His Maddest Desire Final (He LOVES her, but she HATES him) Jude Bellingham x reader
Synopsis: She was the opposite of what he needed; the shadow that no one noticed but him. Since the beginning, Jude had always liked Y/N, and his feelings grew every time he saw her. His reputation as a womanizer only makes her question his intention and pushes him away, but that never stops him from chasing after what he wants.
Pairings: Jude Bellingham x reader
Genre: Forbidden romance x Enemies to Lovers x One-sided love x Dark Romance
Warnings: Cursing, mention of sexual content
“How old is she?” The doctor asked as he looks at the fragile girl on the bed.
“She’s 12,” Christian L/N says while holding his wife.
The doctor nods and continues to check her vitals. He then opens the unconscious girl’s eyes and checks her pupil. “How long has this been going on?” The doctor questions. Christian looks at the girl on the bed and sighs, “Since she was six.” The doctor glances at the parents suspiciously before examining the little girl again. “I will prescribe her medication to help with her condition. You have to make sure she takes it every day and consistently, or else it’ll get worse.”
Christian L/N and his wife Elena nod and thank the doctor for coming. The doctor then signals for Christian to walk with him outside. Christian lets go of his wife and kisses her forehead before he guides the doctor out.
“When was the last time you saw her?” Christian asked his guards. The two males looked at one another before one cleared his throat and spoke carefully, “After her dance with you, she went outside, but we didn’t follow because we thought she needed some air.” Christian watches the security footage of you walking out of the mansion and then disappearing outside. He had his men search the perimeter everywhere, but there was still no sign of you.
“Was there anyone that walked after her?” Christian asked. The guards glanced at one another again and shook their heads. “No, we checked the footage everywhere, and no one walked in the direction she was going.” Christian sighs and stares at the camera footage; still no sign of you. His daughter had been missing for five hours now, and no one was giving him answers. His wife has been calling everyone they knew, and every important people that could help them, but not one person can locate you. “What is Rowan doing?” Christian asked, knowing of his son’s temper. “He’s out looking with his friends," one of the guards said.
Christian checks his phone and dials your number again, but your phone goes straight to voicemail. He aggressively throws his phone across the room, causing the two guards to back up. "BRING ME, EVERYONE, SHE HAD AN INTERACTION WITH!" He demanded.
"Where is Rowan?" you asked Shani as she combed your freshly wet hair. She grabs some hair oil from her daughter Virginia and starts applying it. "He has a friend over," Shani says, "they are playing football in the garden."
You smile, "can we go see them?"
Shani looks at her daughter who was admiring you beside her mother, "Sure."
You hold onto your long summer dress as you walk to Rowan’s football ground. Shani holds an umbrella so you won’t get sunburned, and her daughter carries the picnic basket for Rowan and his friends. “Do you think they’ll let me join?” You asked Shani. She gives you an apologetic look. "I don't think so, dear," she says kindly. You frown and continue to make your way toward Rowan and his friends. As their profile appears, you stare at how your brother kicks the ball into the goal. It was perfect in every way until you saw his friend makes a goal of his own. It was more than perfect, and the way he celebrated by running around the field and taking off his shirt while swinging it like there were thousands of people watching him made you feel happy. He genuinely loved the sport, which was his main source of happiness.
"Who...who is that?" you asked Shani. She glances over your brother and his friend and smiles, "That's Jude Bellingham."
"Who was she with all day?" Anastasia asked as she walked back and forth between her room. "She danced with Marcus for a bit and then with Dad," Rowan says. He frustratedly dialed Marcus' phone number, but there was no answer. "I can't fucking reach Jobe either," Anastasia says quietly. Rowan glares at his older sister and then grabs ahold of her wrist. "If we don't find Y/N, who knows what will happen to her. I need you to get all your friends on it too." Anastasia nodded and immediately reached for her phone.
Christian L/N walks into the bedroom to see his wife looking through their family’s photo album. His heart shift in pain as he watches her wipe her tears and continues to flip through photos.
The first time he met his wife was through a charity event. He thought she was the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on. It was love at first sight and he knew he had to have her. Unfortunately she was already engaged to a much older man. It was obvious to everyone that she wasn’t happy and was forced to be with the tyrant man. So for a while, he just watched and observed her. Never did he thought that she would approach him and ask him to take her virginity in exchange for money. She wanted to run away, but she had nothing. So in the end, Christian took her and has been protecting her ever since.
Their marriage wasn’t perfect. He has been a cold husband due to work and stress but never once has he forgotten his wife. He loves his family, and safety was important to him so he has doubled his work to make sure they have the best life possible.
“Have you heard anything?” Elena glanced at her husband and asked. Christian shakes his head and lays down on the bed. His head rested on his wife’s thigh as he anxiously thought of the idea of you getting kidnapped. “I think I scared her off,” he mumbled. Elena closes the photo album and runs her hand through her husband's hair. "I told you it was bad to approach her like that. She is barely recovering from Jude's engagement with Anastasia." Christian sighs and remembers the look on your face when it was announced that Jude and Anastasia would marry. You hated the idea more than anyone else. “She was always destined to marry Prince Nikolai,” Christian says, “one day she’ll understand why.”
Elena nods and kisses her husband’s forehead. “Sometimes I wonder how she’ll turn out if she had a normal childhood,” Elena says causing Christian to frown. He really didn’t want to be reminded of the past and how much he failed as a father. “I can only imagine how difficult it must’ve been for her. To this day, she still hasn’t forgiven us and rarely acknowledges us as her parents.” Elena closes her eyes and remember the toddler that she held in her hand. You were the most beautiful baby she has ever laid eyes on, and although you weren’t her biological daughter, she has loved you since the beginning. “My dear, wherever you are, I hope you’re safe.
“He is quite charming, isn’t he?” Anastasia says while making her flower crown. You glance over at Jude, who is chatting with the other boys. It has been a year since you met him, and you have come to like him day by day. “I supposed he is better than the other boys,” you mumbled.
Anastasia smiles and pat your thighs, “his mother is best friend with ours. I heard them joke about being in laws.” Your heart stopped and you look at Anastasia who had a cheeky smile on her face. “I suppose my little sister might marry before me.” You shake your head rapidly, “that cannot happen. I am not blood.”
Anastasia pauses midway to stare at you, “don’t say that Y/N. Mom and dad would not be happy.” You glare at her, “then why must they treat me differently? I am to take that disgusting pill everyday and be under surveillance every seconds!”
At your tone, Anastasia slams her flower crown on the table. “You mustn’t question our family’s treatment. They are doing this for your sake!” You rolled your eyes and got up from your seat. “You wouldn’t understand sister. You are their heir and will be treated lavishly while I am nothing but an pity orphan.”
Anastasia calls after you as you stomp out of the garden. You feel pairs of judgmental eyes, but you could care less. What you said was true. You overheard your dad speak up about the future arrangement between Jude and Anastasia and possibly between you and another person.
Anastasia silently stares between her brother and Trent. They were conversing about where you ran off and if someone took you. Trent didn't look pleased when your brother constantly blamed others for your missing. He was aware of your situation and the stuff you went through when you were a child, and it didn't help that your family bluntly kept it a secret from you and everyone else.
"This wouldn't have happened if you just told her!" Trent yells while aggressively typing on the computer.
"Tell her what, Arnold! That she was kidnapped as a kid and ended up having schizophrenia!" Rowan shouts.
Anastasia sighs and gets out her phone. She scrolls down to the person that she hasn't contacted for years. "Should I try Jobe?" Anastasia mumbles. Both Rowan and Trent look over at her as she dials his number, hands trembling. "It's pretty fucking obvious that she imagined something in her head and followed whatever the scenario was. When she was only six, she got kidnapped, which traumatized her. Ever since the accident, she hasn't been the same and would make up scenarios in her head like our parents were not her biological parents. She even once accused our mother of trying to kill her, and Anastasia was trying to drown her," Rowan says.
Trent's jaws clenched as he aggressively looked through security footage. You were like a sibling to him and his dear friend. He would hate it if something were to happen to you. "She should've been sent to a hospital long ago to get help!" Trent screamed. "The goddamn medicine didn't help, and who knows if she has been taking them!"
"She stopped taking them her teenage year when she entered middle school," Anastasia sighs. "I wanted to help her. I didn't want her to think she was different from us, so I never said anything when she didn't take her meds. But it only made things worse because she would say that I was bullying her, and in her mind, I was a villain, and everyone was against her. And Jude, Oh god," Anastasia sobs.
Rowan looks up at the ceiling and fists his knuckle. "We will find her, and she'll be ok."
"Where are we?" You asked while scanning the cabin in the middle of the wood.
Jude smiles and walks over to the fireplace, "It's my secret hidden home," he says.
You smile and look around the small, cozy cabin. "Seems out of place for you."
He smiles and continues to set the living room up for you. "We found it together silly," Jude says.
You look at him with a confused face. Jude continues to put more wood in the fireplace as he whistles. "What do you mean?" you asked while walking closer to him.
Jude pauses midway before slowly throwing the last wood in, and the fire reflects on his face. You stare at him as he gets up from the floor and faces you. His mouth twitches as he stares at you, "you don't remember?" He asked.
Your heart beats rapidly as he slowly moves toward you, eyes never leaving yours. "You killed me here Y/N."
"Happy Birthday, Rowan!" everyone shouted, and fireworks immediately filled the sky.
You look over at your brother, who was loving the attention that he was getting. "Everyone gets a new Rolex!"
The crowd goes wild, and all the girls start rushing over at your brother, causing you to get pushed back away from everyone. "This is lame," you mumbled.
You hear a low chuckle, causing you to turn around. Standing behind you was Jude Bellingham, in casual jeans and a t-shirt, yet he looked better than all the boys combined. "A middle schooler shouldn't be around high schoolers. It's a very bad idea," he chuckles. You frown and walk away from him before your brother spots you. "Aye!" you hear Jude calls after you.
Your heart races as you feel him following you. The boy you have always been interested in is finally giving you the time of his day, yet you are running away. How pathetic. "Y/N, wait! You'll get lost; it's very dangerous out here!" Jude calls after you. "Leave me alone, Bellingham! Stop treating me like everyone else!"
You start picking up your pace, entering the wood, away from everyone.
Since that kidnap incident involving your father's enemy, everyone has been monitoring you like crazy. Everywhere you go, four of your father's bodyguards must follow you, and today was only an exception because it was your brother's birthday, and he requested that all guards stay a distance from the high schoolers.
"Y/N, please," Jude says, and you finally feel his hands around your wrist.
You turn around and realize that you guys are now far from the party, but you can still hear the laughter of teenagers from afar. "It was not the best idea for Rowan to have a party in the middle of the woods," Jude mumbles, looking around the dark forest. "Relax, this is a private party owned by my dad," you said.
Jude smiles and intertwines his fingers with yours, "Come, I heard from Rowan that he has a secret cabin that he brings girls to."
You turn to where the party is and then glance at Jude warily. He smiles down at you and caresses your face. "I'll protect you," he says. And with no hesitation, you follow him deep into the woods.
"Jude," you whisper as you back away, heart beating uncontrollably and mind more confused than ever. "Remember you stabbed me after I said Anastasia will be my wife?" You continue to back away while shaking your head, trying to remember everything that happened that night. "I am nothing but a fragment of your imagination. This whole time, you have imagined me. You have been creating situations in your head that have never happened because you feel guilty for what you did to me. Accept it, love; you have a mental illness and need help. Unlike me, you can get help."
Your back hits the cold wall, and you whimper; Jude smirks and glances at something on the floor. He then walks over to it and picks something up. Your heart immediately pauses at what he has in hand. A rusty knife that looks like it has an old blood stain on it. "Ha, there it is," Jude chuckles and holds up the knife.
At the sight of the knife, you immediately remembered what happened that night. You confess to Jude, and Jude sadly says that he will have to be with Anastasia in the future. And as if your body negatively reacted to that, your mind went blank, and from then on, you don't remember what happened. The next thing you know, your parents drag you out of the house with blood all over you.
"Just like what you did to me, it's time you join me, love," Jude says while walking towards you.
As your body shakes against the wall, Jude smiles and kindly hands the knife to you. "I'm waiting," he says.
You look down at the rusty old knife and think of what happened and how the boy you have been madly in love with was killed by your own hand. This past year was nothing but a fragment of your imagination that has only gotten worse and more real because of your refusal to get help and take medication. After losing Jude, you became a mess and refused to get help from anyone. Only then did your parents decide to let you live out your teenage years before they would send you away. But they never knew that your condition had only gotten worse, and even though they kept you in the house and under surveillance, in your mind, they were nothing but villains. It has never occurred to you that your mind was playing games with you and that Jude never said those sweet words to you. You never found out if Jude was ever interested in you or had feelings for you. But the only thing you found out was he was destined to be with your sister, which truly hurt you. In the end, you end up hurting the one person who kept you sane, and in his hand, you will also die.
"Jude, I-I'm sorry," you softly said as you reached for the knife. "I will join you so you don't have to wait anymore. I love you so much; you are my maddest desire," you smile softly as you hold the knife to your throat. You close your eyes and think of the first time you ever looked at him and how his voice sounded when he laughed at your brother's bad joke. He was perfect, the perfection that you have always desired. With no guilt in your heart, you smile and move your hand closer to your neck.
Two Years Later - Epilogue
Sometimes, we want things we can't have, and sometimes we ignore things that want us. It is human nature to desire perfection, even though perfection might be out of our vocabulary. People that were born rich don't want to be rich. People born a star want to be normal, and people born a peasant want to be a star. The universe is twisted, causing many people to fall into mental illness, whether it is depression, anxiety, ADHD, or schizophrenia. We can never have things we truly desire, and that causes many of us to go mad.
"Anastasia!" someone shouts, causing her to look up from her phone. Anastasia slightly moves her foot to block the elevator door from closing. She smiles at the boy who joins her in the elevator. "How are you, Jobe?'
Jobe smiles and clicks the 5th-floor button. "Great!"
She nodded, and they quietly rode the elevator to the fifth floor.
Anastasia softly smiled as she watched Jobe happily walk to their designated room. It has been a while since she has seen Jobe all smiling, but after the good news last month, he has become himself again.
"Ready?" Jobe asked before opening the door. Anastasia nodded, and they both walked into the warm, cozy room filled with flowers and sunlight.
"Good morning, Jude," she says.
Jude, who has awoken from a coma a month ago, lays down the book in his hand and smiles at them. "Good morning."
"Are you sure about this?" Rowan asked his older sister as she entered the house. Anastasia nodded at her brother and looked at the numerous security; from surveillance to doorbell cameras, security was uptight. Pleased with that, she counts the guards and staff in the house, at least fifty, maybe even more. "You missed Dad; he left an hour ago," Rowan says as he follows his sister upstairs. "Mom's mastectomy is coming up; I'm sure he wants to be there for her," Anastasia mumbled. Rowan looks down at his feet as he goes upstairs, "Trent is in another country for his match. Will he be back for your birthday?" Rowan asks his sister while glancing at the silver ring on her ring finger. Anastasia softly smiles and places her hand on her stomach, "He will. I have a surprise for him."
Standing in front of the door, Anastasia and her brother sigh. They both prepare their heart and smiles at one another. Rowan holds ahold of his sister's hand and nods. He opens the door, and they enter the warm, sunlight-filled room. Anastasia looked around the room, and many books were lying on the floor as maids picked them back up and put them where they belonged. The bed was also messy, and the vases were lying on the floor. In one corner, two nurses were talking to one another as they held up the bottle of pills.
Rowan and Anastasia look over at the figure standing in front of the window, staring out blankly and barely moving. "What is her update today?" Anastasia asked, and immediately the nurses made their way toward the siblings. "She woke up claiming that Jude was going to take her out on a fancy date, and since we wouldn't let her leave, she started fighting."
Anastasia nodded, "Has she taken her pills?"
The nurses look at one another and then glance at Rowan, who isn't looking anywhere but at his younger sister. They then looked at Anastasia, who was intensely staring at them, "Yes, she has."
Anastasia nods and turns around, "Make sure she continues to take her medications," she says and smirks as she walks away from her younger sister, whom she has always been jealous of.
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