I don’t even LIKE referring to myself as transfem.
It feels dysphoria inducing, not super strongly but definitely and clearly.
I was assigned male at birth. I grew up a truly genderless child.
I only started performing femininity when I subconsciously understood that my masculinity was always seen as equal to being a man which I never wanted.
I became an effeminate teenager, while ridiculously dysphoric because what I truly wanted felt impossible to attain.
I wanted masculinity not manhood. I wanted to be viewed as something other than a man without performing societally normative femininity.
I felt myself tearing apart under the pressure of thinking I had to choose the exhausting and yet dysphoria inducing performative femininity that I never felt truly comfortable with or the dysphoria of being seen as a man and ultimately I began my outward transition journey by trying to conform and perform femininity.
I jumped through all the hoops. I referred to myself as a trans woman. I started taking estrogen and then progesterone and truly all of that has been a beautiful thing for me.
But I only found comfort and peace with myself when I’d reached a level of base and non-performative gendered perception that I started to feel comfortable with slowly but surely embracing my butch identity and masculinity.
I am not a man.
Butch is my gender.
My experience is trans masculine. I found euphoria in embracing my masculinity.
I’ll refer to myself as transfem if I have to but if anything that’s my history.
