My friends are complaining that I don’t talk to them but they don’t understand that I have to be distant and jaded so I’m not genuinely insane and unbearable to be around

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My friends are complaining that I don’t talk to them but they don’t understand that I have to be distant and jaded so I’m not genuinely insane and unbearable to be around
I always fuck up.
I always do.
And I always get sad about the stupidest things
And I always get the wrong signals
And I'm just plain stupid
And I hate myself
Nais
me: I trust all of my friends and know that they love me and I am very well adjusted and stable
also me: *checks every five days to see if my friends have ghosted me on social media, messengers, etc*