Tw/ mental health, adhd, doctors
So 2 days ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD.
I cannot even find the words to accurately communicate how fucking VALIDATING getting that diagnosis was.
For years and years of my life I've been like "Yeah, i probably have adhd" but I felt TERRIBLE identifying with it because I didn't have a formal diagnosis. I was so worried I was just being an ignorant neurotypical, like the people who are like "omg yeah I'm SO OCD like I hate mess"
My parents always said I have ADHD, but because the school system does fuck all to support neurodivergent people they just never bothered to get me diagnosed. And I truly understand where they were coming from. I live in a tiny town, growing up the neurodivergent kids were more scrutinized than they were supported, it actually was safer at the time to go undiagnosed.
But I'm 20 now. At 17 my parents stopped making my appointments for me. For 3 years I was dragging my feet about getting diagnosed because out of EVERYTHING that I had to deal with growing up, all the struggle through highschool, the shittiness of zoomiversity, the thing that terrified me most was going to the doctor and hearing her say
"No, you're normal."
Because that's it, isn't it? The fear going to the doctor and them telling you that nothing is wrong, that its just *you*. That they have no idea what you're talking about. And for me i think that that is a response is rooted in the trauma of being a female presenting person trying to navigate the health care system. The fear of being told "no", then not getting the help you KNOW you need. And having to continue living your life when you KNOW that you could be so much more if you just got HELP.
But thankfully my doctor believed me. She told me:
"yeah, you've got all of the symptoms. Well set you up with counselling and I want to get you started on some medicine. We will find what works for you."
I nearly cried.
It's such a weird feeling, to be told that something you always suspected is correct. It's validating and you can finally allow yourself to be HOPEFUL.
I firmly believe that having ADHD is not a flaw, or the product of a broken brain or what have you. I truly think that humanity would not have gotten as far as it has if everyone's brain were built the exact same way. Having ADHD, being autistic, and just having a brain that works differently is a struggle because of the expectations and the systems of the society we live in. Our brains, fundamentally, weren't designed for capitalism.
We weren't designed to be individualistic, we weren't designed to not support eachother. The notion of "independence", with its modern expectations attached, does not create a thriving society. We have to rely on each other, and support each other. I'm slowly falling into a rant about ableism and although that is connected •♡°○lets stay on track○°♡•
I was so lucky that I was believed, that my doctor was quick to offer support. Not everyone gets that experience and it sucks. But I'm so happy that I finally got that diagnosis.
I'm mae, the possum, and I have ADHD.