caleb (love and deepspace)/reader | 1.6k | read on ao3 | first kisses, kissing practice, no use of y/n
𓇼 ⋆.˚ masterlist < moved to the new blog
everyone else has already had their first kiss…
all your classmates bragged about it on the first day of school, throwing around their newfound experiences from over the summer, while you sat there and listened, eyes wide as their lips moved excitedly to describe the fireworks that had set off in their stomachs as soon as their lips connected with their first ever partner. you walked home that day a little quiet while caleb talked, steering you in the right direction when you veered off-course. once he made sure your things were all ready for the next day and dinner was done, he finally sits down across from you at the table and takes the phone out of your hands.
"alright, pipsqueak, you've been quiet all day…" he tilts his head at you. "what's going on in this little noggin?"
you huff as he locks the screen of the phone and puts it face down on the table before resting his hands on the white cloth covering it. his purple gaze is almost too much as it digs into you. you're pretty sure if you just let him stare at you for an hour, he'd be able to read exactly what's bothering you without you uttering a single word. he's always been good like that. but you don't want to be prodded by his eyes for so long this time, instead you rub your eyes and sigh.
"i'm falling behind." you confess, wondering how to phrase your problem without sounding so damn childish.
"it's only the first day, pips, there's nothing you can't catch up on quickly."
"i mean…" you look away for a moment, feeling embarrassed at even needing to say it, but caleb wouldn't judge you. not now, not ever, and it's not even a fear in the back of your mind, but your own judgement that if you say it out loud it becomes real. something to fear or point and laugh at or skirt and avoid forever. "all of my friends had their first kiss over the summer. and they all loved it, and i'm the only one left and i feel like a child."
he reaches over the table and holds you by your wrists, gently rubbing circles on your cool skin. caleb waits for you to say something else, but when you don't, he takes a deep breath.
"there's no shame in getting to experience things later than others. you aren't late for anything, just go at your own pace." his gaze is soft, lips stretched into a half smile meaning to reassure you, but the feeling doesn't relent. you're still small in your own insecurity, wrapped in it like in a straightjacket that can't get any tighter.
"it feels like i'm…" you don't want to say it, not when he's doing his best to make you feel like you're enough every day, "inadequate. like they've got the upper hand in everything and it just keeps going. first it's a stable home life, then it's first kisses, then it's going to be a successful career—"
"pipsqueak." he cuts you off before you can spiral any more, getting up and pulling you by your wrist to the couch. once you're seated on the soft cushion, he pulls you in for a good, warm cuddle against his chest. comfortable, immune from the outside world, wrapped in the bubble that ends where his arms end, you breathe him in and close your eyes. "it doesn't determine your worth. you're so much more than the experiences of those snotty babies you call classmates." you can't help but snort in laughter at that, and his lips tug into a smile as he hears you. "and besides, i'll bet all my savings that most of them didn't even like their first kiss. they just won't admit it out loud."
your head lifts up slightly, catching his eyes as he gently caresses the back of your head.
"how do you know that?"
"nobody knows how to kiss on the first try, it's just logic. they were probably messy and wet, but that doesn't make them sound very cool, does it?" he winks. "bet you're gonna have a better one than they did, and you won't even have to lie about it."
you clear your throat, afraid you'll get caught staring at the way his lips are moving as he forms those words. sighing, your legs pulled up under you on the couch, you lean into him to get closer, already feeling a little better than you did before. so caring, caleb rubs your back now, feeling your heart beat against his chest like his favourite melody. he can feel your body relax further into him, and he knows he's doing well with you.
"i just don't wanna wonder what it's gonna be like, what if i mess it up?"
your worried tone is adorable, you can see the twinkle in his eyes as he looks down at you, a quirk on the corner of his lips like he's deep in thought.
"you won't. you're a clever girl, pipsqueak, good at everything you do."
"except for math."
he laughs and ruffles your hair, dealing with your groan the only way he ever does, by messing your hair up further.
"yeah," he chuckles, "except for math. but you have me for it. good old caleb with his big, beautiful, wrinkly brain that knows how to explain anything to this clever pipsqueak."
you narrow your eyes as his hands continue rubbing your back again. it's true, he's been the one to tutor you whenever you've had an exam coming up ever since you started school. like having a couple of years of advantage made him wiser and capable of taking care of himself and you, and never once complain about it. never once make you feel like you're a burden.
"caleb is so smart," you begin, knowing it warms his heart when you praise him like this, "and the best at explaining things. i bet he could also teach me how to kiss if he tried."
caleb's hand pauses on your back, taken by surprise, but soon he collects himself and chuckles softly. his thumb gently lifts your chin up to face him, despite your unwillingness to do it right after uttering that idea out loud.
"pips…" he sighs, "you shouldn't rush this just because you wanna get it over and done with, y'know?" he doesn't let go of your chin, instead letting you stabilise the eye contact before opening your mouth to speak, voice soft as a breeze through his hair.
"but i wanna know what it's like."
he keeps your gaze for a while longer, almost like searching for a sprinkle of doubt in your irises, but coming up short. it's like the breath between you is suspended in time, a moment stretching forever like a thread of silk glistening in the sun like his eyes glisten as they're unable to look away. your face is so precious, full of hope and anticipation, and he looks like he could almost feel bad taking it into his hands to be your teacher, but you've got that adamant spark of want in your look, something so unique to you that he always calls out when you look at him with it. something that's almost guaranteed to get you into trouble.
but now the only trouble is messing up a simple movement.
he leans in slowly, lips slightly parted, and when they nearly touch yours he whispers into the space between you.
"just do what feels natural, okay? don't think. just do."
and with that, his lips press against yours. they're warm, soft, they taste of the words he just spoke, a promise and a soft guidance, sweet between your tongue and teeth. you respond in a way almost natural, pressing against them gently, letting him take the lead. if you feel lightheaded, it has to be natural. feeling the scent of his skin with your nose against his cheek makes you want more, so you reach up and cup his cheek with one hand, gentle as your thumb brushes his cheekbone. you pull away to breathe, having forgotten how to while you kissed him. you kissed him. and he kissed you.
"you said…" you begin once you find the words, "that the first kiss is always bad. you lied."
he laughs briefly, like you caught him off guard with that silly accusation. while he may not have said those exact words, you're usually good at catching him at his half-truths, calling him out on them whenever you can.
"well… it is, unless it's with me." his forehead rests against yours, and it's warmer than before. his heart beats faster, and yours is catching up with the rhythm. "and every kiss after that can only get better."
you look up at him, swallowing as his gaze pierces through you. "can i… test that? what if you're lying about that as well?"
caleb pulls you closer by your hips, settling you on his lap while gently caressing your sides.
"go ahead, detective pipsqueak. test me all you want."
he's got that smirk on his face again, the one that says he's giving in to your demands while secretly benefiting from them too. the smirk you usually see just before he takes your hand and runs through the crowd of a festival to go grab you that last plushie you wanted or to hide from the rain together at the old bus stop by your house. you lean in again, and this time you know what to do… sort of. still, he's a fairly good teacher, and you've always been a quick learner. except for math.
⋆˙⟡ burekforsatoru || do not modify, repost, or feed to AI
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dividers by: @omi-resources @saradika-graphics
ordering another boba tea from @pixelcafe-network
moonlight spilt over the bedroom floor, catching against the curve of softly woven curtains. every earnt breath, every rattle of the trees’ leaves against its branches, every gust of cold wind beneath the fog—every sensation from beyond the windowsill drowning him in sheer bliss. like heaven had came in the dead of night and sat quaint at his doorstep, twirling on the tip of his tongue. whispering murmurs of prayer that itched near sacrilegious to indulge.
you lie still in his arms, your mind whirring around tenderly as you rest. full, completely disconnected from the world as it continues to spin. you mumble little incoherent drawls, unknowingly pressing the soft plush of your body against his. melting in arms with him, merging to one.
he doesn’t urge to shift, or relieve the pressure of your strewn limbs as they numb him in return. he trails his sleep-swollen eyes over the ridges and dips of you, as if your creases and nooks are simply new destinations scribbled over a weathered map. counting the shy markings with all ten his fingers, thinking of all the ways he’d honour you with careful hands. completely sated in your quiet, his thoughts blur the line between idle worship and utter devotion.
he’s not used to this. he doesn’t know how to get used to this. holding the entire world with the tense, leather meat of his arms, and having it stay long enough to be real. you’re both an angel of endearing, childish snores and a blossoming flower that blooms as it wraps to meet the pillow-face. he’s doesn’t understand the ease of simply existing—when his greedy little fingers used to pry and hold and force and scare. a self-made prison for the only thing he’d rather be damned than to lose. sure, it frightens him, knowing how dangerous he can be when the control beckons to slip—but he knows how it can frighten you too.
even then, you’re still here. mucus rumbling as your chest rises and falls, the gentle remnant of a smile tugging at your lips, mouth softly parted. all skin and teeth and blood and bones. all heaviness and scent and fullness and hope. all real. unbelievably, and undeniably real.
caleb never believed in a god. not when wanderers stole the only people who held him right. broke away their arms and forced him to live without the warmth. not the night the explosion tore him away from you, paralysed in sleep and screaming for a release that never came. countless days of incessant torture just for him to submit.
but now, he sees why someone would. on his clumsy, bruised knees, mumbling prayer to a woman he aches for.
god, please keep her safe. i know you needed them, their lives—i deserved as much. but god, please—not her. anything—anyone but her.
his faith is nothing short of sinful. but for you, he’d try to be good. oh god, he’d change the very meaning of the word sin if it meant something to you.
if this is what solidifies him as the one and only witness of your trueness, of your weight, of your messy, egregious, breathtaking self—threaded into strands of silk and sunshine and temper and warmth—it’d be okay to for him to die then. like the people god took from him long ago. he’d be able to accept the loss of himself for her.
to meet gods’ final mercy with a lack of devout, not to faith, but to god himself. to show the lord exactly what holiness means to him when you are the crest of divinity.
@mitskimysaviour7 | do not repost, alter or claim my content as your own.
your scent | caleb (love and deepspace) x mc fluff drabble
content ahead: pure fluff, caleb and mc are friends, caleb's story is altered slightly for the sake of being fiction; caleb is in aviation school, mc lives on her own and attends college, he lived with mc before pursuing aviation school
author's note: not much to say other than that tweet made me think about caleb, so this transpired. except what mc does is intentional :) lmk if y'all want a nsfw version! still figuring out a plot if i do.
word count: 1,489
you thought it was innocent enough, you missed your best friend. caleb was in skyhaven studying aviation currently so he could become a pilot. he was pursuing his dream and you supported him fully. well, at the cost of not seeing him as often anymore. which meant you had to go through college alone. finding your classes on your own, as well as doing your assignments all on your own without him distracting you (or rarely helping). sure, you were able to make a friend or two, but it just wasn't the same without him. it's not like you were reliant on him or anything, you just shared every aspect of your life with him. given that you grew up together, he was involved in a lot of your daily routine. ever since grandma passed, he had been living with you in your new apartment. but it wasn't long before he wanted to continue his studies, and you promised that you will support him no matter what.
so missing his smell isn't weird right?
you were video calling him one day, still in your pyjamas as you lazed on your couch. the show you had playing on the tv almost completely forgotten about as you yapped to caleb what you accomplished today. laying your back on the cushions as you held your phone up to your face, playing with your hair nonchalantly as you asked:
“hey so, what scent do you use?”
you asked with no segway or transitioning of topics. no ease in to the odd question out of the blue. caleb blinked as he closed out of an app to look back at the call, clearly beffuddled. you thought there was really no beating around the bush. because how could you possibly not make this weird— no, it's not that weird... right?
caleb’s expression was once full of intrigue, you were talking about mundane things. and he enjoyed listening to you tell him about your day. you were just telling him what you’ve been up to recently, catching him up to speed on college drama, getting occasional 'hmm's' and 'huh's' from him. recently, you had just finished up a project for one of your classes and wanted to complain just how grueling it was, and just how unnecessary it is that you're required to take said class. now his face was full of confusion from the blunt ask. he took a moment to process before blinking once again, letting out a chuckle.
“what, ya miss me that much?”
he teased with that stupid grin he had when he knew you were up to something. you felt heat rise up in your cheeks but you rolled your eyes. the fact that he could read you so easily was annoying sometimes.
“don’t make it weird”
you remarked, because it wasn't weird. staring at him through your screen with a deadpan look, making your question more serious. you waited, not so patiently, for an answer. he raised an eyebrow, acknowledging your seriousness before letting out a huff. he feigned a thought before speaking up.
“what if i told you i don’t use anything?”
that made your stomach drop slightly. that hadn't crossed your mind for some reason. you didn’t have any more of caleb’s clothes, and who knows next time he will visit so you could steal something? your eyes widened slightly in worry. your face slightly cut off as you pondered for a moment. but caleb caught your worried look and let out a small chuckle,
“well if you must know…”
he trailed off before eventually giving in, telling you the specific deodorant he uses. down to the brand and exact scent name. he did not have the slightest idea why you would ask something like this out of nowhere, but he could easily assume anything. you repeat his answer in your head as you write it down in your notes app. already making plans for the next day, determined to find it. you hoped that caleb didn't find it suspicious. though, for all he knew you could be planning to get him a gift or something the next time he visits. he pondered the reasoning for your question before deciding to not tease you further, redirecting his attention to you. watching your mouth move as you tell him about the rest of your day, up until talking to him at that very moment.
the next day, you scoured stores for this deodorant. you felt embarrassment as if people knew what you were doing (they didn’t). you were on your third attempt, standing in the men’s section awkwardly as you felt the eyes of a taller man. he walked past you to grab what seemed to be his usual scent. casting you another side glance before walking off to the till. he figured you just had a significant other. perhaps a sibling you were buying for, but you just avoided eye contact with him as you searched for the scent caleb told you about. repeating it softly to yourself as you scanned the shelves. dreaded not finding it and moving onto the next store, which was a little further than this location. you tapped your foot in anticipation. when suddenly— you finally saw it. your eyes transfixed on the exact words written on the label. hearing caleb's voice in your head as your eyes read over words that didn't quite make sense together. you tried to hide your excitement as you grabbed it off the shelf, it was almost out of your reach. you sighed softly to yourself in accomplishment, placing the deodorant in your basket before walking off to find other items to buy.
what? you don't want to be suspicious, right?
finding some snacks and other essentials, you make your way through the store. trying to remember if there was anything else to restock in your apartment. you find one of your favourite snacks, the memory of a half empty bag sitting on the counter in the forefront of your mind before picking it up. all of a sudden, you thought to yourself; who would be judging you again? there was only self-checkouts, and no one would actually know what the hell you were exactly planning on doing with men's deodorant. however, you still felt embarrassed for some unknown reason.
but you were freed from that feeling when you finally came home. swiftly closing the door with your foot before locking it and throwing your jacket up on its rack. you set aside the other items you bought on the counter and fished out the deodorant stick from the bag. you stared at it for a moment, examining the colour of the tube packaging, and how it was shaped. you take a second to realize; yeah, this is definitely weird. how many people knowingly buy the scent their friend wears? let alone, buys it when they haven't seen them in a long time? you shake your head at yourself, but you were already here. you already bought the damn thing. fuck it.
you popped the cap off, taking a sniff as you close your eyes. it took a moment before it hit you.
it smelled exactly like him. how he smelt when he hugged you, how you knew he was creeping up behind you, waiting to catch you off-guard and scare you. you could see that stupid smile, the way his eyes smiled with his mouth as he laughed. reminding you oddly enough like a dog. envisioning that one time when you couldn’t sleep and caleb crawled into bed with you so your nerves could calm down. holding you close to his chest as he gently rubbed your back.
you finally felt at peace. taking a long inhale before letting out an equally elongated exhale, holding the stick in your hands. you soon scampered your way to your closet, digging out a shirt that you stole from caleb a while ago, when you were still living with grandma and wanted to keep a piece of him. his scent was long gone so you stored it away for safe keeping, and have managed to hide it from him when you moved into your apartment. and now, it can finally smell like him again. you rub the stick along the under arms of the fabric and along the inside as well for safe measure. soon taking a whiff of your recreation, and it was damn near identical.
that night you snuggled up in bed, cozying up as usual, but with caleb’s shirt bunched up close to your chest. taking in the scent every couple of minutes, you could feel your racing heart relaxing a little bit every time. holding the piece of fabric even closer as you sighed in content. the scent lulling you further into a sleepy state. you slept soundly that night, dreaming of caleb holding you in his arms as you snuggled close to his chest.
