McFly July Day 20: Broken Walkman
we now return to our regularly scheduled angst. i am so fucking tired so just. have this i guess.
"Vaya con Dios!"
The DeLorean vanished with a final crackle of blue light. Emmett whooped with excitement, his heart thundering in his ears, but the adrenaline faded with the trails of fire. Morosely, he slid into the drivers seat of his car and surveyed the scattered items- his pistol, the camera, Marty's forgotten 'Walkman' (the boy had been very put out when he'd realized it had gotten soaked in the rain and no longer worked)...oh, and the letters.
With a sigh, he put the car into gear. 30 years. Great Scott, that's a long time. He had been so fixated on finding the DeLorean, repairing it, and getting Marty back to 1885 that he really hadn't had the time to let it sink in. (...maybe it had been partially intentional.) The moment he'd realized Lizzy was gone, Marty had come racing down the corner and-
He'd read her letter. That was the closest he'd come- perilously close- to breaking down, but then they'd found her other note and jumped straight into action.
What the hell had his older self been thinking? How could he have gotten mixed up in enough trouble to get shot when he had Lizzy to take care of?
It was a very odd sensation to be angry at yourself for something you hadn't even done yet, but Emmett had grown used to it. His older self seemed to be habitually, inexcusably reckless with the safety of those around him, including himself. He'd obviously done something to endanger himself, if Marty's frantic attempts to tell him about the future were any indication.
"Great Scott!" he cried, nearly slamming on the brakes. "The letter! I've got to- well, clearly, I've got to read it, but I've got to put it together first. Hopefully I haven't lost any of the...pieces..." A knot formed in his throat and he trailed off.
Right. There's no one there to respond. I suppose that's why I hired Marty. Except it would be 13 years before the kid was even born, and probably at least 10 more before they'd meet. 23 years...that's a hell of a long time to be alone.
And yet, he'd been alone for most of his life. That was how it had always been- no friends, no confidants, certainly no potential for romance or family; just Emmett with his experiments and a dog or two for company. He still had no idea what had possessed him to adopt Lizzy, but it had been the best decision he'd ever made- as well as the most life-changing. In only 10 years, she'd completely turned his life upside-down and, somehow, he couldn't even imagine what it was like without her.
But it seemed he would have to. 30 years- on his own- feverishly trying to finish the time machine before October 26th, 1985- unable to confide in anyone, even Marty-
Emmett had to pull over. There, on the side of the road, he unfolded Lizzy's letter and read it again and again and again.
𝐇𝐞𝐲, 𝐃𝐚𝐝. 𝐀𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭, 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞 𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥. 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟, 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞. 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲'𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲. 𝐖𝐞'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐈 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐢𝐧 𝟏𝟗𝟖𝟓, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞-𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐈 𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞. 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡, 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧. 𝐎𝐤𝐚𝐲. 𝐎𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐬: 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝟑𝟎 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟, 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭. 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟. 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝. 𝐀𝐥𝐬𝐨, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟. 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝟏𝟗𝟖𝟓. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 (𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤, 𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨), 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭, 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨. 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭- 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭. 𝐖𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞. 𝐀𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐡𝐞𝐲? 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧. 𝐏𝐮𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲'𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫; 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭. 𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐃𝐚𝐝. 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐄𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐡 𝐏𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧
-𝐿𝒾𝓏𝓏𝓎
Emmett took a deep, shuddering breath and resumed the drive home. I will see her again. He repeated it like a mantra, letting it drive him forward and keep him upright and, frankly, sane. I will see her again. I will invent a time machine and change the course of the human race and I will have everything I ever wanted.
But for now, he had a broken Walkman, a sketch of a flux capacitor, and a letter from his daughter which he would read again
And again
And again.