#caffeinatedmuse

[moogl3]

I still exist....

[moogl3]

I realized I never came here to make you happy. I came here to be myself. If you cannot accept that is not my problem. My problem is you putting me in a box, like I'm some type of object. Don't put me in no fucking category like some inanimate object. I breathe and think. My feelings are exponential. So don't be surprised if I say something you won't like. After all, I am not here for you to like.

[moogl3]

Tired of stupid shit. These niggas be killing me. I'm done. Fucking done. Dismissed.

[moogl3]

Shit that just piss me off....

This deep empty sense of void is killing me slowly...I really am losing a grip of self... Where I really am not caring anymore. I really am despising people...I'm just tired of people and their bullshit...their inconsiderate expectations and unrealistic ideals that just go absolute nowhere . I despise disillusioned self-gratisfication cliche sayings. I hate the stress of needing money for survival. I cannot stand idiots of any race, gender, or creed.I am not a feminist in traditional sense, but I cannot stand obnoxious sexist men who just think with their dicks only. Just disappear in a dark void of nothingness, you won't be missed. Don't try to convert me. I am not interested into organized religion. I absolutely despise entitled pricks of all income levels. Who do the fuck you think are? I dislike misinformation of places that are just assumed to be ghetto because it is always in the media. Don't be a fucking sheep and think. I absolutely despise humans. The most advanced species yet the most absolutely fucking stupidest species ever existed.

[moogl3]

Finals Week

Last minute paper before the last finals before it is officially over for semester...After it is over, I rather stay alone and properly rest. I went headstrong with school since July. My head is so overwhelmed. I just need to rest properly...then go back to eating strict again and continue to exercise like the doctor said. Then find a therapist to talk about daily stress management after my insurance is finished processing...

Talk about how quick time went by and all I can say is I really tried. But I am getting burnt of everything. I just am no longer caring anymore. Not bothering to try to save anything, I rather it burn and crash. No longer my problem.

[moogl3]

PERSONAL HIATUS

just not caring anymore...simple as the statement states. i am tired of everything right now...life, people, family, school, friends, etc.etc.etc...i want to be personally left alone for the remainder of the year. i need the time off to focus on what is exactly important for myself and my own well-being is one of them. i also want this off my chest since i am on the subject of wanting to be alone for the remainder of the year and it has been festering with me over the whole four months of school and even longer perhaps. i noticed how people never actually follow through or care till it is something of theirs that they actually want to be done or cared about, and not surprisingly, friends are the main culprits as well family. meaning it is okay if i go 110% and they go about say 50 - 60% or even 0%. this is one of my main pet peeves that can really piss me off to the point of not wanting to even contact that person. i am not joking. i also noticed how people are really inconsiderate of other people' emotions. they try to guilt trip them, persuade them, as well keep insisting to the other person concedes. i find that to be very selfish. it is also another pet peeve of mine. 

the main reason of why i want to be left alone this year is mainly due to improve my health. right now i haven't been able to control what stresses me out. everything is causing me to stress out severely from how people talk to me or how they even drive. it stresses me the fuck out. also people imposing their unnecessary demands is one of them as well. if i said i cannot do it then don't force me to. i cannot have people also dump their problems on me either. it stresses me out. i am also very limited in what i can do. i cannot drink and i cannot eat certain foods till i meet required guidelines by the doctor. i have to advocate this strongly because most people tend to forget this and think i am 100% normal. I am not. so treat me fragile.

second reason is financial. i don't work currently and i've been in a process of trying to find employment while going to school simultaneously. i try to do minimal things that are within a very small budget. sometimes i do get help from family but it is for school and anything else is really a burden to even dare ask them since they are struggling themselves. since i will be on vacation for school over the winter. i need to fully apply myself and find employment. 

This is nothing personal against anyone. I have no ill-will. I just need to be left alone for now till I get situated.