Part 7: Fake it to make it...
Summary - Why you gotta be so cruel…
There was an ache in her chest that she just couldn’t shake because she has to do it tonight. It wasn’t fair if she just let it go on as it has been, ignoring Dick and the rest of the family, trying desperately to sort things out on her own. Temperance has been sitting in her apartment for the last two hours, in her Red Robin suit, staring blankly at her phone. There were calls and texts from Dick worrying about where she was, they were growing constant and more panicked, he had started leaving voicemails, demanding to know where she was.
It wouldn’t be long before Dick started looking for her, if he wasn’t already. She had to make her move soon, get herself together. She was, for once, immensely glad that she wore a cowl; it would hide most of her face, and it would be easier on them both if Dick couldn’t read her as well as usual.
Getting up from her sofa, pulling the mask over her head, trying to take on the calm mindset of the vigilante as easily as she pulled on the body suit, harness and utility belt. The effect was instant, she felt stronger, more sure of what she had to do, she headed towards the window, it would be like a bandage, the quicker you rip it off, the less pain. Slapping her cheeks, she stood, her thoughts running wild in her head, she hoped this went according to plan. Opening her window, she shot off the grapple to the building across and swung.
She was out now, running across roof tops, and swinging between buildings, taking out the odd crook, simple things, to settle her mind, trying to gain the confidence she would need to face the man she’s desperately in love with...and break his heart. It had been two weeks since she had last saw Dick, and this was not the reunion that she wanted with him, but it needed to be done. The backlash, the possibility he could get hurt, be found out, be exposed. If he got hurt because of her, she’d never be able to move again.
Three weeks ago, Temperance had received a number of cryptic, untraceable messages. Each came in various forms, some in texts on her phone, messages from random perps on the street she had busted. The ones that really got her the notes left on her bedside table while she slept because that meant they knew who she was, could find her, and be able to find those she cared about, putting everyone around her in danger. When she couldn’t hack the messages, when the cameras in her apartment were re-wired effortlessly, she knew she was dealing with someone far out of their usual criminal element. Someone that could circumvent her brain, her plans, her contingencies.
She has been trying to figure out what they were about when she had a breakthrough. By the time she’d decoded all of them, the message was very clear. They were a warning and growing more intense and specific as they went on. The fact that they had managed to find out who she was, in and out of costume, where she lived and get in and out leaving messages so close to her without her waking up worried her. They all hinted at danger and pain. It wasn’t until the last one of most recent ones that she realised they weren’t about harming her, they were about hurting Dick and other members of the Bat family if she’d didn’t do what the threats demanded: stop interfering in Gotham’s seedy underworld and leave..
She was thinking about what to do while researching and investigating who it was. She’s got some leads, but nothing solid enough to act and time is running out. If she didn’t leave Gotham tonight, the attacks on her family would start. All of it forced her hand, and now as she stood on the top of Wayne Tower looking down on Gotham without a clue as to who as sending her these threats, her options were limited. One thing was clear though, if she cut ties and left the Bat family, left Gotham, they would be ok. She could carry on the investigation out of town, come back once she put the perpetrators in jail. Until she did, however, she had to make hard decisions when her whole body screamed against it.
She could do this, being alone was nothing compared to knowing that they were in danger because of her. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be for long and she would figure out who was behind this before anyone she cared about got hurt. Bruce, Jason, Dick, and even Damian were all in danger of being exposed, hunted down, and cutting ties completely while she worked the case is her only option. But Dick… with Dick, though, she didn’t think he would ever forgive her for this. But it had to be done because she had to protect them, at all costs.
Sitting on the edge of their usual meeting place high on top Wayne Tower, she waited. It wouldn’t be long before Dick found her, not with Oracle’s access to all the cameras in the city. Barbara had probably let him know her location the second she landed. All she had to do was pass the time until she would have to do everything necessary to keep him safe. She turned on the com, made sure it was muted on her end while listening to the usual back-and-forth banter between the Red Hood, Robin and B. It was so familiar, striking her in the chest with pangs of nostalgia. She would miss this, family nights in Gotham when they all got to be out.
She dearly hoped that she got this wrapped up quickly. Could come back into the fold as soon as possible (even if Dick never forgave her for it).
There was a thud behind her and the crunch of boots on asphalt. She would do this standing, she didn’t want to look as vulnerable as she felt.
“Red, where you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.” His voice gentles, as if trying to coax a wild animal.
“I’ve been busy,” She brushes him off. There is no time for pleasantries, not right now. “There’s something we need to talk about.”
His head tilts in confusion, “What is it Red? You ok?” He starts towards her, bringing his hands up to put on her shoulder.
Temperance backs up a little out of his grip, tilts her chin up so he thinks she’s actually looking, “I’m fine, as I said, I’ve been busy.” She knows she won’t be able to do this if he’s touching her, knows she’s got to keep a straight face to pull this off without making the first Robin suspicious.
He cringes as she moves away, fisting his raised hands, “You usually still make time for us when you’re busy. Do you want to tell me what’s going on here?”
“I haven’t had the time,” Forcing herself to straighten up and take a deep breath, “But, that’s what I want to talk to you about,” It was now or never, she just had to do it fast and leave so he wouldn’t know how much this is going to kill her. “Things...aren’t working out. I feel like we should break up.”
It was Dick’s turn to take a step back, “What? Why?” She could see the frown on his face deepening. “Where is this coming from? Talk to me!”
“I don’t need to explain myself to you, Dick. I just don’t want to be together anymore.” I want to protect you. I’m in love with you and it’ll kill me if you get hurt.
“Don’t need to explain yourself? You are breaking up with me out of the blue! I sure as hell need an explanation!” Dick’s face had morphed into an angry scowl (not that she could blame him) as he threw his hands up in the air.
Oh God, this was killing her, the look on his face painful to stomach, “Nightwing, don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be…”
He flinched when she made it Nightwing instead of Dick, distancing herself, but still it isn’t helping. “Difficult? Oh I’m sorry, Red, is this difficult for you?” His movements were becoming more wild, he points to his chest and adds, “Well it sure isn’t easy for me! None of this even makes sense. I thought...I thought we’d finally agreed we were going to be together after all these years. I thought we were doing to well.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be with you, Nightwing,” Damn, this was what she didn’t want to happen, hoping against hope that he would sulk off angrily and not look too deeply into the why behind it all, what a stupid thing to hope for, “I want to end this without all the drama. It’ll be easier for us both”
Suddenly he ripped off his domino, “Well, fuck me I guess, my girlfriend, who I’m in love with! Has just announced that we should break up.” He slumps to his knees, hands in his hair.
She slowly put her hands out, as though to give comfort, before quickly pulling them back, “Don’t do this.”
He looks up at her from his position, “Don’t, don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. You don’t have the right, if you’re really breaking up with me. After everything we’ve fought through to get to this point, to be what we are to each other, and you’re just going to throw it away? Throw me away? And I don’t even get to know why?” His voice is breaking.
Damn, he was going to cry, and she was slowly losing it, not able to give him some bullshit excuse that could make this easier for them both. “Please, just, calm down, please...”
His eyes are red and getting wetter by the second, “I don’t understand Temp, we were good, we were great, what happened? What did I do to make you--?” He chokes and whatever he was ready to say makes her clench both fists, blink rapidly behind the cowl.
Nononono! “Nothing! Nothing, Dick, it’s nothing you did!” She rushed because she couldn’t hurt him that much, to think it was all because of him when it was her fault.
Dick looked more confused, “Then why? Why are you doing this, baby?”
“I need to,” She watched as tears started to run down his cheeks, “I-I don’t want to be with you anymore…” She is super glad that she’d worn the cowl, her eyes are starting to sting.
Dick smashed his fists on the roof, “I don’t believe it, I can’t believe it! Something happened! Something had to have happened--!”
Suddenly there is a crack of thunder, as though the heavens are also against her, wishing to make this more miserable than it already was, rain started to pour, she had to do it, it will keep him safe, “I don’t love you Dick, I can’t be with you!”
Dick’s crushed look was too much, but at least he seemed to believe. “You...Temp, you don’t love me?” At that, her tears spilled over freely, making it sticky under her mask.
She sucked in a breath, keeping her objective in the forefront of her mind. This was for Dick’s safety, to keep him from being exposed, and she could do this, She had to do this. “I don’t, not anymore…”
Dick’s face suddenly went blank and his eyes narrowed, that wasn’t good, “I don’t believe you…”
She moved slightly back, shoulders tensing, “What?”
“I don’t believe you,” Getting to his feet and taking a step forward, he places his hands on every side of her wet face, refuses to let her get even a step further away, “Even with the mask, I can tell that you aren’t looking me in the eye...”
“No… I don’t, I --” Her words were choked, she didn’t do anything that obvious, did she?
Temperance shivered at the touch of his thumb as it touched the ridge of her mask, “Take off the mask.”
“No…” She couldn’t, he would know.
“Come on, Temp,” is Dick cajoling her, because he knows something is most definitely up, “one last request. Take off the mask, look me in the eye, and tell me you no longer love me, no longer care for me, like I care for you.” Temperance felt as he started to apply pressure and move the mask up slowly.
She didn’t know what to do, but caught at his wrists, trying to stop him. “I don’t --”
“It’s cruel, Temperance, not facing me fully,” He worked the mask up and over her head against her hold, “do this for me…” His voice his soft, nearly drained out from the rain.
“Dick I --” The words were stuck in her throat.
“Why are you crying, Temp?” His thumb brushing the tears and rain from her cheeks, “I thought this was what you wanted?”
“I- I--” She couldn’t think of anything to say, his blue eyes stunning her.
“You gonna tell me now? Look at me and tell me you don’t love me,” His voice broke, his mouth wobbled a bit, “I’ll leave, no more questions asked, if you can do that…”
“I- I don’t- I --” Just tell him, it was simple, should be easy, If it were anyone else other than Dick Grayson. “Dick, I --” The were just words, right? But why was this so hard? “I don’t love you” Her voice wavered through words she had managed to force out.
“Temp, baby, how can I believe that when it looks like you’re about to break into pieces?” His voice was sweet and soft with affection, his warm hands against her rain cooled skin.
“I don’t love you...” She tried again, her voice still breaking.
“Tell me whats going on,” He pleaded, tilting her face, already passing off the words to get to the motivation underneath. “Let me help you...” Dick whispered into skin.
“You can’t,” She had to do it alone, “I have to keep you safe.” She didn’t want to cause him any extra trouble. “I have to let you go…”
Ah-ha, Dick knew it. Knew something was off here, something terribly out of character. “Baby, look at me and tell me what’s happened…” He pushed stray hairs from her face.
“I --” Temperance is mortified at how much she is crying right now. Get yourself together!
“It’s ok Tempie, I’m here, I got you.” He let go of her for a moment, before slipping his arms around her waist. “Now tell me what this was all about.”
“Dick !--” It was hard to concentrate, his warmth distracting, “I just wanted to keep you safe,” She lets out a sniffle, “Just wanted everyone to be safe --”
He kisses her temple, “Shh, it’s going to be fine, we’re going to be alright, you just have to tell me. We can get this sorted out...” His arms tightened around her waist.
“Someone --” Another sniffle, “There were messages sent to me, warning me that --” She didn’t know how to explain, her argument sounded weaker and weaker every time she thought about it now, “That if I didn’t leave you guys and Gotham, they were going to--”
Temperance is cut off, “Temperance, we’ve had threats like that before--”
She could hear the panic in her voice, “Not like this! Usually we know who we’re dealing with!” She needed him to understand. “This someone got into my apartment Dick! He knows who I am, don’t you understand?”
Dick pulls back to look at her, “What!?”
She shrugs and brings her arms around Dick’s waist, squeezing him, “They left little clues, in different places, when I figured it out, this was the only thing I could think to do while I leave the city to try finding more clues on who is doing this!”
Temperance can feel the sigh that escapes Dick, “Temp, you could have come to us.”
She holds tighter, “I don’t know who they are Dick. It isn’t worth the risk! If they find out I haven’t done what they asked, they might hurt someone! I couldn’t live with that!” Her breathing was getting faster, and she could recognise the signs, she was working herself into a panic.
She felt his hands come to rub up and down her back, soothing and warm, “Shush, it’s ok Tee, we got this, we’ll figure it out --”
Tensing, temperance gripped his uniform, “No! I can’t involve you!”
She could feel Dick pause, “I’m already involved,” came the quiet reply, “I’m not going to let you hurt yourself for us...”
Temperance tried again, “But I--”
Temperance hears the groan from Dick, “No buts Temp, we’re gonna figure this out.”
She feels Dick put his hands on her arms and gently push, she looks up at him, “Do you love me, Tee?” He asks softly.
“Then that's all that matters. Everything else we can solve together.” He shushes her with a quick kiss, “Though, if you ever try breaking up with mo over something like this again, we are going to have a talk.” His voice deep and serious as he tells her.
“I just wanted to keep you safe, I--”
Dick tutted at her, and it kind of reminds her of Damian, “I get that, but it hurts, Temperance, how easy it was for you to try and cut things off between us.”
“Easy? It wasn’t easy!” She shouts, “I had to protect you, keep you safe! I could do this and keep you out of it, Dick! They’ll come for you, they’ll come to hurt you because of me, and I can’t--!”
His face softens, “I know that, but you could of come to me, instead you blindsided me.”
“I just wanted to keep you safe since I don’t even know who’s doing this or why…” Temperance murmurs.
“Temp, I get that, but I’m a big vigilante, I’ve been in the game longer than you, and I can look after myself. I just wish you had come to me first, instead of doing this.” She can hear the hurt, the tightness in her chest from earlier is back.
She wants to reassure him now, “Next time, I promise, I was just so scared Dick, they know who I am, where I live… I just didn’t know what to do, I panicked.”
His voice is understanding and it loosens the pain inside her, “Listen Temp, now that I know, I can help you, I love you baby, you know that right?”
“Then this is what’s going to happen,” He finally steps away from her, and pulls her mask back over her face for her, “You’re gonna come with me, stay at my place and we will lock down the apartment and let Bruce know to be on alert.” He finally get’s his domino back on and turns to her, “if my place gets compromised, we have safe houses all over the city. Jay can disappear if we really need him to, but with all of us on the case, whoever is threatening you won’t stand stand a chance. We’ll find this guy, ok?”
“Ok…” She wipes at her face, “I love you,Dick, I’m so sorry,” She doesn’t know how to make this better, “I’m sorry I did this to you! I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I’m already running out of time.”
Dick hugs her again, hums, and grips her tight, “It’s ok Temp, everything’s going to be fine.” His words made the tightness in her chest loosen completely. His warmth seeped through her wet suit, giving her comfort. His smell calming her in ways she hadn’t felt for weeks. Why did she always mess things up? It would follow her, the pain she had caused him, she would have to make it up to him, so he would always know, so there would never be any question as to who she’s always belonged.!
(And as the night closes in, settles over Gotham’s skyline, she has no idea the small, private army amassing against her or the other plans put in place to take her and the ones she cares about out of the vigilante game. Permanently.)