I don't know how to write how I feel right now. I guess I feel confused. What I thought I wanted for such a long time, isn't what it deems to be. I hung out with the Ex for a few hours today at the beach. And I don't know, I didn't get those butterflies... I didn't feel like I wanted to spend hours on end with him like I used too. I felt like I wanted to run away from him. I guess I'm finally giving up. I guess this is the feeling of actually, giving up on someone.
However, when we parted, I felt lost again. I cried on the drive back to my house. I felt awfully sad because I don't feel like I know the Ex anymore. He bought a new motorcycle, he doesn't hang out with the same friends he used too, I think he's talking/seeing someone but I don't dare ask because of obvious reasons.
It's been so long between me and him, that I don't know him anymore. I guess I was naive to think that things will remain the same and we will hit it off like we used too but we don't. I feel like I can't talk to him the way I used too. The never-ending conversations we had is replaced with long awkward silences. I guess what scares me the most is realizing that the person I loved is gone and he's never coming back.
He's so far down the road that I can't reach him anymore.
