#borderlinelife

[iambethjerome]

My BPD week (and a half)

Wednesday - have world turned upside down by BF wanting to leave me for other women and because I’m fat

Thursday - dissociate all day

Friday - get suicidal and cut my wrists

Saturday - continue with depression for a couple days

Tuesday - fall madly in love with my BF again

Wednesday - kick him out

Thursday - beg for him back

Friday - hypersexual phase. Humping like bunnies

Saturday - depressing cries for help and for death to sweep me away

Sunday - excessive euphoria. Couldn’t be happier with my life

[never-not-ever]

does anyone know of that quote about bpd and how you have to have a certain number of symptoms therefore making like 257 different combinations of bpd and how it can look different for each person? I’m trying to find the exact quote cause clearly I just butchered trying to explain it lol....

[never-not-ever]

Stefan explaining what the worst thing is about being a vampire… sounds a lot like having Borderline.

“Anger becomes rage. When you’re sad, you’re in despair. Grief, loss, it can cripple you. That’s why so many of us turn our emotions off. It just becomes too overwhelming.”

[never-not-ever]

I still haven’t done my paper for my Theories of Personalities class because every time I start writing about my personality I’m just reminded of how fucked up I am.

Like talk about my personality? Well the first thing you should know is that I have no idea who I am and my personality is constantly changing based on how depressed or suicidal I am. Like fuck

[never-not-ever]

I’m seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow and I’m so fucking anxious about the appointment. I typically see her once a month and I wasn’t supposed to see her til the 8th but because I stopped taking my meds and have been struggling lately she suggested meeting sooner. In therapy I feel like I kind of made it sound like me not taking my meds was a way to get back at my psychiatrist for not responding to my email. I tried to backpedal and explain it as I hadn’t taken them for a couple days, emailed her, realized it was the weekend (excuse for her lack of responding), made the decision to keep not taking them and then once I started to get “angry/annoyed” with her not replying it was sort of like a mini excuse or maybe not even an excuse at all like I had already made up my mind I was done with the Viibryd. 

Ugh I just hope my therapist didn’t immediately touch base with my psychiatrist cause I don’t want to go into my appointment tomorrow with thinking she’s even more mad at me than she already is. 

Anyone else worry about seeming “better” during your appointment and your provider being like “okay you’re fine, what was that dramatic email/behavior all about before? You’re just wasting my time, you didn’t need to see me sooner, you’re fine”. 

Thank god my girlfriend will be at work. Can’t remember the last time I had the apartment to myself for an appointment!!

[never-not-ever]

The perks of virtual therapy.. taking a nap and waking up 5 minutes before my appointment.

[never-not-ever]

This show is very relatable this episode 😂