Could you do a criminal minds x reader where reader is viewed as super sweet and dresses brighter and stuff like Penelope but one day they have to come in like super late/by surprise so everyone is in their normal clothes and the bau sees that reader has a big ass, super cool tattoo? And they’re all surprised and stuff
You're looking less-than professional in your backless halter top when you take your seat at the round table, but no one bats an eye until you stand from the chair to leave. Hotch's call of 'Wheels up in 20' means that the room clears as everyone hunts for their gobags, and the second you turn your back to your coworkers a litany of reactions fill the space.
Of course, the most dramatic is from Garcia, but you hear enough to count all of your coworkers, except one. Hotch's brows are raised when you turn back to see them, though - apparently he's not above being startled.
"Woah, hot stuff," Prentiss calls, a grin spreading over her face, "You've got some nice ink back there!"
"I didn't know you had tattoos," JJ muses, staring at you with curious amusement like she's recalculating your image in her mind, "That's really intricate. I like it."
"Oh, it's-" You reach a hand up to stroke awkwardly over the inked skin, "I kind of forgot you'd never seen it before."
"Turn around again!" Garcia gushes, "I wanna look at it."
You spin on command, and Hotch and Rossi are kind enough not to gawp with the others, passing you on their way to the door.
"You've got guts, kid," Rossi grimaces, "I've been in a lot of pain before, but I don't know if I'd willingly sit there for all of that."
"I wouldn't," Hotch shakes his head with a good-natured smile, "Haley and I got small, matching ones in college, and I had a hard time with that one."
"Is that based off of Norse mythology?" Spencer pokes his head around your shoulder to stare bright-eyed at you, "Some of the symbols remind me of-"
"It's just a sick-ass tattoo, Reid." Morgan shoves at his shoulder. peering avidly at the art, "Don't ruin this for everyone."
Reid takes the shove like a champion, smiling kindly, albeit awkwardly at you as he moves for the door himself, "I like it."
"Thanks, Reid," You call, flinching slightly as a hand traces one of the symbols on your back.
"Ooh! Sorry, pumpkin," Garcia calls, the hand drawn away in a flash, "I got too grabby. I just think it's really cool," she takes your hand, leading you towards the door while the others follow to continue staring at your tattoo, "I'd show you my own body art, but it's not really in a spot that I can display in the workplace."
"Well this I've gotta see," Morgan teases, "Let's all huddle in the bathroom on the jet, babygirl, and see what you're hiding."
"It is not for your eyes, Derek Morgan," She huffs, though she's grinning at his attempt. The look in her eyes suggests that the tattoo is not for his eyes because it's something to do with him, and you're eager to giggle over whatever part of her body she's tatted 'babygirl' over later.
For now, though, you rifle through your gobag and shrug on a cardigan, effectively covering your back and its ink.
"It is a crying shame to cover up that artwork," Prentiss laments, "I bet it looks awesome peeking over tank tops."
"You'll see it again at the hotel," You laugh, "I have plans to use the jacuzzi before we leave."
"A jacuzzi sounds fantastic," JJ sighs, "But let's all of us agree that Morgan isn't invited - I wanna see Garcia's tattoo."
a/n: NSFW for you horny freaks!! this has been in my drafts for months. have I posted this before? who knows, tbh.
𝐄𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐬
Emily starts behind you — hands on your hips, lips at your neck, smirking as she makes you hold eye contact with your reflection.
“Look at you. Look how good you look taking it.”
She loves the visual: your lashes fluttering, mouth open, back arching. She’ll keep you there until you’re whining, legs shaking, begging to look away — and she won’t let you.
“I want you to see what I see when I ruin you.”
𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐉𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐮
Soft dominance. Gentle grip on your waist, forehead kisses between thrusts, but don’t mistake that sweetness — she lives for the image of you crying out her name in the mirror.
“You’re so beautiful like this, baby.”
She’ll whisper encouragement in your ear, keep you grounded while your body rocks against hers, every movement mirrored perfectly.
She catches your eye and just says, “Let go. I’ve got you.”
𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐞 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲
Pure control. She stands behind you, one arm wrapped around your torso, the other between your thighs, and you’re not allowed to look anywhere but the mirror.
“Don’t look down. Watch me take you apart.”
Her voice is dark and velvety in your ear.
“Look how desperate you are. So fucking wet for me.”
She gets off on watching your reactions — on seeing your thighs tremble, your hands claw at the vanity, your eyes glaze over as she takes you again and again.
𝐏𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐆𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐚
At first she’s shy about it — “Wait, you want me to watch?”
But when she sees how pretty you look in the mirror, all flushed and needy and grinding against her?
“Oh… oh, I like this.”
It turns her on so much to see the visual proof of how wrecked she’s making you — your lipstick smeared, body quaking, practically whining her name.
“God, look at us. We’re so hot.”
𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐋𝐞𝐰𝐢𝐬
Tara is the queen of mirror play. She’ll sit you on her lap in front of the mirror, strap buried deep, and hold you there with one arm around your waist and the other hand on your throat.
“Eyes on me.”
She rocks into you slowly, making sure you feel everything.
She talks you through it, low and teasing:
“Look how good you take it. Look how messy you get for me. That’s mine.”
You’ll be shaking before she even lets you move.
𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞
Clinical. Studied. Reverent. She positions you just right in front of the mirror — one leg hiked up, back arched — and she talks you through every slow thrust, every brush of her fingers.
“See that? That’s what you look like when I touch you right here.”
She wants you to learn the image of yourself undone for her — memorize it.
“You’re stunning when you’re this needy. Don’t look away.”
𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐡𝐚𝐧
Casual at first — playful even. She’ll press you against the mirror, kiss your shoulder, start slow.
But then she catches your expression — dazed, breathy, falling apart — and her whole demeanor changes.
“Oh. That’s what I do to you?”
Kate becomes obsessed with seeing you like that — flushed, eyes wide, body twitching as she ruts into you from behind.
“Fuck, babe. You’re so sexy like this. Don’t blink, I want you to see everything.”
I may be the minority in this but I think Hotchner would be very vanilla in bed. Not boring, but not crazy. I just don't see him as someone who would be into like, bdsm type stuff. I could be wrong
summary: penelope accidentally mentions that someone has a crush on you, she can't say who it is but you make it into a game so she can :)
warnings: spencer reid x bau!reader, gn reader, mentions of drinking wine, pg-13 language, talk of bugs?? its a nickname,,, lots of use of pet names lol, fluff, no mention of y/n yeehaw, pining, you're completely oblivious about how much spencer wants you, not proofread </3
authors note: first fic!! i haven't officially written a fic in. gosh, years?? since the pandemmy :( i really want to get back into writing, so have this little blurb that i thought of! by all means i am here for any constructive criticism you may have<3
wc: 2.7k
The clatter of fingertips tapping against a keyboard filled the dimly lit BAU office. You sit at your desk, eyes fixed on the glowing screen as you scroll through reports, cross-referencing case files and taking notes. The quiet hum of the building has long since settled into a lull; you barely realize how deeply you've fallen into your work,
The distant ticking of a clock finally breaks your trance, but it wasn't until you feel the hairs arise on the back of your neck that you become fully aware. You slowly blink with a quiet groan, glancing at the time at the bottom of your screen.
10:58 PM. Shit.
You align your fingertips atop of your keyboard, the soft clatter filling the office once more before you hear the all-too familiar voice.
"Babes, what are you still doing here?!"
You turn and see nobody else but Garcia, finally emitting from her bat-cave. Her arms cross against her chest, a disappointed hum coming from her pressed lips. "You, my love, should be at home in a nice hot bath with a glass of wine."
Your lips splay a lazy smirk as you lean back in your chair, stretching your body with a quiet groan. "I was just about to wrap up, Pen, I promise..." You assure your colleague, feeling the strain of staring at a screen all day every time that you blink.
"Good deal my beautiful bug," Penelope chirps as her arms drop to her side. She's just as tired as you are, having spent all of her day digging through databases to find information on a potential UnSub. Her heals click as she goes to turn away, walking back towards her office.
"You know, you have to get your beauty sleep for your lover boy in the mor..." Her once confident words grow timid as she begins to trail off.
Penelope's breath catches in her throat as she realizes the words that so effortlessly flew off her tongue, her blood running cold at her grave error. Spencer is going to kill her.
"My what?" Your eyes narrow, scoffing in a confused manner.
She stills, yet she doesn't turn to you.
"Nothing! I... I didn't say anything..." She mutters with a nervous stammer of your name, the rhythmic clicking of her heels continuing as she speeds to her office.
You stand, the wheels of your office chair sliding out from under you as you feel a weakness in both of your legs. You stretch once more, trying to think of when the last time you even stood was.
"Penelope Grace Garcia!"
Her hand is resting on the cold, slick material of the doorknob that has the potential to separate her from this deep abyss that she just dug herself into. Instead, she stills for another moment before turning to you once more.
Penelope has to think of a lie, and quick.
"Obviously... I was talking about Morgan!"
There is a reason why she does what she does for a living, and is rarely out on the field with the rest of the crew unless her technical skills are needed.
Your eyes squint with a tentative hum. You don't believe Garcia, not for a second.
"You do know I'm a profiler..." A grumble of amusement comes from your chest at Penelope's attempt.
"Right..." She murmurs, her voice quiet as she breaks your gaze. She's mentally kicking herself for blabbing, such a rookie mistake in the game of workplace gossip.
Your eyebrows raise as you await Garcia's confession. However, she stays strong, not uttering another peep from her velvet-painted lips.
"So...?" You sing after a beat of silence, stars of hope glistening in the pools of your eyes.
With a whine, Penelope's shoulders drop.
"Look... I love you, sweetness, I do..." Her lips droop into a frown. Penelope's eyes greet your own somberly with a shake of her own head. "But I promised I wouldn't tell..."
You feel a weight of disappointment on your chest, and with a sigh, you decide to drop it. Penelope sees the way the sparkle in your eye begins to dim, eliciting a whine from her barely audible to your own ears.
"But!" She chirps, trying to share some of her own light with you. Penelope shouldn't be doing this, and she knows it. However, she is far too nurturing to let a beautiful smile like yours falter for even a second. "If you guess it... it's not technically me telling you, right?"
"You know? I like the way your mind thinks," You hum, reveling in the fact that you got your way. "Twenty questions?" The cold sensation of the faux-leather hits you as you sit back in your chair.
The corner of Penelope's lips twitch upwards as a combination of guilt and excitement course through her veins. "You know I love a good game, hit me..." She murmurs, her voice self-assured as she pulls a chair from a nearby desk, her legs crossing as she sits next to you.
"Okay..." You mutter with a shaky sigh. The pounding of your heart fills your entire body, your stomach slightly cramping with nerves. "Is it someone I know?"
"Uh, duh?"
Your eyes flutter shut, raking through potential victims that fell for whatever love trap you didn't even intent on setting. "Male or female?"
"Acht! That's not part of the rules my curious friend and you know it," Her dark eyes narrow as she playfully scolds her colleague. "I'm totally counting it though, eighteen more questions..."
With pressed lips, you weigh out the obvious individuals who are least likely to be a contender. Penelope sees how deep you are in thought, and she can't help herself but quietly scoff.
How can you not know it's Spencer? She thinks to herself. Everyone around the office sees it -- everyone but you, apparently. As you think, her mind wanders to about two months prior, where Spencer came to her for love advice. Penelope, being herself, already knew he was fawning over you. She picked up on it the moment the genius somehow grew more awkward every time he were to speak to you.
However, also being herself, she refused to give him any sound advice until he spilled who the lucky contender was; which just so happened to be you.
The sound of your voice pulls her out of her own mind.
"Do I see them often?"
The corners of her lips prop upwards, almost tauntingly. "Very," she affirms.
Someone you see very often... you mentally walk through your day-to-day routine, retracing every step no matter how minuscule. You awake every morning to nobody in your apartment but your cat, besides the occasional sleepover with a friend every now and again. You ready yourself for work alone, your first stop in the morning being the local coffee shop down the street...
"Ooh! Is it someone from the coffee shop?" You chirp, your heart beginning to race at the idea of an unspoken stranger admiring your beauty from afar. Individuals you see there on a day-to-day basis flood your mind, although it completely falls empty for the exception of one person; a barista behind the counter, roughly your age who is not bad looking in the slightest.
"That would be a negative..." Her red-painted lips press together, a slight pang of disappointment hitting you in the gut that it wasn't the barista.
"Darn..." You tut, your mind trying to silently place the pieces of the puzzle together. Someone you know, someone you see often, not someone from the coffee shop...
Penelope can't believe how oblivious you are. How do you not pick up on the fact that Spencer follows you around the office like a lost puppy? Or the fact that when the two of you are on the field together, he insists you go with him or vice versa because he feels the need to protect you?
"No way that it's a colleague?" Your brows stitch together, your head slanting as you throw the inconceivable idea into the open.
Penelope's head slightly tilts downwards as she gazes at you through the top of her frames. She flashes you a sly, almost flirtatious grin at your not-so-far-fetched theory.
"And if it is?"
The feeling of your heart hammering in your heart is felt throughout your entire body, your cheeks warming as you feel blood rush to your brain.
"Who?!" You exclaim, completely forgoing the rules to the game. This narrows your options to about seven. Your hands fumble with the cotton on the hem of your shirt as you narrow your options down even further, a shuttering breath falling from your lips.
"How do you not know?!" Penelope is quick to match your energy, an actual pain shooting through her chest at your own naivety. Her brows raise as her eyes widen, her fists balling as she folds herself back from blurting it out.
Your lips part as you're about to exclaim something quick and witty back to your colleague when it hits you. Like a fish gulping for water, you feel the soft skin of your lips quickly snap shut.
The memories hit you all at once: the mornings you're in a rush and you forget your coffee - Reid excusing himself for a moment with a muttered excuse before returning with it minutes later, the nights you return home from a case and he offers to spend time with you because it pains you being alone after what you saw, the countless facts he will ramble to you on the plane because damn it, you're the only one that actually listens to him.
"Oh my god, Reid?" Your jaw drops as you gasp, your arms numbing as your nerves shoot past the roof and to the stratosphere.
With a relieved sigh, Penelope's palms slap against her thighs, planting her leg down onto the floor with her other one. "Finally!" She groans, almost feeling a sense of comfort that you know and the weird tension around the office while the two are around would soon come to an end.
"Since when?!" Your heart ticks against your chest so hard that you can hear it in your ears. Never in a million years would you assume it would be Spencer that would be silently pining over you. Reid?!
"Since like... forever, buttercup!" Penelope giggles. She can see the dots being connected in the pretty little brain of yours, and god, she loves it. Her voice softens, a warm, almost maternal intent behind them. "We really should be getting home..." She groans, her gaze flicking to the clock on the wall. "Since you two are totes madly in love already, let me know when one of you decides to make the move, okay?"
With a roll of your eyes, the back of your hand ever so gently strikes the side of Garcia's arm. She notices the way blush speckles across your face, a knowing grin playing against her own. You can't ignore the way your chest fuzzes over at the thought of Spencer feeling about you the way you feel about him, it makes your stomach ache with desire; you don't know if you love or hate the sensation.
"Goodnight, Garcia..." A mix between a chuckle and a sigh of contentment is emitted from you. She mumbles a quick 'good night' with a quick, playful wink before standing from her chair, returning it to its original home.
‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊
The next morning you're in a hurry to get to work, oversleeping by a long shot as it took you forever to wind down last night due to your wandering thoughts.
You get to your desk with merely minutes to spare, a tired, overwhelmed groan falling from your lips as you place your bag in your desk and splay your jacket against the back of your chair.
"Long night last night, agent?"
You don't even have to look up to know who it is... your body freezes for a moment, not sure if you're prepared to deal with this; not yet, anyways.
With a soft sigh, your gaze is lifted and immediately greeted with Spencer's. His large, curious and caring stare. His hazel eyes almost bare into your own, causing a tingle to run down your spine. You try to ignore the butterflies that patter within the walls of your stomach, yet they're hard to confine.
"Yeah... I'm fine, Reid," You nod, your lips tentatively pressing together. "Just didn't sleep worth the damn last night... just... thinking about the case..." You trail, the sound of your voice growing softer and quieter like a beautiful decrescendo.
His lips part for just a moment, an inaudible 'ah' coming from him before giving you an understanding nod.
"I figured... Garcia told me you were here late last night and I kind of... presumed this may happen," He muses with an awkward chuckle. "Which is why... I brought you this..."
Reid's tall frame trails away from your desk for a moment, which draws out a soft hum from you as you tap your fingertips against the smooth, cool material of your desk.
His long stride is quick to return, your heart almost leaping out of your throat as he sees what's within his long, slender fingers.
Your favorite coffee.
You accept the gesture, your stomach doing flips as you take the cup within the confines of your own grasp. You mumble something quick and playful, telling Spencer that he is your favorite person in the world right now for such a small action.
The feeling of someone else watching you is burned into the back of your skull, a sensation churning in your gut that you can't shake. Your gaze flicks over to the side, in which you're immediately greeted by Garcia.
She not-so-subtly flashes two thumbs up at you, her nails painted a shade of dark purple. "Go get 'em!" She mouths in approval, your gaze quickly turning over to the male in front of you in attempt to hide Penelope's matchmaking attempt.
"Hey... do you um... maybe want to get coffee at this place together sometime?" You attempt to thickly swallow down your nerves, trying to soothe the heartbeat creeping out of your chest.
Spencer is silent a moment, his lips twitching upwards in a sign of approval at your suggestion. You see the thoughts shifting through his mind, the rates of his blinks increasing in a sense of disbelief that you're actually asking him this.
"I-- um... yeah! Let's do tomorrow before work? If... you're okay getting up that early, if not we can totally do a different time, perhaps--"
"Tomorrow it is..." You cut him off, something you rarely do. He nods in agreement, a quiet 'tomorrow' mumbled from his lips as he attempts to conceal his excitement.
You’re not sure how to shake off the butterflies in your stomach, but Spencer’s shy smile is enough to make you feel warm all over. You take a sip of your coffee, letting the moment linger. Before you can say anything else, Garcia’s voice breaks through your thoughts, louder than life.
"You two better not cancel on me! I want details!" she teases from across the room, flashing a mischievous grin your way. You roll your eyes, but you can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips.
Spencer, now fully aware of the matchmaker’s antics, lets out a soft laugh, running a hand through his hair, looking even more flustered than before.
You meet his gaze again, a new kind of tension settling between you—a mix of nerves, excitement, and something deeper that you’re not ready to name just yet. You take a breath, feeling that the next chapter of whatever this is has already started, and it’s thrilling.
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” you murmur, unable to stop the grin that’s threatening to split your face. Spencer nods, his smile small but genuine, as he turns to head to his desk.
As he walks away, you catch a glimpse of Garcia again, this time with an exaggerated wink. You shake your head, but you can’t suppress the warmth blooming in your chest. Tomorrow’s going to be interesting, to say the least.
And maybe... just maybe, things are finally falling into place.
Can you do a "bau reacts" when they are undercover in public and about to be found out so the reader just starts making out with them to pretend they are just a couple?
(BAU Headcanons) Making out Undercover
A/N: Mwahaha. Oh, this is a good prompt. Thanks for making me daydream all afternoon. Enjoy my lovelies 😉 Also, as a note, I'm writing the main BAU where I'm at watching it (season 13) plus Luke as he was requested previously 💕
Warnings: Mentions of threat, mentions of weapons, alcohol references, sexual references, implied cases / unsubs. (Let me know if I missed any)
Aaron Hotchner
We know Aaron doesn’t go undercover for most cases, so this would have to be a big case to get him into the field.
This man would be in shock. Let’s be real. He would freeze in place and try to argue for a split second until he realises what you’re trying to do and why - even if you were already together.
As soon as they’re gone though, you’d glance up and see his usual steely glare that tells you you’re in for a scolding once this is over.
However, you’d have to be blind to miss the way he lingers for a moment, holding you close for half a second longer than necessary.
“I feel I should remind you that we are in the field, and whilst it may have worked, I can’t endorse it as a tactic in future. Understood?”
“So I’m hearing that we’re leaving this off of our case report then?”
“Agreed. I don’t need to give Strauss anything else to use to go after us and the team.”
He would roll his eyes and take off after the Unsub, but you’d have to be blind to miss the way he smirks as he goes.
David Rossi
He’d be a little embarrassed but mostly quite smug about the whole thing, even if you were supposed to be undercover.
“Well, I can safely say in all my years in this field I don’t think that’s ever happened to me before.”
He’d also refuse to let you apologise for your actions afterwards either.
One, because he’s kind of flattered.
Two, because he’s been around the block a few times and knows that sometimes you have to do what it takes to solve a case or protect yourselves.
Three, you were supposed to be a couple and kissing is what couples do. He’s only sour because if anything he would have liked to be the one who kissed you.
“Relax about it, would you? I won’t tell you some of the things Gideon and I had to do back in the old days. That was before all this new paperwork and guidelines, so that’s all I’ll say on the matter.”
You make a point of remembering to ask him about that at your next night off over drinks.
Derek Morgan
Derek is always up for anything so I feel like he’d be pretty relaxed about being undercover with you, even if you weren't together romantically. He has no issue playing your pretend boyfriend for one night, and is quick to wrap his arm around you.
Which is why it would be such a surprise to him when it’s you who initiated the kiss.
Derek would freeze for like a second, but only out of shock. However, you know he wouldn’t fight you on it.
The second his brain catches up to his body he would be kissing you back, doing everything in his power to match your energy and sell this kiss.
If anything, you’re going to have to be the one to break away once the coast is clear and remind him you’re still technically in the field and that your team is probably wondering where the hell you are right now - and why you stopped responding to your comms.
“I’m just saying, if we get to do that then we need to be partnered up more often.”
“Yeah yeah, Morgan. Let’s just hope Penelope didn’t see that else we’ll never be hearing the end of it.”
Emily Prentiss
She’s been undercover plenty of times in her life and spent a whole chunk of time actually fake-married to Doyle for an op, so she’d be the most comfortable and understanding if you grabbed her for a kiss - especially if you were meant to be a fake couple.
She’d work it out pretty quickly and would respond in kind, pressing herself against you and running her hands all over you.
“Quick thinking with the kiss,” she’d whisper as she brushed a kiss against your neck.
She’d also know exactly where the Unsub is afterwards too, having kept watch in her peripheral vision.
She wouldn’t even have to break eye contact with you before she informed you, “3 o’clock. He just left out the fire exit.”
With that, she’d be off.
She also probably wouldn’t even bring it up again until you’re both back on the jet. Then she’d be smirking at you across the top of her drink and chuckling to herself.
“Normally I’d insist dinner first but given that we caught that bastard I think we’re even.”
JJ
JJ knows about going undercover and it takes a lot to rattle her. She would probably go along with the action, even if she’d stay kind of stiff for a good minute or so.
However, she’s a good agent and knows about maintaining a cover so quickly catches on when you pull her in.
She’d return the kiss, shooting glances out the corner of her eye when she thinks it might be safe to check on their target. If it doesn’t look like they’re buying it, she’ll turn things up a notch and spin you around so that she could take control.
“My gun is under my jacket. Reach for it slowly if he comes any closer,” she’d warn, but thankfully you don’t need it. Eventually they leave, distracted by something else, leaving you and JJ to recover.
After catching your breath, you both take off in the direction your target just left in. You can tell JJ is trying not to laugh about what just happened, choosing to make it funny rather than uncomfortable if you weren't together romantically.
Which means you know she’d enjoy teasing you about it in front of the others, making your cheeks burn as she announces on the jet: “For the record, even though it was a ‘cover kiss’ it was pretty good. Just saying. Maybe you should give Morgan some tips. That way he might get a girl to call him back after a first date.”
Luke Alvez
It doesn’t matter if he’s ex-army or whatever. Undercover is not really Luke’s thing and even then, he is more used to infiltrating gangs than playing house.
Basically, he would be surprised by your actions, despite being undercover together. Like, I can see his eyebrows hitting his hairline so fast, bless him. He’d look like a deer in headlights.
“Woah, sweetheart, slow your roll-“
“- Luke. Shut up and kiss me. Now.”
“I - ok.”
Just like that, he’d take control, turning and pressing you against the nearest wall in an attempt to shield you from whoever was watching. He’d also be such a gentleman about it if you weren't already together romantically, keeping his hands on your waist and pulling away the minute he’s sure the danger has passed.
Even then, he’d wait a minute before letting the two of you move from your position, just in case they come back. He’s your partner and he’s returning the favour for you keeping him safe, even if in an unsuspected manner.
“You good?”
“Luke. Shouldn’t I be asking you that? I was the one who planted myself on you.”
“Potato, po-tah-to. Are they still over there?”
“No. They just left out the back.”
“Then let’s go, partner. Let’s catch this freak.”
Penelope Garcia
If Penelope is in the field then you know she is already hella nervous and out of her element. It doesn’t matter if there was a reason she was needed for this particular assignment, she would just take that as added pressure not to let everyone down.
Which is why I’m sure you’d feel worse about planting one on her - even if it does also help distract her from worrying for a minute.
All I can imagine is her giving her trademark squeal of confusion and surprise, even if you gave her a hasty warning - and apology - about what you were going to do.
She’d be stunned at what was happening and probably takes a minute to realise she should probably try and kiss you back, or at least look less visibly startled about it.
“I feel I should point out how unfair it is that this is permitted as ‘suitable workplace behaviour’ as we’re undercover, yet my flirtatious texts with Agent Morgan are not? I will be writing a strongly worded email when we get back, telling HR they can go shove their-”
“Pen? Hey, focus here. Unsub still watching us.”
“Oh, right. Sorry! Ahem… as you were?”
Also, you know that like a day or so later, once it’s all over, she sends you an email informing you that your new username on the BAU system is now ‘smoochykins’ and she will not change it until it becomes not-funny for her… which will probably be never. After all, Morgan has been ‘Chocolate Thunder’ for the last two years and is still going strong.
Dr Spencer Reid
Spencer has been undercover before and is usually quite calm about it, even if it is faking a date or maintaining a story. Still, despite having to do your jobs, you’d hate to make him uncomfortable, knowing how he feels about any kind of physical contact - especially if you're not together.
As he says, with the amount of bacteria shared by shaking hands you’d be safer kissing … guess it was time to take it literally.
He’d be blushing like a tomato as you grab his jacket lapels and pull him close. And honestly? it’s kind of adorable. As is the way he tries to kiss you back, even if he still takes a minute to remember how to even move his body.
I’m just picturing the Lila kiss in season one and how he eased into that and how stunned / embarrassed he seemed afterwards. He would pretty much be like that, but with a fake smile on his face as he rambled in your ear.
“What was that?”
“I was covering our asses. We’re undercover, remember? We’re supposed to be a couple and couples kiss. Also, I’d thought you know, genius, that kissing and displays of public affection make people extremely uncomfortable.”
“No kidding… Morgan can never find out about this.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice. You got a deal, pretty boy. This is between us.”
Summary: The downside of seeing the team as family is intimacy
Today was a relatively quiet day at the office, no cases at the moment, no emergency trips, just a mountain of paperwork to finish.
You decided that you deserved a break and as a reward for your effort - which in this case was not having freaked out yet - you treated yourself to a coffee with lots of caramel and whipped cream.
You were at your desk absentmindedly sipping your coffee while looking towards Hotch's office.
Subconsciously, of course.
At first, you looked because the window of your office was right in your line of sight, so it was natural to look, right? Your mind was far from the report you needed to finish filling out.
Your brain loves to get distracted by anything when you have to fill out paperwork.
Spencer had given you the name of a store that had the vinyl record you had been looking for for a while.
"Maybe I should stop by after work" you mumble before drinking some more coffee and- Did Hotch always have that pen? It practically disappeared in his fingers as he filled out the report. It shouldn't be that appealing, should it?
“For the love of god, it's just a pen,” you shake your head, “I need to finish this soon, I'm going crazy,” you straighten up in your chair to focus on the report.
But there's something that always pulls your gaze back to the window. You secretly nicknamed Hotch the black hole, not only for the intensity of his presence, but for the inevitable way he draws your attention no matter what you're doing. It's unfair how he manages to draw your attention without any effort. So what else could you do but give in to the universe's wishes?
The way a small strand of his hair fell over his forehead when he leaned down slightly, how his mouth turned into a straight line when he analyzed the finished report, how terribly hot he looked when he massaged his temples.
You find yourself imagining what it would be like to massage his shoulders until that frown between his eyebrows diminished.
Your gaze continues downwards, his tie was slightly lower than usual, his shirt was a little tight on the arm, just enough for imagination, you bite the bottom of your lip, that shade of blue suits him.
Will this chair hold the two of you? Probably not, but the table should be strong enough to hold you and-
“Girl you're making me blush” Emily's voice brings you back to reality.
You blink in surprise, frowning slightly, turning to her “Hum..?”
“Oh please, the way you look at him, it's like you're going to devour him any minute”
You widen your eyes and can feel the extremities of your body slightly losing their ability to circulate “I wasn't- I'm just thinking about what I have to do after I get out of here, I wasn't focusing on anything specific” you answer quickly while gesturing with your hand.
“Is it in your plan to eat Hotch?” She asks with a mischievous smile.
Yes, in every corner of that office.
“What? Oh my god, no.” You answer quickly, too quickly, which she might have missed if your voice hadn’t gone up an octave.
“Honey, you’re insulting my intelligence and competence in this job.” She leans back in her chair with a playful smile.
You let out a frustrated groan, hiding your face in your hands. “I don’t—you’re overreacting.”
“Who’s overreacting?” JJ approaches with a cup of coffee.
“No one is exaggerating, I'm being very honest with the facts” Emily clicks her tongue and points her index finger at you “She's looking at Hotch like a wolf looks at a lamb”
“I told you, I was just thinking” you defend yourself
JJ analyzes you while taking a sip of coffee “Nah, it's not just that… you're closer than before” she turned to Emily “You know what, the other day I caught Penelope giving Hotch a lesson on pop culture”
“You're kidding” she smiles incredulously.
“Seriously, I got to the part about pop divas, the weirdest thing is that he really seemed interested in how a pop diva is built, his jaw dropped when Pen told him that Beyoncé's father made her run and sing on a treadmill, he asked if that wouldn't get you arrested or something.” She shrugs.
“He’s learning about what you like.. Oh my god, that’s it.” She lets out an exaggerated sigh, placing her hand on her chest.
“..What is that..?” You ask, slightly suspicious.
“He likes you! He’s so grumpy today because he thinks you have a date tomorrow. I didn’t think I’d be alive to see him with someone again. How old are you? About 10 years?” She seems to think for a while, but then dismisses him with her hand. “Well, that doesn’t really matter.”
“Some women prefer older men. They’re more mature, have financial security, know how to communicate, have had previous experiences, so they know exactly how to have a relationship. There are some articles that say that it’s even biological for women to seek out older men and for men to seek out younger women. Something about the biological clock and reproductive capacity. Research shows that couples with this age difference are more likely to have more children than couples who are the same age.”
“..Spence?” You look at him in shock as you can feel the heat rising up your neck.
“W-what” he looks up from his computer, blushing when he realizes he said it out loud “I-I didn’t mean to, um” he clears his throat “It’s just…well, he’s not as discreet as he thinks”
“Excuse me?” You ask genuinely confused.
“What? What do you know?” JJ and Emily ask in unison.
“Um…when we need to catch the jet there’s always a blanket on top of Y/N’s seat, Hotch places it there surreptitiously every time he thinks no one is looking, in the SUV the heater is always on, even when it’s hot for us because we all know Y/N gets colder than usual, not to mention when we go to a snowy city and he mysteriously feels kind enough to buy us all 3 coffees a day.” Spencer answers counting on his fingers as he speaks.
You look at Spencer like he has two heads now “Did you hit your head?”
“No honey, he’s well aware and you’re not far behind” Derek replies joining Spencer’s side.
“Where are you guys coming from? Doesn’t anyone else work in this office?”
“Don’t try to hide it” He smiles “You stay late every Friday to help him with the paperwork, he fills it out and you scan it so he can go home early, you’re reading more about human development even though you only use the basics in cases, I can swear it’s to help him with Jack and I’ll change my name right now if you weren’t the one who gave him that massager that’s attached to his chair to ease his lower back pain”
Okay, now your jaw is on the floor “How did you…?”
“I know a lot of things.” He boasts with a smile.
“Why did my love life become so interesting to you guys?”
“Because Hotch made me redo the same report three times, if I have to redo it a fourth time I’ll be arrested, do you want my son to grow up without his mother?” JJ closes her eyes and points at you.
“Hmm… I don’t think so”
She smiles “Great, if you don’t mind we’ll continue”
People think JJ is the calmest of the group, but appearances can be deceiving. She’s the scariest.
“I can’t believe you guys got together and didn’t call me. Next time, besides a lecture on sexual harassment and language at work, you’ll have to hear about ageism too” Rossi approaches with a smile. “What are we talking about?”
“You know what intimacy is?” You ask as you rest your face on your hand
“Hmm… what about it?” And he hums in confusion
“She’s a piece of shit”
Rossi laughs, settling himself next to Emily
“Don’t say that, honey, we just want our father to be happy” Derek smiles, pointing to Hotch’s office with his head.
“Are you implying that Hotch is our father figure?-” Spencer starts but is interrupted by Rossi
“Oh so you guys are finally dating? I thought turning you into the 4th Mrs. Rossi would be faster than him admitting it and asking you out on a date”
“You naughty, so you guys are already dating?” Emily crosses her arms with a mocking smile
You sigh “I’m not dating him, we’re just friends”
“Let me get this straight” Derek starts “You want me to believe that Hotch was one step away from jumping on that Vegas cop’s neck just because he’s your friend? Nah, nonsense, he likes you!”
“Hey, his name is Nick, and he’s been my friend for at least 10 years, and Hotch wasn’t like that because he likes me, he just has trust issues.” You shake your head.
Do you like your boss? Yes.
Would you go out with him? Yes.
Do you have dirty thoughts every time you see him in that damn FBI vest? More than you’d admit out loud.
But there’s no way it’s reciprocal, is there? I mean, what Spencer said applies to the others too, Hotch takes care of all of you.
Rossi looks at you for a while, analyzing if you really don’t know or if you’re just pretending.
“Right, and his bad mood today certainly has nothing to do with the date you have scheduled for tomorrow, right? There must be another reason why he's mad at the wind today.”
You frown “It's not a date, Nick is coming to a convention here and then I'm taking him to see Quantico.” You grimace “He's like a brother.”
“Every time I remember that you used to work with Crime Scene Investigation you get like, 100 times hotter.” Penelope's voice comes from the landline on your desk.
Everyone stares at the phone with wide eyes.
“What the fuck—”
Derek lets out an incredulous laugh “Babygirl, how are you?”
“I'm in everything all the time my chocolate thunder.” She answers and you can tell she's smiling by her tone of voice.
“That's… disturbing.” JJ mumbles still in shock, you nod.
“But I agree with the others, Hotch thinks too much and ends up complicating things that were supposed to be simple, I think you should ask him out” Penelope whispers the last part. “Oh and I’ve already prepared the ground, you can talk about anything in pop culture.”
You sigh looking at them and then at Hotch, who was still focused on reading the report.
“I could even believe you, but you’re crazy so the chance of me getting dumped, going into a spiral of depression and constant embarrassment until I quit or jump off a building is about 80%.”
“A hypothetical dump” Rossi comments while faking a cough.
Spencer straightens up in his chair “Actually I’d say the chances of Hotch dumping you are 0.001% to-”
Hotch opens the door to his office putting only half of his body outside “Case report Jane” he looks at the report and then at you “Redo it, all of you.” and then goes back to the office.
Everyone sighs, muttering small curses.
“Can you please be so kind as to go over there and ask him out on a date?” Emily pleads with her hand on her chest “No, better yet, can you go over there and eat him?”
“I second that, I’ll clear the office in two minutes” JJ raises her hand.
“I’ll finish your reports and Reid will scan what Hotch has already approved.” Derek points to his chest and then to Spencer who nods in agreement.
“I have a really good acquaintance, I’m going to buy the softest couch there is for that office” Rossi picks up his cell phone to make a call.
Penelope lets out an excited squeal “You don’t need to say anything else my loves, I’ll set the mood.” As if it wasn’t absurd enough, your phone starts ringing Careless Whisper.
You shake your head as you hide your face in your hand “Seriously, I hate you guys.”
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Sorry for any mistake, english is not my first language
