#calliopen

[calliopen]

I'M IDLING. I'M WASTING GAS. -k.s.

[marigoldreams-blog1]

g.s.s // wishing on constellations for excuses

for @avolitorial napowrimo prompt 20: sun sign

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maybe romeo and juliet didn’t fit because of incompatible sun signs / i mean, doesn’t tragedy seem a little less tragic / when it’s all because of astrology? / i’d much rather believe in impossible things like / fairies or horoscopes or god / than accept disaster as an inevitability of humanity / but the more i read the more i believe / in the helpless entropy of everything / all craving chaos until it consumes us / and until our own complete disorder / we watch other things fall apart in some kind of sick, vicarious dying / we pick flowers just to watch them wilt / hoping for a little beauty from death / and we are born / no choice in the matter / knowing that it’s all just a sand through an hourglass / til we breathe one last breath / quiet and alone / if impossible things can exist / i have no more faith in god / all i believe is that he is old and jaded and tired gone / but at least i still have hope for sun signs to explain it all away

[marigoldreams-blog1]

g.s.s. // i’ll take anything but a clean break

for @avolitorial napowrimo prompt 21: fragmentation

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all i want is a fragmentation of myself from this body i don’t care if it hurts no i want it to hurt please let it hurt keep going don’t stop please don’t stop drive the knife in watch skin part oh god i wish i could see this all i see is this crimson apology dripping dripping dripping watch out wouldn’t want to stain the floor would you i trust you don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop drag it quick slash before you even know what you’re doing reach in through the space between the third and fourth ribs when my mother was weeding the garden she always told me don’t just cut it you have to reach down into the dirt pull it out from the very bottom reach into the dirt of this old body pull my heart out from the roots like a dandelion make a wish watch it pulse until it just stops just wait let me catch my breath – thank you.

[marigoldreams-blog1]

g.s.s. // this is more than enough (this is more than i ever thought i’d get)

for @avolitorial​ napowrimo prompt 26: clementine peel

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this clementine peel sunrise is bleeding orange

like juice on your chin but you

are the world and you

are everything

sinking your fingernail into a clementine peel

filling the kitchen with that orange scent until it drowns us

this quiet contentedness

this soft imagining, this right here is everything

that feeling when i glance over and you’re

just existing and that puts a smile on my face

and how? how did this happen?

how did i lose all of me to those

wings on your shoulder blades

and why don’t i care about that?

since when did you become my world, since when

did you become my everything?

i used to think your eyes were forget-me-not blue

but when did i start thinking of flowers in terms of the color of your eyes?

[marigoldreams-blog1]

g.s.s. // how to reach a state of i don’t care faster

for @avolitorial napowrimo prompt 22: destined course

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tell yourself that you’re okay

the more you repeat it, the more the lies start to sink in

anchors in a wine-dark sea

but homer’s been dead for millennia, don’t you forget it

i’m sure there are plenty of things you’d like to forget

their touch, angel wing soft on your skin

their laugh, cherub light floating from their lips

you’ve never believed in god except at your grandmother’s house on easter and christmas

but their smile is all the proof you’ll ever need for the existence of angels

(don’t worry, i believe you)

 they say if you love something, set it free

but what if you never did anything but they flew away anyway?

does that say more about them or about you?

don’t focus on that, never focus on what’s been lost

soon enough, you’ll be more ghost than girl

because dead to them is dead enough for you

 when you lie awake at night, keep your thoughts close in this forest

it’s a full moon tonight – you never know what might be lurking

waiting, salivating for the taste of your heartbreak

you reek of tragedy, darling

the wolves can smell it

 let yourself cry, but not about this

watch every sad thing you can find until you’re drowning on dry land

dig into your chest with a garden spade and pull out your hurt and plant someone else’s there instead

trust me, it’s easier to get over the headache if the tears aren’t for you

 they’ll tell you that this was meant to be

that this was your destined course on the race to heaven or hell

that it’s okay, because this was supposed to happen

but you’ve always been more of an existentialist anyway

so ignore them

they don’t know what they’re talking about any more than i do

[marigoldreams-blog1]

g.s.s. // you to me (except all in my head)

for @avolitorial napowrimo prompt 28: prophet’s song

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you whisper your prophet’s song

but i’ve never heard of a prophet who wasn’t either untrue or unbelieved

so why should i trust you now?

i guess this haze is enough to make anybody believe in their own divinity

even though nobody believes in their own god complex

this full moon is smiling at you, can’t you see?

that feeling in your ribs,

that’s smiling back, even if you can’t feel it

its alright; this pain is a

single driver car crash on country roads at night

(nobody to see and nobody to care)

[marigoldreams-blog1]

g.s.s. // consumption never seemed so lovely

for @avolitorial napowrimo prompt 19: rosewater

[marigoldreams-blog1]

g.s.s. // saints are just children whose mothers told them to drink holy water for the soul instead of milk for the bones

for @avolitorial napowrimo prompt 25: surrender/victory

(text under the cut)

this is a disappearance, more than anything else

a magic trick without the doves

a ruination, bloodstains on white lace

this is a contamination of all things holy

poison creeping in on tiptoe, whisper-hushed

to infect this saintskin

this is a surrender

this is not a victory and it never will be

wish upon as many stars as you can find in the sky, but this

will never be a victory

this isn’t martyrdom

(not enough publicity for that)

this is blood blooming on marble like roses for condolences

but flowers don’t make very good consolation prizes

when first place is as tragic as this