#bowser thoughts

[unbound-shade]

Neurodivergent Elementary Schooler Gothic

You show up to recess. The other children are playing a game. They pressure you to join, but will not tell you the rules.

You get told to stop correcting your peers. None of these people have been properly taught to fear misunderstandings or getting the wrong answer at the critical moment; two of the things that have hurt you the most in your time here.

You have had one consistent friend since the first grade, but the way they start to treat you around others as you age has you looking for the seams of the mask this imposter is wearing. You can't tell when the genuine friend and the doppelganger trade places.

You love one thing above all others. You hide it from your classmates. They've ridiculed your love enough.

One day, you're told your only friend has moved away. You look at the others you've been in class with the last two or three years. They look like strangers. They look back at you like they stepped in something.

It's bean burrito and brownie day. Last week, the feeling of the beans on your tongue and teeth made you vomit. You just eat your brownie instead. The teacher makes you eat the burrito anyway. The middle is cold.

You are crying. You did your art project incorrectly and it turned out poorly. The other kids' projects are just as bad, but they seem unaffected by their own failure as they drink in your distress.

There was homework last night. You don't know what it was. You discovered you even did some of it. You do not recall when.

[unbound-shade]

Kinda just... done with hot takes on media. I don't feel the depressing cynicism and the need of ego to have "better" or "more refined" tastes than the people around me. Everyone goes through a cynical phase; it's important that we grow out of it eventually and that we find some simple stuff to enjoy when we're not being made to work.

[unbound-shade]

Every nerd argument I end up in only reinforces my "practice satisfaction" approach to pop culture. So many pretentious arguments to set themselves apart from "mindless consumers". So much insistence on nothing ever being good enough, or sometimes even competent, propped up by the same pretentious gatekeeping that produced stereotypical characters like the Simpson's Comic Book Guy. Inventing fences just to claim that the grass is suddenly greener anywhere but where they are.

There's always justification for actual criticism, but enjoying what you enjoy comes first. If you and other fans are getting what you want and need from something and can reasonably explain why and the person you're talking to won't let that be ok, you're talking to an asshole. Letting people enjoy what they enjoy and focusing on enjoying what you enjoy should always come before sucking the joy out of others for a chance to look smart.

Liking things shouldn't be a constant uphill fight against people who also claim to enjoy those things, but only ever shove others back down the slope.

[unbound-shade]

I'm on vacation. I just finished a drinking competition.

Send me asks? No one sends me fun anons or anything.

[unbound-shade]

When someone posts, "I like -thing- because -reasons-," why do people always assume that's an invite for debate? We're kind of conditioned to be casually critical all the time, of everything, as far as media goes. We're taught that the quality of our tastes helps externally determine our quality as a human being, so seeming discerning or hard to please is an easy way to feel reassured and superior to others.

But if your friend posts about enjoying something and your first, conditioned response is to pen a negative or pointlessly critical comment that totally sucks the wind out of their sails, maybe go make your own post about not liking whatever it is. Maybe let them enjoy -thing- without having to rub your ego and pseudointellectualism all over their cheek like a smelly cock.

[unbound-shade]

I wish tumblr's profile tag searching wasn't so shitty. I looked for every tag and I still can't find my post about why Rick and Morty isn't bad just because its fanbase is full of shitheads. I need to update it for the new Joker movie. Which should be fun and enjoyable despite the fact that Joker fans can be awful cesspools of edgelord nonsense. I'll have to dig into my archive when I get home, but reacting to an IP based on ignorance of its individual merits and being bothered by its fanbase is the fandom equivalent of kicking the dog.

[unbound-shade]

I've felt this wave recently

Of social isolation. I've been putting it off and holding it at bay a long time. All in all, it's pretty standard stuff. You and your friends get jobs. Life shit starts rolling. Most people wind up with a significant other. It's normal stuff.

And I hold out well. On lonely weeks I invite people out to dinner, etc. But I'm having a harder time, in general, connecting with my friends in ways that really fill the void for me. I can't even specify how, because the reasons seem super specific or convoluted. But I feel this rift forming and it's undermining the entire sense of security I've worked to build since about the time I graduated high school. And it's starting to feel like some of the things I'm doing to try and improve that connection are being met with silence or annoyance.

And it hurts. I feel like people are tired of me and I feel like they don't listen.

[unbound-shade]

Treating people the way we want to be treated has never been adequate. We need to treat people the way they ask to be treated. Even if we don't understand why.

And we need to stop getting mad when people ask for a little more respect and benefit of the doubt than we're typically expected or conditioned to allow them. We need to listen to and meet people's needs the first time they ask. No one is bossing you around when they're trying to tell you how to meet their needs. Realize that only you know what you need and that only they know what they need. And then try to help each other get those things.