[Self Para] New Worries, And The Fear They Formed.
Another year, another age. This time it would be harder for Luka to accept it; he was turning eight-teen, and would be graduating in June. What came next, brought goosebumps to the surface of Luka's arms. His heartbeat would quicken at the mere thought of it all.
College.
Where most teenagers would be ecstatic with the joy of leaving home, Lucas Prose was the opposite. He didn't want to leave his old life behind, and he didn’t want to 'find himself' at a University. Luka wanted to stay home, stay in high-school, stay wrapped in the comfort of his loving parents. He didn't want to leave. Luka wanted to be with his mother, who was the only one that understood him. If he left her, after finally getting used to high-school, it would honestly break his heart. She was his best friend, and was the only one that understood him. She knew that all he wanted to do was write and read. She knew exactly what was going on in his head. Luka was afraid.
The young boy was afraid that he couldn't take picking up his whole life, only to move it to a place where he knew no one. College was a bit of a nightmare at first to everyone, however, Luka's mother noticed that it was going to be strangely more of a nightmare to her son. Leaving behind his family, his school, the few friends he had...it would be giving up on his comfortable life. It would be Luka giving up his familiarity, in order to step over that line into the world unknown. It would be a new place, new faces, and unfamiliar rules and policies.
When Luka figured that out, while sitting at his desk at home, he snapped. It was the first panic attack in his life, though throughout his childhood there were signs leading up to it. Luka set down his pencil in-between the pages of his notebook, his eyes wide and distant. There was a hollow sense to them, that one would notice instantly. The young writer slowly brought his hands to his head, and gripped on to his hair to stop them from shaking. He felt dreadful and hopeless, knowing that there was nothing he could do to get off the path he was heading down.
That thought led to the quickened breathing, and the welling of tears in his eyes. He wasn't going to be able to go to college- not like this. He wasn't going to be able to meet his father's demands of what it was he should do in life. He wasn't going to be able to leave his mother, for she was the only one that cared about him. She didn't joke around with him, or laugh at his way of living. People his age were cruel, and they would only be worse in college.
Just the word made Luka more upset, as he closed his eyes and winced. His elbows shook as they dug into the top of the desk. It was clear to him that he finally understood that there was something wrong with him. Luka knew all his life that he was unable to allow new things into his life. He barely trusted others after the incident with Clara, and he barely tried new things after hearing all sorts of stories of danger and mistakes. When people try new things, he thought, they either end up hurt emotionally or physically.
“I can't do it.” Luka cried through barred teeth, the grip on his hair becoming tighter and more painful. “I don't want to go...I can't go...I can't do it...I can't...” He whimpered, all the apprehension and dread of the unavoidable event seeming to overflow from the boy. At the sound of the cries and the occasional banging of his elbows against his desk, Mrs. Prose entered the room. She never knocked, for a she wanted Luka to feel more comfortable around her. She wanted to be apart of his familiarity and comfort zone, so that she could finally be of use in times like this one.
With a mother's sweet touch, she lay her hands over Luka's shoulders. He immediately froze, though not out of fear. The young boy still shook rapidly, quivering in fear from the thought of venturing into the unknown. Luka's mother wrapped her arms slowly around her growing boy, and rested her chin upon his head. “Lucas,” She cooed, one hand moving up to his hair, “you're alright, honey. Everything is going to be okay now, I promise.” She pet his hair, slow and even. Luka was quiet, but lightened up his hold on his hair. As if he knew he didn't have to fight anymore, he lowered his hands slowly to the table. “Yes, that's it honey. You're fine now, there's nothing to worry about. It'll be easy for you, because you are the nicest person in the world.” She whispered, kissing the top of Luka's hair. “Lucas, everyone will love you there, and everyone will appreciate you for who you are. You'll be able to learn all about writing and acting; there's endless possibilities for what you can learn. You'll be able to brush up all those old skills of yours.” She added, turning and kneeling down beside him.
Mrs. Prose looked up at her boy, and did her best to smile understandingly at the blank face of her son. His eyes regained their liveliness, and his breathing settled. Luka slowly turned his head toward his mother, his lip quivering. As he spoke, a few tears fell from the fearful eyes. “Mom,” He whispered, his voice hoarse from the lack of speaking. “I don't think...that I can do this. It's all so...” Luka's mother nodded, as if telling him he didn't have to say the one word.
“You'll be fine, love. I know it. We'll go to the doctors tomorrow morning, and he'll help us. I think he'll understand what's happening to you- what you're going through.” That was all that he needed to hear, for him to calm down. It wasn't completely, though. That unsettling feeling of fear was still present, crawling all over his body. He nodded anyway, slightly hopeful from his mother's words. Someone would tell him why he felt this way.
In all honesty, though, Luka knew what was wrong. He finally had a fear.
