#brother 1

[nevalizona]

Wondering if i should name my sl*sher brothers at all. Maybe them being nameless would be best. But at the same time, I need an easier way to refer to them LOL

[particeps-criminis]

In the middle of a very serious conversation about the Oxford Comma

Me: The Oxford comma is important to clarifying what you mean in a sentence!

My brother: Well I, unlike you, like to live dangerously and jump to conclusions based on fewer pieces of information

[kyokaramaohlovewolf]

B 1

[nevalizona]

Brother 1 has a fondness for Rosaylie once she starts fighting back. He enjoys the thrill of the chase. The harder she fights, the more he enjoys it. The couple times they actually got to fight, one on one, it left him wired. When she got away from their first encounter, it left him eager to run into her again.

Brother 2 has a fondness for Bambi. She's small and forgiving. She doesn't quite beg for her life the way others have. She definitely encourages him to see her as a person, though. Brother 2 lets her go once, hoping that maybe, just maybe she'll get out of here, but he also worries because if his brother catches her, he knows she's going to be disregarded as if she is worth nothing. He hopes that if she must be caught again, it's him who's doing it. He would at least be easy on her.

[particeps-criminis]

Today on texts I don't expect to get from my brother

[particeps-criminis]

Legitimate things that have been said in my house, Part 1

“What if life is an Oreo and we’re just the milk?” -My brother, the next Aristotle

“For half a moment, my brain OD’d on the joy of York Peppermint Patties, but then I crashed hard.” -Big Brother, who had taken a swig of peppermint extract (he would suggest not doing the same)

Big Brother said “I’ve never had a seance in a bowl of tomato soup to summon flat breads from the underworld” over dinner one evening, to which The Madre responded, “Chocolate is a different matter.” (Still not sure if that means she’s had a seance in a bowl of chocolate or has summoned chocolate from the underworld.)

“Sometimes I’m glad I’m not a mind readers specifically so I don’t have to read your mind.” -Me to Big Brother (who was undoubtedly doing something that should probably also be on this list)

“Life is not a five letter word.” -Big Brother, still working on that Aristotle job title

“Is he saying ‘skittle skin’?” - The Madre, misunderstanding the lyrics of a lyrics of a song (why I didn’t write down the real lyrics of the song, I’ll never know)

“You know what, I don’t need your optimistic attitude.” -Big Brother

“It’s like boxed wine but better.” -Big Brother, commenting on a bag of giant cheese sauce from Wal-Mart

“What you talkin’ about, Webster?” -The Madre, trying and failing to be culturally relevant.

That one time Big Brother forgot the term “biking” and referred to it as “Jogging with wheels.”

[particeps-criminis]

Legitimate things that have been said in my house, Part 2

“Pregaming for Christmas takes 364 days.” -Big Brother, who is apparently very dedicated to this holiday

“Pompeii was the original mannequin challenge.” -Big Brother (is this too soon? It’s been a few thousand years)

“I would get drunk if I could get drunk during prohibition.” -Big Brother, who doesn’t drink but is apparently a huge rebel. 

“We must watch different televangelists.” -Big Brother (should I be concerned by this?)

While watching Tom Brady get sacked, Big Brother jumped up off the couch and shouted, “MURDER HIM!” but then quickly calmed down, saying, “I’m sorry, that was extreme. Do it anyway.”

“A life goal of mine is to be sitting around while someone pipes chocolate mousse into my mouth.” -Me, setting very realistic goals for my future.

When Big Brother complained about having eggplant for dinner, The Madre reassured him, “Eggplant tastes like whatever you cook it with,” which he countered with, “Yeah, so does anthrax.”

“Eventually we’ll both be old, so neither of us will be attractive, but I’ll still be funny.” -Big Brother’s pre-planned pitch to his future bride about why he would make a great trophy husband (I’m keeping this one to show to whoever he marries)

“Shouldn’t an American be slipping those tacos?” -The Madre’s official stance on immigration

While already wearing a turtleneck and another sweater, The Madre told us she would be back in a minute because she “needed to get some sleeves.”

[particeps-criminis]

I like how the rest of your hair goes "flaffles" while the rest of your hair goes "waffles."

My brother, attempting to describe how only one section of my hair is curly