#breathing difficulty

[aceofwhump]

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 4: Dawn of the Vampires

[harmoniousworld]

Even though I say I’m having “difficulty breathing”, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to appear the same way as if someone were having a heart attack.

I wanted to make this blog post because there seems to be a lack of awareness on this topic.  The other day, I saw a new doctor on Telehealth. I told her I was having issues breathing and that I preferred to write in the chat log (if there was one).  She said there was no chat log, and I said that I will hang on as long as I can speak.  She did urge me to call 911 if I needed to, but she was pretty hasty, rolling her eyes pretty much the entire time, with an attitude (before I even told her I was having difficulty breathing).   I won’t be seeing her again.  In her notes, she didn’t dismiss that I was ill, but she did write down that I claimed to be having some breathing distress but that I was “talking fine, talking in full sentences / paragraphs, and not in any breathing distress”.  She put something like, “patient claims she’s breathless and can’t talk, yet she continues to talk very fast and is not actually having any issues breathing.” I wanted to put this out here, loud and clear!!  Just because someone is feeling distress upon breathing and while verbally speaking does NOT necessarily mean this person can’t talk “at all”, and it doesn’t mean that this person isn’t suffering to the max when he/she speaks.  There are MULTIPLE manifestations / types of “breathlessness”.  That is an ambiguous word.  That is why I used the phrase “difficulty breathing” earlier on. No matter the semantics you choose to use, the universal message should be clear: that if we tell you we are in distress verbally speaking, WE ARE.   NOT all shortness of breath presents the same.  Of course I was not having a heart attack.  I know what THAT type of “short of breath” is like.  That is a breathing for me that was very fast, with frequent deep gasps, with the worst distress and inability to catch my breath whatsoever.   For my usual daily symptoms, though, my “difficulty breathing” is much different than that!!  I guess even doctors aren’t familiar with “this type” of “difficulty breathing”.  Again, having “difficulty breathing” could mean a variety of things!!   Well, she did technically tell me she was not a doctor but rather a nurse practitioner.  (I even had a NP who didn’t know what dysautonomia was recently, so I can’t hold them too accountable here. But, they should open their minds a little.) Even when I’m not speaking, I have labored breathing.  It’s not the same type as when you have to labor your breathing when you’re in an SVT attack; I get that way too.  That’s much different. When I have labored breathing, I have to manually focus on each breath.  My chest is also VERY tight, and my airways are not that elastic to begin with.  My lungs are always tight and compressed.  I also have apnea both while awake and asleep... and not the obstructive type but the central type where the brain doesn’t even send the message to breathe.  I don’t have apnea all day long.  That part does come in waves.  Some days it’s very severe and breathing isn’t automatic.  At that point I have to focus very hard, and when I speak and my brain is going fast, it becomes almost impossible for me to breathe enough.  I will talk until I get faint and then it jolts me to breath.  But on the moments/days that the apnea is not severe, I still have many other respiratory issues that are exacerbated while speaking verbally. There are moments I can’t speak at all, and there are moments I can speak with just a little distress (which always worsens as I go).  My FEV1 is EXTREMELY low, which is the forced air output. My lungs are also hyperinflated, as seen on chest x-rays. I was also diagnosed with COPD on top of astham and the low FEV1.   When I speak, I am VERY lightheaded / faint.  I get more and more near-syncope as I speak.  My airways get tighter because of their lack of elasticity. I did have nodules on my vocal cords years ago.  I also felt a pop in my airway back in 2010 when this all started with my airways. I did have breathing difficulty since I was a child with exertion.  I see phosphenes (stars) when I speak.  I start to gasp for air.  I take breaks at certain times. I may talk for 4 minutes straight and then suddenly stop talking fully. I may start doing very deep breathing which can sound like I’m sighing... I assure you I never sigh.  It is me deep breathing.  And people don’t even notice the deep breathing.  If you see me in a video, though, you’d see how much distress I’m actually in if I were to highlight the exact moments that I’m holding my chest, breathing oddly, etc.  I start to sum up my answers, EVEN IF I am still talking “a lot”!  This is because I know the convo could go on for a while and I want to answer as much as possible even if I have to sum things up here and there.  For anyone who knows me, they will know I’m an EXTREMELY DESCRIPTIVE person.  That’s just the way I am.  I’m not a person of a few words; I’m a person of many words.  I love to talk.  I was always extremely talkative.   Talking on the phone / video urges me to speak louder, and any time I speak loud, it makes me more breathless.  I also used to be a singer and now I cannot sing much.  That should be full proof right there.  I went from being able to belt out a tune, even though I was always lightheaded to some degree doing so, to being able to hardly finish one stanza while only sitting down.  Now my FEV1 is so low that I can hardly get a few lines of singing out at one time... and I can’t sign with much force for long.  I can maybe sing with significant force for ~2 seconds max. I also can still scream / yell, but only for 2 seconds, and then i’m left suffering greatly afterwards.  After every vocal interaction, I’m suffering SO much.  It actually makes me worse because then I can’t go and exert after speaking.  After talking to someone, it usually takes about 45 min for me to reset and then I can go into a wheelchair or use the bathroom, etc.  People have NO idea how distressing this is.  I would love nothing more than to use sign language or another method, but people do NOT see this as a “real problem” because it’s so rare.  If I were deaf, yeah, sure people will use sign language.  Funny thing is I can hardly hear... I lip read mostly now... and when people turn their backs and I can’t hear them, I have to ask “what” repeatedly.  And it’s not even an issue with volume... I can hear volume fine, so hearing aides won’t help.  It’s a problem hearing clarity, as I have extremely loud tinnitus going on at all times, involving knocking sounds, rumbling, and 8+ pitches of tones, some pulsing.  I also have tensor tempani and tons of ear pressure.  So believe me, I would love to use sign language, but because I’m not “deaf” no one would accommodate that.  And here I will sit, suffering, for the rest of my life!!!!  I also would like to write things down.  Sometimes I do. Some people will not entertain that, because they can see I can still speak. But what they don’t see is how much worse it makes me, how bad I feel during it and after it, and how I can’t do anything for so long after speaking.  It would give me so much freedom to be able to use sign language or write things down.   Just because I can verbally speak does not mean it’s not torturing me.  MY LUNGS FEEL LIKE BRICKS to lift with each breath, and when I speak, I have to lift so much more.  It feels like 100 pounds.  And it exhausts me.  My heart rate goes up.  My heart also becomes inadequate and doesn’t beat right after talking for several minutes or even after exerting at all.  I burn so many calories from just TRYING to speak, due to my heart rate going up.  I get so exhausted just talking a little bit.  I can’t afford to speak but I do it anyway because I’m stuck in a world that only caters to visible disabilities.  If you have an invisible disability, forget it.  You’ll always be seen as meek, weak, and a wuss to outsiders.  I’m so spent and wrung out from all this explaining.  I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but here I am making myself all stressed out because an uninformed, narrow-minded nurse would rather assume than look at my past history or ask me in writing on a message. 

[milk-carton-whump]

Hello i am here to bully Fish.

I am going to use him like a ring holder and if his arms drop down or he tries to sit down then I'm gonna dangle him from my ceiling fan

Panic built in his chest as another ring was slipped over his arms and head and to his torso, seating itself uncomfortably around his upper stomach. They were starting to get tighter, his chest feeling like it was prevented from fully expanding. Another ring of sterling silver slipped over and his legs began to wobble, it was getting harder to support the weight that was bearing down on his hips.

"P-please! Stop!!" He begged, praying for a sliver of mercy.

His pleas were ignored, forcing himself to lock his knees to try and stay standing. Glancing up was his inevitable fate as Deeb hung upside down by his hips from the pull string of the ceiling fan. He knew he'd join him.

[marcmarquezz93]

I also have hayfever. If I don't take my meds, my eyes hurt and the swell up. Which makes it difficult to ride on my bike. Because it hurts, and fucks with my vision. Imagine what that's like in a f1 car.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

I don't have asthma, we don't think at least, but i have had a bad cough for like a month or so it's bad enough that i was prescribed an inhaler and two pills to help get rid of it And i had no idea how big of an issue asthmatics have with friends who smoke or vape like holy shit it's either lose two practical nine year olds in six flags or hack up a lung and idk which is worse like here i am just trying to breathe and then this big wall of smoke towers over me, cackling "N O" "YOU MAY NOT"

Smoke towers suck too. And breathing difficulties are just as valid as asthma.

[aceofwhump]

BBC Merlin 1x04 "The Poisoned Chalice"

[milk-carton-whump]

I realized that a certain character has not appeared in any of the modern au stories. Time to be reintroduced.

Tagging: @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @sideblogformindtrash @tears-and-lilies @unicornscotty @abitefullofeverything @getyourwhumphere @whumpasaurus101 @twistedcaretaker @skunkandgrenade @heathenville @freefallingup13 @sunnysunfire @alliecat5594 @whatwasmyprevioususername @redstainedsocks @justabitofwhump

CW: angst, breathing difficulty, wind knocked out, blood tw, bullying, thrown off a horse, comfort (light), name calling, just being plain mean, collapsing, modern au, insults

Wednesday Ride

He always looked forward to Wednesday, he had had a long week and the chance to just spend some quality time with his sweet girl was what he lived for. Granted, he saw her daily but Wednesdays were the day that just the two of them could just, be together. 

He wasn't supposed to run so he kept a quick walk that couldn't contain his excitement. He finally arrived, she was there waiting for him a greeting already on her lips. A large grin broke out across his face as he wrapped his arms around the horse's neck. 

"Echo! My darlin' ah think ya already know what day it is." He said as he fished a peppermint from his back pocket. 

The red horse nickered softly as she accepted the treat, she was happy to see him. He opened her stall gate and grabbed her halter to lead her into the walkway, stopping at a point to clip a rope to each side of her halter. He patted her shoulder as he grabbed his brush box to start grooming her. 

"So Miss. Echo, what d'ya wanna work on t'day? We could try somethin' new or stick ta somethin' we know." He said to her not really expecting a response. 

"Hey American! You never cease to amaze me." A distinctly British accent called out. 

Ritz scowled, his good day ruined by Krissy, she was a real spoiled brat who paid to be a captain of the equestrian team. He sighed before deciding to address her, Echo hated her and pinned her ears flat aggressively. 

"What amazin' thing have ah done this time Krissy?" He tried to keep the irritation from his voice. 

"You haven't dropped out, for one. And second, the fact that you somehow managed to get the spot as the other captain is shocking. I didn't think you were smart enough for it honestly." She said cruelly. 

He glared at her, he knew she liked to make fun of his accent equating it to him being stupid. He, unlike her, had worked his ass off to earn the title as captain and much of the team respected or seemed to respect him. He threw his saddle pad over Echo's back before going to grab his saddle. 

"Y'know ah'm not as big'a idiot as ya think ah am. Also, one'a us actually worked ta be captain instead'a payin' with ya daddy's money." He retorted as he pulled Echo's bridle on and tossed his hat to the side to buckle his helmet on. 

He flipped her off as he led Echo to the arena, as the pair walked past Krissy, Echo reached over and snapped her teeth at the girl. He got inside the arena and climbed up onto Echo's back, he let out a deep sigh just relieved to be on his beloved horse's back. The pair worked for a while just warming up, when a loud sound made Echo spook and buck. Ritz managed to stay on and get her back under control but now she was jumpy. He looked around but couldn't see anything that would've made that noise, he leaned down and patted Echo's neck as they worked on some exercises. 

Suddenly Echo seemed to spook at something, Ritz struggled to keep her calm as she bucked. One moment his horse was under him and the next he hit the ground hard. 

Unfortunately, he had hit part of the wall on his way down and now lay in the dirt gasping for air that his lungs wouldn't take in. He was sure he could feel blood seeping through his shirt sleeve, but that was the least of his worries as he had gotten the wind knocked out of him. He managed to force himself to roll onto his side, still struggling to breathe, his eyes screwed shut willing for his body to work. 

After what felt like an eternity, air rushed back into his desperate lungs. He immediately started gasping which resulted in him coughing hard as he got used to breathing again. He wheezed as he pushed himself up to his feet, he tried to take a step and ended up falling back to the ground. 

He took a moment to catch his breath, while he sat there in the dirt trembling, Echo came back over to make sure he was okay. She gently pressed her nose against his face, he was hurt but she knew he would get up when he was ready, he always did. 

Finally after 10 long minutes, he shakily pushed himself back up and grabbed onto the saddle to help steady himself. The pair made their way back to the arena gate, Ritz moved from leaning against Echo's shoulder to unlock the gate and saw a large smudge of blood on her coat. Luckily it was only his blood and she was fine, he would've been beyond upset if she had been hurt. 

Krissy was standing near Echo's stall with her arms crossed and a smug look on her face. 

"Back so soon? That glue factory reject you insist on riding, throw you off?" She sneered. 

He just shot her a dirty look and took Echo back into her stall to take her tack off. Yet, Krissy leaned against the stall doorway. 

"Well if you hit your head, maybe that solved your stupidity problem." 

"Can ya jus' leave me alone?!" Ritz snapped with a wheeze. 

She rolled her eyes and backed off. 

"Fine I'm leaving, if I stay any longer I might lose brain cells then I'd sound like you. A fucking idiot." She called as she walked away. 

As soon as she was gone, Ritz wrapped his arms around Echo's neck tightly. Tears slowly rolling down his face and he quietly cried. Echo gently nuzzled him, sensing his pain.

He hated that girl but sometimes he wondered. He wondered if what she said was true. Did people think he was stupid, did Alex think that too? He let out a shaky breath and buried his face into the horse's neck. 

[classykittypeace]

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