly? I am unsure. Yada yada yada omg troy barnes come here and save me š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹
