i believed you were crazy, you believed that you loved me
ship : calex
rating : mature (warning for graphic domestic violence)
tags : hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, schizophrenia, abuse, casey novak needs a hug
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The first time Alex notices, Casey is sitting in her office, head pounding, praying that the caffeine and extra strength Tylenol kick in soon. It’s not like she isn’t used to it at this point. Today, it’s a splitting headache from where her head slammed into the headboard last night.
Last week, it’d been a bruise on her back from hitting the coffee table when he shoved her down. The month prior, she’d been covering up burns from the mug of coffee he threw across the room.
It was always something. But she had it handled. And as soon as she got over this migraine, she’d have it handled again.
sneaks peek for this new long story i'm working on:
1.
Casey walked into the darkened room first, holding Alex's pinky with her own, pulling her in behind. Casey had been reluctant at first, but now that the decision was made, she wasn't going to be bashful about the experience. Besides, she had danced before, unlike her wife. Alex's upbringing had been so very proper and protestant, about the only dancing she'd ever experienced was the waltz that she and her fellow wealthy little kids had been taught in cotillion, then told never to do again outside of a ballroom. Casey, on the other hand, had been raised around all types, and had gone to her fair share of swing nights as a kid. Still, nothing like the way everyone was moving in the little club. The band was on a small stage towards the back of the space, and the room was filled bursting with beautiful women wearing flowing sequined dresses and handsome men in crisp button-downs.
Standing just inside the doorway, Alex caught your form first. You were wearing your favorite dance outfit, a simple red crop top with a silver circle skirt. Your hair was secured in a casual ponytail. Your tall (and, curiously, male) partner's hand sat firmly pressed between your top and your skirt. She watched, transfixed (like many others there tonight, you were often the center of attention), as he lifted and spun you around, quickly and masterfully. What was most beautiful, though, was the unreserved grin that seemed stuck in its place, except when you lifted your head back and laughed after your partner whispered something in your ear. Alex and Casey made their way over to the bar and sat down with two mojitos (neither of their usual drinks, but half the people at the bar had them. It seemed fitting), and watched you whirl around with ease and clear pleasure. Casey thought she'd never seen you look so beautiful than right then, in your element, moving as naturally as anything.
[...]
"She's stunning, isn't she?" Casey said, a dreamy, captivated tone in her voice. Alex replied with a sigh and a hum.
2.
Satisfied, they walked the short distance to their regular bar. As they approached, they saw you standing outside, looking up the other direction of the sidewalk and fidgeting with your keys. Casey noticed what you were wearing first, a black A-line wrap dress that showed off your shoulders. Alex, on the other hand, noticed you were wearing your hair in its natural loopy curls when you usually straightened it.
The way the setting sunlight hit your face as you turned your head in their direction caused Alex's breath to hitch. The way you idly brushed your fingers along your neck as you tucked a curl behind your ear made Casey's mouth go dry. They shared a quick glance, their eyes talking for them, saying: we're in deep, aren't we?
The second you saw them coming towards you, you grinned wide and waved both hands, bouncing on your toes.
"Rita was right," Casey whispered to Alex, still out of earshot of you, "she's exactly like a bunny."
Alex squeezed Casey's hand tightly. You greeted them excitedly, resisting the urge to hug them both (where did that come from?) by holding your hands behind your back after you waved. They returned your greetings gracefully and led the way into their haunt, Casey, then Alex, then you.
okay but what if casey never left white collar and alex stayed in svu and they only really truly get to interact during the god awful DA christmas parties?
then their annual flirting game suddenly took a more competitive edge when the year's party was held out of town...
After some drinks with the squad, ADAs CaLex had a drunken one night stand. The next day in the office, ever so professional Alex (unsuccessfully) told Casey that it was a mistake. Casey still got the message and told Alex they could pretend nothing happened (even though she wanted more).
Casey was a good actress so she acted casually right after. On the other hand, Alex craved Casey more and more...Cabot Yearning™️ ensues...
Vodka. Long car rides. Swallowing pills. The beach. Cigarettes. Olivia Benson knew her triggers.
Somehow, in the ninety minutes Amanda had been out, Olivia had gone from cozy and content, to frozen, tucking herself as far into the corner of the couch as she could, unable to notice anything but the images playing across her mind.
It wasn’t just him, either. It was everything.
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touch me baby, put your lips on mine : various ships [e]
2024 kinktober that is coming along very slowly -- cabenson, benovak, rolivia, calex, cabenovak
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i believed you were crazy / you believed that you loved me : calex [m]
The first time Alex notices, Casey is sitting in her office, head pounding, praying that the caffeine and extra strength Tylenol kick in soon. It’s not like she isn’t used to it at this point. Today, it’s a splitting headache from where her head slammed into the headboard last night.
Last week, it’d been a bruise on her back from hitting the coffee table when he shoved her down. The month prior, she’d been covering up burns from the mug of coffee he threw across the room.
It was always something. But she had it handled. And as soon as she got over this migraine, she’d have it handled again.
Casey and Charlie, if only Alex had been there.
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when i'd fight you used to tell me i was brave : cabenson [e]
Alexandra fucking Cabot was back.
Olivia hadn’t heard from her in six years. She knew she’d never get used to the way the lawyer (ex-lawyer, Olivia had to remind herself) managed to flit in and out of her life in the nearly two decades they’d known each other, but she didn’t expect the wound to feel so fresh, so raw when she caught a glimpse of honey hair and crystal blue eyes.
They stand there in silence for what could have been five seconds, or maybe another five years. All Olivia knows is that her heart stops with Alex’s responding plea.
“Take it out on me then, Liv. It’s okay.”
(sunk cost fallacy reunion but they're sad and angry and fuck about it!)
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you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling : rolivia [m]
When they shook hands, Amanda realized she was beyond fucked.
She could run away from Georgia, she could run away from Mandy and whatever the hell else people called her, but when a warm hand enveloped hers, Amanda knew it.
Under no circumstances could she run away from herself.
---
Amanda coming to terms with her lesbianism -- vaguely inspired by the five steps in But I'm A Cheerleader and heavily inspired by Good Luck, Babe!
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in my darkest fantasies i am the picture of passivity : cabenson [m]
“Did I ever tell you why I wanted to work SVU?” Alex asks. Her face is tight, her gaze averted, like she doesn’t want Olivia to see what she’s about to say when she looks into her eyes.
---
AKA: I saw Alex Cabot get way too invested in the Sam Cavanaugh case and went "hm...". Set many, many years later, with established Olivia/Alex. Major trigger warnings for descriptions of CSA and grooming.
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it's just in my nature : various ships [e]
kinktober 2025 -- feat. rolivia, cabenson, and calex !
hi everyone, new chapter of Full of Surprises should be up tomorrow morning. Sorry that one fell to the wayside, I've been working on this other long fic!
