Jun 23
I'm rehabbing a little tortoise despite never owning one before, which is perhaps a little strange. It's going well so far tho
seen from Bosnia & Herzegovina
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from China
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seen from United States
seen from Yemen
seen from Türkiye
seen from Netherlands
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from Russia
seen from Maldives
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Russia
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seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
I'm rehabbing a little tortoise despite never owning one before, which is perhaps a little strange. It's going well so far tho
Rock Grooves
i was thinking like hmm why have i fallen asleep so easily the past week? and realised that it's bc my tics are bad and i'm exhausted bc if it. why do i still get surprised that the Steals All Your Energy Disorder steals all my energy.
I'm gonna preface this by saying that this is not a big deal. I know it's not. Don't feel sorry for me. I just needed to think out loud for a second, bc every time conversations about the N word come up i have to think this is not about me. I have to deliberately shut my mouth about it. In the polls in that last post, that's reminding myself that saying something happens on purpose.
Ticcing something is not saying it. So when the poll asks if not saying the N word is difficult, the answer is of course no. I don't have to put energy toward not saying the N word, bc i have no reason or desire to say it. But i do have to make myself think about something else every time i hear it, because otherwise i start a spiral of the fear of developing an N word tic. I have to distract myself from it. I have verbal tics and coprolalia, and the first coprolalia tic i had started when i was obsessing over developing it. Probably because i was obsessing over it. I can't go around being scared of ticcing the wrong thing because that increases the chances of that tic happening, so i put energy toward not doing that.
In the posts that go around about listening to rap as a white person, i also shut my mouth. Because it's not important for me to add at that moment that i genuinely am the exception. And i do wish i wasn't, because i like rap. I try to find artists that don't say the N word, or at least don't say it that much. Because i have this obsessive fucking brain that will make my fear a reality if it gets enough fuel. And i don't want to tic the N word, because i don't want to hurt anyone in that way. So i don't listen to a lot of rap. But those posts are not about me. And my perspective is not important in that moment. And i know this, so i shut my mouth.
Also this is kinda self centered of me to talk about tbh and i don't mean to change the way you see those posts at all. They're still correct. White people should not be scared of hearing the N word, and also should never say it. I'm just specifically disabled in a way that makes that a little difficult. End message.
doing handstands is strangely calming to me. it's like a cheat code to make my brain calm down
does anyone else remember vsco girls? that was wild. they left as quick as they came
trying to practice reaching out to friends and like ask how they're doing and if they want to hang out. this is so fucking scary. but also! crucially! it is working and i get to hear about their lives yay
one way i'll never be a "real grown-up" is that i refuse to Host a friend at a hangout. the whole thing where the person visiting is an Esteemed Guest and the Host is supposed to serve them. nope! you are my friend. this is not an event, we are just sharing my space for a moment. i will invite you in as if you're coming to live with me. welcome! the glasses are in this cupboard if you get thirsty. we sort our trash like this. here is our storage space, it's not organized at all. you can put on music on this speaker if you want, or we'll just talk without. the only cleaning i do before a friend hangout is pick up trash and dirty laundry, all other mess stays. it's not like you're coming to do an inspection. we're friends. and i don't want my friends to Host me either! we'll eat together and as we're talking after i'll stand up and start doing the dishes. i'll ask if it's okay first but i will just start looking around for stuff instead of asking you to get something for me. hmm i'm in the mood for some tea do you also want a cup? we are friends sharing a space. let's not formalize that