#call center problems

[astreanightfang]

Was spelling...

Something at work.

Going all like "a as in alpha" type stuff.

Damn near went "e as in estrogen"

I'm gonna probably do that some day.

[fuck-customers]

Apparently corporate has decided to do this fun new thing where now, if a customer calls back to cancel their order, the employee who took the order no longer gets the commission for that sale!

Yes, that's right! It's not enough we're paid by commission (we're a pizza place, not a car dealership or Wolf of Wall Street type deal), now they're also docking our pay if customers change their mind!

AND, perhaps the MOST FUN thing of this new roll out? We have 0 way to check and see if the orders we've taken have been cancelled, because we're just lowley order takers and don't have access!

When do we get to find out, you ask? On payday when we get our check.

Woo. -.-

[fuck-customers]

Me: Ok, so your order total is $16.

Cx: What???? It's usually cheaper than that! Are you sure you entered it correctly?

Me: The pizza is $13, the dip is $1.24, then it's plus tax and a delivery fee.

Cx: Take out the dip!

Me: Ok, your new order total after removing the dip is $14.

Cx: WHAT??!!

Me: I could make the pizza a smaller size if you'd like.

Cx: It's NEVER been this much EVER! I order ALL THE TIME!!!!

Me: .... I could remove your 1 topping.

Cx: FINE!

Me: After removing the topping, the new order total is $13 after tax. Is that better?

Cx: I GUESS!

Bro, it's a Large, plain cheese pizza. There is literally no possible way to make it cheaper. There's nothing more to take off! -.-

[fuck-customers]

LISTEN, I know, sometimes, you think of more stuff to add to an order after you finish listing everything you think you want. Brains are weird sometimes. But for the LOVE OF GOD if I ask you 4x if you need anything else and each time you say "no", stop doubling back! Do you know what the word "no" even means? Because I don't think you do.

It's just pizza. I PROMISE it doesn't have to be this difficult.

Signed,

A very tired pizza place order taker.

[fuck-customers]

I work for a call center that services water heaters and hoo boy, the stories I could tell you. 

First of all, you'd think it would be common sense that you have to actually be standing next to the appliance that you're asking for help with so that we can get the info we need to get started (No, I cannot help you with a water heater in Florida if you are calling from FRANCE), and they will find new and inventive ways to look everywhere except where you told them the serial number was located.  I've learned that I have to specifically tell them to bring the phone with them to the unit or they will put it down and walk away for several minutes leaving you in awkward silence.  And that's before we even get into the actual problems. 

Attempting to return the unit to the store despite the bold print label on the front of the tank that says "STOP!  DO NOT RETURN THIS UNIT" and lists our phone number and then will claim that the label isn't there when we bring it to their attention.

Not bothering to read the manual and then complaining when we tell them their electric unit needs a different breaker switch. 

We ask for pics of the exhaust venting and it looks like a 90's screensaver (gee I wonder why your carbon monoxide detector is going off). 

Customers who physically cut the tank open to prove that the leak isn't repairable and then complain when we tell them they've voided their warranty. 

I once got a person who called to complain that they didn't like the indicator light on the gas valve flashing to indicate that it was working properly. 

another guy stopped in the middle of installing his unit to turn the water back on and flooded his basement. 

Another one waited TWO YEARS to tell us that the part we sent him didn't fix his problem and then demanded a replacement. 

The ones that just go "yes yes yes yes" when you tell them to turn off the breaker switch and then complain that they got shocked when they open the panel on the front of the tank. 

They actually won't let me troubleshoot anymore, not because I did anything wrong, but because too many customers complained when I pointed out to them how they caused their own problems. 

It's not uncommon to get a caller who just goes "MY NIPPLES (the fittings where the pipes attach) ARE BURNING HOT AND LEAKING ALL OVER THE PLACE!  AND MY AY-NO (mispronunciation of anode) ROD IS MAKING MY WATER SMELL LIKE SHIT!  IT SHOT OUT LIKE A ROCKET AND GOT STUCK IN THE CEILING!"

Bottom line, there should be a mandatory government-subsidized class for new homeowners so that they know how to take care of their homes.