#buck hc

[princessfbi]

No okay it’s the way the blue polo shirt scene (Tumblr refused to help me find the gif required for this and I am getting too mad about it) with Hen made it so apparent about how much uses his smile as a mask and the way he’s starting not wanting/able to rely on that anymore. He wants so desperately to have some get close, to see all the nitty gritty parts of himself, but the moment anyone does, he deflects with that smile. He wants to be validated that he’s enough but also he wants to believe it for himself too and the smile can’t be a mask when he’s the one that’s looking. Anyways I'm going to continue to eat glass.

[princessfbi]

Maddie singing to toddler Buck when he is a little fussy about something and she just sees that look in her mothers eyes so she takes him to her room and sings to him

WHY DID YOU COME FOR BLOOD THIS WAY?!?

[princessfbi]

Just dropping in to point out that Buck was wearing his bomber jacket over a HOODIE inside the bar in the last ep-- a canon reinforcement of your hc that that boy runs ridiculously cold :)

It’s hard being right all the time.

I kid do I but YES! Once again Evan “Sweater in every color” Buck Buckley runs cold. Now just picture drunk clingy Buck literally trying to leech all the warmth from his friends.

[princessfbi]

I know I’m just projecting the winter storm vibes onto my two favorites but now I can’t help but think about how things at home probably got worse during the winter months. Maddie loved the snow but it made escaping her parents infinitely harder and Buck, who had taken solace on his bike, was stuck in the middle because he learned the hard way what riding and crashing on black ice feels like. And their parents always felt a million miles away except for when the snow hit. Then it was like they were too close; too close that the chill turned into a burn.

But after one particular gruesome fight where Maddie was so mad she’d been crying in her room and Buck’s mom had been practically vibrating with anger, Philip Buckley did one thing right.

The snow dumped all night and into the early morning until Maddie’s Jeep was covered and Philip was nothing but a fixer. So, he went out before work and cleaned off Maddie’s Jeep for her.

And Buck saw just how that one small act meant the world to Maddie.

So, the next time his parents and sister fought, Buck made sure to wake up extra early and shoved his sweats into his boots. Armed with nothing but a clunky window scrapper and determination, Buck cleaned off Maddie’s Jeep of all the snow and ice that he could reach.

And that’s how Buck came to be the one who cleaned off Maddie’s Jeep in the winter until she went away to Boston.

Then that first winter she and Doug were back, Maddie came outside after a horrible night with Doug to go to work, and saw that her Jeep had been cleaned off again.

[princessfbi]

Okay we got eddie and bobby expressing their anger more in a angry speech way ( with bobby getting a little physical) and i think buck has some anger as well but he feels like he can't express it or he feels like he isn't allowed. And i feel like if something happens (maybe the woman on that highrise dosen't survive) and he get's angry at himself because 'he should have done more' and for the first time he let's it out and he get's so angry that he cries because i feel like that is something that could happen

OooooooooooOooooOoOh absolutely! I mean look at that scene in Buck Begins when he runs off on his bike and it transitions to the motorcycle. But the thing I think the difference with Buck is, his anger is so rooted in heartbreak. Like in that moment it wasn’t that Margaret called him stupid (which judging by Maddie’s reaction wasn’t the first time she’d done that) but it was that Maddie was leaving. And he knew in the end it was what would be best for her. He knew it’s what would make her happy but his heart was breaking because it also caused a sense of helplessness. His anger after Eddie got shot? At himself? At the world? It was because there was nothing he could do. Bobby’s betrayal with the lawsuit? It was because he wasn’t expecting it to come for Bobby of all people.

Buck’s anger is just a side effect of his heartbreak. It’s like a flash paper of helplessness. It burns hot and quick before it’s gone and all he’s left with are the burn marks and the tears of it.

I think the rarity from that anger comes from the rebuke of his emotions growing up but also from the understanding that it doesn’t get him anywhere. I think he’s seen first hand how anger doesn’t move you forward at least not for him so he goes into fixer mode. Because Buck is a perpetual fixer and when he’s fixing things then at least he’s doing something.

Send Me a Sleepover Weekend Ask

[princessfbi]

In your fics, you’ve featured Buck having trouble (crying/reluctantly agreeing/needing to be soothed by Maddie or Eddie) when getting IVs or blood drawn several times and I LOVE IT. But I was wondering if it’s just a needle aversion that many have or something subconsciously triggering Buck’s treatment related to the bone marrow transplant for Daniel? Anyway, hope to see more of this little Buck trait in future fics. ❤️

Ohhhh I didn't even think about the thing with Daniel I MEAN YES NONNIE YOU CAUGHT ME!

Haha in all seriousness that is me playing a little into Buck's suppressed pain sensitivity (which was something I'd been suspicious of before we even knew about Daniel) so yay for someone catching onto that! But it's also me bringing up a little bit of the psychological element into my whump as well. IVs are rather uncomfortable and they can make you bruise like hell (I once had to get an IV in my hand and then my wrist and the bruising from that was bigger and more gnarly looking than the bruise from my actual surgery). The meds they give you often times can make you cold because they've sometimes been in a refrigerator (not always though). Your vein can collapse which is super uncomfortable. They're also just something in your body that feels like it shouldn't belong there. You can't really fidget with your hand while you have one in. You can't just take them out and be on your way. Basically they're just all around a not super comfortable time.

But they also represent a sort of tether if you will. A lot of the times when Buck's getting an IV or having blood drawn in my fics it's in a situation where he would rather be anywhere but there. So, in Buck's mind, once he gets the IV, he can't run away. He's stuck and back to being in a bed where he didn't know if his life was over or not. So for Buck they represent a loss of control.

Good on you for catching that Nonnie!!!

[princessfbi]

The toddler HC is adorable love it alot but let me add more, Maddie heard his first words and it was her name but full of garbles and not very clear obviously cause he's a baby but it was always going to be Maddies name in my world <33

God I love that! I wrote a fic where Buck thought Maddie's name was banana and so he kept say Nana until Maddie realized he was asking for her.

[princessfbi]

What if he does have a stuffed animal that maddie gave him and he still cherishes to this day?

It’d been something he hadn’t thought about in years but that night when he was stuffing his bag full of his things, it catches his eye. His cheeks get warm with embarrassment because he used to love this thing but it hasn’t seen a washing machine in years and honestly he’s twenty-one years old he doesn’t need a stuffed animal anymore.

But then he smells it and it reminds him of all those nights and rainy days where he curled up with Maddie and something in his chest just bursts with love and panic at the thought of never seeing it again. Because when he leaves Pennsylvania, he’s never coming back and he just can’t leave it behind so he shoved it into his bag before he can think anymore of it.