Calamaretti - Temporary Score: 6
Description: like calamari rings
First Take Points: 1 - i made a mistake. just look at these things. LOOK AT THEM. they belong in a soup. full stop. this is the soupiest soup noodle that ever souped (or ever noodled). friend, do you think i planned ahead and put calamaretti in a soup? well of COURSE i didn't, otherwise i wouldn't be whining about it. (i put it in a red sauce + green pepper + broccolini mishmash that was very yummy but very not soup)
Remix Bonus Points: 3 - ALL THE SOUPS. (actually, not all! spoiler alert, there are multiple soup posts coming soon that feature other pasta shapes)
Amusement Points: 3 - not only do these indeed look like little bites of squid, they also look like grown-up sized Hula Hoops! not the kind you're thinking of if you're american, the entireexactpolar opposite. (i am only barely joking when i say that my favoUrite food from uni in england was hula hoops.) if these tasted/ate like grown-up sized hula hoops, they would garner 10 additional amusement points and vault to the gold standard top of the pasta shape rankings. also they would not longer be pasta, so.... disqualified i guess. you know what i REALLY want? a bag of mixed Giant Hula Hoops and Calamaretti. impossible to snack on, you'll keep accidentally grabbing dried pasta; impossible to cook with, you'll keep ending up with a pot full of dissolved salty potato starch; impossible to do hula hoop based exercises with, since neither of them would be that kind of hula hoop; one thousand percent fun!
Annoyance Deductions: -1 - i kinda just want to call these "calamari". context should then further imply whether i am speaking of the seafood or of the pasta. or, like all good conversations, context WON'T adequately imply and then we'll really be having fun. also, the double size of these are even further off, called Pacherri.
Alternative Uses: these are clearly segments of the culverts that will drain off the baking soda lava coming from Mount Trottole so that the nearby Pasta Menagerie (headlined by Anelli B Phant) and Pasta Seascape are not inundated.
