As always here, this is talking about the actual disorder OCD, not the “I’m so quirky and organized! I like things to be clean!” traits that sometimes get jokingly called OCD.
Do you have OCD?
Yes
Maybe?
No
I don't know
Voting ended onJan 23
We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.
"Why are you celebrating the fact that you got diagnosed with [DISABILITY/DISORDER]?" I think you're missing the point here.
Being diagnosed means that you finally can see why you have always acted in this certain way, and not only could you change your habits, avoid certain thing that harm you, and take medication to improve your state in life, but also find a community that feels the way you have for years and accept you, and others, for who you and they are.
Being undiagnosed on the other hand is a BRUTAL experience. you are expected to do so much as a seemingly neurotypical person, that you know you cannot do, but are unsure of why. For all your life you were always alone or constantly bullied and yelled at since people see you as an outcast, and even you yourself are confused and ashamed about why you act this way, and could lead into much more serious actions like self harm or ever suicide.
Going to a psychiatrist and getting diagnosed gives you SO many benefits by simply knowing that you have a certain conditions. While it is hard to live with said conditions (I would know, I was diagnosed with Autism), it is harder, to live without knowing that you have it (Plus most of the issues we have with our conditions is just society and The System™ being ableist towards it.)
you may find id's in the alt text! template for id is below the cut.
description: when ones trait / disorder is inherently [x] regardless of what one identifies with.
examples: when ones bpd is inherently feminine regardless of what one identifies with // when ones dpd is puppylike regardless of what one identifies with. // when ones low empathy is gendernull regardless of what one identifies with.
notes: find flag layers under the cut! all examples will be posted shortly after this post goes up.
A flag with 5 vertical spiky stripes. From left to right, the colours are [5 colours go here]. In the centre is a [colour] 8-pointed star outlined in [colour].
-After the fire he was manic for months. He finally felt free for the first time in his life; he did whatever he wanted to. He k!lled a ton of his old bullies, he hitch-hiked across states, stopped taking his meds, and stopped caring for his well-being as much (didn't check for wounds every time he literally did anything because of his CIPA). He felt like he was on top of the world and could get away with whatever he wanted until the slender sickness got him to the Slenderwoods even after officially becoming a proxy, so when he "crashed," aka "calmed down", and realized what kind of situation he was in and that he had no normal future anymore, the others didn't know how to handle it since they only knew him as his hyperactive, over-the-top self, and he doesn't remember most of the things he did in those months
-He went off all of his meds fully for like the first year of being a proxy, but he went off the rails so badly with his mood swings that Tim and Brian stepped in and slowly got him to start taking at least some of his medication semi-regularly again
-He was scared of Slenderman at first and what might come with proxy life, but after getting a little more used to the proxy life and having Slenderman as his boss, he became more loyal and sort of saw working for Slenderman as his purpose. Which makes him one of the proxies Slenderman shows most mercy to, although he does have second thoughts about how Slenderman treats other proxies and about how he literally physically can't escape him and live a "normal" life anymore even if he wanted to.
-His family was lower middle class, and they almost went broke multiple times because of Toby's hospital costs and the costs of his meds
-He was very scrawny for most of his childhood to teenage life and only got a little more muscular after a few years of living as a proxy, but he's still more on the lean side
-He still has the same cow plushie he had when he was a kid
-He was given Lyra's locket necklace after the car crash and still has it
-The black turtleneck he wears in his 17-year-old arc and up is his mom's
-He doesn't want to ever have kids because of all his disorders and bc he's afraid that he might turn out like his dad
-He has bipolar disorder, ADHD, CIPA, tourettes, schizophrenia, PTSD (After the car crash) and amnesia due to Slender-sickness .
-His schizophrenia causes him to occasionally see Lyra post-crash and have disorganized speech, along with other visual and audio hallucinations
-He does experience romantic attraction towards people, kind of, but suppressed it for the most part n he did sort of have crushes growing up but never got into any form of romantic relationship, especially because he convinced himself he was hideous and his disorders would just be too much for people to handle, and he could never bring her/him around to his family anyway
-The little amount of memories he has of his past and Lyra are very faded and almost feel far away like he dreamed them? He can't tell if certain memories he has actually did happen
-Although he can't remember everything, he remembers a few things. Sometimes things just feel off or right or familiar, and he just can't figure out why
-He usually gets part of his memories back if someone or something triggers it, for example, his own episodes, drinking, driving, yelling, nightmares, specific insults, dreams, etc.
-He has reoccurring nightmares of the crash and some of the times his dad @bused him, but he sometimes doesn't remember parts of it—or Can't really figure out the whole picture (who the people are, if it did even happen, and why he feels a certain way about it).
-He often wakes up screaming and crying because of the nightmares.
-Sucks at social interactions
-Lyra taught him how to paint his nails, and now Nina does it for him.
-felt nauseous and/or had a weird feeling of dread for the first year at least after the car crash if he had to even sit in a car
-feels uncomfortable to be shotgun when driving or drive himself; it makes him feel terrible for a reason he can't explain
-Started getting home-schooled after middle school because of constant bullying
-Lyra showed him most of the bands he enjoys and still listens to
-His dad wasn't outright like fully racist or smt, but he still strongly held onto more conservative ideologies and would make offhand comments towards people, the type of old person to believe everything they see on Facebook and say some BS like, "This new generation is just a bunch of snowflakes; back in my day, bla bla bla—"
-If he's honest with himself, he did kind of hate his mom sometimes for the same reason Lyra did. His mom never left his dad even after he started drinking more and snapping more at the whole family mentally and physically. She'd try to excuse Frank's behavior and keep forgiving him. She still cared a lot about Toby, and he knows that he would have been fully lost without her and Lyra's support and is deeply grateful for it, but he still can't get over her staying with Frank and her sympathy towards him. Her love towards Toby was part of the reason Toby didn't k!ll her too.
-His favorite colors are orange, brown, and black.
-Loves Carmel candy and has a really big sweet tooth
-He smells like the woods after it rained, caramel, and bl00d.
-He listens to: Get Scared, Falling in Reverse, My Chemical Romance, Korn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Pierce the Veil, Midwest emo in general (The Front Bottoms, McCafferty), Nirvana, Pixies, Radiohead, ICP, Arctic Monkeys, Three Days Grace, Fall Out Boy, Set It Off, Panic! At The Disco, She Wants Revenge, The Smashing Pumpkins, Flyleaf, MSI, Green Day, Gorillaz, Slipknot, Metallica, and more. But he doesn't ever remember the song titles or band names; he says that he listens to just whatever sounds good.
-Had a Nightcore phase
-His birthday is on April 28th. He doesn't have a set birth year in my AU.
-Midwest emo-coded
-Regrets his K!lls when he thinks about it too much and is no longer under Slenderman's influence
-Used k!lling as an outlet to deal with his negative emotions and to gain back that feeling of being in power which he felt like he lacked in his life because of his dad and his disorders/how he was treated in his life for most of his proxy years but also low-key knew it was toxic and felt shit for putting his anger out on people and using k!lling to cope
-K!lled his dad fully under Slenderman's influence; he doesn't fully regret it, but he doesn't feel great about it anymore either.
-Wears a mouthguard out of metal and orange goggles (also Canon, I think?)
-Chewed through his cheek
-Has a strange fascination with fire and feels drawn to it
-His Tourette causes his neck to snap to the side, his shoulders to twitch, and sometimes even for him to fully lean backwards, and he has a stutter. His tics and stutters get worse under stress.
-Loves alternative fashion and music
-Has scars and burn marks all over his body
-He knows that he has German roots on his dad's side; that's also why his name is Tobias, but he can't understand or speak German or has ever been to Germany.
-His Dad could speak German and used to insult him German
-Was raised in a small town outside of Denver in Colorado
-Prefers the cold over the heat
-His favorite season is Autumn
-He's not conventionally attractive
-He was short for most of his life and only grew very slowly (he's like 5.6-5.9 in my AU).
-Uses/Used unhealthy coping mechanisms: smoking n $h
-Low-key feels inhumane because of his CIPA and hates it because of how dangerous it is to him but also loves it at times.
-Started throwing himself into reckless situations and fights after he became a proxy because he thinks he's invincible or something because of his CIPA Although it's more of the opposite
-He sees Jack or Nurse Ann more than any other proxy because of how often he gets hurt.
-Him and Ej are basically polar opposites
-Tried to off himself after K!lling his dad and running away (mentioned in the original Ticci Toby backstory video also), but Slenderman stopped him.
-Keeps a thermostat next to his shower and sink because of his CIPA
-No, Toby would not be purposely physically abusive, especially towards his partner. 🥀🥀 He literally hated his dad for it.
-Has brown eyes and wavy brown hair
-Used to be more reserved, but after that manic phase he had in which he slimed out his dad n others and being a proxy for a bit, he got more loud-mouthed, sarcastic, and confident
-Refuses to visit Lyra's grave
-Bisexual
-Had a situation-ship with Clockwork for a bit, but she "broke up" with him
-Loves animals and insects, especially raccoons and deer
-Started listening to dad rock because of Tim and Brian
-Doesn't drink alkohol at all
-Never had a real friend before becoming a proxy; Lyra was his first and only friend
-Weed makes his tics worse but also makes him more relaxed
-Has cannibalistic tendencies he doesn't give into
-Still chews up his hands, fingernails, and cheek when he's nervous, stressed, or bored
-Can't stand still for the life of him; he's constantly fidgeting.
-Either no eye contact or staring directly at you
-Unintentionally Creepy
-Atheist or Agnostic
-Wears Converse religiously
-Loves nature, the woods, mountains
-Not the best cook, but he won't like burn down the entire kitchen either.
-Self-care is unheard of 🙏 he literally forgets to drink and eat and sleep for days on end.
-Stops eating when he's depressed, not purposely; he just loses his appetite (pretty sure this is Canon 2)
-Tim taught him how to shave
-Couldn't grow a beard up until his late teens
-Really fw Astrogeology
-Sucks at most sports
MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN
Ticci Toby Relationship Head-canons with NSFW HCs coming soon
