His Maddest Desire (He LOVES her, but she HATES him) Jude Bellingham x reader
Synopsis: She was the opposite of what he needed; the shadow that no one noticed but him. Since the beginning, Jude had always liked Y/N, and his feelings grew every time he saw her. His reputation as a womanizer only makes her question his intention and pushes him away, but that never stops him from chasing after what he wants.
Pairings: Jude Bellingham x reader
Genre: Forbidden romance x Enemies to Lovers x One-sided love x Dark Romance
Warnings ⚠️: Cursing, mention of sexual content 🔞
You weren't sure if you should be depressed about the situation or be relieved. Your family has totally forgotten that you existed and moved on with the welcoming speech without you. On any occasion, you would've been ok with it, but today your distant family was here, and you wore a beautiful dress that complimented your beauty in every way, but instead of flaunting it in front of everyone, you are hiding behind a concrete pole, away from the crowd.
"The L/N family will like to welcome you to our 100th anniversary in business!" You heard your dad exclaim and could see his hand raise his cup, but you were too far to see his face. You look at the number of people in the room; they've doubled since last year, and most are influential people worldwide. From current presidents to famous celebrities, you name it all, your family is connected to everyone. Your heart rate increases as you glance from one person to another, realizing he might be here too. "And my precious gem, my daughter Anastasia will take over the family's business and become the heir of the L/N family!"
Your heart immediately stops for a second, and your vision begins to blur as people clap and cheer for your sister. From the distance, in the spotlight, you see your sister, in the most beautiful dress and most beautiful face standing on the stairs waving and smiling at everyone. She looked confident, ambitious, and strong, something you weren't and would never be. Deciding that it was best to remove yourself from the gathering, you start running to the far end of the mansion, away from everyone.
The cold weather immediately hits your face when you enter the balcony. The city light shines from afar, away from your family's mansion on the mountain. Everything about your city was beautiful, filled with lights you'll never see in person. And even if you did, you’ll still feel ashamed, saddened, and distressed that tinted people ran the city—a family that doesn’t care about anything but power and money.
You look up at the stars and examine their beautiful design. They were all gorgeous, showing their beauty on the blank black canvas, and each star formed its meaning. One particular one formed a shape like a woman with Angel wings. She was floating with a knife-like structure in her hands. She looked powerful among the other stars.
“Her name’s Nemesis,” a familiar voice with a deep English accent says. You don’t even have to turn around to know who it is. His voice and the smell of expensive fresh cologne were enough to confirm that he was one of the most influential football players in the world. “She is the goddess of revenge and quite literally an underrating woman.” Your heart beats faster as you feel him getting closer to you, and you want nothing more than to leave without having to look at him.
Jude Bellingham is known for his looks, accent, personality, athletic abilities, influential status, and womanizer. He was everything you needed to avoid, but he always seemed to find you no matter where you were. “Myths say she is more beautiful and stronger than Athena and Aphrodite, and I can assure you she’s everything they say she is.” Your heart skips a beat, maybe many more, as he stands next to you. "Why are you alone, angel?"
Since birth, you have always been in your sibling's shadow. Your sister Anastasia was the golden child of the family. She had the looks, brain, personality, and quite the influence on others. Everyone loves her, and she was your parent's whole heart. Your brother, two years older than you, is the middle child and your mother's son. He was a mommy's boy, and even though he was now an adult, your mother would do anything for him. Your father, on the other hand, was too occupied with Anastasia and the family business to care if he had a son or not. The L/N family was complete with a daughter and a son, but you came into this world unexpectedly. Your biological parents passed away the day you were born, and your birth mother was the best friend of your adoptive mother. And even though she didn't want you, she wanted to be a hero, so your parents went along with the adoption, and you were taken in unwanted.
Growing up, you had quite a fancy life. Money, food, maids, fancy parties, and private schools, but you were never provided the same treatment as your siblings. You understand that you aren’t their biological child, but you’ve been in their family for so long that it seems that way.
Your father, who was always busy, would only talk to you when needed, such as school work and attending events, and your mother would only speak to you when it concern your physical image or family photos. Overall, besides being ignored by your family, you lived a comfortable life and were used to the cold silence from your parents, but it still hurts.
"Y/N?" He asked softly after realizing that your mind was no longer with him. "Why are you alone, angel?"
You close your eyes at the nickname that he gave you years ago. It does many things to you, and no matter how much you try to tell him to leave you alone, Jude Bellingham is always around. “Go back to the party Jude. My brother will be looking for you.”
He remains calm, and from the corner of your eyes, you can see him twirl the glass of whiskey while looking ahead. “Rowan is fine. He’s got blondes, brunettes, red hair, and black hair surrounding him,” Jude says with amusement. You rolled your eyes and placed your hand on the concrete rail, feeling the coldness of it. “My brother’s player ways will never die down,” you mumbled disgustingly.
Your brother, Rowan L/N, is a womanizer, and he doesn’t necessarily have a type. As long as you were a girl and were down for a one-night stand, he would take you to a hotel within a heartbeat. He wasn’t picky with Women either and found all types of women beautiful: curvy, skinny, average, tan, pale, dark; he liked them all. And although he may not seem like it, he respects a woman a lot, and that’s why he’s a mommy’s boy. You and your brother get along just fine, and in high school, he protected you from bullies, but now that he is a university student, you have distanced yourself a little. He wasn’t the older brother you knew from high school; your brother has become colder, bolder, and more like your father.
“You haven’t answered my question. Why are you out here alone?”
The concern in Jude’s voice causes you to look at him angrily. You didn’t need his concern, and you didn’t need his pity; you’ve had enough of those. “What game are you playing, Bellingham?” You asked. Jude raises an eyebrow and places his cup on the rail. You watch one hand disappear into his pocket while the other reaches for your hair, tugging it behind your ears. “Now I see you,” he mumbles and smiles softly.
You look at his lips and then his eyes; gosh, he was beautiful, with a sculpted jawline, thick lips, and a smile that could make a girl get on her knees. But you couldn’t be one of those girls; you were not his type. You have seen the girls he surrounds himself with, and you weren’t them, and he was playing games with you.
“Go find Rowan. He wouldn’t like his best friend with his little sister,” you said as you started stepping away from him. Jude doesn’t budge; he oversees you, examining your moves like always. “He wouldn’t think any of it,” Jude says. You bite your lower lips, “because we just don’t fit,” you immediately spit.
Jude’s eyes go dark as he focuses on yours, and you see how his jaw tenses. You’ve said many things in the past that hurt him, and you knew it’s one of these that gets him railed up. “Why do you hate me?” He asked casually, mainly because he had asked this question many times. And you wish you could answer him, but you don't know either.
You first met Jude when you were 12, and he was 14. Your brother befriended him while they attended an all-boys junior high, and he was one of those friends that would always come over. You remember the first time the two of you made eye contact. It was an immediate attraction on both ends and like the curious cat you were, you stayed and watched him play football with your brother.
Since the beginning, you always attend an all-girls school, and the only boys you've been around are your brother, cousins, and your dad's men. Seeing Jude for the first time, you were immediately drawn to him mainly because he was the most beautiful boy you have ever seen and because of the way he handled the soccer ball. Jude must've also noticed you because he showed off more and was constantly making sure you saw his dribble, scores, tricks, and everything he did; he did it with a purpose. After that day, Jude came over more often, and you always watched him play with your brother. And when you finally reached high school, he became bolder and started flirting with you, asking you to homecoming, inviting you to his games, and doing everything with you in his mind. But never once did you fall for him because, in the back of your mind, you were incapable of being loved, and Jude was only going to break your heart. Unlike you, he was everything everyone wanted, the golden boy, and he was still one.
"Why are you so mean?" he asked, stepping closer to you.
You back up, and he looks down at your shoes, unpleased by that movement. “Don’t step away from me,” he demanded softly as you stood four feet away. “Why?” You asked, even though you knew his answer. Jude grabs your wrist and pulls you into his chest, “because I am your man,” he whispers in your ear.
Your heart races rapidly as you feel his hand trace the back of your dress. He was so close to you that his cologne almost caused you to faint. Jude was much taller than you, and your head barely reached his shoulders, and it was so easy for you to hear his heartbeats. And just like you, he was also under the influence, and his breathing was getting harder and harder as his hands trailed up further.
“I am yours, and you’re mine. We fit Y/N,” he says and places his forehead on yours. You close your eyes and imagine the two of you alone, entirely away from everyone. Your life would’ve been more straightforward if you were born into an average family and met Jude accidentally. But you weren’t normal, and you were born into a loveless family that controls your every move. And Jude was a professional footballer that everyone loved. You knew Jude was destined for greatness the moment you looked at him, and unlike you, he was meant to be loved by the world. In the future, he will marry someone important, friendly, beautiful, and loved by everyone, like your sister. And you will be left behind closed doors as his mistress and never be seen again. The two of you just don’t fit.
“What do you want from me, Bellingham?” You asked while exiting his arms and stepping a couple of steps away. “Do you think I will fall for your tricks? Do you think I’ll say yes, and we'll marry in the future while you take one girl after another like your football buddies?” You aggressively asked. Jude glares at you frustratedly as you continue to speak your mind. “Look at me and look at all those girls. We are opposite!”
The two of you stare at one another for god knows how long. The conversation was familiar, and it was giving you deja vu. Jude was very persistent; no matter how many rejections he got from you, he was still chasing. But that never stopped him from fooling around with other girls to show you what you missed. But the two of you knew damn well he would drop anyone in a heartbeat if you came to him.
“I’m not like that,” Jude says softly, his hands hidden in his pocket to keep himself from reaching for you. “You know I want only you.”
It was hard to concentrate on hating him when he said the sweetest, most beautiful things in life. You knew who he was, and the womanizer image was only to make you jealous. But if you admit that you hated the blondes, brunettes, redheads, ginger, and many more girls that he had been associated with, it would only confirm your feelings, and you weren’t going down that path.
“Why?” You quietly asked while looking at the floor, avoiding eye contact with him. “Why are you so nice to me?”
You feel his fingers lift your chin, and in a second, you make eye contact with him. “Is it that hard to see yourself the way I see you?”
No one would’ve ever thought that Jude Bellingham could ever get rejected by a girl. There have been numerous times when he respectfully refused girls, and there have been times when he would use them for pleasure. But it was now getting to him that no matter how many girls he got; his heart still yearns for you and it will only be you that he wants.
"You will eventually marry someone else," you mumbled. "Someone older, wiser, prettier, and at the same level as you."
With a heavy heart, Jude reaches to stroke your face, but you slap his hands away. "Stay away from me, Bellingham.”
You wander back to the hall room, and from the corner of your eyes, you see your brother standing near the champagne fountain, surrounded by numerous girls. On one side, he has another friend of his, Trent Alexander Arnold, and on another side, he has Kylian Mbappe. They all smiled while chatting and flirting with the girls. You take in the way Trent constantly looks bored, and his eyes wander around the crowd, whereas Kylian is very invested in the ladies. To their right, a couple of tables away, your sister was talking to some women around your mother’s age, one of them being Jude’s mother.
It was no secret that your mother and Jude’s mother always wanted to be in-laws. And you were never an option, but your sister was perfection and the apple of everyone’s eye. Jude’s mother had always liked your sister, and the engagement between your sister and Jude would be brought up soon. That is another reason why it was best you stay away from him.
“The party is a bit dense, don’t you think?”
Your shoulder jumps from the voice, and you immediately turn around to see Marcus Rashford standing behind you, with a drink in his hand and the other hand tucked in his pant. He was wearing a white dress shirt with some buttons down, revealing some ink on his chest. His hair was freshly cut, making him look more handsome than you remember.
Marcus was an acquaintance of your dad and one of your sister’s friends. He was always rumored to be dating your sister, but you don’t think there's any potential because despite your sister showing interest in him, Marcus rarely acknowledges her.
“You don’t speak much do you little one?”
You frowned at his nickname for you because you guys aren’t anything at all for him to give you nicknames. This was probably the first time the two of you have ever spoken.
“Why are you talking to me?” You asked quietly despite the room being loud. Marcus smirks and sips his drink, “why haven’t I talked to you is the real question,” he mumbles. You frown and was about to walk away when he grabs your elbow. “Care to dance?” He asked. You look behind your shoulders to see your sister staring your way, eyeing the part where you and Marcus are touching. “Your girlfriend won’t like that,” you said, and Marcus glanced at your sister. “She’s not my girlfriend.” And that should’ve been enough for you to take him up on his offer, but you instead think about your sister’s wellbeing and decide it was best to decline. “I’m sorry but I have to go,” you said and quickly excused yourself.
As you quickly exit the ballroom again, you feel a couple of eyes on you, sending shivers down your spine.
“Jude!” Rowan exclaimed when he walked into the private room made for his casual hookups.
Jude nods and looks around the room, seeing a couple of his friends and acquaintances surrounded by girls, many girls. Your brother has two blondes next to him, with white lingerie on. On the couch in front of him, Mbappé was getting sucked off by two girls while the others were close to having sex. At the center of the room stood two naked girls dancing on the pole with red eyes.
Your brother nods his head towards the couch next to him; a girl that looks similar to your sister is sitting on it, and there is no question that she was brought in for him.
“Enjoy yourself, man,” Rowan says with a smirk. Jude grabs a bottle of champagne on a table and approaches the girl. She was beautiful, with a banging body, a girl he would usually hook up with but never chase. It was honestly torturing to want someone that doesn’t want you back, and the only way to get rid of that feeling was to drink, snort, and fuck. But even that didn’t help.
“Heard my mother and your mother talking. I know they want you all together, but it ain’t happening, man,” Rowan says, “my sister wants Rashford.” Jude chugs his bottle of Champagne, not giving a damn about who your sister wants. The only thing on his mind was to get you out of his system. “You have anyone else in mind?” Rowan asked. Jude smirks and lays both of his hands on top of the couch. The girl next to him was very bold and seductive. Her hands were already roaming his body and unbuckling his belt. “Anastasia is not my type,” Jude shrugs. Your brother raises an eyebrow, clearly not understanding why Jude would say that. He has seen the way Jude interacts with your sister and the way he is constantly being nice to her, so he assumes that Jude has a crush on her. “Then what is your type?” Rowan asked.
Jude lays his head back on the couch and guides the girl’s head down into his unbuckled pant. He then closes his eyes and sighs. “I prefer sexy (eye color) with (hair color) that is always perfectly straightened or perfectly curled. She also wears innocent-looking dresses and looks like an Angel but is a sexy beast that I can never let go.”
Your brother stared at him blankly and looked down at the girl that was now sucking off Jude. She looked like your sister but was the total opposite of what Jude described. Rowan then narrows his eyes, “Careful, Bellingham. I might have thought you were actually describing Y/N.”
Jude chuckles darkly and rolls his shoulders, “We fantasize about things we can’t have; that’s in our nature.” He then closes his eyes, and the image of you appears as he guides the girl’s head to his climax.
You stare at your reflection. Fresh out of the shower, wet hair, smooth lotioned skin, and no scars anywhere.
It was ideal for the women in the L/N family to look their best no matter what, and maybe your mother took that way too far. Growing up, you and your sister were constantly showered with lavish clothing, the best skin care product, the most expensive makeup artist, and the wealthiest designers. Of course, your sister had everyone's best interest, but still, your mother did not forget that she has an adopted daughter with her genes.
"Your sister's birthday is coming up," your handmaiden, Virginia, says as she combs your hair. You smiled and nodded, "she'll want to throw a big one," you mumbled. Virginia hums, agreeing with that statement. She was a couple of years older than your sister and has known you her entire life. She was only a teenager when her parents started working for your family. And when she turned 18, she immediately became your maid. "You know everyone will be there with a date," Virginia says while applying scented oil to your hair. You look at her through the mirror knowingly. She was the only person who knew of your complicated relationship with Jude. “Everyone but me,” you smiled. Virginia chuckled and started braiding your hair so it could be curly tomorrow. “I’m sure there are many single gentlemen that would love to accompany you,” she says. “For example, Marcus Rashford seemed to be interested in you. Or maybe Trent Alexander Arnold, who has always stared at you, and don’t forget Kylian Mbappe, who may be a little older but is a fine gentleman.”
You wait for Virginia to laugh and say it was a joke, but unfortunately, she doesn’t. “They’re all friends of my brother and sister. There is no way they would accompany me,” you said. Virginia smiles and starts tying your hair. “There is always that one person who would take you in a heartbeat.” You glare at her through the mirror, knowing who she is suggesting. She has always supported your feelings for Jude, even if it’s just a simple crush or something more significant. But you’ve told her several times that the two of you just don’t fit. Jude was different from you, and he was also your brother’s best friend. Someone of that high status would eventually get a proposal from the president’s daughter or a princess; you were never in the picture.
“I will say, though, that Marcus Rashford has always been a gentleman to everyone. He may be a bit older than you, but he would care for you perfectly,” Virginia says before she excuses herself from your room.
You sighed and opened the door to your balcony. It was warm with a slight breeze, and the star shone brightly through the dark sky. The oil scent of roses warms your heart, remembering her suggestion about Jude. But even you knew that was a mistake. Your sister will eventually be Jude’s fiancé and you’ll be nothing but his sister-in-law. It was best you have no interaction with him in the future.
“It’s too late for you to be outside Y/N.”
You froze at the deep voice and turned to see your brother closing your bedroom door. He looked like he had just left the shower, with damp hair, a towel around his neck, a black t-shirt, and black pajama pants. He looked exhausted, angry, and annoyed as he walked towards you. “You got school tomorrow; I’ll take you.” You frowned and looked at him, “Mr. Hale can take me,” you said. Rowan crosses his arms, and you notice his muscles are bigger and leaner. His athletic life must be intense. “My university is that way. I’ll drop you off.” You rolled your eyes and leaned against the cold rail. “You’re just making sure I am not skipping school with some boys,” you accused. Rowan raises an eyebrow and stares at you tensely, “If I see or hear about you fooling around with some boys, I will make sure he doesn’t see another day.”
“Rowan,” you sighed, “the school is owned by our family. Do you really think Father and Mother don’t have eyes on me?”
Your brother shrugged and sighed, “I’m just looking out for you.” You nodded and smiled, “I know.”
Rowan smiles slightly, and you notice an eyelash sticking on his cheek. Stepping closer to him, you brush off the hair with your thumb. “There, your skin looks good now.” He stares at you blankly, and you take this chance to look at him. He was all grown now, with a sculpted jaw, thick black hair, dark hazel eyes, and not like the innocent-looking brother you remembered. “Y/N I-“
“Rowan get out of your sister’s room!”
The both of you turned to the door to see your mother standing there with arms crossed, angry eyes, and nothing but her gown on. “She has school tomorrow. Do you know how bad it would look if she were late?” You glance at Rowan and quickly walk back inside and rush to your bed. “My bad, mom. I reminded my little sister that I’ll take her to school tomorrow.” Your mom rolls her eyes, and Rowan chuckles before kissing her on the cheek and waving bye to you.
You smile at your mom awkwardly as she stares at you. Her eyes wander your room, and she looks at your ideally hung school uniform, your finished homework on your desk, and your braided hair for school tomorrow. She smiles satisfactorily and nods at you. “Go to sleep. Tomorrow is your exam. I’m expecting a perfect score. You will be a future doctor and will show the world that your parents raised you wisely,” she says, hinting that you should be listening to her because she adopted you. “Yes, Mom,” you said through gritted teeth. Your mother smiles before saying goodnight and exiting your room.
Sighing, you closed your eyes, hoping that tomorrow would go smoothly and you wouldn’t do anything to disappoint anyone.
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