ethan fighting the same suicidal ideation in south africa. worse, this time, now that luther is gone. worse, still, because this team is truly a team now. they will take care of each other. they don’t need him - they’ve demonstrated this several times over.
and then he thinks of benji, who is certainly rallying said team right now; working to get a message out, demanding whoever gets it to find ethan and bring him home. benji, who will to catch him when he collapses into his arms and curse him a blue streak when he gets his hands on ethan’s bad knee. there won’t be an ounce of heat behind a single word; benji will say them all anyway.
when luther says goodbye for the very last time, it’s the thought of benji’s voice and arms and hands that push ethan forward. if absolutely nothing else, he has to save one more person: whichever poor soul is on the receiving end of benji’s wrath right now.
Oh my god yes! This is perfect, make this a fic! I am absolutely convinced it was the thought of Benji that pushes Ethan to try to survive at the end, and the thought of Benji’s anger that keeps him going is perfect. I love this entire scenario!
And for him to work so hard to survive to get back to Benji, certain Benji is waiting for him, imagining Benji shouting at him about every thing - only to find a limp grey body and Paris hanging onto him…
This is giving me all the feels…
(Thanks once again to McQ for feeding us so much delicious angst)