An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester
Additional Tags: 5th work, writing challenge, Broken Dean, supportive brother Sam, Drinking problems, broken heart and soul, Angst, pure angst, tired
Series: Part 5 of 21st's SPN writing challenge
Summary:
Some things are just too hard to deal with, some things just leave you way too tired for this world. And this, this is one of these things for Dean.
Supernatural. How very dare you?!?! The US still hasn't figured out if Joe Biden is President and you decided it was ok to throw that at me??????? Jesus.
Castiel is always slow around Dean. Whenever he is hurt on a hunt, Cas will slowly bring his fingers to the younger man’s head to heal him. If they ever need to move somewhere, Cas will slowly move his hand to Deans head. When Dean is rubbing his head with a bottle of liquor beside him, Cas will slowly let his hand rest on the tired man’s shoulders, and Dean would look up, and Cas would slowly nod to show him it was okay.
Castiel is always slow around Dean. Whenever he is sitting down, he is slow to walk closer to him if he needs support. If he is moving across the room, he is slow when walking towards Dean. When Dean is laying in bed, Cas is slow to move to the other side of him, to watch over him as he sleeps.
Castiel was always slow around Dean, because if he wasn’t, Dean might snap. All those times he touched Dean too fast, and he jerked away. The moments when he paced quickly, and Dean jumped from him. The times he was awoken by Cas’ quick footing, and he woke up to a shadowed figure at the end of his bed.
So Castiel was always slow. In case Dean ever wanted to pull away. In case he didn’t feel safe. Castiel was always slow, so he would not break Dean.
The first time they kissed was just as slow as any other movement. Castiel started to lean in slowly. In case Dean wanted to pull away.
He didn’t.
Castiel slowly pressed his lips against Dean. In case Dean didn’t feel safe.
He didn’t.
Dean was grateful for Cas’ slow movements, and in return he slowly pushed against the kiss.
Castiel and Dean made love that night, just as slow as every other movement. Both being careful not to break the other, but both breaking in the end.
Castiel was always slow around Dean. While everything else moved fast, they were each other’s anchors.
- You really gotta make an effort, Sam, said Dean angrily, getting into the Impala.
- I’m trying, dude ! answerd Sam with -fake- desperation in his voice.
And that was true, he really tried. It’s just that living without a soul isn’t the best condition to maintain social life, and by extension to get informations out of witnesses without tying them to a chair and punch them in the face. Smiling to the world wasn’t his stuff anymore, since he’s lost his soul.
Sam suddenly realised that Dean wasn’t done with him yet.
- Dean, I’m sorry I can hear sounds coming out of your mouth but I’m not making any effort to understand what it means so how about you stop ?
Dean froze and when his brother wasn’t paying attention -once more- he punched him in the face.
- I forbid you to complain about it, you dick.
And Sam didn’t complain, even if he truly didn’t understand why his brother was so mad at him. The boys drove silently to the motel and got to their room in the same more-than-usual awkward silence. Dean jumped on his bed, willing to sleep, but a weird sensation on his neck kept him away from Morpheus’ arms.
- Could you please stop watching me in my sleep ? That creeps the hell out of me.
- You don’t complain when it’s Castiel doing, answered Sam.
That was enough to get Dean out of him. He stood in less than a second to face his non-caring brother.
- Don’t you dare talk about the angel you arrogant soulless guy, threatened Dean.
- Ah, yes, I see. When it’s Cas it’s different because it arouses you, rig…
Sam didn’t have the time to finish his sentence that Dean pushed him violently against the nearest wall. They were very close and the younger brother started to laugh at the situation, behavior that was punished by a punch on his right shoulder, but that wasn't enough to stop him.
- I forbid you to talk about Cas, raged out Dean.
Their breaths were melting in the small space that still separated each other’s face. That was too much for Dean who released Sam’s shirt.
- Just do some research on that damn creature and leave me alone for a moment.
Sam didn't move yet, keeping his eyes right on his brother while he was pulling off his shirt and pants and went under the blanket.
- I said get out of here for the night, said Dean once more, his head hidden in the pillow. Get out and find you a girl to spend the night with.
Dean heard his brother walking accross the room to the door, opening it, and that was all. Sam just stayed there, waiting for Lucifer knows what. After a few minutes Dean got upset.
- Could you close that damn door ?!
He heard the door being slammed, first thought that his brother was finally gone, but then he almost screamed with despair when he felt someone falling on the bed just beside him. He turned around to see his brother just one inch away from him.
- What don't you understand in “go the hell out of here” ?
- Are you frustrated that Cas isn't appealed by you ?
Dean had a blackout moment hearing this words that he himself didn't dare whispering in his own head.
- What's your point here ? asked Dean, knowing that he couldn't deny it.
- My point is : I got no feelings and we both need to get laid. I'm too lazy to search for a nice looking human and you don't support the idea to bang someone else than Cas.
Dean was too stupefied to talk.
- So you're basically saying…
- That we should have sex together, me getting what my body needs without having to face people and you screwing someone that you can call with every name you want without having to hurt anyone's feelings, ended Sam.
Once more, Dean was too stupefied to do anything.
- Hey don't blue screen at me, dude. I'm just making you a suggestion.
Fed up of seeing his brother's frozen face, Sam stood and walked to the door cause damn it his body needing to do dirty things with another human being. He started opening the door when Dean turned him back against it.
- Since how long do you know about me having… feeling for Cas ? asked Dean.
- Since the beginning. You have a boner every time he's around you, replied Sam as if this conversation with this closeness was the most normal thing ever.
Dean seemed to think a bit. When Sam opened the mouth to speak, Dean locked the door.
- Shut up Cas.
Forcefully Dean attacked Sam’s lips. He didn't care if his brother was suffocating, he just let out the -beast-like- need to feel a body against his, a reacting body, a body that was all offered to him. Yes, Sam was way taller than the angel he's been dreaming of for years, but it was a relief for him to be with someone he could call Cas, not just being alone and stroking himself imagining that it was the angel giving him a hand job and not himself.
Dean felt himself becoming hard and even harder, feeling hands on his body while he was whispering soft “Cas…” against the other’s lips. He was about to rock his hips against Sam’s but went away from him at the last second. Sam didn’t understand and look at his brother hoping for an explanation about why-the-fuck-did-you-go-away.
Dean was having a serious mental breakdown. Sam tried to come closer to him to continue what he considered as a well started night activity but Dean pushed him away.
- What's wrong dude ? Isn't that what you wanted ?
Dean scowled at him. He got up, getting nearer to his young brother, his anger scrambling the air around them.
- That never was what I wanted. What I want is a true relationship with Castiel. Not just screwing someone imagining it's him, said Dean to his brother, poison coming out from each word. You're anything but an angel.
- Did you call me ?
As Dean turned to face Castiel, Sam went out of the room and slammed the door. Dean just stared at the angel, the forbidden fruit, the one he couldn't get. He hesitated a while before answering to Cas who seemed as lost as when he was confronted to something new on earth.
- Sorry Cas, Dean answered, I didn't mean to call you.
- Why were you two talking about ?
Dean sneered.
- Unsolvable issues.
As fast as he blinked he was alone in the room, his brother lost for apparently ever and the angel on his shoulder apparently gone to, if he ever was there in the first place.
How come I always fall for the broken characters? There's Reid (Criminal Minds). He has this Asperger Syndrome, got once kidnapped and tortured and his soulmate and the woman he really loved got killed by a crazy bi...woman. There's Sam (Supernatural). He once was addicted to demon blood, never had the chance to 'have' a mother, lost many people he loved, was in hell for over a year and remembers every little detail, thinks he's not worth being saved, and and and.. There's Cas (Supernatural). He has done pretty bad things and choices, was mentally broken for a time after saving Sam, believed he didn't deserve to be saved so he stayed in Purgatory, and amd and.. And then there's Dean (Supernatural). The most broken character of all. I don't even know where to begin.. he just hates himself and thinks he is 90% crap. And every single day he gets more broken and more broken. That's really sad and it's even much sadder when you look back at season 1 Dean. You'd never guess that they're the same person. Back then, he had hope in his eyes and he was smiling. - not fake smiling like nowadays. No, he had an honest smile. Yeah, had.
