It Wasn’t Supposed To Go This Far
Chapter 4
~~
Well...this is delayed as fuck, isn’t it? I’m so sorry! All of my backups are delayed, and I am trying to post them as quick as possible! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this drama and all the feels it may bring! (I felt all the feels writing the damn thing.)
Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, Adult Situations, Thoughts of Cheating, Emotional Cheating, Heartbreak, Angst, Fluff, Arguing, uhhh...I think that’s it?
Word Count: 3447
Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter:
Hymn for the Weekend - Coldplay ft Beyonce
Buy A Heart - Nicki Minaj
I do not consent for my works/stories to be posted anywhere else.
~~
“How have you never been on a tilt-a-whirl?” Vanessa laughed, as Steve finally got himself together.
“When they first came out, I was too small. Then, when everything happened with the serum, I was too busy. Now, I’ve gotten so used to working all the time, I just never thought about trying it out,” Steve laughed, finding his footing.
They had been at Coney Island for a little over two hours and Steve honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had so much fun with anyone. Even Bucky.
Bucky had spent so much time with Vanessa or complaining about her, that they hadn’t done much besides hang around the compound. Steve had suggested that they go out a few times, but Bucky was content with staying in when he and Vanessa were arguing. As much as Steve hated it, he had to admit that probably for the better. Bucky in public with a bad attitude was not always the best mix.
“You seem to know this place like the back of your hand,” he smirked, gently nudging her. “I bet you can’t wait for summer to be in full swing.”
“Nah, I’m not a summer bug at all,” Vanessa chuckled, “it’s honestly my least favorite season. Besides, you only have one good summer. At least, that’s how I see it?”
“Oh? And what summer is that?”
“It’s right after you graduate high school,” she smiled softly. “You feel freedom that you’ve never felt before, you feel like anything is possible, and there’s a fearlessness to you. It’s an exciting rush and the world just feels brand new. You’re young and have the world at your fingertips,” she finished softly.
“Then what happens?”
“Life,” she laughed softly. “You’re first of college or first year of being on your own...it’s hard, and that’s putting it nicely. Trying to make your way as an adult kicks your ass. It’s even harder when you’re basically on your own. No, the magic of that first summer only lasts for that summer. By the time the next summer comes, you’re just happy you survived. That’s when you met me. My second summer on my own.”
“I couldn’t tell that you felt defeated.”
“I needed the tips,” she smirked. “Besides, when you feel like you’ve been alone most of your life, you learn how to mask your emotions.”
“Is that what happened with you? Bucky told me you don’t talk to your family all that much.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. They’ve got their life and I’ve got mine. When it’s important...we make the effort. I’ve grown used to it. I’ve got my best friend and Nat.”
“Me,” Steve added softly.
“You,” she smiled at him. “Enough of this though, it’s not like it’s the happiest conversation,” she laughed. “What would you like to do next?”
“This is your big and special day-”
“Oh, but Mr. Rogers, it isn’t!” she faked a shocked tone. “No no no, this is your big day! You’re not cooped up in your room or out on a mission! I don’t think I’ve seen you outside of the compound since Tony’s birthday last year-”
“Don’t remind me of that,” Steve scoffed as Victoria through her head back in laughter. “It’s not funny.”
“It’s a little funny!”
“That’s because it wasn’t happening to you.”
“Tony picks on you because he loves you. If he isn’t picking on you, he probably doesn’t care all that much.”
“I don’t see him picking on you much.”
“Who would ever wanna pick on me?” she questioned, cocking her eyebrow, and Steve had to laugh. “No, Tony shows his love for me in other ways. He usually consoles me after Bucky and I have a huge fight. Reminding me that it isn’t my fault, even though sometimes it is,” she sighed.
“Eh, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. He doesn’t always make things easy and getting fed up is understandable.”
“I shouldn’t keep pushing though. I just want him to feel as lousy as I do and that’s not healthy. None of it is healthy.”
“I know what I want my thing to be,” he smiled at her, desperately wanting to change the subject and keeping her happy.
“What shall it be, Captain Rogers? A ride on the ferry? A stroll across the Brooklyn bridge? A Broadway play perhaps?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“Take me to a place you love that you’ve never taken anywhere else. Not even Bucky,” he smiled.
Vanessa was caught off guard but quickly recovered. “You sure you’re up for that?”
“Do your worst,” he smirked.
**
“Let me get this straight; you were a burlesque performer?” Steve asked as they were led to a booth.
“Yup,” Vanessa laughed as she took in the look of pure and utter shock on Steve’s face.
“Somehow, I’m not surprised, but at the same time I am.”
“That’s a fair response.”
“How the hell does Bucky not know?”
“It just never came up. I didn’t feel all that comfortable and he never asked what I used to do.”
“No one else knows?”
“Well, my parents were snooping and found out. Hence the reason I quit. I got so much shit for it. It didn’t matter that I was making good money and I was happy, it just didn’t sit well with them that their baby girl was making money like that. Tying up the family name with such a scandalous thing,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. “Still though, this is where I got my first real sense of family. I had just turned 18 and I’d just moved to NYC. I only worked here a year, but it was the best year I’d had in a while. This is where I met my best friend, my boss made sure I got home safely after shift, we went out after work, and we took care of one another. It was nice,” Vanessa smiled.
Before Steve could say anything, a loud screech caught both of them off guard. “You are here!” her best friend, Tonya, yelled as she ran over to the little booth. “Oh? You brought a very special guest?”
“Keep your mouth shut,” Vanessa chuckled. “He told me to do my worst so...”
“You’re an evil woman,” Tonya laughed. “However, you are a special man. She hasn’t brought anyone here before. Not even her beau,” she smirked at Vanessa, who just flipped her off in return. “What can I get you two?”
“I’ll take a Jack and Coke. Are you performing tonight?”
“Nah, I’m just the service girl tonight. Had I known you’d be coming, I definitely would have put something together.”
“Babe, it was a shock to me too,” Vanessa smirked.
“What can I get you, Mr. America?” Tonya smiled at Steve.
“Uh, I’ll have the same,” he laughed softly at the new nickname.
“Two Jack and Cokes coming right up,” Tonya smiled before turning and quickly making her way to the bar.
“So this...this was your life before Shawarma?” Steve questioned as he looked around.
“This was was my life before Shawarma,” Vanessa confirmed.
“It seems like it was colorful life.”
“Is there a hint of judgment in your tone?” she asked accusingly.
“No!” Steve quickly defended. “I just...there are so many surprises to you. You never fail to catch me off guard. I’m happy. I’m happy that you opened up to me and I get to see this. A different side of you,” he smiled at her.
Vanessa could feel the heat rising to her cheeks and looked away. She knew that all of the things she was she was feeling were wrong, but she couldn’t stop them. She couldn’t and didn’t want to. Why shouldn’t she be excited that someone was paying attention to her? Seeing her for who she truly was? He made her feel the way Bucky should’ve made her feel, and she didn’t understand why that made her feel so terrible. It wasn’t like they had done anything wrong. They were just having a friend’s day out. What was so wrong with that?
“Alight, two Jack and Cokes for ya and are you eating at all?” Tonya asked, placing the drinks on the table.
“Nah, we’ll probably just stay for a show or two and head out. Don’t wanna corrupt America’s Golden Boy,” Vanessa smirked, nudging Steve playfully while he just shook his head.
“Uh huh, I’ll come back and check on you two in a bit,” Tonya smirked before making her way to another table.
“So...cheers,” Steve smiled at Vanessa, raising his glass.
“Oh? What are celebrating?”
“A really great day off,” he smiled at her.
**
“You’re dangerous,” Steve laughed as he parked in front of Vanessa’s complex.
“What?” Vanessa giggled, slurring slightly. “We’re fine. I knew we’d be fine. With your charm and my ability to talk my way out of almost anything, I knew it would be okay.”
They ended up staying at the burlesque club longer than two shows. Steve asked her about her the performances she used to do, and was curious if she was handy with nipple tassels. The longer they stayed, the more they drank. Steve was fine, but Vanessa’s feelings were coming more and more obvious. Especially with how handsy she was getting. Steve knew it because of the alcohol starting to kick in, but he was more than happy to allow it.
“Yeah, but still,” he laughed as he turned off the car “I’d rather not get yelled at by police officers because you’re trying to do a PG burlesque show in park fountain.”
“Oh, no one’s gonna give Captain America a ticket or lock him up. You’ve saved New York too many times,” she giggled to herself. “How are you not drunk?”
“The serum,” he smiled and she laughed.
“Of course! The serum, how could I forget? You can only get drunk when you drink that stuff Thor has, right? The Thor juice,” she giggled.
“Yes, the “Thor juice” can get me pretty messed up. It’s a good thing I have this serum. Trying to keep up with you is something else.”
“I got it from my mama,” she smirked at Steve who just burst out laughing.
“Let’s get you inside before you cause anymore trouble.”
“Me? Trouble? Never!” Vanessa fake gasped before slowly making her way out of Steve’s car.
They made small talk as he helped her up the stairs and she leaned against him in the elevator. She wasn’t ready for the night to end she didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want to be without him.
“I think this is the closest I’ve ever been to seeing your apartment,” Steve chuckled once they reached her door.
“You can come inside if you want,” she spoke so softly he barely heard her.
“I should head back,” Steve sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“Vanessa...don’t. We had a good day and you’re just drunk. You’re Buck’s girl and he’d-”
“I’m not anyone’s girl,” she quickly snapped and Steve sighed.
“Doll, you’re just angry with him. You two will work past this and you’ll completely forget about whatever you want right now.”
“I never forget, Steve. I was waiting for you and you just gave up so easily,” she admitted softly. “Why didn’t you ever make a move?” she asked, finally meeting his gaze.
“Sweetheart, I just-”
“Did I read the signs wrong?”
“No, not at all. I just-”
“Well isn’t this funny?” Bucky’s voiced from down the hallway as he made his way down to Vanessa’s apartment. “I thought you wanted to spend the day alone?”
“Go away, James,” Vanessa scowled, instantly digging through her purse until she found her key.
“Ouch, you used to excited to see me.”
“Yeah, and you used to not be an asshole. We’ve both changed. Thanks for a great day, Steve,” she smiled up at him before kissing his cheek and opening the door.
“Seriously? You’re not gonna even talk to me?” Bucky questioned while glowering at Steve.
“No, and leave Steve alone cause he didn’t do anything at all. I needed a friend and he was there for me. That’s all, so don’t give him a hard time.”
“Yeah, you two looked friendly,” Bucky muttered.
“I don’t want to do this tonight. I’ve had a really good day and I don’t want to do this tonight.”
“Ness, I know you’re pissed at him me, but please-”
“Buck, just leave it alone tonight. Let’s go back to the compound-”
“Stay out of this, Steve,” Bucky warned through gritted teeth.
“Jesus, the last thing I need is for two super soldiers to start fighting in my damn hallway. James, you have 30 minutes. After that, I want you out. Steve, I really did have a great time with you today, thank you,” Vanessa smiled sincerely. Bucky shot Steve a glare before making his way into Vanessa’s apartment. “I really am sorry about this. If you ever come up with an answer to that question, let me know,” she smiled weakly before going into her apartment. “What do you want, James?” she snapped at Bucky as soon as her attention was on him.
“What the fuck was that all about?!” he shot back.
“What was what about?”
“You being all over him!”
“I wasn’t all over him. Besides, even if you don’t trust me, you should at least trust him. He’s a much better friend than you deserve,” Vanessa mumbled, grabbing a glass from her cabinet and pouring herself a drink.
“That’s not fair!”
“No, what’s not fair is you refusing to drop this idea of Steve and I fucking behind your back.”
“What would you think if you saw a woman pressed up against me like that?!”
Vanessa stormed into her room, rummaged around in her drawers for a bit, before coming out with a handful of magazines. “I’d keep believing you like I have been for years!” she yelled, throwing the magazine’s at him.
He didn’t even need to look at them to know what they were. “You know that’s different.”
“How? How is it any different? The world doesn’t even know you have a girlfriend, because you wanna keep it a secret! How do you think it makes me feel when I see those stupid headlines?! The Avengers ‘Bad Boy’ being seen with someone who isn’t me! Whenever we go anywhere, no one shows me an ounce of respect because Mr. Big Bad Barnes is there! I have had to put up with this shit for 3 years and I’ve never given you hell! I took it in stride and accepted it! Whenever you go to events with someone other than me, when girls fawn over you, when-”
“It’s safer for you that way!”
“No, it’s safer for you!” Vanessa spat, tears finally freeing themselves from her eyes.
“Listen, I’m sorry, you were right. We should just talk about this tomorrow. I’ll call you-”
“No,” Vanessa sobbed silently.
“No what?”
“I can’t do this anymore, Buck. I’m tired of it and I’m tired of this. Arguing, crying, and blaming each other. This isn’t who we are and this isn’t healthy anymore.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t do this. We can fix this,” he pleaded, his own voice starting to crack.
“Buck, I love you so much, but this has got to stop!”
“I can change!”
“You’ve been saying that and yet you keep doing the same shit! Words aren’t enough anymore!”
“But I love you.”
“Love isn’t enough anymore,” she sobbed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
Bucky started to walk over to her and Vanessa instantly moved away. “We can talk about this.”
“We have talked about this, time and time again. I’m tired of talking. I don’t wanna talk, argue, fuck, cry...any of it. Just go,” she all but whispered.
Bucky opened his mouth to say something but seeing the tears run down her face instantly stopped him. He sighed, wiping his own tears and made his way out. As soon as the door closed, Vanessa let herself fall apart. There was no one to hide from anymore, so why not?
She stood there for what felt like forever, weeping about everything, before finishing her drink and finally making her way into bed. She tucked herself in tight, pulling her comforter as tight to her as she could, and slowly started to drift. Right as she was about to fall asleep, she heard her phone buzz.
Going against her better judgment, she decided to see who it was and smiled when she saw it was Steve.
‘I backed off because I thought he would be better for you and because I was scared. I didn’t know how to just ask you out and I figured it would be best if you were with someone who could just say what he wanted. I was obviously was wrong and I regret it. I’ve regretted it everyday since he asked you out.’
Vanessa read the message over and over again until she fell asleep, feeling only slightly lighter than she had before. If only she knew what summer had in store for her.
**
taglist: @sweetflowerdreams , @whxre4cevans
