“Sometimes it feels like someone else is wearing my body.”
Six months of laughter, joy, sadness, loneliness, gratitude, wholeness, satisfaction, belonging. It’s been six months of nothing but overwhelming emotions.
The past three months i’ve been teaching in my very rural village in the Volta Region. My mornings begin with opening my front door and letting Sarabi out to stretch her legs. I then make her breakfast and make a cup of Nescafe, one cedi bread, and ground nut paste (peanut butter) for myself. On my way out, i see my neigbours making the banku hunched over a charcoal stove with faces glimmering with evidence of their hard morning. On the way to school, Sarabi and I are greeted by the faces of children and adults as they make it to their various destinations. The children yell “Madam, good morning” and i respond with the usual “Maakye, ete sen?”. Others yell, “Sarabi, Sarabi” while she looks towards the sound of her name and runs towards that person.
The school day is long but i always feel a sense of both accomplishment and “what the hell are you doing here” Math is no doubt a tough subject to learn so i understand their frustrations. Being their teacher has taught me patience more than anything else. I’ve learned to be patient with my students and not get frustrated, no matter how many times i have to repeat myself, and i’ve also learned to be patient with myself. Navigating the language, as well as being a first time teacher in a different country really alters your sense of reality. everything is challenged and you’re left feeling like “What the f**K????!!!” Then there are those moments that really reassure my decision of being here.
One day after finishing my lesson plans for the week, I requested permission from the ICT teacher to take the form 1 and form 2 students to the computer lab. It's not located on school grounds, so most of the students have never visited it, meaning they've never had access to the computers that have been in the town. I'd been informed that the computer lab had been in the town for a bit over a year and i found it strange, and even as a misuse of resources to have computers, and have them go unused.
When it was time for ICT, i gathered the form 1's and we walked to the community center, where the computer lab is located. I collaborated with the primary ICT teacher to have access to the computer lab and to assist the students to power up the devices. I really did not have a plan of action, so i was just going with the flow. I decided to teach them the basics of typing. I was going to teach them where their fingers go on the keyboard. Once in the lab, the atmosphere changed and it was filled with excitement. I paired the students 4 to a computer and instructed them on how to open Microsoft word. Once opened, we reviewed which fingers went on which letters on the keyboard and instructed them to practice writing their names one at a time. Once everyone had a turn, i instructed them to write out a sentence using the same method of typing and to practice it three times.
Once they had the basics down, i let them have free time to explore the other capabilities of the computer. Naturally, they found the games and all 20 students were playing solitaire or chess. Once the lesson was over, we walked back to the school and decided to ask them how i was performing as a teacher. Almost in unison, they replied with "Madam, you're a good teacher. I know you don't feel like that sometimes but you are. We are just bad students". And that's when i started to cry.
Last week we had our Reconnect, when Peace Corps brings all the volunteers in your cohort together for a week to discuss how the last three months at site have been. It was wonderful to see them all again and pick their brains on what worked in their classrooms and what still needed improvement. We swapped stories of new pets, new friendships formed, new projects in the works, and foreseen projects in the future. Hearing their stories made me want to be a more proactive member of my community. It also made me realize that just teaching is ok. Everything else will fall into place and i’m ok with that.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the type of volunteer i want to be. Sometimes i get lost in my brain a bit and have to claw my way out cause i can go to some pretty dark spaces and it alters my mental and emotional well being. But when i do find that place to critically think about my role here. It both excites me and saddens me.
“is my role here beneficial to my students?”
“what am i really contributing?”
“Where did that bite come from?”
“ Have i taken my malaria medication?”
“I haven’t pooped all week. Should i be worried?”
These are the questions i ask myself regularly. However, i’m in a good place both mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’m happy, healthy is on a spectrum at the moment, and at peace with my decision to be here.