Bats In The Belfry
TO: @bottomless-pit-dweller
FROM: Your Secret Santa
"Who are you?" A quiet voice asks hours later, Steph drenched in sweat and fists wrapped but still aching something awful. If she weren't a bat she wold have jumped; she was a bit caught up in her head, didn't even hear the girl come in. She couldn't be Batman.
"I'm the new Batman." She answers with a resigned sigh, turning to face the girl.
"Hey Steph, can you do me a Solid?" Tim's voice started when she picked up the phone, and she groaned in frustration because that voice was the 'I'm going to ask you do do something you don't want to do' voice, but it was Tim, so it was also the 'You'll do it anyway' voice, and she just wanted A Day Off.
"What's up, Tim?" She sighed, and got gratification from the 'ah' that always accompanied that uncomfortable-guilty cringe he did. Good. If she had to deal with his bullshit, then he probably deserves the discomfort.
"So. Don't hang up-" he says, and, if Steph was stupid enough to believe Tim hadn't done something to remotely disable the Hang Up button on her phone, she definitely would have. Heck, she kinda wanted to try anyway, and he hadn't even said anything yet. "But.Um. So."
"Get to the point, Tim." Steph gritted out, and Tim heaved a sigh of his own.
"So. Dick's off planet with Duke and Babs for some peace talk." He started and yes, she already knew this, and he was clearly and blatantly stalling for time, and she didn't want to deal with this bullshit.
"Yes, Tim. I was there when Ol' Batty went over the plan. You're Batman- sorry for your luck-, Damian's Robin and training that girl from his school- that's honestly kinda cute- and Cass is flying back in to fill in for Nightwing. Cullen gets to try his spot at Oracle. Harper stays Batgirl, I stay awesome, Jason stays Redhood, and Bruce stays in bed on Alfred's orders. Seriously, Get To The Point or I'll just drop the phone and leave." she threatens, and Tim is silent long enough that she almost starts celebrating a rare bullet dodged, because whatever he's trying to ask is not gonna be good. But, Alas-
"Damian snuck onto the ship with the others. And Zeta beams as well as Communications were quickly disabled." Tim doesn't know how to blink first. Figures. She mutters a curse as she figures something else out, fingers turning white in her grip of the phone, because-
"They left a week ago, Tim. Ever think that maybe this is information you're supposed to share with the class?" She nearly growled, because she loved Tim, but he's also the absolute worst sometimes.
"I didn't want to worry anyone! We can't really do anything about it besides hope everything's fine and try to fix it from our end, and The Leauge is already working on that. I've been training Olive, and it's been a quiet week. I didn't need a Robin." He defends himself, and there's a bit to unpack and talk about there, because he must be woried out of his mind and it's bullshit that he didn't tell any of them, but there are more pressing matters.
"I'm sensing a 'But' here." she says hesitantly, reminded of Pandora and her Box.
"But," he obliges, "I'm a little...Shot, right now. Ok. Maybe a lot shot. I'm on bed rest for the foreseeable future. Bart dragged me to Titans Tower because Alfred's so busy with Bruce. I had to blackmail them into letting me have this call instead of passing out." He admits reluctantly and yeah, now that she's listening for it instead of just being angry at him for talking, she can hear his breathing and he's talking a little slow, which is the Bat Equivalent of slurring your words.
"What the hell Tim." she groans, feeling a headache start to form. "Seriously, spit it out. What do you want? What is this about?" She asked, anger masking worry.
"You are my last hope." he starts, and that's not good. "I swear Steph, I wouldn't ask if you weren't. I need you to be Batman."
Steph is silent. She freezes. she's clenching one fist hard enough to draw blood with her nails, and the other hard enough to crack the phone in half if it wasn't a BatPhone designed to keep sturdier then a fucking Nokia. It makes sense, given ho angry people get when talking to Bruce. After the seventh that broke being thrown against a wall and the 12 that was snapped in half and the 3rd ground into bits under someone's heel, they went through some revisions.
"Please Steph. I'll delete that blackmail from Star City, you know the one. I'll give you eternal access to whatever you want. I'll dress in drag and do the Hula. I'm actually begging here. Harper can't be Batman. Jason *laughed* at me when I asked. Cass is dead set on Nightwing, something about a bet. Kate doesn't have time to be Batwoman right now, let alone Batman. No one can get a hold of Azreal. Jim's too old, even with the mech suit. You're the only option." He rants and wow, either pain or drugs is really getting to him because he sounds almost hysteric.
"Fuck you." she snarls. "Fuck you sideways. Fuck Everyone in this god forsaken family. Fuck Damian in particular, little brat. Fuck you." She spits, because she;s a fighter and this is the best she can do. "Seriously. Fuck You. My revenge will be slow and painful, and you owe me so many things, and I'm dying the BatSuit purple out of spite. All of them. Except Cass's, because I love her. Once you heal, I'm kicking your ass." She grumbles and promises and goes on, but it all boils down to her reluctant defeat.
"Thanks Steph, yes I know I suck, you're the best, Goddess amoung Mortals, yes I know you hate me, sorry steph-" Tim indulges her rant because he's a good friend and a smart guy like that, and she only stops when he actually starts slurring words.
"Go The Fuck To Sleep, Boy Wonder." She growls and he hums a good bye and hangs up. She almost buries her head in her knees and pities herself, but instead goes to the BatCave and works through her anger with a good old fashioned punching bag.
Fuck This.
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