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Sep 2, 2015

I have a lot of feels today, so I’ll post one of my old drafts. Watch out for themes like illness, cancer, mild depression (due cancer) and so on. If these subjects trigger you, please be safe and make sure to not read this one.

Tittle: Safe

Relationship: Foggy Nelson/Matt Murdock

Rated: M

Genre: Angst, Romance, Hurt/Comfort

Content: AU (not only because this is a romance fic, but because this happens in the series universe), bottom!foggy, drama, cancer mention and aftermath, chemotherapy, hurt/comfort, mood swings due treatment, love making, fluff (yes, trust me in this one, there will be fluff, this is a fluff fic tbh).

Summary: A month after the initial diagnosis, Foggy reached his breaking point, but nothing was better than knowing he was not alone.

p.s.: I’m not a doctor, if there are mistakes I’m sorry :s I made a huge research though

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- 1 month ago -

Ewing's sarcoma, a type of cancer which was formed in his hip was the final diagnosis and from that moment, Foggy knew his life would never be the same. He still could hear what the oncologist speaking, but the words were not registering, as he felt his mouth dry.

Matt didn’t say a word at the time, but he was there as well, gently squeezing Foggy’s hand between his, knowing his best friend too well to know that he was on the verge of tears; his heartbeats where uneven just as much as his breath. Foggy couldn’t stop the trembling in his hands, but Matt’s warm definitely helped.

For a minute there was only silence while Foggy shook his head, not allowing himself to have a pity party, but god, he wanted to. He really wanted, but he couldn’t, he didn’t want to feel worse, not this time.

Foggy wasn’t be able to see, but Matt’s eyes were the saddest thing in the word under his red shades. He wanted to stay strong for him though, for Foggy, his best friend, his lover, his family.

“Am I free to go now, Doctor?”- Foggy’s voice cracked, so weak that he could barely be heard.

“Yes Mr. Nelson, you’re free to go now, but I’ll be making a schedule for your next exams. You’ll need a chemotherapy treatment, but I assure you that we’ll make our best. Ewing's sarcoma will affect the bones, so you’ll feel pain and swelling, but hopefully with the right you’ll get better.” - The Doctor finished, still staring at the countless exams on his table.

“Am I free to go now, Doctor?”- Foggy repeated, this time raging his teeth. He just wanted to go away from that clinic as soon as possible.

The doctor seemed confused, but nodded I agreement. “You’re free to go, Mr. Nelson. Do not hesitate to call if you have any other doubts. Wish you the best of luck.”- He shook hands with both visitors before starring at his papers again.

The way back to their loft was as quiet as it could be. Both called a cab and now they were sad in the backseat, side by side, as Foggy let his head rest against Matt’s shoulders.

Matt was heartbroken to witness such sadness. He knew what is like to know that a life was about to change forever; he himself struggled to accept his disability so he could understand how Foggy was feeling.

“Is going to be okay…” Matt whispered, softly stroking Foggy’s hand no stop, pressing a small kiss upon his forehead.

Foggy didn’t even contemplate a reply, but managed to sniff, still struggling to keep the tears away. He just wanted to lie down in his bed and stay there all night long; he didn’t want to think about anything anymore.

As soon as they got to their loft, Matt was the first to give a step, opening the door and helping Foggy to join him, closing the door behind them. He couldn’t see but he could feel his boyfriend’s sadness, so he quickly threw his bag at the couch and helped Foggy to get rid of his suit, touching him everywhere to see if there was nothing he was forgetting ng to take off.

“I don’t wanna die…”- Was the first thing Foggy said since they left the clinic. His voice was cracked once more as he stared at the floor, small tears finally giving in.

“Shh… You won’t. The treatment will work, Foggy, I promise.”- Matt assured, gently wrapping his arms around the blond man’s waist.

The silence fell once more as Matt peppered the sweetest kisses all over Foggy’s face, making sure to show all his love and support. “I’m going to make our dinner and then we can…”

“Don’t wanna eat, just wanna go to bed.”- Foggy whispered, with his head pressed against the brunette’s chest.

“You sure?”- Matt knew that it wasn’t healthy to sleep without eating, but he wouldn’t force anyone.

Foggy just nodded and left his boyfriend’s arms so he could go to their room. He wasn’t even up to take a shower, but he was glad Matt helped him to get rid of the clothes. Matt followed him while taking his own clothes off until he wore nothing but his boxers, just like the other man.

The warmth and coziness of their bed made Foggy feel a little more comfortable, especially because he was cuddling with Matt, both changing a couple of kisses and soft touches.

As their lips were finally apart, Foggy kept starring at Matt’s lost eyes. “Don’t leave me…”- He lip his lower lip. Of all the things in the world, he was afraid that Matt would abandon him.

“What? Never. Do you think I would ever abandon this?”- Matt joked, squishing Foggy’s butt cheeks with both hands.

Foggy giggled softly, shaking his head. “You are the worst.”- No he wasn’t and Foggy was so glad for that. Having someone like Matt by his side was the best thing in his life for now.

- Present - 10 days after the diagnosis -

Things were not being easy, they were tough as hell. During the first days of treatment, Foggy was taking everything quite well, but as soon as the pain started againand his weight began to vanish, everything went down the drain. He hated having mood swings; he hated the idea of not being in control of his emotions.

It was a bright Saturday morning when Foggy breathed deeply, about to leave the loft for another stage of his treatment when he combed his hair with his hands, just to find a huge chunk of hair lying between his fingers.

As much as he hated doing so, he gave a few steps back to stare at the mirror he installed in their bathroom. The chunk was actually bigger than he thought, exposing a small hairless circle forming above his head.

He didn’t know how to feel about this. He felt shocked, angry and sad at the same time.

“Hair is just hair…”-He whispered to himself, because there was no way he would feel so upset about something as irrelevant as hair, but he just couldn’t help it. He hated the hair loss with a passion.

The anger didn’t take long to arrive as well. He was angry because he felt helpless and so afraid of what was going to happen; he was angry because he didn’t want this for him, he wouldn’t wish this for anyone.

His breath was starting to get uneven again, the stubborn tears already falling from his face when he felt two strong arms wrapping around his waist.

“Shhh… I’m here. I’m here, Foggy.”- Matt whispered, pressing his lips upon Foggy’s head.

“ I…”- Foggy tried, but the words died out in his throat. Suddenly he didn’t want to talk nor feel anything anymore.

“Stay strong. I’m here for you, I’m here -with- you.”- Matt whispered, pressing a few more kisses upon Foggy’s face.

“Come with me today?”- Foggy knew about the vigilante thing and that unfortunately, Matt couldn’t be with him all the time, but he could try.

“Sure.”- Matt smiled, gently massaging his boyfriend’s shoulders before leading him to the door.

Foggy definitely wasn’t looking forward the chemo, nor the nausea it caused, but with Matt there? He was sure that everything would be better. He knew Matt wouldn’t be able to stay inside the room, but a least he wait for him outside.

As soon as they got to the Clinic, the crew quickly provided Foggy a wheelchair to lead him to his private room. Matt insisted to pay for an individual room just so his boyfriend could be more comfortable.

When they arrived at the room, Dr. Hooper was already there, waiting for them with a clipboard under his arm. He quickly shook hands with the visitors and guided Foggy to his bed while Matt sat at the chair located in the corner of the room.

“So how are we today, Foggy?”- The Doctor asked, browsing on his clipboard.

“Eh, had better days…”- Foggy joked because he didn’t want to sound depressed.

“Feeling nauseous lately? Pain in your hips?”- Hooper asked.

“Felt a little nauseous this morning, but didn’t put everything out, if you know what I mean.” - He smiled bitterly. “ My arms hurt like hell , but I’ve had worse. Oh also? My hair is falling now, a+, right?” - He had to stop himself because he was starting to get pissed.

“I see. Well, today, we’re going to give you some pain killers and make a inhalation with serum because I can hear he fatigue. It will help you to breathe a little better.”- He finished.

“How about the chemo?”- Foggy was more than confused.

“No chemo today, we’ll do it tomorrow. It will be better if we ease the pain first and then we can move on with your treatment. Do you have any other questions?” - Hooper asked, taking a few notes.

“Actually…”- Foggy bit his lips and turned his head so he could face Matt. “I really have a question. Matt, can you leave us a bit? Please?”

Matt though it was strange, but he wouldn’t question. Foggy probably had his reasons , so the brunette would always respect his boundaries. Getting up from his chair, he supported his cane on the floor and walked forward, slowly approaching the bed so he could press a soft kiss upon Foggy’s hair.

“I’ll be right back. Gonna take a walk.”- Matt told him, meaning that he would just take a walk at the corridor do drink some water.

Foggy just smiled softly and waited until the door was closed. “Well, Doctor, now it’s only you and me.”

“Is there anything you are not letting us know, Foggy? As your Doctor, I feel the need to tell you that hiding health issues won’t help.” Hooper was concerned.

“Oh no, no that’s really not about it. Actually… I just wanted to know about sex.”- There was no sign of shame in his face.

“Sex? Well, you can ask me anything.”- The doctor assured, taking a few more notes.

“Can I have it? I mean… It’s been more than 15 days now. Matt won’t even touch me.”- Foggy sighed. “He’s afraid of hurting me or effecting my treatment.”

“Oh… Don’t worry about that, Foggy. You can definitely keep your sex life going, just as long as you talk to your doctor first, which is exactly what you’re doing. Your type of cancer will not affect your sexual organs, but you have to be careful. Avoid sex after our procedures; let a few days pass before engaging with any activities.”

“Will it hurt if I try? I mean, he’s really afraid of hurting me and I admit that I’m afraid too.”- Foggy bit his lips.

“It won’t hurt just as long as your partner is careful. Make sure to go slow and only have intercourse with protection. In your case, none of the medicine we’re giving you will affect your brain areas or the spinal cord, so don’t worry.”- Hooper assured with a smile.

“But what if I’m in the receiving end… You know?”- Foggy made sure to let it be clear.

“There’s no problem, but you do have to remember about the condom. You cannot risk getting an STD while in treatment because that would affect your treatment in a very negative way.”

“What about my hips? I swear I feel like there are needles inside whenever I feel pressure there.”- Foggy confessed.

“Just make sure to let your partner know if something hurts. Go slow and try avoiding pressure in your hips, making him support his hands somewhere else; maybe the mattress, the bet post, anything but your hips”. - The doctor finished.

“Ugh… I feel awful from hiding this from him and I know he doesn’t mind sex this much, but I fucking miss it so much. Is it normal?”- He asked.

“Haha, yes, Foggy that’s perfectly normal. You don’t need to stop your sexual pleasure just because your usual routine has been changed. You’re still the same Foggy. Just be careful and if anything hurts, stop immediately. Understood?”

“Got it, Boss.”- Foggy smiled, finally resting his head against the soft pillow.

- 1 day later -

If the first chemos were bad, nothing prepared him for the new session. Taking the drugs through an IV was worse than Foggy expected it to be. He couldn’t help but scream and cry, fighting the urge to scratch the wood of his bed.

Knowing Matt was there was like a very small balm, but everything would be better if he could be there, holding his boyfriend’s hands and whispering encouraging words. Sometimes Foggy would whisper Matt’s name and Mat would still listen from far, getting up and showing his face on the small window of the therapy room.

The therapy took long five hours and when it was completely over, Foggy felt so weak that he wasn’t able to get out the bed, he would have to spend the night at the clinic, which he hated, but even he couldn’t deny that he was not able to give any other step.

As night fell, Matt kept his chair next to Foggy’s bed, just caressing his hair slowly. “Feeling better?” He smiled.

“Yeah… C-Cause you’re here… Thanks b-buddy…”- The blond man’s voice was as weak as ever, but he still managed to give a small smile in return.

“Love you so much… We’ll get through this, I promise you.”- Matt smiled once more, pressing kisses upon his boyfriend’s hands.

“F-fuckin’ a-hole, you just wanna m-make me cry…”- Foggy smiled even though the small tears were already forming.

“Try to take some sleep, buddy. You’ll feel better tomorrow.”- Matt ordered, caressing Foggy’s cheeks which were now way thinner than before.

“A-And you go be a vigilante…”- Foggy smiled one the last time before falling asleep almost instantly. After all, he deserved some rest after such a hard day.

- 5 days later -

Foggy has always liked the outdoors. When he was still a kid his family loved to spend weekends in the woods, a small property acquired by his father ages ago. Back in the days, escaping from the chaos of the city was one of his favorite things in the world, the only place where he could be completely carefree and run barefoot all over their garden, playing with his car miniatures, swimming in the lake and having fun.

It was the first free weekend he had after the beginning of the treatment. Finally he could spend some time just relaxing with Matt. His first choice of course, was his father’s small cabin next to the lakes.

Considering his mood swings, Foggy was quite joyful on that Saturday, just whistling while fixing his bag. At this stage, his hair was almost all gone, so he would spend time wearing his good old beanie because at least it kept his head warm.

He hated the fact that most of his clothes were too loose for his current size, but a few adjustments helped him out. Matt was equally happy because it was great to hear Foggy’s excited chuckles.

“Excited?”- Matt smiled, stealing a quick kiss from Foggy.

“Oh man, it’s been years since the last time I went there! Seriously can’t wait!”- Foggy giggled before closing his bag.

The trip to the property took exactly three hours, but gladly, it was still noon by the time they arrived there. Apparently, his parents were there recently because the place was all clean and conserved.

“Everything okay?”- Matt asked because he noticed that the blond man was too quiet.

“Yeah, just glad that my parents got everything set for me. Maybe they felt like I was coming, Totally forgot to give them a call. That sucks.”- Foggy bit his lips; he didn’t call his parents since the chemotherapy started.

“Don’t worry. You can call them later while we take the stuff out of our bags. Can you take me to the bathroom though?”- Matt really disliked new places because eit was hard to figure out where he should go, but gladly he had Foggy by his side.

“Sure, come on; let me show you the house.”- By showing, Foggy meant guiding Matt by his arms and making him touch everywhere so he could identify objects and furniture.

Foggy was glad to see how their house was still the same after so many years. The retro design with a peachy color was totally hos mom’s idea, but the wood furniture was his father’s touch. There were old pictures from the three of them on the wall and Foggy couldn’t help but giggle when he saw himself as a kid, so cute and chubby.

The bathroom was located by the corridor next to his parents’ room which he definitely intended to share with Matt that weekend; after all, they had a huge king sized bed there and a huge TV as well.

While Matt minded his business in the bathroom, Foggy rushed to take their bags to his parents’ room. He smiled defiantly while taking everything out and depositing his clothes on the huge mattress.

He had a whole plan in his mind and he just hoped it worked out; it’s been 20 days now since the last time he and Matt got a little more intimate and he just couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted to take Matt for a walk in the woods and then stay all afternoon cuddling and watching movies on the couch.

Unfortunately they couldn’t manage to make everything he wanted because Foggy couldn’t walk as much as before because his body was quite weak due the treatment. He definitely managed to walk a few yards with Matt though and then both stopped to lie down on Foggy’s favorite hammock.

Matt kissed along Foggy’s collar bone while caressing his soft skin, sometimes pressing his lips against cheeks, at the tip of his nose and later, on his plump lips which now were a bit dry, but Matt didn’t care because they were still Foggy’s.

“Hmm… My lips are so dry… I’m sorry…”- Foggy stopped their kiss all of sudden, embarrassed because he wanted to be 100% fine for his boyfriend, but he couldn’t.

“It’s not your fault… They are still yours and I love them and you no matter what.”- Matt smiled, taking the opportunity to give him a wet peck.

“Ew gross, dude…”- Foggy laughed because Matt basically drooled on his lips.

“You know you love it.”- Matt joked. “I’m gonna make lunch. How about some pasta with cheese sauce and chicken strips?”

“Hmm, did I ever tell you I love you?”- Foggy smiled peppering his boyfriend’s face with kisses.

“Just 1.900 times but keep ‘em coming.”-Matt smiled, stretching himself all cat-like before leaving the hammock.

A few hours later, after having an amazing lunch together they finally took a bath and dressed their robes, following straight to the couch so they could start their movie galore. Foggy felt in the mood for some comedies while Matt wanted to watch sci-fi, so they decided to watch both genres, starting with ‘Hott Fuzz’.

They spent literally more than six hours, with a huge bucket of popcorn just watching movies, giggling and discussing the inaccuracy of some special effects.

By the time the sunset came, Foggy was already sleepy, but he wouldn’t complain, this was the longest time he spent awake during his treatment and he couldn’t ask for a better time. Great movies, popcorn and Matt next to him were all he could’ve asked for.

Before going to bed, they took another warm shower, brushed their teeth and went straight to bed. Foggy stared as his nightstand, taking a glass of water so he could swallow his pills; he hated the damn things, but he needed them to keep going with the treatment. At least they helped to ease the pain.

Matt was already preparing himself to cuddle Foggy so they could take some sleep, but Foggy just cleared his throat stopping his boyfriend’s arms in the middle of the movement.

“Wait Matty…”- He bit his lips nervously. “I was planning to have some fun tonight...”- Foggy explained.

“But are you all right? You sure about that? I don’t wanna hurt you, Foggy. You know I don’t mind, right? If you are doing this for me…”- Matt tried.

“No. I’m doing this for me, Matty. Come on… It’s been twenty days and fuck… I miss you so much. You won’t even touch me anymore, I feel like I don’t even turn you on anymore.”- Foggy confessed.

“God, no, Foggy! Of course you turn me on. I miss you too, I just didn’t want you to feel like you should have sex with me just for the sake of my desire. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have listened, buddy, you know I would.”- Matt shook his head, approaching to press a kiss upon Foggy’s forehead.

“I know, I know… I talked with Dr. Hooper and he told me that we still can have sex, just as long as we go slow. Also my hips, you can’t put pressure there ‘cause you know…”- Foggy finished.

“All right, but only if you promise me that you will make me stop if it hurts. Promise me.”- Matt never sounded this serious.

“I promise.”- Foggy replied with a victorious smile upon his lips. One point for him.

He couldn’t wait to feel Matt inside him; after all it’s been almost a month since the last time they did anything more risqué. Foggy took a deep breath trying to calm his heartbeats as Matt moved so he could find condoms and a lube.

Matt didn’t know if they would do anything like that, but he would always bring protection and lube with him, especially because with Foggy, one could never know.

A few minutes later, Foggy moaned, letting his eyes close while he enjoyed the gentle thrusts from Matt’s hips. He was being extra cautious, supporting his hands on the mattress just so he couldn’t apply pressure on his boyfriend’s bruised hips.

Foggy didn’t have strength enough to keep his legs high, so Matt helped him by supporting the blond man’s legs on his shoulders.

Every now and then, Foggy would ask him to slow down a bit or sometimes just stop because everything was too much. It felt like making love for the first time and Foggy couldn’t be happier, he missed this more than he would admit.

“You feel so good…”- Matt gasped, pressing a soft kiss on the crook of Foggy’s neck, never stopping to move back and forth.

“You feel fucking awesome…”- Foggy bit his lips, eyes pretty shut. There’s a small hiss when Matt hits his spot, because it’s been ages since the last time he felt it.

“Hurting?”- Matt asked concerned, rocking his hips a little slower.

“Are you kidding? No, that feels good, more than good and if you stop I swear I’ll kill you… Oh fuck…”- He gasped after another brush on his spot.

Matt let out a shaky breath along with some giggles after a particular deep thrust; he missed being inside his boyfriend a lot, though he wasn’t the type of person who craved sex all the time. It was his Foggy after all and only his as he liked to think.

Smiling, Matt dipped his head down to press his lips against Foggy’s because he was getting closer and closer. It takes him a few more thrusts until Foggy was all tensed up, clenching his teeth with eyes shut, giving one of those delicious moans that sounded like music to Matt’s ears. It’s all the vigilante needs to finally come as hard as ever.

In the past, he would just lie down on Foggy’s soft belly and stay there until he caught his breath, but given the situation. All he managed to do this time was gently take Foggy’s legs off his shoulders, softly depositing them on the mattress before pulling and so he could roll to the side.

He couldn’t see Foggy joyous expression, but he could definitely feel his happiness, it was contagious. Matt couldn’t help but turn to the side and press small butterfly kisses all over Foggy’s face.

“That was great.”- Matt stuttered , trying to catch his breath.

“Really great, dude. Uh, I missed this so much. Thank you, Matty. Thanks for doing all of this for me.”- Foggy smiled, pressing his forehead against Matt’s.

When Foggy said all of this, he didn’t mean just the sex; He meant everything else. No matter how hard the treatment was, Matt never left him, not even for a second. Foggy knew how painful it was for Matt to stay in the Hospital room because all the chemicals and medicines’ scent made him feel sick, but he never left.

Sometimes he would just run to the bathroom to put it all out, but he would always come back. He didn’t mind the hair loss, he didn’t mind the scent of sickness because it was Foggy, his everything.

Foggy knew that it wasn’t easy to stick up with someone battling a cancer, but Matt was still there for him and just this single fact made him feel like the luckiest person in the world.

All in all, fighting cancer was being the worst experience in his life this far, but having Matt by his side made his fight so much better. For the first time in months, he finally felt like he could overcome this like a champ and by the time it’s over, he would lift his head real high because he made it.

With these thoughts in mind, he smiled softly before pressing one last kiss upon his boyfriend’s lips and finally, after so much time, he got to sleep peacefully, knowing that everything would get better eventually, because he wouldn’t have to face this battle alone; not at all.

The End.

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