Uuh so okay: 1) I have not checked the spelling on this one. 2) English is my second language and I taught myself basically all of it. Don’t hate on my English pls :( 3) This is just some ranting.. 4) Might delete later... Silverflint rant. It had been way too easy falling in love with him. Not that he had seen it at first, but the undeniable attraction and pull to the man had rose since he first layed eyes on him. Of course it was nothing he would openly admit to anyone else, or even himself, at first. Hell, sometimes he have a hard time admitting it even now. The original need to keep him at a distance so he could with more ease tell himself he loathed the man, can still rise inside him instincitvely. But truth is he was ever so often on his mind in one way or another and it had bothered Flint as much as it had fascinated and enthralled him. But again; it was much easier to have it be bothersome than anything else. However as life had played out it had become easier and easier, almost inevideble, to think about how it would feel to truly touch his skin and not in the sense of lending a helping hand when needed. How would those wild curls, some collected on the back of his head in an attempt to have a clear view, feel between his fingers? Would they cause a tingle to errupt in the nerves still living under the callused skin of his fingertips? Those pink and modest lips, would they cause that raging fire inside of him to change spirit if they ever touched his? These are some of the thoughts swimming like watery porridge inside of Flint's head as he thinks about the man who began as just another new recruit, going to theif then to unwanted friend and then right hand. A porridge so unapitizing yet so mouthwatering. Silver had always been on his mind in one or another way and no matter Flint has his thoughts about the light those thoughts are now highlighted in, he cannot deny them anymore. Yet it ended up as it did. No matter the constant war between them with only occasional moments of hardwon peace, giving Flint a glimmer of naive hope; it ended up as it did. He will never know how it would feel to stroke Silvers cheek in a manner he wouldn't gladly let people know he was able to. He shall never know how it feels to tug at those midnight curls with muddy river highlights and how his heart most likely would've raced like wild horses should he earn or steal a kiss. No...Because that hardwon peace was ruled out by their war ever growing strong. They wanted different, they needed different. Their hearts flew apart like scared and scattered birds. Maybe not wanting to, but for survival it was crucial. Without parting they could not live their lives; yet it also meant other parts indeed would die and rot somwhere in a forgotten place where no one would ever find the remains again; not even themselves given a unlikely chance. Flint could of course cherish the memories and lessons he gotten from Silver and what he at the end gave him as a parting gift when they separated. The arms of his beloved, the arms of the man he thought never to see again. To end up in the arms of Thomas was something he did not even dare dream of, yet that is exactly where Silver placed him. He got all he wanted yet lost so many and so much to get here. He shall cherish it all, but it doesn't mean he will not now mourn the loss of another love; another story and another potential future. Just like Silver could not be Thomas, Thomas cannot in return ever, be Silver. Silver with the dark curls, unruly mustache, crappy jokes and provoking personality. Silver with the dreams and wishes of his own, with his unique mind and eyes matching the seas under teasing sunlight. Silver with the darkness growing inside of him just like it did in Flint, and still does to a point. He shall never rid himself of it. And maybe that is truly what pains him the most, the moments he now allows himself to remember and ponder: that whereas Silver gave him the freedom from Flint and Thomas back in his arms, was all Flint gave in return, the darkness that had boiled in him? No matter the hatred and competition between them. No matter how their minds and wills more than not wandered different paths; was all that Flint gave him in return for the chance on a life and freedom; his own darkness? To ease his burden, did he have to put it on the man that never truly stopped believe in him, even though he had all the rights? Because Flint will never view his potential betrayal as such; as that Silver stopped believeing in him. It was never about that but rather that the man with only one leg, witty tongue and sharp intellect yet awkward social skills, saw that Flint sailed into a premature and sad death when he could prevent all of it, should he just open his eyes and look to the sun for a moment. He believed in him so intensely that he knew he had to do something radical to stop him, because he unlike so many others knew; that his rage was unstoppable. Flint would never have been able to stop himself so instead Silver simply saved his life. Maybe so for own gain as well; getting out of the war and hopefully saving what was left for him; yet Flint never doubts he himself was one of those people Silver so dearly wanted to try saving. Even if it meant they could never again see each other. For this Flint is grateful. For this, Flint will for always be breaking and living in regret.
