You Can’t Fix What Isn’t Broken
Prompt request: 98. “Read my fucking lips”.
Ship: Analogical (platonic), a little bit brotp Moxiety & Logince too
requested by @deafchildcrossing
Warning: lots of angst, hurt/comfort, yelling/fighting, cursing, crying, anxiety attack, some self harm but nothing extreme, i think ya get it just be wary if any of these things are triggering to you
“Anxiety, you are being quite ridiculous.” Logan said, not even glancing up from the book he was reading.
“Oh my god. I fucking know, Logan! I’m Anxiety for fucks sake. I’m ridiculous. I’m irrational. I-I fucking.. overanalyze things as you would say. That’s just what I fucking do. That’s not gonna stop me from worrying about it!” Anxiety snarled. He was sick of Logan’s stupid, unnecessary observations.
“There’s no need for the excessive cursing, Anxiety.” Logan said still not looking up from his book.
“Fuck you.” Anxiety was seething with rage at this point. He had to sit on the other end of the couch, and put his heads in his hands as an attempt to calm down.
Logan finally looked up from his book, and calmly set it down on the table.
“Inference-observation confusion.” Logan stated simply making Anxiety look up.
“What?” Anxiety asked, confusion and anger seeping from his voice.
“You’ve jumped to a conclusion. Yet again. You need to take more time to carefully think the situation through before coming to one. In this case you immediately concluded that I hate you because of one simple incident. However this is not true.” Logan looked over at Anxiety, his expression never changing. Anxiety hated it with a passion.
“Okay, fuck this.” Anxiety stood, and kneeled in front of where Logan was sitting. “Read my fucking lips, Logan. I’m the embodiment of anxiety. Jumping to conclusions is what I do. You pointing it out to me isn’t gonna fucking stop it.”
“Maybe it won’t put it to an immediate stop, but acknowledging a problem is the first step to resolving it.” Logan replied, still completely unfazed by Anxiety’s glare and bitter tone of voice.
“No. You can’t use your stupid logic for everything. There’s no way to fucking cure me.” Anxiety looked away, willing away the tears forming in his eyes.
“Cure? No. Treat, however? Yes. You are misconstruing my words, Anxiety.” Logan replied. His stupid tone of voice stayed the same. It drove Anxiety crazy.
“Oh, what the fuck ever, Logan. I’m done with this stupid argument.” Anxiety stood, and held his hand up ready to snap & disappear before Logan interrupted him.
“We aren’t arguing, Anxiety. We are having a discussion. You are the only angry one here. Stop assuming-”
“No. You stop. Stop trying to fix everything with your stupid reasoning. You can’t… I can’t be fixed.”
“Fine. Continue to think irrationally, but speak to me no longer. Well, at least not for a while. I want no part in your ridiculous habits.” Logan shifted uncomfortably at his own words. They tasted like venom on his tongue, but he meant every one.
Neither boy said anything else after that. The words were left to hang in the air as Anxiety vanished.
Logan sat in silence for a while. He was ashamed of himself, but he just couldn’t handle Anxiety anymore. He was too much.
Meanwhile Anxiety was doing the complete opposite. He was sitting on his bed, crying and screaming into his hands. His nails dug into his skin the harder he screamed.
His breathing was uneven, and rapid. He couldn’t control it.
He couldn’t control anything.
All that happened was more muffled screaming, more tears, more nails clawing at exposed skin.
He knew he was overreacting. He knew Logan would think he was being even more ridiculous than before if he saw him.
He had to stop before he did.
He just screamed, and cried until his throat was sore, and his eyes burned. He clawed, and dug until his neck, arms, and palms were bleeding.
The blood scared him, but he still didn’t stop. It was always scary, but he was used to it at this point.
He continued. He still couldn’t stop.
He didn’t even stop when he heard a knock at his door. In fact the knock just made his breathing pick up even more. It was like he just finished a marathon, and he couldn’t stop.
“Anxiety? Are you okay? Roman is talking to Logan. He said you were upset, and should be checked on.” Patton called from the door making Anxiety completely freeze, his nails now stuck in his skin.
Logan told Patton to check on him? Why would he do that? He didn’t care. He hated Anxiety. He didn’t want to speak to him. He thought he was ridiculous. Why did nothing make any fucking sense? Why-
“Anxiety? I’m coming in.”
Patton’s worried voice, and the doorknob rattling interrupted Anxiety’s thoughts.
He panicked more knowing Patton was going to see him like this. Again.
“Anxiety?” Patton spoke gently, and approached him slowly so he wouldn’t startle him.
He immediately noticed the scratches, and the nails still dug into his skin.
“I.. I have to touch you. Okay? Try to focus on something else.” Patton spoke softly as he sat on the bed across from the anxious facet.
Anxiety traced the simple patterns of his bed sheets with his eyes as Patton gently grabbed his wrists, and pulled his hands away from his neck.
“Okay, progress.” Patton drew in a sharp breath, “Let’s try to slow our breathing now, yeah?”
Anxiety nodded meekly, and allowed Patton to grab his hand.
“Breathe like me. Okay kiddo?” Patton held Anxiety’s hand against his chest, hoping the vibrations would help to ground him. “In for four, three, two, one… hold for seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…. and out for eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…”
Patton continued the breathing technique with Anxiety until he was completely calm.
“Good job, kid. You did really well.” Patton praised as he slowly released Anxiety’s hand.
“Give me a second.” Patton said as he went into Anxiety’s bathroom.
He came back out with a small cup of water, a wet washcloth, and a first aid kit.
“Drink this. I’m gonna clean you up, okay?” Patton asked gently as he handed Anxiety the cup, and wiped his tears away.
Anxiety nodded, and slowly started drinking.
Patton nodded back, and got started on cleaning the scratches.
Meanwhile Roman was trying to comfort a very distraught Logan in the living room.
“Listen, Logan. You weren’t thinking straight. You said some harsh things you didn’t mean. It happens to the best of us.” Roman said as he draped his arm around Logan in an attempt to comfort him further.
“Roman.. I meant everything I said.” Logan admitted, guilt evident in his voice.
Roman pursed his lips, unsure how to respond.
“Okay.. well.. maybe there’s a part of you that doesn’t really feel that way. Maybe you’re making yourself believe you feel that way.” Roman suggested.
There was no response. Instead he felt Logan start to shake under his fingertips. Had he even been listening?
“Logan, keep it together. You need to figure this out.” Roman spoke in a demanding tone as he grabbed Logan’s shoulders.
“I.. I suppose you are right. I still think he is irrational, but..” Logan sighed. “He can’t help it, and I don’t hate him for it.”
“See! Problem solved!” Roman exclaimed happily making Logan jump.
“No.. Not really. I still need to confront him.” Logan sighed again.
“Well, what are you waiting for?!” Roman asked rhetorically as he quickly grabbed Logan’s hand, and brought him upstairs before he could protest.
Roman swiftly knocked on the black door that lead to Anxiety’s room, still holding Logan’s hand.
The sudden knock startled Anxiety.
Patton put the washcloth down, and gently rubbed his shoulder to calm him.
“It’s okay. I’ll get it.” Patton whispered as he set the first aid kit aside, and opened the door.
“Roman? Logan? What are you guys doing?” Patton kept his voice low, and the door slightly closed so Anxiety wouldn’t know Logan was there.
“Logan’s come to talk to Anxiety.” Roman stated.
“I.. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Patton said as he snuck a glance at Anxiety.
“Well, why not?” Roman asked.
“I-I’m still trying to calm him down.” Patton stumbled on his words, trying to avoid mentioning the self inflicted scratches.
“Surely, Logan can help.” Roman said, not understanding why Patton was so hesitant.
“He’s hurt himself. Hasn’t he?”
Logan understood however.
Patton sighed as he opened the door fully, allowing them to walk in when they please. He then sat with Anxiety again, and resumed cleaning the scratches.
“Anxiety. Logan would like to speak to you. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Squeeze my hand if you start to feel uncomfortable. I will step in, and defuse the situation. Okay?” Patton spoke softly as he continued to focus on cleaning his scratches.
Anxiety nodded for the third time. He was too afraid to speak.
“Okay.” Patton glanced at Logan giving him silent permission to speak.
“Anxiety.. I apologize for being so harsh. My intention wasn’t to hurt you. Especially not like this..” Logan’s voice cracked as he observed the scratches. Anxiety shifted uncomfortably under his stare. “I may dislike your irrational thinking, but that doesn’t give me the right to be so cold. You can’t help it. I have to accept that.”
For the second time that day Logan’s words hung in the air.
The silence was heavy, and uncomfortable.
Patton cleared his throat to break the silence.
“I think it’d be better if we left. I can bandage you up later. Is that okay, Anxiety?” Patton asked as he laid a gentle hand on his leg.
“It’s fine.” Anxiety mumbled. Patton smiled, happy to finally hear his voice even if it was hoarse.
“Alright. Come on, Roman.” Patton stood up, and pulled the prince out of the room leaving the other two in an awkward silence.
Anxiety, feeling self conscious, pulled his sleeves back down and over his hands so Logan only had so many scratches to stare at. Logan took note of this.
“I-I apologize for staring.. Anxiety.. It’s just hard to.. process I guess.” Logan stuttered as he hesitantly sat across from Anxiety.
“Really? Me doing irrational things while upset is hard for the logical trait to process?” Anxiety scoffed.
“I’m so sorry for making you feel this way. I didn’t know how big of an effect my words would have.” Logan said as he scooted closer. Anxiety flinched and moved back.
“This apology is so half assed. You didn’t want your words to have this effect, but you still meant everything you said.” Anxiety went back to tracing the patterns of his blankets to avoid Logan’s gaze, this time with his eyes and fingers.
“While I will admit I still think your thinking is.. ridiculous.. I have come to realize that I don’t hate you for it. I shouldn’t hate someone for something they can’t control.” Logan drew in a sharp, uneasy breath, “I also realize that you were right when you said I can’t fix you.”
Anxiety frowned as the last sentence hit his ears. The words felt like dull knives cutting into his skin.
“I can’t fix you because you’re not broken.”
Anxiety’s head immediately snapped up. He looked at Logan with a look that could only be described as shock, and confusion. He wasn’t expecting that at all.
“I.. What.. What do you mean?” Anxiety struggled to speak. He couldn’t believe this was even happening.
“I mean what I said. You aren’t broken. You’re the way you’re supposed to be, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
Silence fell between them again, but this time it was comfortable.
Anxiety felt like he could finally, actually breathe.
He didn’t want to ruin that by saying something stupid. He just wanted to soak in Logan’s words, and allow himself to feel relief.
“May I?” Logan broke Anxiety out of his daze.
Anxiety looked at Logan’s hands. He was gesturing to the first aid kit.
“I.. yeah, sure.” Anxiety replied as he reluctantly pulled his sleeves back up.
“There are too many scratches for bandaids. I’ll have to wrap your arms in this gauze. Is that okay?” Logan asked as he picked up the antibiotic cream and gauze from the kit.
“Yeah, whatever.” Anxiety looked away.
Logan quickly yet gently rubbed the medicine on the scratches, and wrapped them in the gauze.
“There,” Logan paused. “Can I touch you?”
“You already are.” Anxiety said as he gestured to the hand Logan had on his arm.
“No, I.. I mean.. Here.” Logan moved slowly so Anxiety had time to move away. He didn’t.
Logan gently grabbed his chin, and lifted it up so he could observe the scratches on his neck.
“Patton did a good job cleaning these, but there’s not much we can do to cover them. We’ll just have to keep them clean.”
Logan then let go of Anxiety’s face, and coughed awkwardly.
“So.. are we okay?” Logan asked.
“I.. I don’t know. Can we.. figure that out later? I just wanna.. sit here.” Anxiety said as he tugged his sleeves back down.
“Of course. I’ll leave you be.” Logan started to get up, but was quickly pulled back down.
“No.. you can.. stay.. I mean. If you want to.” Anxiety said shyly as he slowly released his grip from Logan’s arm.
“Oh. Is that what you want?” Logan asked.
“I just.. don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to start.. overanalyzing everything.” Anxiety said. Logan chuckled dryly.
“Of course. I’ll stay as long as you need me to.” Logan moved to sit next to Anxiety.
Anxiety sighed contently as he made himself comfortable against his pillows. He didn’t want to think too much or talk anymore. He just needed to rest.
The two sat in silence for a little while.
At some point Logan felt something fall against his shoulder. He looked down to see Anxiety dozing off, and smiled. He wasn’t really one for physical or intimate contact, but Anxiety finally seemed relaxed. He’d allow it.
“Logan?” Anxiety whispered against his shoulder, too tired to lift his head.
“Yes?” Logan adjusted himself so he could hold Anxiety. Anxiety smiled, but he didn’t see it.
“Read my lips..” Anxiety paused to chuckle at the phrase he had already used earlier. “You and I are okay. I forgive you for being a moron.” Anxiety closed his eyes, and snuggled into Logan’s side more. “You’re a good friend, nerd.”
